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Do we have a 'dad jokes' thread?

Bitter
By Bitter
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Posted

Why will prisons never switch to using Linux?

It never locks up.

 

I'll add more as I remember them. Everyone else, don't let me down! I'm sure some of the LMG staff have some good ones too.

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Posted

I don't recall having a dad jokes thread. I just keep my jokes in the Dadabase anyways

Insanity is not the absence of sanity, but the willingness to ignore it for a purpose. Chaos is the result of this choice. I relish in both.

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Posted

Why do astronauts use Linux?

Because you can't open windows in space.

 

You're welcome.

On 4/5/2024 at 10:13 PM, LAwLz said:

I am getting pretty fucking sick and tired of the "watch something else" responses. It's such a cop out answer because you could say that about basically anything, and it doesn't address the actual complaints. People use it as some kind of card they pull when they can't actually respond to the criticism raised but they still feel like they need to defend some company/person. If you don't like this thread then stop reading it. See how stupid it is? It's basically like telling someone "shut the fuck up". It's not a clever responsive, it doesn't address anything said, and it is rude. 

 ^

 

bruh switch to dark mode its at the bottom of this page

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Why did Microsoft Powerpoint cross the road?
To get to the other slide.
Why did the computer show up to work late?
Because it had a hard drive.
What do you call a fake noodle?
An impasta.
What do you call Postman Pat on the holidays?
Pat.

Here before this thread blows up by the way!
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Posted

What did a pirate say when he turned eighty?

 

"Aye-matey!"

(I'm eighty)

If my post helped you please hit the "Solved" button below ✅

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What wedding gift should I buy for a Windows Administrator?

 

I don't know, you should check the Registry.

If my post helped you please hit the "Solved" button below ✅

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Posted

Why do fish always sing off key?

Because you can never tuna fish.

 

Who took the frog's car?

It was Toad.

 

What's a top you can't wear?

A laptop.

Am I still to create the perfect system?! ~ Clu

Keep your expectations low, boy, and you will never be disappointed. ~ Kratos

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Posted

What is the worst nation?

Examination.

On 4/5/2024 at 10:13 PM, LAwLz said:

I am getting pretty fucking sick and tired of the "watch something else" responses. It's such a cop out answer because you could say that about basically anything, and it doesn't address the actual complaints. People use it as some kind of card they pull when they can't actually respond to the criticism raised but they still feel like they need to defend some company/person. If you don't like this thread then stop reading it. See how stupid it is? It's basically like telling someone "shut the fuck up". It's not a clever responsive, it doesn't address anything said, and it is rude. 

 ^

 

bruh switch to dark mode its at the bottom of this page

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40 minutes ago, RockSolid1106 said:

What is the worst nation?

Examination.

or Elimination. D: lol!

Am I still to create the perfect system?! ~ Clu

Keep your expectations low, boy, and you will never be disappointed. ~ Kratos

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Posted
1 minute ago, Unforgiving said:

Guess who I saw today!

 

 

everyone I looked at 

 

 

image.thumb.png.2eb3ceb92b84adacc0fa3ac2dd9fba28.png

On 4/5/2024 at 10:13 PM, LAwLz said:

I am getting pretty fucking sick and tired of the "watch something else" responses. It's such a cop out answer because you could say that about basically anything, and it doesn't address the actual complaints. People use it as some kind of card they pull when they can't actually respond to the criticism raised but they still feel like they need to defend some company/person. If you don't like this thread then stop reading it. See how stupid it is? It's basically like telling someone "shut the fuck up". It's not a clever responsive, it doesn't address anything said, and it is rude. 

 ^

 

bruh switch to dark mode its at the bottom of this page

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This is like milk without the m.

 

all you got is ilk 

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Today, my son asked, “Can I have a bookmark?” I burst into tears—11 years old and he still doesn’t know my name is Brian

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  • 3 weeks later...
Posted

Why did you press the back of the reporter?

I don't know, he had "PRESS" written there so I did just that.

On 4/5/2024 at 10:13 PM, LAwLz said:

I am getting pretty fucking sick and tired of the "watch something else" responses. It's such a cop out answer because you could say that about basically anything, and it doesn't address the actual complaints. People use it as some kind of card they pull when they can't actually respond to the criticism raised but they still feel like they need to defend some company/person. If you don't like this thread then stop reading it. See how stupid it is? It's basically like telling someone "shut the fuck up". It's not a clever responsive, it doesn't address anything said, and it is rude. 

 ^

 

bruh switch to dark mode its at the bottom of this page

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I have 2 unwritten rules..

Spoiler

1. 

2. 

 

I heard the guy that invented anagram passed away..

Spoiler

May he erect in penis. 

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Posted

We used to have a dad joke thread, but one of the dads pulled it and the whole thing unraveled.

 

 

 

Also,  when I was cooking dinner last night my son asked what I was serving,  I said if the health inspector finds out it'll be at least 5 years.

Grammar and spelling is not indicative of intelligence/knowledge.  Not having the same opinion does not always mean lack of understanding.  

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If you missed it:

Quote

It's why our dollars have kangaroos on them mate, cuz they hop right out of your pocket.

 

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Posted

A week or so ago I was driving down the street and a rabbit ran out in front of me, I had to lock up the brakes and was left wondering if it was a suicidal bunny or his friend that was chasing him was homicidal. In the end it was very Indian

 

In tent's.

 

One my friend told me:

 

Apparently you can't run through campgrounds.

You have to ran, because it's past tents.

 

Another:

What generation does Forrest Gump come from?

Gen A

Open-Back - Sennheiser 6xx - Focal Elex - Phillips Fidelio X3 - Harmonicdyne Zeus -  Beyerdynamic DT1990 - *HiFi-man HE400i (2017) - *Phillips shp9500 - *SoundMAGIC HP200

Semi-Open - Beyerdynamic DT880-600 - Fostex T50RP - *AKG K240 studio

Closed-Back - Rode NTH-100 - Meze 99 Neo - AKG K361-BT - Blue Microphones Lola - *Beyerdynamic DT770-80 - *Meze 99 Noir - *Blon BL-B60 - *Hifiman R7dx

On-Ear - Koss KPH30iCL Grado - Koss KPH30iCL Yaxi - Koss KPH40 Yaxi

IEM - Tin HiFi T2 - MoonDrop Quarks - Tangzu Wan'er S.G - Moondrop Chu - QKZ x HBB - 7HZ Salnotes Zero

Headset Turtle Beach Stealth 700 V2 + xbox adapter - *Sennheiser Game One - *Razer Kraken Pro V2

DAC S.M.S.L SU-9

Class-D dac/amp Topping DX7 - Schiit Fulla E - Fosi Q4 - *Sybasonic SD-DAC63116

Class-D amp Topping A70

Class-A amp Emotiva A-100 - Xduoo MT-602 (hybrid tube)

Pure Tube amp Darkvoice 336SE - Little dot MKII - Nobsound Little Bear P7

Audio Interface Rode AI-1

Portable Amp Xduoo XP2-pro - *Truthear SHIO - *Fiio BTR3K BTR3Kpro 

Mic Rode NT1 - *Antlion Mod Mic - *Neego Boom Mic - *Vmoda Boom Mic

Pads ZMF - Dekoni - Brainwavz - Shure - Yaxi - Grado - Wicked Cushions

Cables Hart Audio Cables - Periapt Audio Cables

Speakers Kef Q950 - Micca RB42 - Jamo S803 - Crown XLi1500 (power amp class A)

 

*given as gift or out of commission

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Posted

I have a friend who tells a lot of racist jokes. And no, I'm not gonna post them, they really are racist.

If my post helped you please hit the "Solved" button below ✅

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