What the hell is up with women?

[IrshaadH]

Guys, I just need to vent and compare experiences.  Here it goes:

 

I met this girl at a class last weekend.  She was giving me eyes all day, so I went up and introduced myself.  The conversation went well; we seemed like two like-minded people, so I seized the opportunity to ask if she wanted to grab a coffee later in the week.  She appeared quite interested and gave me her number. 

 

The next day, I texted her to say it was nice meeting her and that I'll give her a call in a couple days to make plans.  The day after, she texted me back saying that sounded good to her. 

 

Seemed to me, judging from the response, that I pretty much had this locked down.  So, I called her to next day to actually seal the deal and make firm plans to see her.  She didn't answer, so I waited until after work to call her again to no avail. 

 

I figured, I'm not going to give up so easy, so I just texted her to ask if she was free on the weekend.  Pretty much three days have passed and still no answer. 

 

Now, I've already come to terms with the fact that this one got away.  But, I'm posting here because I just can't seem to figure out what I could have done differently!  I've gotten mixed messages from my friends: some say she's playing hard to get and I should try again next week; others tell me that she had a change of heart.  The optimist in me is saying the former, but I'm not naive... I'm just confused as to why her behaviour changed all of a sudden.  Why even text me back to begin with?  Argh.... 

[Volbet]

Or maybe she's busy and haven't had the time or the opportunity to text you back?

 

Honestly, if you're in a class together then why don't you arrange it when you actually meet up?

[BlueChinchillaEatingDorito]

One of things I've learned is that if you actively pursue when they don't respond, it makes you look clingy... which is bad.

[Monkey Dust]

I'm guessing she got a better offer, and rather that try and back out of meeting you in a dignified manner, decided to ghost you instead. If she is just playing hard to get by ignoring you, it's a sign she is not worth the hassle. Either way move on.

 

 

[Froody129]

A wise man once told me you don’t date people in your class because you don’t shit where you eat

[Sauron]

Maybe there was nothing you could do differently and she's simply not interested. There isn't a checklist you can complete and, as a reward, "get the girl". Maybe she's a human being, just like yourself, and isn't sure of how she should handle the situation. Maybe she agreed to the coffee because she thought it would be impolite to refuse and didn't really intend for it to go anywhere, then reconsidered when it became clear what your intentions were. I suggest you stop insisting and, if she later decides she might be interested after all, she'll come to you. If she doesn't, let her be.

[dalekphalm]

15 hours ago, IrshaadH said:

Guys, I just need to vent and compare experiences.  Here it goes:

 

I met this girl at a class last weekend.  She was giving me eyes all day, so I went up and introduced myself.  The conversation went well; we seemed like two like-minded people, so I seized the opportunity to ask if she wanted to grab a coffee later in the week.  She appeared quite interested and gave me her number. 

 

The next day, I texted her to say it was nice meeting her and that I'll give her a call in a couple days to make plans.  The day after, she texted me back saying that sounded good to her. 

 

Seemed to me, judging from the response, that I pretty much had this locked down.  So, I called her to next day to actually seal the deal and make firm plans to see her.  She didn't answer, so I waited until after work to call her again to no avail. 

 

I figured, I'm not going to give up so easy, so I just texted her to ask if she was free on the weekend.  Pretty much three days have passed and still no answer. 

 

Now, I've already come to terms with the fact that this one got away.  But, I'm posting here because I just can't seem to figure out what I could have done differently!  I've gotten mixed messages from my friends: some say she's playing hard to get and I should try again next week; others tell me that she had a change of heart.  The optimist in me is saying the former, but I'm not naive... I'm just confused as to why her behaviour changed all of a sudden.  Why even text me back to begin with?  Argh.... 

Yeah my first suggestion is stop calling/texting/whatever.

 

You called her twice, and texted her. And she didn't respond. Perhaps she was just busy at first, but even if she wasn't, she likely got turned off by the multiple messages.

 

Likely she changed her mind, or got involved with another person.

 

Either way, leave it. If she decides to change her mind, she'll let you know.

[IrshaadH]

Thanks for all your input guys!

[TetraSky]

14 hours ago, Volbet said:

Or maybe she's busy and haven't had the time or the opportunity to text you back?

Who is so busy that they literally have no time to check their texts or recent calls, for 3 whole days?

Sorry but whoever says they are too busy, all day every day, to do something that takes 5 seconds and is pretty much done unconsciously at this point, is a liar. She's just not interested in him and was leading him on.

[Volbet]

1 minute ago, TetraSky said:

Who is so busy that they literally have no time to check their texts or recent calls, for 3 whole days?

Sorry but whoever says they are too busy, all day every day, to do something that takes 5 seconds and is pretty much done unconsciously at this point, is a liar. She's just not interested in him and was leading him on.

It's not rare that I'm that busy.

If you were to text me in my busy periods, then it could easily take three days to a week for me to get back to you.

[Ithanul]

14 hours ago, BlueChinchillaEatingDorito said:

One of things I've learned is that if you actively pursue when they don't respond, it makes you look clingy... which is bad.

This, so much this.

 

[AshleyAshes]

33 minutes ago, TetraSky said:

She's just not interested in him and was leading him on.

I like how your conclusion is that she 'lead him on' as if she has done some kind of wrong or is at fault and you ignore the much more likely and reasonable possiblity: She was kinda sorta interested but ultimately lost interest.

 

I mean, has no one here ever gone "Yeah, I mean, kinda?  Well, let's check this out I guess?  Actually, eh, nah, never mind.  Nope.' on something?

[TetraSky]

41 minutes ago, Volbet said:

It's not rare that I'm that busy.

If you were to text me in my busy periods, then it could easily take three days to a week for me to get back to you.

You're basically saying you're too busy to even reply when someone tell you "have a good day" in person. It takes seconds to read and reply to a text. NO ONE is so "busy", that they literally don't have those few seconds in a day, be it right before bed or during a break or whatever. If you have time to take a shit, you have time to read and reply to a text.

This is just an excuse that you are telling yourself and others because you couldn't be bothered. Unless you were, for some reason, in a situation that literally made it that you didn't have access to your phone, like being in an area that has sensitive equipment like a lab, which I doubt some girl in school could possibly be in such situation, unless she was kidnapped.

 

9 minutes ago, AshleyAshes said:

I like how your conclusion is that she 'lead him on' as if she has done some kind of wrong or is at fault and you ignore the much more likely and reasonable possiblity: She was kinda sorta interested but ultimately lost interest.

 

I mean, has no one here ever gone "Yeah, I mean, kinda?  Well, let's check this out I guess?  Actually, eh, nah, never mind.  Nope.' on something?

If she can't tell him "sorry nevermind" or give any other sort of closure, then I'm sorry, but that's called leading him on and wasting his time.

[AshleyAshes]

1 minute ago, TetraSky said:

If she can't tell him "sorry nevermind" or give any other sort of closure, then I'm sorry, but that's called leading him on and wasting his time.

Closure?  They didn't make an arrangement to meet.  She has no responsibility to treat him like some kind of feeble child who requires 'closure' on a handful of text messages.

[Guest]

Probably not interested and was just being polite tbh. I wouldn't date anyone in my class imo dont screw the crew.

13 minutes ago, AshleyAshes said:

Closure?  They didn't make an arrangement to meet.  She has no responsibility to treat him like some kind of feeble child who requires 'closure' on a handful of text messages.

its not really hard to say 'no' some people just need to man up and say it because theres people who will keep txting etc.

[Volbet]

7 hours ago, TetraSky said:

You're basically saying you're too busy to even reply when someone tell you "have a good day" in person. It takes seconds to read and reply to a text. NO ONE is so "busy", that they literally don't have those few seconds in a day, be it right before bed or during a break or whatever. If you have time to take a shit, you have time to read and reply to a text.

This is just an excuse that you are telling yourself and others because you couldn't be bothered. Unless you were, for some reason, in a situation that literally made it that you didn't have access to your phone, like being in an area that has sensitive equipment like a lab, which I doubt some girl in school could possibly be in such situation, unless she was kidnapped.

See, now you have already assumed my (and possibly others) reasons for not answering text messages.

But you have failed to actually back up any of those assumptions, and I'm not going to try and defend myself against unwarranted assumptions.

I'm not letting you dictate the discourse.

 

Here's the deal, present me with some actual evidence or arguments that can back up your assumptions and then we can continue.

Otherwise all you have done is pass judgment on a person's actions (or rather lack thereof) with absolutely nothibg to back you up.

[SansVarnic]

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