Confused with my sexuality

[Delusional Phil]

Hi everyone, it's been quite a while since I've posted anything serious on the forum, I'll get to the chase then.

 

During one of my recent down in the mind phases, I frantically search and question about my own sexuality, tracing events that affect me when I was still in elementary school. Turns out the reason that I gravitated to gay porn stemed from the need to become bigger so I won't get bullied as much and I would get the ladies like I saw on TV (note: my family watches international beauty pageants back then, I would only find them nice to look at, no response down there though). During the period of watching porn I became desensitized to other girls and people. It's not until quite recently that I find that some girls are pretty nice to look at face wise (I still don't get aroused by them or even straight porn for that matter). 

 

So in the midst of the google searches on this problem, I've stumbled upon the debate where one side would say homosexuality is a choice and the other would say we're born this way. I both have gripes with the two arguments as I don't see my case fit in any of the arguments. Up until now I've had two encounters with gay strangers. One happened on the bus where the guy (in his 20s I think, still young) move next to me and start toying with my finger and hand, I let him do it since I was feeling quite down at that time and it actually felt quite nice. ( you could say that it was a handjob ) but when he got off the bus with me my brain fired the 'Stranger danger' alarm. He looks like he was about to ask me stuff but I ran away and I don't see him chasing after so that's a good thing... The second happened in a public restroom while I was taking a number two. The guy came in, I heard nothing and next thing I knew a phone was over my stall. I quickly got out, still hearing the dude in the toilet moan... I've also had a crush on one of my classmate in highschool, I even tell him that " I cared about him " ( the most safe way of saying ' I like you ' and the most honest to myself thing I can think of ). He quickly cut ties with me and our relationship deteriorated with me desperately trying to ammend the broken relationship while he ain't gave a fuck about it. He already has the friend he needs, mine is just for information on class stuff I guess but I treated him like a friend, a bestfriend. I felt very broke after getting out of highschool, took the big college entrance exams with a shitty mood and get a sub-par score that I know I could have done better had I been not as mentally broken. 

 

I think the two paragraphs above provided the background information needed... What I want to ask is: how do I slowly figure out whether or not I'm straight in the safest and most secure way possible? I'm asking it this way since I don't want to argue with myself over this issue again and the fact that my country while still have a bad stigma on gay people, espescially effeminine males (I have that too, something about their way of reacting ticks me off), being gay isn't prohibited here even though it's not protected by marriage laws (and I kinda like it that way). Some people see it as a toxic masculinity thing but I still have doubts on some of it's arguments. 

 

P/S: I know I could have posted this in the LGBT community thread but I want to hear other people opinions as well. No flame wars please...
P/SS: I'm writing this in the most neutral state of mind possible but there will still be some regret when I wake up in the morning. 

P/SSS: This post is me practicing expressing my thoughts before I bring it up with my new friend and possibly make our newly found friendship weird and awkward... (I feel like he can help but at the same I don't want to risk it, our friendship has been kept strictly basic and platonic. I want to get to know him better but at the same time Idon't want to invade to much in his personal life like I had done with the guy from highschool). 

[dalekphalm]

So a few things to start:

 

1. You don't choose to be gay. You are or you aren't. You are born with your innate sexuality. It's genetic.

2. The Gay-Straight thing is a spectrum, not a binary thing. You can be straight, gay, or bisexual. And bisexuality can come in many forms, with a wide spectrum of where you fall.

 

Throughout the entire post, you basically said women don't arouse you. But you've been aroused by men before. I think that probably means you're gay, but it's possible you're bisexual and simply lean towards men.

 

You could also be asexual (asexual are people who don't get sexually aroused by either sex - even though in some cases they can enjoy sex and being with a partner).

[Princess Luna]

Quite frankly it depends whether or not you find someone you like? I had a lesbian period of my life but when I met my current boyfriend we worked so well together I went back being straight for him [:

[Hiya!]

uuuhhhh no..!! i stopped reading once u tell us the Bus story.

Its makes me cringe.

I am really sorry.

[WereCatf]

1 hour ago, Delusional Phil said:

What I want to ask is: how do I slowly figure out whether or not I'm straight in the safest and most secure way possible?

My answer may not be what you wish to hear, but.... you don't have to figure it out in the first place. Be with whomever you're attracted to and comfortable with. You don't need to label yourself as gay or straight, or even bisexual. Heck, you may even find that one year you feel more towards men and then the next year you may actually be reeling more towards women, and in such a case neither of those two strict labels would be enough to define you in the first place. Just go with whatever you like and you may one day just simply stumble upon the label that you feel matches you.

[bcguru9384]

figure out which hole you desire most

ass both sexes have

mouth both have

now where it differs do you want to hold a penis or vagina

most of the sexually confused steer towards homosexuality due to the fact they feel more comfortable around same sex as themselves which is easily viewed as "i'm gay cause im more secure feeling around same sex than opposite sex"

no matter what choice is made make it due to what your heart says not from fear/uncomfortableness around opposite sex to yourself

sorry for quite vulgar worded start but it is the least confusing words i know that hopefully are not viewed with wrong intent

personally i do not care what choice anyone makes as it has zero effect on me 

your body your life your choice how to use both

irregardless of gay/straight relationships domestic issues always happen

best question to ask is will i be able to forgive my partner when fights happen or is it trully just a physical relationship?

[handymanshandle]

For some it could've been more of a choice. But really I don't think it's a choice.

 

Although if it was a choice, I would still want to be gay. I have to say though as this joke goes...

"An atheist, a vegan and a crossfitter walk into a bar... I only know because they told everyone within 2 minutes." same is sadly true for most gay people.

 

 

[iDeFecZx]

Personally I experiment with both. Cant really go wrong with that (im pan so i go for whoever)

[DaMainMan]

Does it really matter? Just do what you want with whoever you want.

Straight, Bi, Gay, Trans..whatever - just have fun and enjoy yourself! (safely).

[Subtle Corruption]

You need to fathom what is just sexual fantasy and what is your real sexuality, there is stuff i fantasize over that i know i would never do in reality because it would hurt me, i won't enjoy it like i do in my head etc.. reality is very different to fantasy, and because you are at an immature place at least sexually you cannot discern between the two.

[WkdPaul]

Thread cleaned.

 

The OP is asking for a bit of help, so I will ask only once ; leave your science/religion debate out of it because A) it's against the CS, and B) that's not what the OP is looking for.

 

EDIT : and also, lets leave the derogatory terms out of the discussion.

[Delusional Phil]

41 minutes ago, Subtle Corruption said:

You need to fathom what is just sexual fantasy and what is your real sexuality, there is stuff i fantasize over that i know i would never do in reality because it would hurt me, i won't enjoy it like i do in my head etc.. reality is very different to fantasy, and because you are at an immature place at least sexually you cannot discern between the two.

The bus story in the original posts fits with your point. In reality I don't like it when people went from base 1 to a homerun in 0,1s... it can be thrilling but as @DaMainMan puts it, at that moment it's not safe.

1 hour ago, JayKay3000 said:

Caring for people, loving someone is different from being in love with someone. I love her, but I don't LOVE her. I love him, but I don't LOVE him. How can you tell, a friend who you do things with, share secrets with is that not a form of love.

 

Sexual contact, a normal craving, but relationships don't last built on sex. There has to be more. There has to be love. Who do you truly love.

 

True friends accept you no mater your sexual preferences and these friends you will know forever. 

 

 

Love of life, love of people, love yourself. Be yourself. Don't overthink what you prefer.

I assume you want me to distinguish loving someone and being IN love with someone. if so I don't think I would qualify my highschool experience as caring about someone I like, not love. I share stories with him but not secrets. Maybe I was presumptious about the intimacy between he and I.

 

Yup, I agree with you entirely on the last three points.

 

7 hours ago, Hiya! said:

uuuhhhh no..!! i stopped reading once u tell us the Bus story.

Its makes me cringe.

I am really sorry.

Can you clarify on your response? I'm quite confused by it...

 

5 hours ago, bcguru9384 said:

most of the sexually confused steer towards homosexuality due to the fact they feel more comfortable around same sex as themselves which is easily viewed as "i'm gay cause im more secure feeling around same sex than opposite sex"

no matter what choice is made make it due to what your heart says not from fear/uncomfortableness around opposite sex to yourself / the idea with sex from both sides makes me feel quite uncomfortable with the whole situation

 

irregardless of gay/straight relationships domestic issues always happen

best question to ask is will i be able to forgive my partner when fights happen or is it trully just a physical relationship? I know that I need to find and build a relationship that can last more than just lust so that's a good thing going for me.

7 hours ago, dalekphalm said:

So a few things to start:

 

1. You don't choose to be gay. You are or you aren't. You are born with your innate sexuality. It's genetic.

2. The Gay-Straight thing is a spectrum, not a binary thing. You can be straight, gay, or bisexual. And bisexuality can come in many forms, with a wide spectrum of where you fall.

 

Throughout the entire post, you basically said women don't arouse you. But you've been aroused by men before. I think that probably means you're gay, but it's possible you're bisexual and simply lean towards men.

 

You could also be asexual (asexual are people who don't get sexually aroused by either sex - even though in some cases they can enjoy sex and being with a partner).

I think I shouldn't rely so much on labels and preferences... Putting one label on me just makes me adjust my behavior according to what the label saids... "But it's possible you're bisexual and simply lean towards men." I had the same thought years ago as well but later on I would assume that it's the porn preferences that affect my view on opposite sex. I think part of the reason that I struggle with this issue is that in a way, I still attach the idea with being gay with feminity and I already said on the original post that I don't take a particular interest in feminine guys. That being said they can be either the most amazing people or just over-reacting, tantrum driven guys, both of which I have encounter and I strongly dislike and can't tolerate the latter... 

 

4 hours ago, wcreek said:

For some it could've been more of a choice. But really I don't think it's a choice.

 

Although if it was a choice, I would still want to be gay. I have to say though as this joke goes...

"An atheist, a vegan and a crossfitter walk into a bar... I only know because they told everyone within 2 minutes." same is sadly true for most gay people.

I have the same problem with the label thing as well... It's so weird they have to throw that out everytime they meet someone... 

[Hiya!]

11 hours ago, Delusional Phil said:

Can you clarify on your response? I'm quite confused by it...

Its just creeping me out thats all.

Cause when i read about something i tend to imagining it while reading it.

[Delusional Phil]

18 minutes ago, Hiya! said:

Its just creeping me out thats all.

Cause when i read about something i tend to imagining it while reading it.

After the incident I thought about it carefully and yeah, it is quite creepy. The context prior to it was me being told to fuck off by the person who I deemed as a close friend, like hell I lost almost all of my highschool friends before even graduating highschool. So yeah, it's a mixture of sad and loneliness that cause me to just let everything happen.

[Hiya!]

1 minute ago, Delusional Phil said:

After the incident I thought about it carefully and yeah, it is quite creepy. The context prior to it was me being told to fuck off by the person who I deemed as a close friend, like hell I lost almost all of my highschool friends before even graduating highschool.

Dont worry Whatever broken will grow back, whatever lost will be replaced.

I am sure they are not the only people on this planet.

Find another friend, and it doesnt need to have too many friend, Just a few but willing to walk besides you and always on your side when you need them.

[maartendc]

20 hours ago, dalekphalm said:

So a few things to start:

 

1. You don't choose to be gay. You are or you aren't. You are born with your innate sexuality. It's genetic.

2. The Gay-Straight thing is a spectrum, not a binary thing. You can be straight, gay, or bisexual. And bisexuality can come in many forms, with a wide spectrum of where you fall.

 

Throughout the entire post, you basically said women don't arouse you. But you've been aroused by men before. I think that probably means you're gay, but it's possible you're bisexual and simply lean towards men.

 

You could also be asexual (asexual are people who don't get sexually aroused by either sex - even though in some cases they can enjoy sex and being with a partner).

This advice seems pretty much accurate.

 

I am not gay myself, but have some good friends who are. From what they have told me, nobody is 100% straight or gay, but some people are somewhere in the middle. So it can be that you are gay, or you are bisexual but leaning towards men.

 

About exploring your feelings: I don't really know. I think you should try to find some like minded people to talk about it. Perhaps some LGBT support groups in your area or online? Some friends that you know are LGBT? I don't know if a tech forum like this would be so helpful...

 

Good luck! You will figure it out.

 

[dalekphalm]

3 hours ago, maartendc said:

This advice seems pretty much accurate.

 

I am not gay myself, but have some good friends who are. From what they have told me, nobody is 100% straight or gay, but some people are somewhere in the middle. So it can be that you are gay, or you are bisexual but leaning towards men.

 

About exploring your feelings: I don't really know. I think you should try to find some like minded people to talk about it. Perhaps some LGBT support groups in your area or online? Some friends that you know are LGBT? I don't know if a tech forum like this would be so helpful...

 

Good luck! You will figure it out.

 

There's a large LGBT thread here in off topic that is active every day. I would suggest the OP post in there, and perhaps try to find one or several people to start a PM conversation with to try and work through his experiences and make sense of it.

[Drak3]

Ultimately, you yourself hold all the answers you seek. But do come over to the LGBT thread.