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Deal with loss of a loved one.

Fatlooser123
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Somone i really loved and looked upto died 2 days ago i've been feeling pain in my chest and stomach since. I cannot concetrate in school, i don't even enjoy playing ac (my favourite game) i just lay in my bed all day. I've harmed myself because i can't deal with emotional pain. This is the first time in my life i cried emotionally (since the age of 4). I don't know how to deal with it since this is my first time.

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Everyone deals with it differently, I personally take comfort in the finality and inability to change anything about death (juxtaposition that to splitting up with someone who can send you horrid signals and make life awful). The only advise I have is stick with it because very few people grieve excessively for ever and the more honest you are with yourself the better you will feel about it long term. 

Grammar and spelling is not indicative of intelligence/knowledge.  Not having the same opinion does not always mean lack of understanding.  

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I still can't comprehend that hes dead. I'm still waiting for a message "HE IS ALIVE" but guess that can't happen.

 

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well... there were many good meant advises I received after losing my wife 2 years ago... 

 

I just list a few:

 

Be near nature, walk in a park, woods, lake what ever you have in your vincity and isn't harmfull...

 

Talk about your feelings, talk about memories... as often as you can... (in my case, I had to decide to shut down life support, and I sat next to her, trying to comfort her while she was passing away, trying not to break down myself)

 

Enjoy alone time when you feel like being alone...

 

Feelings are totally fine, tears are fine, pain is fine... this shows that you are a living and feeling being. There is nothing wrong with that. Having absolutely no feelings, you don't want that, trust me, been there, lived through it...

 

Write down what is going on in your mind, your thoughts...

 

Write a last letter to the person who departed, put everything in you want to say. Then got somewhere nice outside, and burn the letter.

 

Going through a loss isn't something you'll get over in a few days... It takes time.. I'm still broken and am not able to go to parties for example... had to leave a bbq at the company I work for because I was gogin to a total meltdown... well some looked funny at me, but I just plain told them why I left to work on instead of enjoy my time having a burger with everybody else...                           

 

Maybe I can remenber other advise I received... I'll add it then.

 

Main System:

Anghammarad : Asrock Taichi x570, AMD Ryzen 7 5800X @4900 MHz. 32 GB DDR4 3600, some NVME SSDs, Gainward Phoenix RTX 3070TI

 

System 2 "Igluna" AsRock Fatal1ty Z77 Pro, Core I5 3570k @4300, 16 GB Ram DDR3 2133, some SSD, and a 2 TB HDD each, Gainward Phantom 760GTX.

System 3 "Inskah" AsRock Fatal1ty Z77 Pro, Core I5 3570k @4300, 16 GB Ram DDR3 2133, some SSD, and a 2 TB HDD each, Gainward Phantom 760GTX.

 

On the Road: Acer Aspire 5 Model A515-51G-54FD, Intel Core i5 7200U, 8 GB DDR4 Ram, 120 GB SSD, 1 TB SSD, Intel CPU GFX and Nvidia MX 150, Full HD IPS display

 

Media System "Vio": Aorus Elite AX V2, Ryzen 7 5700X, 64 GB Ram DDR4 3200 Mushkin, 1 275 GB Crucial MX SSD, 1 tb Crucial MX500 SSD. IBM 5015 Megaraid, 4 Seagate Ironwolf 4TB HDD in raid 5, 4 WD RED 4 tb in another Raid 5, Gainward Phoenix GTX 1060

 

(Abit Fatal1ty FP9 IN SLI, C2Duo E8400, 6 GB Ram DDR2 800, far too less diskspace, Gainward Phantom 560 GTX broken need fixing)

 

Nostalgia: Amiga 1200, Tower Build, CPU/FPU/MMU 68EC020, 68030, 68882 @50 Mhz, 10 MByte ram (2 MB Chip, 8 MB Fast), Fast SCSI II, 2 CDRoms, 2 1 GB SCSI II IBM Harddrives, 512 MB Quantum Lightning HDD, self soldered Sync changer to attach VGA displays, WLAN

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16 hours ago, Fatlooser123 said:

Somone i really loved and looked upto died 2 days ago i've been feeling pain in my chest and stomach since. I cannot concetrate in school, i don't even enjoy playing ac (my favourite game) i just lay in my bed all day. I've harmed myself because i can't deal with emotional pain. This is the first time in my life i cried emotionally (since the age of 4). I don't know how to deal with it since this is my first time.

One thing I forgot... don't hurt yourself to dull emotional pains, this won't help but only suppress the emotional stress you are in and put the new hurt on top. 

 

Learn to let yourself feel the emotional pain, cry if you feel like it, shout if you need to... let them out, only then you will at some time be able to live with it.

 

And as stupid as it now may sound, every single piece we burden us with, carry around our whole life on our back, that is only because we haven't found closure with those things. As soon as we can do this, we need to take those former burdens down from our back and put them in the foundry of what makes us who we are and let it be a part of the things that give us strength instead of burden us.

Main System:

Anghammarad : Asrock Taichi x570, AMD Ryzen 7 5800X @4900 MHz. 32 GB DDR4 3600, some NVME SSDs, Gainward Phoenix RTX 3070TI

 

System 2 "Igluna" AsRock Fatal1ty Z77 Pro, Core I5 3570k @4300, 16 GB Ram DDR3 2133, some SSD, and a 2 TB HDD each, Gainward Phantom 760GTX.

System 3 "Inskah" AsRock Fatal1ty Z77 Pro, Core I5 3570k @4300, 16 GB Ram DDR3 2133, some SSD, and a 2 TB HDD each, Gainward Phantom 760GTX.

 

On the Road: Acer Aspire 5 Model A515-51G-54FD, Intel Core i5 7200U, 8 GB DDR4 Ram, 120 GB SSD, 1 TB SSD, Intel CPU GFX and Nvidia MX 150, Full HD IPS display

 

Media System "Vio": Aorus Elite AX V2, Ryzen 7 5700X, 64 GB Ram DDR4 3200 Mushkin, 1 275 GB Crucial MX SSD, 1 tb Crucial MX500 SSD. IBM 5015 Megaraid, 4 Seagate Ironwolf 4TB HDD in raid 5, 4 WD RED 4 tb in another Raid 5, Gainward Phoenix GTX 1060

 

(Abit Fatal1ty FP9 IN SLI, C2Duo E8400, 6 GB Ram DDR2 800, far too less diskspace, Gainward Phantom 560 GTX broken need fixing)

 

Nostalgia: Amiga 1200, Tower Build, CPU/FPU/MMU 68EC020, 68030, 68882 @50 Mhz, 10 MByte ram (2 MB Chip, 8 MB Fast), Fast SCSI II, 2 CDRoms, 2 1 GB SCSI II IBM Harddrives, 512 MB Quantum Lightning HDD, self soldered Sync changer to attach VGA displays, WLAN

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16 hours ago, Fatlooser123 said:

Somone i really loved and looked upto died 2 days ago i've been feeling pain in my chest and stomach since. I cannot concetrate in school, i don't even enjoy playing ac (my favourite game) i just lay in my bed all day. I've harmed myself because i can't deal with emotional pain. This is the first time in my life i cried emotionally (since the age of 4). I don't know how to deal with it since this is my first time.

Having dealt with this first hand (my brother killed himself almost 3 years ago), let me say that the pain is natural, everyone process's grief differently. I'd advise that you find a confidant in your friends or family (whichever you feel closer to) and just open up to them, you'd be surprised how good you can feel after opening up to someone. Also don't be ashamed to cry. It's a traumatic event and no-one will give you grief for it (and if they do then fuck em). I'd also advise going to see a grievance counsellor

 

Recovery is not going to be easy or quick, it will plague you the rest of your life, what you can do is develop coping mechanisms, you need to give yourself time to go through the stages of grief. They will come and go in any order at any time. As morbid as this may sound i'd get the death certificate from the coroner and take it to your school and demand leave to process/deal with this. Most schools will grant this especially since you have the death certificate; however if it's not immediate family (brother, mother etc.) they may question the validity of you needing time to process this

 

If you must post what happened on social media, only do so when you feel ready; also i'd STRONGLY advise getting permission from who ever it might be before you do so (AKA if it was say your brother, talk to your parents about it; if it was a friend get their parents consent. etc.)

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I have lost many loved ones. I hate to be the fuel on the fire but death is a sucky part of life. It something that we have to learn to accept, deal with, and move on. Those that we love would not want us sulking around feeling sorry for ourselves or mourning the loss forever. Mourning is a part of the process. Harming yourself won't solve the issue. I deal with daily depression that requires medication. You must learn to accept and move on, otherwise every loss will be worse.

 

I mourned my Uncle and family friend (who was more of a grandmother than my own grandmother), but I had to move on because life required me to. Be glad they are dead (I hate to use the words pass or moved on, it is what it is). They are no longer in pain or in constant worry.

 

Do yourself a favor and put away the sad songs and stuff, get up and go do things.

Instructions for frustration management:  

1) Sit at desk.   2) Repeatedly slam forehead against desk.

 

I never said I was smart, just smart enough to be dangerous.

 

 

ORLY?

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My brother in law passed away back in February from a drug overdose.  It shocked everyone, i think only 2 people even know he using drugs.  I had no idea.  I wish I had known so I could have been there to help him out.  This loss has hit the family hard, it even hit me hard as I've known him since was a kid (10 years old).  He died at age 26.

 

It's going to hurt for a while.  My wife still has her breakdowns over it.  But time will eventually make things easier.

I found being around those that who were close to him helped.  We'd talk about him and remember the good times.

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On 6/20/2018 at 10:32 PM, Fatlooser123 said:

I still can't comprehend that hes dead. I'm still waiting for a message "HE IS ALIVE" but guess that can't happen.

 

That's stage 1: Denial

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Pets are your best friend. I have a cat, but a dog will help more as they can feel human emotions. 

 

I am getting chickens soon so those can also help you take your mind off it.

 

I know this as my Grandpa passed away 70 days ago, 2 days after my mums birthday, and we hadn't seen him in 5 years as we live overseas. I still think about him each and everyday, but I know there is nothing I can do but move on.

hi.

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1 hour ago, AskTJ said:

Pets are your best friend. I have a cat, but a dog will help more as they can feel human emotions. 

 

I am getting chickens soon so those can also help you take your mind off it.

 

I know this as my Grandpa passed away 70 days ago, 2 days after my mums birthday, and we hadn't seen him in 5 years as we live overseas. I still think about him each and everyday, but I know there is nothing I can do but move on.

People seem to have this notion that cats don't understand humans they do but just don't show it the same way a dog does. Cats are actually very caring of their owners

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Drink loads of alcohol.

Work all the time and do nothing else.

In short, putting the two together, become a workaholic.

 

You will be busy and so drunk, you will forget about the deaths of everyone. 

 

Edit: Crap. Didn't realize you are underage. Guess drinking isn't an option for you. Maybe a trip to the Disney land and some chocolate bars will cheer you up 

Sudo make me a sandwich 

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6 hours ago, wasab said:

Drink loads of alcohol.

Work all the time and do nothing else.

In short, putting the two together, become a workaholic.

 

You will be busy and so drunk, you will forget about the deaths of everyone. 

 

Edit: Crap. Didn't realize you are underage. Guess drinking isn't an option for you. Maybe a trip to the Disney land and some chocolate bars will cheer you up 

In switzerland we can drink alcohol at 16 when our parents are with us so i'll try.

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Thank you all for your support i have now mastered the last stage of grief acceptance. Death is sadder for you than for the actually dead, 'cause their actually away from all this bad and at worst their somewhere quiet in the nothing and at best their in the next existence or in heaven or a spirit somewhere better. I'm still a little sad, but thinking about him makes me smile again and not cry.

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On 6/23/2018 at 3:55 AM, wasab said:

Drink loads of alcohol.

Work all the time and do nothing else.

In short, putting the two together, become a workaholic.

 

You will be busy and so drunk, you will forget about the deaths of everyone. 

 

Edit: Crap. Didn't realize you are underage. Guess drinking isn't an option for you. Maybe a trip to the Disney land and some chocolate bars will cheer you up 

alcohol will lead into more problems

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