WTH funny: me trolling stupid phone scammer

[LukeS]

An Indian guy called about a "compooter failure due to an email hack"... Here's how it went down:

 

*after like a 4 minute explaination about how an "email hack" works (he tried to be all scary)

Him: Sir, are you by your computer?
Me: Uhhh yea...
Him: Ok, I need you to concentrate on your keyboard...
Me: Uhhh yea...
Him: can you do that?
Me: ...
...
...
...
Him: OK (sounds exahsperated) so can you find the "C-T-R-L" button? Control button on the left side of your keyboard?
Me: Uhhh yea...
Him: Ok, what is the key next to it?
Me: Oh! oh my keyboard?
Him: Yes. On the far left of your keyboard.
Me: Oh, ok. I'm by my keyboard
Him: Ok, so have you found the "C-T-R-L" button on the FAR LEFT SIDE?
Me: Uhhh yea...
Him: Ok, can you tell me what key is next to it?
Me: Uhhh yea the "seeeee-teeeee-elllll-rrrrr button, right?
Him: yes, the ctrl button, control button.
Me: OH, yea, I think I've found it
Him: ok, can you tell me what key is next to it?
Me: uhhh an arrow key?
Him: What? No, no, sir on the LEFT side.
Me: uhhhhh... ... ...
Him: (after like 1 minute pause of me muttering about dang computer-ma-gadgets). Sir can you tell me what type of computer you have? Do you ahve a laptop or desktop?
Me: WhutTtttttt?
Him: Do you ahve a laptop or desktop?
Me: What is the difference?
Him: *aggrivated* never mind. Have you found the LEFT ctrl, control, button yet?
Me: YES Now I have!
Him: Ok, what is the key next to it?
Me: uhhh arrow key?
Him: no, no the RIGHT side.
Me: oh. right, sorry. Ummm an alt button?
Him: Yes, yes! Now what key is next to that?
(Let me pause right here: what they're trying to get done is to have you press windows+s button to go into admin mode and go to google to download a client to control your computer)
Me: Oh ummmm the "Peeeeee-Teeee-" wait, "Peeee-Arrrrr-Teee(sir please...)eeee... ...ESSssssssssssssssssss-Seeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee-Teeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee" button. (PrtScr)
Him: No, no there SHOULD BE A WINDOWS KEY WITH FOUR SQUARES.
Me: OH OH I've found it! It says "Num Lock", right?
Him: no .... 0.0
*At this point my mom comes in and signals that I should end the call* (I was going to try to launch a virtual box and throw a trojan on his PC like in the videos... oh well)*

ME: Sorry sir, but you don't know who you're talking to. I have about 5 teammembers which COULD go on non-stop to find your servers and shut your buisness of scamming people out. In fact, I know a whitehat HACKER which just did that the other. You call and I'll get it done. You even THINK about screwing around with ANYONE by my name (he didn't know my name, but I'm sure it scared him) and I can get you arrested if you're in the USA. If you're not, I can just permanently DDOS your servers until you quit your stupid game.

Him: No, no, the CTRL KEY... Wait sir- I'm with the MICROSOFT
*Shuts off phone*

best way to scare and annoy them. They rarely call back... This guy I'm 90% sure was either british or texan using an indian accent... Just from his exasperated voice... Anyways as a general rule: NEVER give out information about your computer no matter HOW liable it seems. Have them come to your house using a trustable website/company; OR just call the computer's company/go into the stores.

[FatPenguin]

is it bad I read the "him" parts in an indian accent. 

 

here is one of my fav prank call channels. 

https://www.youtube.com/user/OwnagePranks

[LukeS]

is it bad I read the "him" parts in an indian accent. 

Heck no. I feel like we all get these calls... I could block it, but I love talking to these guys... Gives me a break from my school

[ToniBamboni]

funny but...

 

jeez that title gave me cancer

[ThinkWithPortals]

These guys are dicks, and I love hearing stuff like this

[Guest Generallee]

Him: No, no, the CTRL KEY... Wait sir- I'm with the MICROSOFT

*Shuts off phone*

 

Pure gold right there

 

[Bananasplit_00]

or you just hang up like a normal person

[Ghostay]

Snipped so I don't kill someone's phone.

You should watch this, funniest thing I have ever seen:

https://www.ted.com/talks/james_veitch_this_is_what_happens_when_you_reply_to_spam_email?language=en

[pagani123]

i still like what i saw a guy online do. when he picked up the phone (after these guys called him once a day for like a month) he does the taken speech. i dont know who you are i dont know where you live but i have a specific set of skills that makes me a nightmare for people like you to deal with if you dont stop calling this number i will hunt you down find you and kill you. the indian guy hangs up the phone immediately (ill try to find the video)

[LukeS]

These guys are dicks, and I love hearing stuff like this

 

 

Pure gold right there

 

 

glad y'alls enjoy this. I've always wanted to record one of these calls just to show how stupid they sound, but sadly my mic was too far away when I was talking to him... ;(

[Ghostay]

i still like what i saw a guy online do. when he picked up the phone (after these guys called him once a day for like a month) he does the taken speech. i dont know who you are i dont know where you live but i have a specific set of skills that makes me a nightmare for people like you to deal with if you dont stop calling this number i will hunt you down find you and kill you. the indian guy hangs up the phone immediately (ill try to find the video)

He should have done the Navy seals copy and paste thing.

 

Don't open this at work:

What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I’m the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking dead, kiddo.

[Senzelian]

Man, there are weird people in the US...
That never happened to me.

[LukeS]

i still like what i saw a guy online do. when he picked up the phone (after these guys called him once a day for like a month) he does the taken speech. i dont know who you are i dont know where you live but i have a specific set of skills that makes me a nightmare for people like you to deal with if you dont stop calling this number i will hunt you down find you and kill you. the indian guy hangs up the phone immediately (ill try to find the video)

I've seen millions of videos like this. Some are fake, some are real. I even saw one of a guy who actually hacked the other guy's computer. I wouldn't ever hack him, but it's still really good to see people scaring these fakers.

[Rohith_Kumar_Sp]

is this fabricated or any source of that really happening ? 

also, i can't really defend India here as i myself have heard many incidents of it. but that shouldn't generalize Indians as scammers either. they're just told to do that by the people who hired them in US because they can't lead it back to the people over at USA. 

[LukeS]

is this fabricated or any source of that really happening ? 

this just happened to me like 10-20 minutes ago.

[Rohith_Kumar_Sp]

this just happened to me like 10-20 minutes ago.

citing yourself as the source of it doesn't help your claim. unless you have a recording of it or a screen cap of the chat. 

seems like you copy pasted it off somewhere. 

[Ghostay]

citing yourself as the source of it doesn't help your claim. 

You are asking for proof that he had a conversation with a scammer?

 

Did you have a McDonalds yesterday, can you prove you did?

[Rohith_Kumar_Sp]

You are asking for proof that he had a conversation with a scammer?

 

Did you have a McDonalds yesterday, can you prove you did?

you wouldn't post that you had a Mcdonold today on a forum either. 

[Ghostay]

you wouldn't post that you had a Mcdonold today on a forum either. 

Nor would you ask for proof from a guy that literally just told us a story, doesn't even need to be true, about a scammer he scammed.

[LukeS]

Nor would you ask for proof from a guy that literally just told us a story, doesn't even need to be true, about a scammer he scammed.

tsk tsk tsk it happened, but if this chap (who is obviously the scammer in person) finds offence to me 1) steriotyping indian accented scammers 2) doesn't know what my humor is and doesn't appreciate me when I take the time to type all that and 3) Hates McDonalds, tries to discredit me, it's like Linus thinking he can win the MMA finals.

[Unhelpful]

ME: Sorry sir, but you don't know who you're talking to. I have about 5 teammembers which COULD go on non-stop to find your servers and shut your buisness of scamming people out. In fact, I know a whitehat HACKER which just did that the other. You call and I'll get it done. You even THINK about screwing around with ANYONE by my name (he didn't know my name, but I'm sure it scared him) and I can get you arrested if you're in the USA. If you're not, I can just permanently DDOS your servers until you quit your stupid game.

Him: No, no, the CTRL KEY... Wait sir- I'm with the MICROSOFT

*Shuts off phone*

best way to scare and annoy them. They rarely call back... This guy I'm 90% sure was either british or texan using an indian accent... Just from his exasperated voice... Anyways as a general rule: NEVER give out information about your computer no matter HOW liable it seems. Have them come to your house using a trustable website/company; OR just call the computer's company/go into the stores.

That's where you became the loser here. You basically did:

 

"What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I’m the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across theUSA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking dead, kiddo."

[LukeS]

Ok, let's assume you got as far as I did, what would you have said? I could have continued talking to him, but I didn't have my virtual box ready... and I wasn't using my main computer.

[Overkilled]

If he is british give me his number