Is your son a computer hacker?

[Warren Pnigel]

Great article I thought I'd share with you guys, figuring you may have children that are hacking.http://www.adequacy.org/stories/2001.12.2.42056.2147.html

 

Really it's hilarious. I copied and pasted the third reason:

 

"3. Has your child asked for new hardware?

Computer hackers are often limited by conventional computer hardware. They may request "faster" video cards, and larger hard drives, or even more memory. If your son starts requesting these devices, it is possible that he has a legitimate need. You can best ensure that you are buying legal, trustworthy hardware by only buying replacement parts from your computer's manufacturer.

If your son has requested a new "processor" from a company called "AMD", this is genuine cause for alarm. AMD is a third-world based company who make inferior, "knock-off" copies of American processor chips. They use child labor extensively in their third world sweatshops, and they deliberately disable the security features that American processor makers, such as Intel, use to prevent hacking. AMDchips are never sold in stores, and you will most likely be told that you have to order them from internet sites. Do not buy this chip! This is one request that you must refuse your son, if you are to have any hope of raising him well."

[HeyKitty]

Made my day. Thank you OP!

[flibberdipper]

Yeah, we've seen this before.

[Silyy097]

" AMD chips are never sold in stores, and you will most likely be told that you have to order them from internet sites."

Wow. Just. Wow.

[Volbet]

While it is funny, I just want people to know, that Adequacy. org is a satirical website. Unfortunatly it had to shut down in 2002, and what you linked is their archieve.

[Warren Pnigel]

I know some of you would have read this, but I re found it and thought it was worth giving you an insight into the 12 year old hacker underworld.

[ImBleu]

I knew that AMD FX CPU was sketchy.

[Warren Pnigel]

While it is funny, I just want people to know, that Adequacy. org is a satirical website. Unfortunatly it had to shut down in 2002, and what you linked is their archieve.

Awww

[Sousuke]

I love reading random crap like this. 

[Rhys1523]

Oh my, what a find. I can't believe this garbage.

 

'If your son has undergone a sudden change in his style of dress, you may have a hacker on your hands.'

 

Thank you!

[Sauron]

Yeah, I'd seen it before on the "experiences with non-techies" thread ^^ hilarious

[SkimmyMcG]

Good thing I switched to Intel before a 12 year old got a hold of my computer and hecked the world!

[Pony080905]

Why can't daughters be computer hackers

[ShadowCaptain]

Why can't daughters be computer hackers

 

because as we all know, there are no women on the internet

[Trik'Stari]

"buy from your computers manufacturer to ensure trustworthyness and legality! and definitely not so that they can overcharge ytou"

 

That article....wow. just stupid. It's a goddamned shame there aren't comments on that website, whoever wrote it would be getting torn a new one.

[.spider.]

If your parents don't understand satire your life could be tough

[Stigs]

This is hilarious! You sir, have just made my day!

[Delusional Phil]

because as we all know, there are no women on the internet

But a women becomes a hacker ... Good luck ... 

[Hero7750]

U w0t m8...

[Nexxus]

"buy from your computers manufacturer to ensure trustworthyness and legality! and definitely not so that they can overcharge ytou"

 

That article....wow. just stupid. It's a goddamned shame there aren't comments on that website, whoever wrote it would be getting torn a new one.

Satire, do you knows it? Seriously it takes 5 seconds of googling to find out its a satire site.

Its like "The Onion" articles on facebook all over again.

[26astr00]

It was credible until:

BSD, Lunix, Debian and Mandrake are all versions of an illegal hacker operation system, invented by a Soviet computer hacker named Linyos Torovoltos, before the Russians lost the Cold War.

 

 

Anyway, this made my day

[79 Potatoes]

Yes, of course they're hackers!

[Nowak]

That article....wow. just stupid. It's a goddamned shame there aren't comments on that website, whoever wrote it would be getting torn a new one.

There were, but not anymore. Site's been archived.

[Uwillparish]

AMD is a third-world based company who make inferior, "knock-off" copies of American processor chips.

Advanced Micro Devices, Inc. (AMD) is an American worldwide semiconductor company based in Sunnyvale,

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Advanced_Micro_Devices

 

 

AMDchips are never sold in stores, 

http://www.frys.com/search?search_type=regular&sqxts=1&cat=&query_string=amd

http://www.microcenter.com/search/search_results.aspx?N=4294965455&ekw=amd&rd=1

 

i swear people like these make me ashamed to be christian 

 

EDIT: heres more

"Popular hacker software includes "Comet Cursor", "Bonzi Buddy" and "Flash".

Shoot me, now

 

"If your son spends more than thirty minutes each day on the computer, he may be using it to DOS other peoples sites"

*starts beating desk with head"

 

"Quake is an online virtual reality used by hackers"

REALLY, PLEASE TELL ME THIS IS A JOKE

 

Now to paste the last, because theres too much bullshit to respond to

 

7. Is your son becoming argumentative and surly in his social behaviour?

As a child enters the electronic world of hacking, he may become disaffected with the real world. He may lose the ability to control his actions, or judge the rightness or wrongness of a course of behaviour. This will manifest itself soonest in the way he treats others. Those whom he disagrees with will be met with scorn, bitterness, and even foul language. He may utter threats of violence of a real or electronic nature.

Even when confronted, your son will probably find it difficult to talk about this problem to you. He will probably claim that there is no problem, and that you are imagining things. He may tell you that it is you who has the problem, and you should "back off" and "stop smothering him." Do not allow yourself to be deceived. You are the only chance your son has, even if he doesn't understand the situation he is in. Keep trying to get through to him, no matter how much he retreats into himself.

8. Is your son obsessed with "Lunix"?

BSD, Lunix, Debian and Mandrake are all versions of an illegal hacker operation system, invented by a Soviet computer hacker named Linyos Torovoltos, before the Russians lost the Cold War. It is based on a program called " xenix", which was written by Microsoft for the US government. These programs are used by hackers to break into other people's computer systems to steal credit card numbers. They may also be used to break into people's stereos to steal their music, using the "mp3" program. Torovoltos is a notorious hacker, responsible for writing many hacker programs, such as "telnet", which is used by hackers to connect to machines on the internet without using a telephone.

Your son may try to install " lunix" on your hard drive. If he is careful, you may not notice its presence, however, lunix is a capricious beast, and if handled incorrectly, your son may damage your computer, and even break it completely by deleting Windows, at which point you will have to have your computer repaired by a professional.

If you see the word "LILO" during your windows startup (just after you turn the machine on), your son has installed lunix. In order to get rid of it, you will have to send your computer back to the manufacturer, and have them fit a new hard drive. Lunix is extremely dangerous software, and cannot be removed without destroying part of your hard disk surface.

9. Has your son radically changed his appearance?

If your son has undergone a sudden change in his style of dress, you may have a hacker on your hands. Hackers tend to dress in bright, day-glo colors. They may wear baggy pants, bright colored shirts and spiky hair dyed in bright colors to match their clothes. They may take to carrying "glow-sticks" and some wear pacifiers around their necks. (I have no idea why they do this) There are many such hackers in schools today, and your son may have started to associate with them. If you notice that your son's group of friends includes people dressed like this, it is time to think about a severe curfew, to protect him from dangerous influences.

10. Is your son struggling academically?

If your son is failing courses in school, or performing poorly on sports teams, he may be involved in a hacking group, such as the infamous " Otaku" hacker association. Excessive time spent on the computer, communicating with his fellow hackers may cause temporary damage to the eyes and brain, from the electromagnetic radiation. This will cause his marks to slip dramatically, particularly in difficult subjects such as Math, and Chemistry. In extreme cases, over-exposure to computer radiation can cause schizophrenia, meningitis and other psychological diseases. Also, the reduction in exercise may cause him to lose muscle mass, and even to start gaining weight. For the sake of your child's mental and physical health, you must put a stop to his hacking, and limit his computer time drastically.

I encourage all parents to read through this guide carefully. Your child's future may depend upon it. Hacking is an illegal and dangerous activity, that may land your child in prison, and tear your family apart. It cannot be taken too seriously. 

[Tedster]

Made my day.

As the son, I'm not a hacker and I buy my own components with my own money.