If you are married please help me

[DC]

Hi guys. I don't know what happened buy my parents started fighting. Not physically just talking. Now i kind of get why they are fighting because they are tired and exhausted from work and i think they kind of let anger out on each other. Do you guys have any idea how to kind of stop that?

[dalekphalm]

2 minutes ago, DC said:

Hi guys. I don't know what happened buy my parents started fighting. Not physically just talking. Now i kind of get why they are fighting because they are tired and exhausted from work and i think they kind of let anger out on each other. Do you guys have any idea how to kind of stop that?

First off: I'm sorry - I know what it feels like to be in such a situation. My parents are divorced.

 

Second: There's really nothing we can do to help you without knowing a WHOLE LOT MORE backstory and personal information then you should probably share online w/ strangers.

 

Third: Your parents need couples counseling. If they refuse to go see a therapist of some sort, then their marriage is likely doomed. They both need to be willing to seek help, and not be embarrassed about it.

 

That's about all I can really say for now.

[TheKDub]

Since we can't experience the fighting for ourselves, and don't know each of your parents, we can't really say why they're fighting or a way of stopping it.

 

Hope that they manage to work it out, I've got no clue what it's like in your situation, though I'm sure it must feel pretty bad

[DC]

5 minutes ago, dalekphalm said:

First off: I'm sorry - I know what it feels like to be in such a situation. My parents are divorced.

 

Second: There's really nothing we can do to help you without knowing a WHOLE LOT MORE backstory and personal information then you should probably share online w/ strangers.

 

Third: Your parents need couples counseling. If they refuse to go see a therapist of some sort, then their marriage is likely doomed. They both need to be willing to seek help, and not be embarrassed about it.

 

That's about all I can really say for now.

My parents fight and after few days they got along pretty well. Now, they are like fighting once every week. I told them keep out every negative feelings from work out of house but I don't know what is going on. I can talk to them separately and reason they are mad is because they couldn't control they're anger or frustration from work. I don't know what to do except i take them to dinner sometimes and make them feel better.

[dalekphalm]

7 minutes ago, DC said:

My parents fight and after few days they got along pretty well. Now, they are like fighting once every week. I told them keep out every negative feelings from work out of house but I don't know what is going on. I can talk to them separately and reason they are mad is because they couldn't control they're anger or frustration from work. I don't know what to do except i take them to dinner sometimes and make them feel better.

There's only one proper solution and I've already told you it:

 

They need couples counseling. It doesn't matter why they are fighting. The therapist will work through those details. I'm serious - they need it, and should get it sooner or later.

 

If you want to try and help, then talk to them, individually, and convince them to go see a couples counselor together, who can help them with their "anger or frustration from work".

 

Alternatively, they could both independently go see a therapist about their anger and frustration from work. But a couples therapist would be better, since it's affecting the relationship.

[DC]

7 minutes ago, dalekphalm said:

There's only one proper solution and I've already told you it:

 

They need couples counseling. It doesn't matter why they are fighting. The therapist will work through those details. I'm serious - they need it, and should get it sooner or later.

 

If you want to try and help, then talk to them, individually, and convince them to go see a couples counselor together, who can help them with their "anger or frustration from work".

 

Alternatively, they could both independently go see a therapist about their anger and frustration from work. But a couples therapist would be better, since it's affecting the relationship.

I will try to send them for counseling together or at least individually 

[Mug]

Well, I'm not married personally but many of my childhood friends are and I know my fair share about relationships.

My advice would be to not interfere with the drama, they're your parents so they won't want to involve you too much if the going gets tough. It's not for any of us to comment saying they need this or they need that because we really don't know the full story and I assume neither do you. If you see them before an argument is about to happen or when you sense tension is in the air after work (work is stressful), offer them to make them a tea or coffee or something like that. Random gestures of goodwill always elevate the mood. Don't interrupt if they're arguing though.

[MaxBunny]

55 minutes ago, DC said:

Hi guys. I don't know what happened buy my parents started fighting. Not physically just talking. Now i kind of get why they are fighting because they are tired and exhausted from work and i think they kind of let anger out on each other. Do you guys have any idea how to kind of stop that?

Your parents are fighting because of you. It's all your fault. They go home after a hard day of work just to get lectured by their kid about what they should or shouldn't be doing. Then they try to relax but the food is horrible and their kid is still in their faces about all of his problems like they need to focus on him. Why? He's not doing anything to help. He doesn't clean, doesn't cook, always wants money, always wants attention...what about them? What about their needs?

 

^I'm just BSing you. But yeah, try to be more useful in life. Learn how to cook. Take up massage therapy. Cause you can either use those skills to keep them together or use them for a job when you're on your own.  

[DC]

2 hours ago, MaxBunny said:

Your parents are fighting because of you. It's all your fault. They go home after a hard day of work just to get lectured by their kid about what they should or shouldn't be doing. Then they try to relax but the food is horrible and their kid is still in their faces about all of his problems like they need to focus on him. Why? He's not doing anything to help. He doesn't clean, doesn't cook, always wants money, always wants attention...what about them? What about their needs?

 

^I'm just BSing you. But yeah, try to be more useful in life. Learn how to cook. Take up massage therapy. Cause you can either use those skills to keep them together or use them for a job when you're on your own.  

First thing i do when i get home is clean the house and do dishes. I do cook before my parents come home so they can eat right away. I even work to get my own money and always do good in school. But its hard to make my parents feel better...

[MaxBunny]

9 minutes ago, DC said:

First thing i do when i get home is clean the house and do dishes. I do cook before my parents come home so they can eat right away. I even work to get my own money and always do good in school. But its hard to make my parents feel better...

More important is you feeling better. Don't let negative people bring you down, even if those negative people are your own family. Especially if they're your own family. We can't fix every problem in the world. Sometimes you just gotta say "F it all" and move on. Aliens and ancient deities did so. We can learn from their example.

[killcomic]

You put two people living together and they'll fight. That's how relationships work.

When people get tired, they feel as if they are doing all the work while everyone else is slacking off. That's just the way it is.

Perhaps you can help around the house with chores.

[dalekphalm]

5 minutes ago, killcomic said:

You put two people living together and they'll fight. That's how relationships work.

When people get tired, they feel as if they are doing all the work while everyone else is slacking off. That's just the way it is.

Perhaps you can help around the house with chores.

If you read the thread, you'd know he already does quite a bit of chores, and makes dinner for his parents. That's above and beyond most kids.

 

Also I dispute your first statement. SOME people just fight. Others don't. Some conflict is certainly normal and healthy, but frequent fighting is not just "how relationships work".

 

I don't think I've ever had a real fight with my fiancee. We talk things out and are very open with communication, so we tend to resolve issues before they turn into a fight. We've been angry or upset with each other before, but again, we communicate what is causing us to be upset, and we talk it out.

 

Not everyone is like that, certainly, but fighting is not inevitable for all people - only for some.

[killcomic]

53 minutes ago, dalekphalm said:

If you read the thread, you'd know he already does quite a bit of chores, and makes dinner for his parents. That's above and beyond most kids.

 

Also I dispute your first statement. SOME people just fight. Others don't. Some conflict is certainly normal and healthy, but frequent fighting is not just "how relationships work".

 

I don't think I've ever had a real fight with my fiancee. We talk things out and are very open with communication, so we tend to resolve issues before they turn into a fight. We've been angry or upset with each other before, but again, we communicate what is causing us to be upset, and we talk it out.

 

Not everyone is like that, certainly, but fighting is not inevitable for all people - only for some.

Well, I don't know how long you've been with your fiancée, but if you spend long enough living with someone (like 10 years or more) and care enough about them and what they think, chances are you'll end up in a real big fight at some point.

 

[Donut417]

5 hours ago, DC said:

Hi guys. I don't know what happened buy my parents started fighting. Not physically just talking. Now i kind of get why they are fighting because they are tired and exhausted from work and i think they kind of let anger out on each other. Do you guys have any idea how to kind of stop that?

I understand kinda what your going thru. My sister is in the middle of a very nasty divorce. The only good part about it is my going to be Ex Brother in Law keeps getting punched in the face by karma. He totaled his car with his new girl friend riding in it (She married by the way), and still owes $900 on it. He fell of the roof of his house and cracked his head open. But I see how its affecting my niece and Nephew. I know my sister can take care of her self, but my niece and nephew are becoming emotionally scared. You know its bad when my niece called her dad an Ass hole, shes 4 by the way.  

 

All I can say for you to do is maybe sit down and talk to your parents. If that doesn't work, then there really isn't much you can do. However if you talk with them it might make them do some kinda of consoling. 

[dalekphalm]

8 hours ago, killcomic said:

Well, I don't know how long you've been with your fiancée, but if you spend long enough living with someone (like 10 years or more) and care enough about them and what they think, chances are you'll end up in a real big fight at some point.

 

I disagree fundamentally. With SOME people, you're 100% correct. But this is not some blanket universal truth. If we care about each other enough, in my case, we'll talk about and communicate with each other for any issues that may lead to those kinds of huge fights - as we've done in the past.

 

Not everyone is like us though - so I understand that many people think this is "totally normal" and that "everyone" does it.

[mrchow19910319]

15 hours ago, MaxBunny said:

Your parents are fighting because of you. It's all your fault. They go home after a hard day of work just to get lectured by their kid about what they should or shouldn't be doing. Then they try to relax but the food is horrible and their kid is still in their faces about all of his problems like they need to focus on him. Why? He's not doing anything to help. He doesn't clean, doesn't cook, always wants money, always wants attention...what about them? What about their needs?

 

^I'm just BSing you. But yeah, try to be more useful in life. Learn how to cook. Take up massage therapy. Cause you can either use those skills to keep them together or use them for a job when you're on your own.  

Your respond is not funny. No one is laughing here. I know you said it was joking only, but don't ever give OP the wrong impression. 

It is not a joke. It is someone else's life. 

[mrchow19910319]

The best solution for you and your parents is: You notify your school's counselor. 

You talk to your school therapist, tell him what happened, and how it affects you. 

I was in the same position as you before. The thing is your parents are so angry that they do not even realise that what they are doing is having a huge impact on you. It makes you worry. And that kind of feeling is not gonna do you good, in long term. 

 

Contact your school counselor asap, they will notify your parents, or suggesting them to see somebody. 

 

[MaxBunny]

2 hours ago, mrchow19910319 said:

Your respond is not funny. No one is laughing here.

I make my posts to amuse myself. If they amuse anyone else that's just a bonus.

[dalekphalm]

2 hours ago, mrchow19910319 said:

Your respond is not funny. No one is laughing here. I know you said it was joking only, but don't ever give OP the wrong impression. 

It is not a joke. It is someone else's life. 

If his post offends you, or you think it's inappropriate, please just Report his post to the Mods and let them deal with it. They can decide whether it's appropriate or offensive.

1 minute ago, MaxBunny said:

I make my posts to amuse myself. If they amuse anyone else that's just a bonus.

With that in mind, try and keep it on topic - this is most likely a sensitive topic for the OP, and it's obviously sensitive to mrchow too. We of course need some thick skin on the internet, but there's no reason to push your luck.

[maulemall]

What do you want to happen??

[NavyCuda]

It is inappropriate for you to involve yourself in anyone else's relationship, even your parents.

 

Disregard almost all of the advice in this thread.  Counsoling is a joke, speaking from experience.

 

The only thing that is appropriate for you to do is inform your parents their actions make you uncomfortable, after that, leave it alone.

[dalekphalm]

37 minutes ago, NavyCuda said:

It is inappropriate for you to involve yourself in anyone else's relationship, even your parents.

 

Disregard almost all of the advice in this thread.  Counsoling is a joke, speaking from experience.

 

The only thing that is appropriate for you to do is inform your parents their actions make you uncomfortable, after that, leave it alone.

Obviously I cannot speak for you or how your situation went, but counselling is not a joke - at least, not in general. Millions of people get legitimate help with counselling. Perhaps you had a bad counsellor, or perhaps your particular personality doesn't mesh well with the whole "sharing with a stranger to help myself" kind of thing - I don't know. But I wouldn't just write it off simply because it didn't work for you.

 

Though I do agree with your general point - if his parents want help, they'll get it. If they don't, then they won't.