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LTT Jokes Thread

Assassin
By Assassin
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Posted

My favorite, my absolute favorite, is your mom jokes. Especially when they are said to me.

Why? Because my response is now always: "My Mom's dead." 

I don't know. I just find their awkwardness at that reply funny. ... I'm a disturbed person.

lol.

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Posted

Did I say anything that was that explicit?

I really hope not as that was the worst dead baby joke I know....

Well, Losing your virginity implies sex and I would like this thread to continue so, ya 

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Posted

Screw the rules...

 

My girlfriend is into some really strange role-play when we have sex. She always insists on pretending to be 14 years old.

 

I don't get why, she'll be 14 in a couple of years anyway.

I don't find this funny because there were two 12 year olds at my school that went at it in the bathroom

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Posted

A woman gives birth to a baby. The doctor that delivered it takes it and throws it against a wall, drop kicks it etc.

 

The mother was very distressed and started freaking out. Whilst being held back by the nurses, she pleaded "WHYYY!!??"

 

The doctor holds the baby upside down and says "I'm just fucking with you, it was born dead". 

DAYUMMM!

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Posted

"Just thought I'd nip over to my Nan's, and fair play to her, at 96, she had all the Halloween decorations up, cobwebs and insects in the windows and a skeleton on the couch.

She always makes a big effort, but there was no answer...I'll pop back next year." - Sickipedia

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Posted

Twitter makes you improve your writing, the 140 character limit forces you to master the art of getting to the point

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Posted

Ahh, screw it.

 

Q: How do you know your sister is on her period?

A: Your dad's cock tasts like blood

Nova doctrina terribilis sit perdere

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Posted

I gotta give it to Joel, very brave of him to start this thread. It'll be interesting to see how this goes down, but of course I hope it doesn't have to get locked so people please respect the CoC and keep that dark humor going :)

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Posted

where did timmie go after the explosion...everywhere

 

wanna know why the usa couldnt win the war against south africa.....because they couldnt hit the blank(works better in spanish)

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You mean the dead have risen?!

I mean the ones that are now living today. the Isrealis, most of whom are jewish, are required to actively serve in their countries military and learn their countries history, much in part due to WWII. my parents went on tour there recently and i believe, if my memory severs me right, is what they said. so take with some salt.

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Posted

where did timmie go after the explosion...everywhere

 

wanna know why the usa couldnt win the war against south africa.....because they couldnt hit the blank(works better in spanish)

 

I know what you mean.

Don't get mad, get even...

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Posted

A beautiful woman is standing on a bridge, looking over the side and thinking about jumping off.

A homeless man walks up to her. She sees the man coming and says, "Go away! There's nothing you can say to change my mind!"

He says, "Well, if you're going to kill yourself anyway, why don't we have sex? At least I'll enjoy it."

"Absolutely not! You're disgusting!", she replies. The man turns and starts walking away.

"Is that all you're going to say? You're not going to try to convince me that life is worth living? Where are you going?"

"I have to make it down to the bottom. If I hurry, you'll still be warm!", he says.

ha, call me a horrible person, but that made me laugh/chuckle

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Posted

Please don't start dead baby jokes. 

They are funny at first, but then you realize "wtf am I laughing at? This is terrible. And I am terrible for laughing."

... What do you call a guy with no arms and legs in front of a door? ... Matt. What do you call a guy with no arms and legs in a pile of leaves? Russel. What do you call a guy with no arms and legs in the ocean? Bob.

Those are equally terrible.

Its just a joke if you can't handle it get off this thread.

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Posted

A man is sitting in a hospital room when the doctor walks in.

"I have some bad news" says the doctor. "You have Cancer and Alzheimer's."

The man laughs and says "well at least I don't have cancer!"

Such an old joke but it's still kinda funny.

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Posted

What's easier to unload?

 

A truck full of babies or

A truck full of ping pong balls

 

Babies, because you can use a pitchfork :3

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Posted

Why did Annie fall off the swing?

She had no arms

Why couldn't she hug her dad?

She had no dad

Knock knock, who's there?

Not Annie...

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Posted

My favorite, my absolute favorite, is your mom jokes. Especially when they are said to me.

Why? Because my response is now always: "My Mom's dead." 

I don't know. I just find their awkwardness at that reply funny. ... I'm a disturbed person.

 

Yes you are lol

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What is the hardest part of a cabbage to eat?
 
 
The wheelchair

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Posted

This thread is going to be locked. I can see the appeal in creating a thread solely for these type of jokes but the number of offensive and un-called for jokes posted was just over the top. 

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  • 1 month later...
Posted

post any jokes whether it's original or from someone else.

 

i found this in youtube comments

 

"How do you stop a clown from laughing?
You shoot his family."

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░░░░░░███████ ]▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄ Bob is building an army.
  ▂▄▅█████████▅▄▃▂      ☻/ This tank & Bob are against Google+
Il███████████████████]. /▌ Copy and Paste this all over
◥⊙▲⊙▲⊙▲⊙▲⊙▲⊙▲⊙◤..  / \ Youtube Linus Tech Tips if you are with us

Quote me to get a reply!

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░░░░░░███████ ]▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄ Bob is building an army.

▂▄▅█████████▅▄▃▂        ☻/ This tank & Bob are against Google+

Il███████████████████]. /▌ Copy and Paste this all over

◥⊙▲⊙▲⊙▲⊙▲⊙▲⊙▲⊙◤..  / \ Youtube if you are with us

stahp it bob.

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Posted

Your mother is so ugly even fluorine wouldnt react with her

*chemistry joke, fluorine is the most reactive element*

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Listen if you care.

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