How do middle-aged gamers make NEW casual gaming friends?

[Actual_Criminal]

I am unfortunately reaching my 30's soon. I don't game as much as I used to, mainly because I am working 50/60 hours per week and probably only spend 4 hours or so per week gaming.

 

I think a big part of this is because I no longer have 'The Squad' from college days, to log on and have a 12-hour COD session or something similar. All my previous gaming friends have either drifted off gaming and play occasionally or have other commitments. 

 

I understand the concept of 'communities', for example playing in a game with a fanbase like Overwatch, LOL etc and then potentially building relationships in-game during solo sessions. Realistically though, if you have ever played those types of games, you will know that a lot of solo-peeps prefer to remain silent. Unless you play competitive (which I do sometimes), but then it becomes try-hard competitive mode... I am just looking for casual peeps to maybe have chats in Discords about random shizz, or try the latest game co-op game together etc. - You are very lucky if you have friends like this and you should cherish them whilst you can. I actually miss the days of when that annoying friend would send you an invite as soon as you came online #sadge. 

 

Let me add that I do not want this to be a sympathy/loser post. I am genuinely just looking for advice with how to get some new pals without coming across as too cringe (lol). Yes, I am introverted but not necessarily shy. I am quite lonely recently and would be good if I could just have some peeps to chat to/banter/rant or whatever. Anyway, any tips people can provide will be great. (Please be truly honest / critical.)

[ApolloX75]

I'm in my mid-30s now, and most of my friends are as well. We all grew up having LAN parties every month or two in my basement all through high school and into our early 20s, but life tends to interfere. Some of them still play online occasionally but usually not together. It's very difficult to find like minded people to play with these days especially if your "competitive edge" has ground down quite a bit like mine. 

 

I used to play competitive shooters like crazy well into my 20s, but now? I have next to no interest. I tried getting into BF 1 and 5 and COD WW2 but couldn't do it. I'm much more into roaming around Division 1 or 2 or stomping in MW5 these days to get my shooter fix. I've never gotten the drive or interest to play Warzone or PUBG or whatever is the fad now.

 

Shoot me, I'm old now, get off my lawn. 

 

I've got a couple discord servers that I link up with every now and then, as well as my Steam friends list that I keep in touch with, but I definitely find it hard to find anyone I actually really know to game with these days other than my wife. I mean I play Warframe and Minecraft with my daughters now that they're a little older too, but that's about it lol.

 

Wish I had some actual, tangible advice to give on how to link up with people, but honestly I'm probably in the same boat as you are.

[weeblesEru]

just be social...add people who do well in games, and talk to everyone

[MightyUnit]

Quote

Let me add that I do not want this to be a sympathy/loser post. I am genuinely just looking for advice with how to get some new pals without coming across as too cringe (lol). Yes, I am introverted but not necessarily shy. I am quite lonely recently and would be good if I could just have some peeps to chat to/banter/rant or whatever. Anyway, any tips people can provide will be great. (Please be truly honest / critical.)

 

Yes, sign me up, hahaha. 

 

Seriously, I have no idea. Past high school "making friends" is not a thing... at least no like it was IMO. 

[PurplDrank]

On 2/5/2022 at 12:01 AM, Actual_Criminal said:

I am unfortunately reaching my 30's soon. I don't game as much as I used to, mainly because I am working 50/60 hours per week and probably only spend 4 hours or so per week gaming.

 

I think a big part of this is because I no longer have 'The Squad' from college days, to log on and have a 12-hour COD session or something similar. All my previous gaming friends have either drifted off gaming and play occasionally or have other commitments. 

 

I understand the concept of 'communities', for example playing in a game with a fanbase like Overwatch, LOL etc and then potentially building relationships in-game during solo sessions. Realistically though, if you have ever played those types of games, you will know that a lot of solo-peeps prefer to remain silent. Unless you play competitive (which I do sometimes), but then it becomes try-hard competitive mode... I am just looking for casual peeps to maybe have chats in Discords about random shizz, or try the latest game co-op game together etc. - You are very lucky if you have friends like this and you should cherish them whilst you can. I actually miss the days of when that annoying friend would send you an invite as soon as you came online #sadge. 

 

Let me add that I do not want this to be a sympathy/loser post. I am genuinely just looking for advice with how to get some new pals without coming across as too cringe (lol). Yes, I am introverted but not necessarily shy. I am quite lonely recently and would be good if I could just have some peeps to chat to/banter/rant or whatever. Anyway, any tips people can provide will be great. (Please be truly honest / critical.)

 

On 2/5/2022 at 12:46 AM, ApolloX75 said:

I'm in my mid-30s now, and most of my friends are as well. We all grew up having LAN parties every month or two in my basement all through high school and into our early 20s, but life tends to interfere. Some of them still play online occasionally but usually not together. It's very difficult to find like minded people to play with these days especially if your "competitive edge" has ground down quite a bit like mine. 

 

I used to play competitive shooters like crazy well into my 20s, but now? I have next to no interest. I tried getting into BF 1 and 5 and COD WW2 but couldn't do it. I'm much more into roaming around Division 1 or 2 or stomping in MW5 these days to get my shooter fix. I've never gotten the drive or interest to play Warzone or PUBG or whatever is the fad now.

 

Shoot me, I'm old now, get off my lawn. 

 

I've got a couple discord servers that I link up with every now and then, as well as my Steam friends list that I keep in touch with, but I definitely find it hard to find anyone I actually really know to game with these days other than my wife. I mean I play Warframe and Minecraft with my daughters now that they're a little older too, but that's about it lol.

 

Wish I had some actual, tangible advice to give on how to link up with people, but honestly I'm probably in the same boat as you are.

I am 29. Choosing the right games with the right gaming communities is essential. The generational difference between Valorant and say Battlefield 2/ or Rainbow Six 3 is definitely astounding. 

 

I play games like Hunt Showdown, Squad, Escape from tarkov and ive met many people to play with. One group in particular is extremely fun to play with. It just takes time to find those people. 

 

If you are playing esports titles like overwatch, warzone, valorant, siege. Good luck finding a permanent group to play with. The best communities clans are in the non esports games. Even MMOs sometimes. 

[uncreativespace]

38 minutes ago, PurplDrank said:

 

I am 29. Choosing the right games with the right gaming communities is essential. The generational difference between Valorant and say Battlefield 2/ or Rainbow Six 3 is definitely astounding. 

 

I play games like Hunt Showdown, Squad, Escape from tarkov and ive met many people to play with. One group in particular is extremely fun to play with. It just takes time to find those people. 

 

If you are playing esports titles like overwatch, warzone, valorant, siege. Good luck finding a permanent group to play with. The best communities clans are in the non esports games. Even MMOs sometimes. 

Seconding this about game choice and community demographics. I'm a bit younger but don't really have the time for shooters etc. anymore and my friends & coworkers are often moving across the country. To add to it, making the transition to more casual games or playing with less people is key (ex. a couple of friends will book a night or something for Civ or Forza session). Translates to less nights but longer sessions.

[CWALD]

(29M) I would also like to see a good solution to this. Right now the most success I have had is by introducing people to LAN parties in environments with limited to no internet (right now I am on a contract in Antarctica). I also agree with @PurplDrank about the dependency on the type of game, for example your IT friends might get into minecraft if they had the extra challenge of hosting and moding a server or maybe your engineering/space enthusiast friends would enjoy KSP with a multiplayer mod. It also helps when your game of choice can run on a potato, that way everyone can play no mater what they have for hardware. 

 

Even if you don't have the option of escaping the internet or your game of choice doesn't have a LAN option, getting everyone together to play from the same room with a case of beer could go a long way.

[Soag]

I'd say the go-to method is Discord servers for games you're into. You'll find at least one person per server who will fit you characteristically, I'd say.

 

Also, from my experience, Among Us, when played with the same people, seems to break the ice real quick.

And some of he people playing games you typically play might jump into that one from time to time as well ;).

[Zusafek]

41 here.  I simply don't play online much at all anymore. I enjoy a good open world game or one with a good story to it now.  I haven't talked to anyone from my high school days  in nearly 2 decades. 

[Rauten]

There are apparently a small handful of people here in a situation similar to OP. Maybe you guys could get together and create your own discord server? At the very least, since you're all in this subforum, you know you have one thing in common: interest in tech and games.

[Mark Kaine]

On 2/9/2022 at 2:02 PM, Rauten said:

There are apparently a small handful of people here in a situation similar to OP. Maybe you guys could get together and create your own discord server? At the very least, since you're all in this subforum, you know you have one thing in common: interest in tech and games.

Honestly that sounds like a good idea.

To me though , its a platform issue. Dont get me wrong when I play an online game i dont usually have issues finding people  and make friends, but despite steam definitely trying, communication is just so much easier and straightforward on consoles… also pretty much anyone  on pc wants to use discord…  that seems really cumbersome when you have steam chat and steam overlay, which honestly arent too bad - except apparently almost no one using it…

 

So yeah, i have friends on steam, but communication and therefore coordination is basically non existent.  Never had this problem on playstation, always people to play or chat…

 

i have one friend on steam who i chat a lot with, thats how i know its not inconvenient or anything, but most people just dont want to use steam chat for some reason .

[Rauten]

13 hours ago, Mark Kaine said:

To me though , its a platform issue. Dont get me wrong when I play an online game i dont usually have issues finding people  and make friends, but despite steam definitely trying, communication is just so much easier and straightforward on consoles… also pretty much anyone  on pc wants to use discord…  that seems really cumbersome when you have steam chat and steam overlay, which honestly arent too bad - except apparently almost no one using it…

My group tried to use Steam back in the day, and it just wasn't that nice of an experience.

Maybe it's better today, but we're already fairly entrenched in Discord. Besides, Discord is just really good at what it tries to do.

 

Your current server having issues? You can instantly change its location to a different datacenter to work around it. 

Your group having connectivity issues? Create a low bandwidth channel! Won't sound great, but it will be more stable.

Custom titles, moderation tools, bots, multiple channels for multiple purposes inside the same server...

 

It's just a really powerful service, completely free, and more platform-agnostic that even Steam. Heck, can you even voice chat in the android Steam app? Sure can on Discord.

[Soag]

16 hours ago, Mark Kaine said:

i have one friend on steam who i chat a lot with, thats how i know its not inconvenient or anything, but most people just dont want to use steam chat for some reason .

On the contrary you seem to not want to use Discord for some reason. At least that's what I'm hearing...

 

I've been using 'out-of-platform' communication tools for a very long time. Teamspeak 2, then Teamspeak 3 and finally Discord.

Having a totally free server just for the sake of communication, which can have a number of channels for different purposes, completely customizable to your liking, done once and that's it - no need to manage that any further makes things so much easier. Whilst on Steam you need to join that certain group previously created or send invites to people you want to talk with. If that's just one person then sure, that will do. But for more people or creating a small community it will never be a thing.

 

I can launch PC with the thought of playing particular game, join a channel created just for it, even if there are no people in it, and that's it. If someone wants to play they just join, say hi and we can kick it off any moment as a duo. Or trio, so on and so forth, completely maintenance-free.

I can see friends just chatting and join in on the conversation, just for the sake of having a conversation even when we're playing different titles or not playing at all, just doing some stuff on the PC.

We have a text channel visible for everyone on the server and can use that for various purposes. From sharing funny, interesting stuff we found on the net or otherise. To hook up for a gaming session somewhere further down the line or whatever else we want.

And it's completely independent of whether I want to play a Steam, Epic, Origin, GoG, Ubi Connect (Uplay was a much better name :P) game or one with a standalone client. Plus there's no need to start any gaming client at all to see what's up.

Just a ton of pros and no cons to be found...

[Mark Kaine]

29 minutes ago, Soag said:

I can launch PC with the thought of playing particular game, join a channel created just for it, even if there are no people in it,

 

29 minutes ago, Soag said:

Just a ton of pros and no cons to be found...

Except a high level of fragmentation, and you need to find a server *with people in it* for each and every game. 

 

29 minutes ago, Soag said:

Plus there's no need to start any gaming client at all to see what's up.

Yeah, but you have to open the "discord client" first, same thing basically, plus then you have to open the "game client" anyway. Congratulations, you now have 2 resource hogging clients running , when you would have really needed just one. : p

 

 

It is very cumbersome, nearly impossible to find random people  to play or chat with… like i said its a platform issue, and also UI, on consoles its just more encouraging to add , play and talk with other players because the UI is literally built with that in mind.

 

Dont get me wrong, i prefer playing on PC, but i sure miss the community aspects of what consoles offer.

 

 

29 minutes ago, Soag said:

On the contrary you seem to not want to use Discord

Certainly not while playing a game, its impractical, cumbersome and buggy. 

 

 

4 hours ago, Rauten said:

Heck, can you even voice chat in the android Steam app? Sure can on Discord

Why would I use a "Steam app" on my phone when im already running a game through Steam on my PC, which offers chat, overlay, etc already built in?

 

Sorry I get it that you can do that, but why would you?

[Rauten]

52 minutes ago, Mark Kaine said:

Sorry I get it that you can do that, but why would you?

Because you may want to chat outside of gaming? Maybe I'm just doing things around the house and want to talk to my friends?

Steam works fine if all you want is to interact specifically while gaming, but if you also want to interact beyond that, Discord is such a much better option.

We have a couple friends that don't really game that much but join in every now and then just to talk with us in group while they're lounging in bed, or walking the dog, or... whatever.

[Mark Kaine]

1 hour ago, Rauten said:

Because you may want to chat outside of gaming? Maybe I'm just doing things around the house and want to talk to my friends?

Steam works fine if all you want is to interact specifically while gaming, but if you also want to interact beyond that, Discord is such a much better option.

Its definitely good for chatting, *sometimes* also good for finding info, troubleshooting, etc.

 

I just think its really terrible for gaming…  i tried this… I and everyone else for that matter, missed like half the messages, resulting in people  waiting around  needlessly, not really knowing whats going on, several people  getting disconnected because  they were "alt tabbing" etc…

 

And yes, switching between the game and discord overall  has been really cumbersome… we just ended up using mostly "ingame" chat then, much more comfortable and actually practical, since its almost impossible to miss messages (people still didnt want to use Steam chat, which i personally would have preferred, ingame chat did the job well enough however)

 

And also this is all kinda missing the point of how to get (or add) *new* friends… out of the 30 or so discords Im in there is exactly  *one* where I might be able to find people to play with, and then generally only for *one* game …  

 

And its never just as easy as "wanna play", nope, usually you have to make a schedule etc…

In *theory* it would be much easier in a game client chat/friend system… i mean, the people you meet are already playing the game… and adding someone usually isnt a problem, but *then* usually they want to use "discord" I mean, hello I just added you and now i need to add you on another app, where you are probably not talking to me once… ? 

And thats that, its pointless and doesnt lead to more playtime or whatever , and im probably also not going to add that person on discord, because due to past experience, it just doesnt work (usually)

 

i mean - the question was how do you become gaming friends with someone - the general answer seems to be discord, but, how does that actually work with *strangers*?

i mean i get it, with rl friends its probably an easy time, but random strangers, perhaps in a pretty  niche game?

 

Discord simply isnt the answer in my experience, mainly because  you'll have a really hard time to find someone who actually wants to play, not to mention several people …

 

No I dont have a solution either, im just saying i *never* had this problem  on playstation specifically, 99% it was a matter of minutes to find someone to play.  

 

ps:

Spoiler

i mean one thing that makes it definitely easier is, on PSN or Steam etc you actually see who's online, which makes it at least likely they wanna play something, so even if they dont want to play a particular game, maybe another game can be found… 

On discord - in my experience - everyone is just way too busy to post shitty memes all day, very similar to reddit btw, and of course no one has "time" to play a game, and they "arent at their PC anyway" all these shitty memes originate directly from their workplace apparently. xD

 

pss: on PSN particularly I'd often just have a comment like "anyone wants to play or help with x game?" … usually didnt take long at all, try that on Steam or discord... (hey maybe it works, i wouldn't know how though …) 

 

 

 

On 2/7/2022 at 7:17 PM, PurplDrank said:

 

I am 29. Choosing the right games with the right gaming communities is essential. The generational difference between Valorant and say Battlefield 2/ or Rainbow Six 3 is definitely astounding. 

 

I play games like Hunt Showdown, Squad, Escape from tarkov and ive met many people to play with. One group in particular is extremely fun to play with. It just takes time to find those people. 

 

If you are playing esports titles like overwatch, warzone, valorant, siege. Good luck finding a permanent group to play with. The best communities clans are in the non esports games. Even MMOs sometimes. 

Btw, good post! So it *is* difficult, even in the most popular games…

 

Now, try this with more niche / co-op games… oh boy, nigh impossible, and even if you find people to play this doesnt actually result in any kind of "friendship" usually , unless you really have the exact same interests (aka posting shitty memes on discord etc, which seems often the only acceptable "social" activity )

 

Imo, people just got less social since the advance of "social media" (ironically, but this isnt exactly news either) , yeah sure posting random stuff is a go, but actual "activity" outside of that, not so much…

 

 

Now in case of the OP, they only have 4 hours/week, sure, understandable, but thats just going to make it even harder to find "gaming friends" not impossible, but really difficult, and likely  requires a lot of effort / thick skin - because there will be lots of people who just dont keep these "appointments", they'll have "no time", "forgot" etc. 

 

 

 

[QuantumSingularity]

First off - middle-aged applies to 50+, not yet to be 30.

Then, I guess it all depends on the games you play. I'm 35 and most of the friends i used to game with are either my age or a bit older. Lately all of them had kids and don't have much time now, but i found a lot of new friends and with exception for 1 all of them are 30-55 yo. Of course i don't play CS or Minecraft. In PC2 all are 40+, in Sniper Ghost Warrior most are about my age, in ETS we have all sorts of people and ages (even 1 woman). We don't use social media at all, no discord, no twitch, we just invite each other trough steam. And because we are old-school AF, we use Ventrilo to chat. Sometimes we even gather and launch a Lineage 2 server for a night of nostalgia on Chronicle 5. The problem is there are like 5 games they all like to explore and when i want us  to try new racing sims, they all reject. That's why ACC and AMS 2 despite being much better sims than PC2 are nowhere near that fun for me.