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How can i just not be constantly nervous to speak in public and even to strangers on a damn phone?

WolfLoverPro
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whenever i speak in public or on phone to like idk anything wether its support or whatever i always get bloddy nervous and then that causes me to

 

speak really fast

run out of breath

i do this weird like swallowing thing XD like in the middle of my sentence

i keep saying UM UM after every word

i clear my throat alot

 

wtf is wrong with me ? i feel like i can never be able to learn to speak to random people no joke

 

i basically just read to take deep breathes but that dont help beacuse i still just end up doing some of the things above still i guess i have some sort of speaking problem lol

 

yet when i get to know someone ill be the one talking the most so wtf

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Build up speak skills by talking to random people through vc in games. Using LFG is allways nice. 

 

Then step up to joining discord servers and doing the same.

 

Finally get a job and work in retail as a part time job. Prefferably clothing, tech or similar that way you need to talk to strangers.

 

 

That is at least how id go about it. Also, there is the perfect relatable manga for you. "Komi-san is bad at communication"

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Just now, GoldenLag said:

Build up speak skills by talking to random people through vc in games. Using LFG is allways nice. 

 

Then step up to joining discord servers and doing the same.

 

Finally get a job and work in retail as a part time job. Prefferably clothing, tech or similar that way you need to talk to strangers.

 

 

That is at least how id go about it. Also, there is the perfect relatable manga for you. "Komi-san is bad at communication"

i cant get myself to speak tho.. i goto speak and im like ahhhh actaully maybe not

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3 minutes ago, WolfLoverPro said:

i cant get myself to speak tho.. i goto speak and im like ahhhh actaully maybe not

Dp you want to speak? Personally i choose not to speak even though im perfectly capable to do so

 

The only thing that helps is practise. Ever tried talking to a friend of a friend?

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Just now, GoldenLag said:

Dp you want to speak? Personally i choose not to speak even though im perfectly capable to do so

 

The only thing that helps is practise. Ever tried talking to a friend of a friend?

no i mean i want to speak on the phone to support but i really have nervous and i cant but i need to othewise my account wont get fixed its just im scared shit

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2 minutes ago, WolfLoverPro said:

no i mean i want to speak on the phone to support but i really have nervous and i cant but i need to othewise my account wont get fixed its just im scared shit

Ah, i see.

 

I cant do much than to say "go for it"

 

If you are worried about anything, think of the staff behind the phone as bots, they honestly dont care much more than to do their job. 

 

Also, everone gets a but tingly before important calls and meetings

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You care too much about random people, just think they don't know you either and just speak normally

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I had a similar problem a couple of years ago when I first started working.

 

What's important to remember for calls specifically is that there's always a reason for the call and you're either providing help or looking for help yourself. In any case, you're their business partner (as a customer or a service provider) and it's important to always put yourself on equal footing with whoever you're talking to. Be respectful and friendly, but demanding. Talk to them like you would talk to a group project partner you just met at the beginning of the school year. It can be tough to find the right balance, but it's a learning curve and you'll get better at it.

 

I'd be lying if I told you that people will always be friendly and nice, but there's no way around that. People sometimes have bad days, but the majority of the time they'll be nice and friendly. Tell them why you're calling and let them ask the details they need. If you're really nervous, write down some of the details you have beforehand (for instance, when you're free when asking for an appointment).

 

It can also help to build up some self-confidence in general. Working out greatly helped me with that and I cannot recommend it enough.

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2 hours ago, GoldenLag said:

Ah, i see.

 

I cant do much than to say "go for it"

 

If you are worried about anything, think of the staff behind the phone as bots, they honestly dont care much more than to do their job. 

 

Also, everone gets a but tingly before important calls and meetings

i just called, it actaully wasnt too bad XD

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2 hours ago, WolfLoverPro said:

whenever i speak in public or on phone to like idk anything wether its support or whatever i always get bloddy nervous and then that causes me to

 

speak really fast

run out of breath

i do this weird like swallowing thing XD like in the middle of my sentence

i keep saying UM UM after every word

i clear my throat alot

 

wtf is wrong with me ? i feel like i can never be able to learn to speak to random people no joke

 

i basically just read to take deep breathes but that dont help beacuse i still just end up doing some of the things above still i guess i have some sort of speaking problem lol

 

yet when i get to know someone ill be the one talking the most so wtf

Just wait until your first phone or in person Interview. RIP.

 

Anyways, it is just a matter of being confident in yourself. What is the worst thing that can happen? You say something dumb or silly to someone you don't know and chances are won't see again? I mean you probably do that around people you do know and they see you all the time and don't give you a hard time about it.... so a random person should be easy.

 

Just set a purpose of your communications in your head and push for them. If you need to call for support, then set in your mind that you are getting support and won't stop until you are happy with it. If you are calling for say a collection company then set the goal of getting a commitment to pay or at least to push for that goal until they hang up lol. I mean if you stand back and look at it objectively... it should be much harder to talk to people you know vs strangers. The people you know will know you and see you again. A stranger? They won't even remember your name 30 minutes after you are done talking with them.

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Think of what you're (roughly) going to say before the call, so you don't have to think too hard about it when you're actually talking. Also bear in mind that these people are there to solve your problem, you're not wasting their time.

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Practice

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Just need to talk to more people. Not that simple and I get nervous sometimes, never really goes away. Completely normal.

 

I usually think of a basic outline of what to say and then say it. 

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As stupid as it sounds, practice. If you're of school age, speech class is the place where the formal vocal register is learned (presentation skills, verbal and visual cues, etc). However if you're unable to do this, simply practicing/preparing a 2-3 minute speech with intro, main, and conclusion, recording yourself, and honing in on the things you find unsavory can do wonders. Is it awkward? yes. Is it a PITA? You betcha! However a couple of evenings of this, and you'll soon begin to understand your strengths and areas of opportunity, adjust accordingly, implement in 'the real world', see results, and develop confidence, which will compound your progress further. This is doable. Hang in there, you can do it!

Source: Myself, as I'm a HS Communication Arts teacher.

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On 12/17/2018 at 9:58 PM, WolfLoverPro said:

whenever i speak in public or on phone to like idk anything wether its support or whatever i always get bloddy nervous and then that causes me to

but you are fine texting to stangers lol

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15 minutes ago, dgsddfgdfhgs said:

but you are fine texting to stangers lol

To be fair to the OP, it's safe to assume he or she grew up with texting as the ligua franca, and hence developed those skills whiles neglecting verbal communication. I went to an engineering school for undergrad, and coupling the web's influence with an engineer's personality type just wrecked havoc on those student's abilities to communicate in longhand/formal typset or verbally. 

 

In addition, text allows one to visually see what is being communicated; to consider tone, to refine, or even edit after submitting! This allows a degree of separation from the anxiety brought on by spontaneous communication. Understanding how one gets to this point and the crutches they rely on only allows persons like the OP to go ahead and make a change.

 

 

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On 12/17/2018 at 6:58 AM, WolfLoverPro said:

speak

You have to get to the point where one just doesn't give a fuck!

 

There comes a point where, yes you must give a fuck about the things that are meaningful in life, children, current wives, current step children, salary, work, friends, money, sex, working out, new vehicle leases, boats, quads, motorcycles, dirt bikes. Everyone else, I say just dont give a fuck about them! Do not pay them no attention. Look over them. When it comes to interpesonal situations, dont be an idiot to your bar tender, or the taxi driver driving you home, do be an a-hole to taxi drivers who are being well taxi drivers, doing stupid shit. Be nice to your childrens teachers, and your childrens friends, be kind and courteous and gracious. Do help that granny out that seems to be having troubles, do give $20 to that native person who's shaking. That driver that cut you off or giving you the finger ignore them and smile at them. The door to door salesmen, just tell them no thank you. On the street walking to your office and the $15/hour Save the Children workers rocking all 4 corners of the intersection, look them in the eyes and laugh at them while you walk by. I believe sometimes you just gotta do it. This free's up your nerves, you wont be as introvert. You will be able to speak at ease with hot women, your teacher, your peers. Be able to make conversation with that hotty on the bus.

 

 

 

 


 

 

 

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For me I used to have an issue with even talking to cashiers. Once I got a job as a cashier, I understood how comfortable you can get behind the counter and you just do you job regardless of how the customer acts. Everything generally goes smoothly and there's nothing to worry about. I assume this is the same for anyone on the phone, they're just doing sitting there and getting paid to answer the phones so either. When I got a job in customer service, my people and talking skill dramatically improved, because you have no choice. My last words would be just to not take everything so seriously, that was my problem, even if something goes wrong, it's really not the end of the world. Especially if people are being paid to listen or be present, then they would have seen it all by this point.

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22 minutes ago, ZacoAttaco said:

just to not take everything so seriously

Exactly

 

aka Don't Give a Fuck Attitude! ?

 

People take life so serious, just have fun and mix things up!

 

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New experiences!

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i have a few really unhappy expierences about public speaking, after that, i just convice others that im not that kind of material and just avoid doing that. i have no problem speaking one to one tho, only minor stutter on non-native language.

 

my advice is thinking before speaking, gather your thoughts helps.

why everybody post the spec of their rig here? i dont! cuz its made of mashed potatoes!

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Personally, I imagine that the people I am talking to are naked. I don't know if it will work for others tho.

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Just my two cents: I get how you're feeling. Sometimes I also have that feeling of having to overcome some barrier first before talking to someone. You'll get used to it if you do it more often so that aspect of it is just getting used to it and "practice" by doing it more often.  I find that I tend to isolate myself when I have stressful times like when I have to do a lot of studying and I kind of develop this barrier again for that time. It's not really a problem for me and most people that know me would probably say I'm a pretty outgoing guy but I do notice this slight feeling every time. 

Everyone gets nervous in certain situations and those who don't just were in that situation more often. Although I had a teacher who was still so nervous after years of teaching that he would run out of breath in every lecture lol.

Take a deep breath and hold it for like 3 secs if you are starting to get aware of your nervousness. You can actually feel your heart rate drop slightly after exhaling. You can pretend you're thinking about something while doing that. I sometimes do it when giving presentations :)  I know it sounds stupid but it helps.

 

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