Need to discreetly kill my wife's laptop

[swifty7]

@OP

 

before reading the laptop part, I thought you wrote " I want to discretely kill my wife"...LOL!!!

 

Linus Wife killing tips...LOL!!!

 

or quickkilley or killing in 30 seconds.

 

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

[Yoinkerman]

If the screen is hooped the screen is hooped. Save all her data and get her a new laptop. Not sure why she has a choice

Edit: a y50 is a terrible idea if she doesn't game. Get her a macbook doppelganger.

[ofr057]

I would just wait when she is away then just swap it over.

when she comes home just act dumb .... gee honey i thought that was your laptop

[shujin]

here is all option I'm thinking of:

- kill the fan

- kill the thermal paste

- clone the drive than corrupt it (you'll look as a saviour from saving data and the laptop will not work anymore)

- unplug wifi connector 

- kill touchpad

- kill keyboard

- remove ram 

- kill motherboard

- kill screen

- kill speaker + audio jack (this may not be sufficient tho)

 

that's pretty much all idea I have

[Pesmerga]

Trip on the powercord and make sure to destroy the powerjack that  goes into the laptop. Good luck finding a replacement

 

This:

 

Edited March 26, 2015 by Pesmerga

[asim1999]

no she not scared about that but she is kinda cheep when it come to electronics. Especially computers. I think its because I spend more time with them then her she has grown jealous. 

Same thing with my parents, they think that a 2.5 year old iPad 3 is still good....

[ionbasa]

Discretely pull out all of the SODIMMs and say nothing  .

The laptop won't boot. 

[AlwaysFSX]

Open it up and gouge the die for the CPU. Can't run if that's dead. Maybe cut a few traces on the motherboard while you're at it.

[Mapsle]

Same thing with my parents, they think that a 2.5 year old iPad 3 is still good....

I have an IPad 2 and it´s still good... (only using it for YouTube and ProCreate - otherwise it´s too old)

[ELSknutson]

Same thing with my parents, they think that a 2.5 year old iPad 3 is still good....

it is 

[Yoinkerman]

it is

This

[EpicGeekonFire]

Just buy her a new one one day, take the SSD out and swap it in to the new one, and boom she'll start using the new one

 

Or.... let your son play with it and tell him to step on it and break it lol or give him water to drink and tell him to spill it. 

Then she can blame your son for it..

 

This is so easy!

 

I'm telling your wife btw about all of this so you are screwed jk

Actually I am telling her

[asim1999]

This

I have had it for 2.5 years and it is getting slow and apps keep crashing

And to make it even worse, my dad does not want to dump his 8 year old laptop which still has XP on  it 

[hak4fun]

Hm... your plan might work if you don't get caught.

Another thing you could do, is just take out the RAM. It would probably be easier then tearing the whole thing apart to remove the thermal paste. and it will just beep at you when you try to turn it on. I know from personal experience

[hak4fun]

I have had it for 2.5 years and it is getting slow and apps keep crashing

And to make it even worse, my dad does not want to dump his 8 year old laptop which still has XP on  it 

Just because it has XP on it, doesn't mean it sucks... My brother still runs a core 2 quad and he loves it. He can game fine with the R9 270X I put in last year, and he can do his photoediting. I of course updated the OS to win7 as soon as I had a spare license, but it is still a pretty decent PC.

[Darkman]

"Accidentally" Throw water all over it.

Make sure to soak it wet , "Accidentally"

Whoops!

*Rips computer out of her hands and whips it out the window into a pool or pond*

My bad.

*Gives decent laptop*

[zappian]

Whoops!

*Rips computer out of her hands and whips it out the window into a pool or pond*

My bad.

*Gives decent laptop*

[Syte]

If you really need to do this just remove the SATA cable and watch it not boot or damage itself.

God you people are way too creative when it comes to destroying things.

[dfsdfgfkjsefoiqzemnd]

Put properly trimmed clear tape on the battery contacts so that they don't make contact anymore whilst being invisible.  Then do the same with the outside of the power plug. 

 

There you go, instant "death".  If you want to get it working again, just remove the tape.

[Mapsle]

Hide the Charger and tell her it´s not worth getting a replacement charger because that would be too expensive considering the laptop specs...

[Laputacake]

Take a knife to the motherboard and make pretty patterns

[nekomata]

Copulate and have your wife accidentally sit on her laptop.

[chilicheeseburger]

Just wait for her birthday or something and give her a new one.

 

If she wouldn't accept a new one or whatever, dispose of the laptop without her noticing and tell her it lives on a farm now.

[Trik'Stari]

It's your wife?

 

Buy the new one, present it to her, tell her that her options are to accept the laptop, or have sex with you right then and there.

[handymanshandle]

Since it's not a BGA CPU you could take the CPU and bring it to a place that recycles computer parts or disconnect the power button from the motherboard if you can.