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LTT Jokes Thread

Assassin
By Assassin
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Posted

couple more:

What do you sit on, sleep on and brush your teeth with?

..

..

A chair, a bed, and a toothbrush.

“Give a man a fire and he's warm for a day . Set a man on fire and he's warm for the rest of his life.”

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Posted

"K"

post-18973-0-13400900-1378254256_thumb.j

“Give a man a fire and he's warm for a day . Set a man on fire and he's warm for the rest of his life.”

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Posted

Whats the differnce between and jew and a pizza.

 

Pizza doesnt scream when you put it in the oven.

 

------------------------

 

My epileptic girlfriend is horrible in bed.

So as a treat on my birthday she lets me put a strobe light in her face.

 

------------------------

 

BBC News: 'Rapist may have HIV from victim'

Not sure the word victim has been properly assigned

 

______________

 

When I joined the police I thought that I'd just be a bobby on the beat, but on my first day the Detective Inspector asked me to take part in a rape investigation.

"Is this because you think I have the potential to be a good detective?" I asked.

"No" he replied, " it's because we've got the results from your DNA sample.".

 

 

Keeping it tame with the jokes atm...... but they are always fun, so lets share :D

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Posted

Why did Annie fall from the swing?

 

Cause she didn't have arms

 

Knock knock

 

Who's there?

 

Not Annie

 

I could go on.... But I'm afraid my humor is so dark you can't even see it during the night, so I'll probably get insulted by people.....

 

But anyway here's another one

 

When did Hitler die?

 

When he got the gas bill

MSI Z87-GD65 - GTX 760 DirectCU II - i5 4670k @4.0GHz - 16GB Corsair Vengeance @1866 MHz

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Posted

i could tell a joke, but i would offend all:

women, children, Blacks, Asians, French, and Mexicans. Lets not forget about all the dead baby's that would be furious too... 

 

yeah... i better stay clear of this one. Im afraid the man with no arms and no legs will come after me

~Judah

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My favorite "horse walks into a pub" joke

 

A white horse walks into a pub and asks for a whisky.
The landlord says: "Hey, we've got a whisky named after you."
The horse replies: "What, Eric?"

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Posted

This is a good one but needs attention ..

 

A guy with a gun enters a bar. 'Who the f**k had sex with my wife?

A voice was heard in the background'

You don`t have enough bullets mate!'                                                                                                                                          :D

“Give a man a fire and he's warm for a day . Set a man on fire and he's warm for the rest of his life.”

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  • 5 weeks later...
Posted

Title says it all, I will start.

"I am not going to hurt you, I am going to giga-hurt you!"

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Posted

Congratulations you thought of a funny all by yourself. 

export PS1='\[\033[1;30m\]┌╼ \[\033[1;32m\]\u@\h\[\033[1;30m\] ╾╼ \[\033[0;34m\]\w\[\033[0;36m\]\n\[\033[1;30m\]└╼ \[\033[1;37m\]'


"All your threads are belong to /dev/null"


| 80's Terminal Keyboard Conversion | $5 Graphics Card Silence Mod Tutorial | 485KH/s R9 270X | The Smallest Ethernet Cable | Ass Pennies | My Screenfetch |

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Damn you guys are mean, i thought it was good xD

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Donkeys are love, Donkeys are life.                    "No answer means no problem!" - Luke 2015

 

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Posted

Oh here's a classic one:

Baby you turn my GT8800 into a Titan: harder (aluminum construction) more powerful (ahem) and longer with PCB (p*nis) extension!

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Posted

"I'm going to overclock and bench you tonight, baby!" ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;)

 

....

 

 

THAT WAS BAD

 

 

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What happen to the binary joke? Is it that common now? Or does no one even remember it....

“The value of a college education is not the learning of many facts but the training of the mind to think”

 

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"That guy over there is a Pentium 4. He talks a big game, but he's nothing more than hot exhaust air." :ph34r:

 

WHY AM I DOING THIS

 

 

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Posted

"I'm going to overclock and bench you tonight, baby!" ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;)

 

....

 

 

THAT WAS BAD

 

 

"I want to pump my coolent around your tubes"

Aren't these techie pick up lines, there was a topic with a lot of replies around a month ago

 

 

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Posted

Aren't these techie pick up lines, there was a topic with a lot of replies around a month ago

I don't know. I just thought it was fun

Nova doctrina terribilis sit perdere

Audio format guides: Vinyl records | Cassette tapes

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