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LTT Jokes Thread

Assassin
By Assassin
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Posted

What do kitchens and tech have in common? 

 

-They heat up and share a common place on the forum! (Ba Dum Tshhh).

 

Post some cringy jokes because why not.

“The value of a college education is not the learning of many facts but the training of the mind to think”

 

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Posted

Bad jokes or offensive? If you want off colour humour, I think I'll take the crown.

"Say it, do it, preach it, shout it, but never, absolutely never, believe your own bullshit"   


Credited with the whole female avatar trend


Your thoughts here http://linustechtips.com/main/topic/67178-your-top-three/

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Statistically... 9 out of 10 people enjoy gang rape.

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Posted

Statistically... 9 out of 10 people enjoy gang rape.

That's... fucked up lol 

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Posted

Slick's sleep schedule.

If you ever need help with a build, read the following before posting: http://linustechtips.com/main/topic/3061-build-plan-thread-recommendations-please-read-before-posting/
Also, make sure to quote a post or tag a member when replying or else they won't get a notification that you replied to them.

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Posted

Here's one from Twitter

 

Is Iron Man's poop called Fe-cal matter?

“The value of a college education is not the learning of many facts but the training of the mind to think”

 

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Posted

Cry Engine, Made for games like Far cry, Crysis and Jesus CRY-st 

 

badum tshhh

 

 

        -Yahtzee 

#KilledMyWife 

LTT's Resident Black Star

I should get an award for still being here at this point 

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Posted

Who wants to know a joke?

 

Linus

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Listen if you care.

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Posted

Whats Linus Job?

- Reaching the top shelf

 

Taken from WAN with Josh from Fractal...

 

Whats Slick job?

- Helping Linus reach the top shelf.

<p>Eryi's Action Rule#2 - "Dont jump on the green mushroom"

Ministry of StopIt!

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  • 2 weeks later...
Posted

I love dark humor. Just the fact that people get so uncomfortable from words is hilarious to me. So go ahead and post and dark jokes you want (non sexual).

 

There is no rule against dark humor in the CoC so post away.

 

My uncle told me this one.

A man cheats on his girlfriend named Lorraine with a girl named Clearly.
 
Suddenly, Lorraine died.
 
At the funeral, the man stands up and sings, "I can see Clearly now, Lorraine is gone."

 

 

And a friend told me this one

 

The FBI had an opening for an assassin. After all the background checks, interviews and testing were done, there were 3 finalists. For the final test, the FBI agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. 'We must know that you will follow your instructions no matter what the circumstances.'
Inside the room you will find your wife sitting in a chair . . . Kill her!!' The man said, 'You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife.' The agent said, 'Then you're not the right man for this job. Take your wife and go home.'
The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about 5 minutes. The man came out with tears in his eyes, 'I tried, but I can't kill my wife.' The agent said, 'You don't have what it takes. Take your wife home.'
Finally, the last man was given the same instructions, to kill his wife. He took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the man, wiping the sweat from his brow. 'Some idiot loaded the gun with blanks' he said. 'I had to strangle her to death'.

 

 

 

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“I snort instant coffee because it’s easier on my nose than cocaine"


 

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Posted

There's no rule for dark humour, but it can be seen as offensive in some cases. Trust me, FAR too many warning points on my account.

"Say it, do it, preach it, shout it, but never, absolutely never, believe your own bullshit"   


Credited with the whole female avatar trend


Your thoughts here http://linustechtips.com/main/topic/67178-your-top-three/

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Posted

My favorite, my absolute favorite, is your mom jokes. Especially when they are said to me.

Why? Because my response is now always: "My Mom's dead." 

I don't know. I just find their awkwardness at that reply funny. ... I'm a disturbed person.

† Christian Member †

For my pertinent links to guides, reviews, and anything similar, go here, and look under the spoiler labeled such. A brief history of Unix and it's relation to OS X by Builder.

 

 

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Posted

My favorite, my absolute favorite, is your mom jokes. Especially when they are said to me.

Why? Because my response is now always: "My Mom's dead." 

I don't know. I just find their awkwardness at that funny. ... I'm a disturbed person.

LOL they must feel like a total ass for saying that
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Posted

Ahh fuckit, I'll go.

 

If only Africa had more mosquito nets, we could stop millions of mosquitoes from dying needlessly of AIDS.

"Say it, do it, preach it, shout it, but never, absolutely never, believe your own bullshit"   


Credited with the whole female avatar trend


Your thoughts here http://linustechtips.com/main/topic/67178-your-top-three/

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Posted

I liked the FBI agent one xD

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#KilledMyWife - #LinusButtPlug - #1080penis

 

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What do a balloon and a dead baby have in common? They can both float. 

My Build Log on PCPartPicker FX-6300, ASUS M5A78L-M/USB3, MSI 7870 GHz Edition, Corsair Vengeance LP 1x8GB, 1TB WD Blue, Fractal Core 1000 USB 3.0, Corsair CX600, and my most recent addition that I've had forever and isnt new is a 80GB WD800 for Linux, Lenovo ThinkPad X131e, ASUS Transformer TF300T, Galaxy Note 3 Sister dropped it in a puddle I now have to use a Samsung Brightside, Beyerdynamic DT990 Pro 250ohm version, Blue Yeti  #TheRealKEH-JEFF | "Sometimes, if were lucky, in Australia, a family has 2 kangaroos to pick up the kids with" - marto | Your entry here | Remember kids; just because Linus has a video on it, doesn't mean that its the best choice | ts3.wferr.com the best TeamSpeak | Abide by the CoC | Looking for build help? Read this before posting |
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Posted

What do a balloon and a dead baby have in common? They can both float. 

Please don't start dead baby jokes. 

They are funny at first, but then you realize "wtf am I laughing at? This is terrible. And I am terrible for laughing."

... What do you call a guy with no arms and legs in front of a door? ... Matt. What do you call a guy with no arms and legs in a pile of leaves? Russel. What do you call a guy with no arms and legs in the ocean? Bob.

Those are equally terrible.

† Christian Member †

For my pertinent links to guides, reviews, and anything similar, go here, and look under the spoiler labeled such. A brief history of Unix and it's relation to OS X by Builder.

 

 

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Posted

My favorite, my absolute favorite, is your mom jokes. Especially when they are said to me.

Why? Because my response is now always: "My Mom's dead." 

I don't know. I just find their awkwardness at that reply funny. ... I'm a disturbed person.

Ya I had a friend that would do that all the time

 

Ahh fuckit, I'll go.

 

If only Africa had more mosquito nets, we could stop millions of mosquitoes from dying needlessly of AIDS.

HAHA I forgot that one.

 

 

Cyanide and happiness are great for jokes like these.

i5 3570 | MSI GD-65 Gaming | OCZ Vertex 60gb ssd | WD Green 1TB HDD | NZXT Phantom | TP-Link Wifi card | H100 | 5850


“I snort instant coffee because it’s easier on my nose than cocaine"


 

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Please don't start dead baby jokes. 

They are funny at first, but then you realize "wtf am I laughing at? This is terrible. And I am terrible for laughing."

... What do you call a guy with no arms and legs in front of a door? ... Matt. What do you call a guy with no arms and legs in a pile of leaves? Russel. What do you call a guy with no arms and legs in the ocean? Bob.

Those are equally terrible.

they are just jokes. dont take them so seriously. lol, words mean nothing. 

i5 3570 | MSI GD-65 Gaming | OCZ Vertex 60gb ssd | WD Green 1TB HDD | NZXT Phantom | TP-Link Wifi card | H100 | 5850


“I snort instant coffee because it’s easier on my nose than cocaine"


 

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Posted

What's the difference between a dead baby and a lambo?

I didn't loose my virginity in a lambo

they are just jokes. dont take them so seriously. lol, words mean nothing. 

I'm sorry Joel. But the above is a perfect example of why I find these jokes terrible. ... :| I laughed. Don't get me wrong, I laughed. But it was terrible. 

† Christian Member †

For my pertinent links to guides, reviews, and anything similar, go here, and look under the spoiler labeled such. A brief history of Unix and it's relation to OS X by Builder.

 

 

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Posted

What's the difference between a dead baby and a lambo?

I didn't loose my virginity in a lambo

So go ahead and post and dark jokes you want (non sexual).

Sexual things are in the CoC lol 

i5 3570 | MSI GD-65 Gaming | OCZ Vertex 60gb ssd | WD Green 1TB HDD | NZXT Phantom | TP-Link Wifi card | H100 | 5850


“I snort instant coffee because it’s easier on my nose than cocaine"


 

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I'm sorry Joel. But the above is a perfect example of why I find these jokes terrible. ... :| I laughed. Don't get me wrong, I laughed. But it was terrible.

That was the point lol
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Posted

Dark humour you say?

 

NSA wants the best for us and PETA actually cares about animals in a non insanity way.

 

I feel so bad now.

 

 

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So go ahead and post and dark jokes you want (non sexual).

Sexual things are in the CoC lol 

Did I say anything that was that explicit?

I really hope not as that was the worst dead baby joke I know....

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