How Do I Tell My Parent Why I Need To Upgrade

[trevb0t]

16 minutes ago, Erik Sieghart said:

This is the only part we really need to know. This isn't about your PC being slow; it's really about acceptable boundaries between two people. The moment you begin speaking about the specifics about what you're going to spend your money on you've already lost and conceded to unreasonable demands.

 

What you spend your money is is your business and not your parents, regardless of how entitled they may feel to controlling your decisions. This is how property works. If someone gives you something then it then becomes your property to do with as you wish. This is especially true of money and some people have a hard time accepting that when they give someone else something means they also give up any say in what happens to it.

 

"Here's some money to make you happy. Merry Christmas! But uhhh, don't use it to make yourself happy." is the dialog that is currently going on. Why give you money to enjoy and then attempt prevent you from spending it on something to enjoy? This is a pretty serious contradiction that illuminates some pretty serious problems. If he wanted you to invest the money into stocks and let it grow then why not just do that on your behalf and simply tell you on Christmas.

 

You need to correct your relationship boundaries. The first step of this is having the agency to do what you wish with your property. It's not like they can stop you. If this escalates the issue then it just goes to show how bad your dad's problem is and how badly it needs to be corrected. You shouldn't need to hide in fear from doing something that makes you happy, that's just not healthy.

It's easy to say that, but as a parent they could absolutely take away anything a child owns. They could turn around and abuse their child. Who knows?

 

You can say that they need to examine what's wrong with the relationship, but if the OP has an overbearing or even abusive step-parent there is no reasonable way that examining that could repair the situation that they are in. 

 

I think telling a minor that they are free to do what they want to do because the money is "theirs" is irresponsible without understanding their living situation.

[Bombastinator]

5 minutes ago, Erik Sieghart said:

It doesn't matter what the OP's age is. It's not like anything I've said changes if the OP's age is 13 or 21. They didn't ask for proof of age when he bought the parts, did they? That's because it's not illegal to spend your own money on things at any age.

 

And regardless of who it is, this is simply good life advice. No relationship between anyone should work this way.

“Should” is not “does”.  Also age is totally unknown.  Might be well under 13.  

[Bombastinator]

7 minutes ago, Erik Sieghart said:

If you try hard enough you can turn any scenario to whatever you want. "Well WHAT IF..." isn't a justifiable case; this is just meaningless speculation. All I've stated are things like:

"It's reasonable to spend your money on things you want."
"It's unreasonable for other people to control how you should spend your money."

These are just true facts for anyone and applicable to the real scenario described. Making up the OP's story on your own behalf is just creating fan fiction.

You’re doing a what if case though.  You’re making assumptions about age and relationship.

[NumLock21]

13 minutes ago, Bombastinator said:

“Should” is not “does”.  Also age is totally unknown.  Might be well under 13.  

OP mentioned his age in one of his post. 13 going on to 14.

[Sauron]

On 12/22/2019 at 2:21 AM, AntDeGamer said:

so right how do i explain to him why i am wasting money for an upgrade?

Start by explaining it to us, you didn't say why you want to upgrade...

 

Regardless, if he thinks you should buy a new pc then just explain to him that it's cheaper to upgrade the current one.

[Bombastinator]

14 minutes ago, Erik Sieghart said:

That's just the thing, though. It doesn't matter. It could be an older brother, sister, uncle, or friend. And as for his age; he's mature enough to go out and buy his own parts an assemble them.

 

These aren't things I really care about protesting, but in the title of the thread he says "my parent" and he says he's 13.

To be fair it was a long time since I was 13.  All those hormones.  I remember blood rushing so fast it actually made me temporarily deaf.  That kind of thing ever happened to me these days I‘d call 911 and hope they don’t find me dead.

[Mark Kaine]

On 12/25/2019 at 7:29 AM, biggieweeb said:

Ok why tf did you not get an r5 2400g then, it is cheaper and performs better without a gpu.

And let me tell you this. The r5 2600x does not have integrated graphics, so when you fire up your brand new rig its going to tell you it has no gpu in it and then your dad is going to get mad and think you wasted your money

It's kinda funny seeing people lecturing this kid and lack themselves basic reading comprehension - and you are *not* the first to do so. 

 

FYI he already has a GPU,  if it maybe be better to get a 2400G or something is another question,  or a pre built (I wonder who would have paid for that btw) 

 

 

And telling a 13 year old he can't have a new computer or built one is also a bit questionable tbh,  maybe good parents would support their kid instead of basically telling him "you don't know what you're doing"

 

 

 

A good step dad would have convinced him to get a more balanced, good pre built instead and also helped him and not bring him in such a dire situation he's in right now...

 

 

 

 

[wanderingfool2]

21 hours ago, Erik Sieghart said:

If you try hard enough you can turn any scenario to whatever you want. "Well WHAT IF..." isn't a justifiable case; this is just meaningless speculation. All I've stated are things like:

"It's reasonable to spend your money on things you want."
"It's unreasonable for other people to control how you should spend your money."

These are just true facts for anyone and applicable to the real scenario described. Making up the OP's story on your own behalf is just creating fan fiction.

I am assuming you are not a parent?  For anyone who is a youth, it is not reasonable to spend money on things you want.  For all intensive purposes, the money isn't yours until you have become an adult.  Many youth's do not have the maturity level or the mental capacity to properly make decisions like this.  (Would you be saying the same thing if the kid wanted to buy drugs?).  There is a reason why parents are allowed to legally control things like their children's funds.  There are always two sides of the story...like the fact that I suspect the "christmas money" hasn't actually been given to him yet.  You mentioned he bought it, but from what I gather he must have bought it online...given he hasn't told his parents; either he has a credit card (unlikely) or he used his parents credit card (yet hasn't told them)...so my thought is he likely didn't use "his money"

 

13 hours ago, Mark Kaine said:

It's kinda funny seeing people lecturing this kid and lack themselves basic reading comprehension - and you are *not* the first to do so. 

 

FYI he already has a GPU,  if it maybe be better to get a 2400G or something is another question,  or a pre built (I wonder who would have paid for that btw) 

 

 

And telling a 13 year old he can't have a new computer or built one is also a bit questionable tbh,  maybe good parents would support their kid instead of basically telling him "you don't know what you're doing"

 

 

 

A good step dad would have convinced him to get a more balanced, good pre built instead and also helped him and not bring him in such a dire situation he's in right now...

 

 

 

 

Trying to convince a 13 year old that they are wrong sometimes.  To be clear though, the parent is telling him he shouldn't do upgrades, and just buy new....which given he pretty much needs to replace his entire system I agree.

 

This is speculation, but I suspect that this is really just the one-sided opinionated story from the OP.  I suspect that the real situation may be that the step-father is trying to be helpful, but is getting back a rebellious attitude.

[Mark Kaine]

1 hour ago, Erik Sieghart said:

Sounds like they shouldn't have given it to him in the first place.

Exactly. While we may not know the full story,  giving a kid money and then go "But you can't spend it on what u want lul"  strikes me as incredibly bad parenting. 

 

Spoiler

Especially when it's something perfectly reasonable like computer parts... 

 

[RonnieOP]

23 hours ago, Erik Sieghart said:

That's just the thing, though. It doesn't matter. It could be an older brother, sister, uncle, or friend. And as for his age; he's mature enough to go out and buy his own parts an assemble them.

 

These aren't things I really care about protesting, but in the title of the thread he says "my parent" and he says he's 13.

Depending on the laws in his country though it might not be the best idea to go against his parents. And i certainly wouldnt give any minor that advice. 

 

I think i have this example here but maybe not. In the US where I am my children can buy something with their money and i can take it away from them legally. Hell i can take away their money and spend it on me legally. 

 

Idk this persons relationship.to their parents. So im not going to tell them to piss off their parents. They need to speak with the parents and figure it out. Because in the end depending on local law it could turn out worst for him.

[RonnieOP]

3 hours ago, Mark Kaine said:

Exactly. While we may not know the full story,  giving a kid money and then go "But you can't spend it on what u want lul"  strikes me as incredibly bad parenting. 

 

  Reveal hidden contents

Especially when it's something perfectly reasonable like computer parts... 

 

Eh kinda depends. My kids get an allowance every week. And for the most part i dont really care what they waste it on. But there are exemptions. Pc parts i would be ok with. But i as the parent have the right to decide that.

 

Lets not act like kids arent kids. We do not let kids make a lot of decisions for a reason.

 

Idk this kid or his parents so im not going to put judgement on either. But im also not going to take the word of a kid as gospel either.

 

I remember the bs lies i told people about my family at that age lol.