What Is Your Best Programmer Joke?

[Flojer0]

Seeing how much it is popping up maybe we should just post a link to http://www.xkcd.com and call it a day.

[rashdanml]

Once upon a time there was a shepherd looking after his sheep on the side of a deserted road. Suddenly a brand new Porsche screeches to a halt. The driver, a man dressed in an Armani suit, Cerutti shoes, Ray-Ban sunglasses, TAG-Heuer wrist-watch, and a Versace tie, gets out and asks the Shepherd:

Man: “If I can tell you how many sheep you have, will you give me one of them?”

The shepherd looks at the young man, and then looks at the large flock of grazing sheep and replies:

Shepherd: “Okay.”

The young man parks the car, connects his laptop to the mobile-fax, enters a NASA Webster, scans the ground using his GPS, opens a database and 60 Excel tables filled with logarithms and pivot tables, then prints out a 150 page report on his high-tech mini-printer. He turns to the shepherd and says,

Man: “You have exactly 1,586 sheep here.”

The shepherd cheers,

Shepherd: “That’s correct, you can have your sheep.”

The young man makes his pick and puts it in the back of his Porsche. The shepherd looks at him and asks,

Shepherd: “If I guess your profession, will you return my animal to me?”

The young man answers;

Man: “Yes, why not?”

Shepherd: "You are an IT consultant."

Man: “How did you know?”

Shepherd: “Very simple. First, you came here without being called. Second, you charged me a fee to tell me something I already knew, and third, you don’t understand anything about my business…Now can I have my DOG back?"

 

:lol:

[YellowDragon]

Heres some more:

 

I called the janitor the other day to see what he could do about my dingy linoleum floor. He said he would have been happy to loan me a polisher, but that he hadn't the slightest idea what he had done with it. I told him not to worry about it - that as a programmer it wasn't the first time I had experienced a buffer allocation failure due to a memory error.

 

Why do java programmers have to wear glasses?

Because they don't C#.

 

 

An optimist person will say that the glass is half-full.

A pessimist person will say that the glass is half-empty.

A programmer will say that the glass is twice as large as necessary.

[João Severino]

An optimist person will say that the glass is half-full.

A pessimist person will say that the glass is half-empty.

A programmer will say that the glass is twice as large as necessary.

 

The version my programming teacher told in one of the classes

 

An optimist person will say that the string is half-full.

A pessimist person will say that the string is half-empty.

A programmer will say that the string is twice as large as necessary and calls realloc.

[Liikeaturtle]

A programmer walks into a bar and asks the bartender for 1.00000000000003123939 root beers. Bartender says, I'll have to charge you extra, that's a root beer float. Programmer says, better make it a double.

[TechSage]

There are 10 types of people in this world, those who understand binary, and those who don't understand binary. 

[LibeRatioNZzXx]

When is a word not a word? When it's a string.

______________________________________

What is the tax that all programmers fear? Syntax.

[wpirobotbuilder]

In C++, it's bad when classes become friends. They show their private parts.

[LonliestofAll]

Removed Joke that was sad too sad

[Kira0172]

Removed Joke that was sad too sad

Offtopic: your name fits your avatar

 

Ontopic: I have non:L

[LonliestofAll]

Offtopic: your name fits your avatar

 

Ontopic: I have non:L

Thanks

[TechSage]

I knew the version with binary (which was simpler) never heard this one

 

There are 10 types of people in the world,

Those who understand binary,

and those who don't.

I thought I made that joke up, I already posted it in this thread but I guess all jokes are used

[d3cod3d]

[Chris is awesome]

There are 10 types of people in this world, those you understand binary and those who do not.

[Arshdeep]

Not a programing joke but a funny networking/software in windows.

 

A Man sets his wifi user name to "Hack_If_You_Can"

 

the next day he comes back to log in in manually and sees the name of his wifi...

Challenge Accept!

[colonel_mortis]

Not a programing joke but a funny networking/software in windows.

 

A Man sets his wifi user name to "Hack_If_You_Can"

 

the next day he comes back to log in in manually and sees the name of his wifi...

Challenge Accept!

That was on BBC a while ago I think, along with a few other interesting wifi names such as "drug Surveillance Van" (they were suspicions of their neighbours), "TV license checker" and "FBI_VAN" (or something along those lines). Some people are so imaginative with wifi names.

[Arshdeep]

That was on BBC a while ago I think, along with a few other interesting wifi names such as "drug Surveillance Van" (they were suspicions of their neighbours), "TV license checker" and "FBI_VAN" (or something along those lines). Some people are so imaginative with wifi names.

my bro showed it to me a while back when he was on a web site on s3 galxy, don;t know the web thought. Anyway I ama hardware eng istead

[SteveGrabowski]

My other car is a cdr.

[Nuluvius]

Did you hear the one about UDP? You'll either get it or you won't.

[keja]

Not really a joke, but i find some of the content funny in here:

 

http://codecrap.com/content/best/ <-- brace yourself for the worst codes you have ever laid your eyes on

[Art Vandelay]

One of my profs first year said: "one day a woman asked her son to go to the store and get a gallon of milk, if they had eggs, get 12. Her son returned with 12 gallons of milk. She asked her son why he did that and he said "they had eggs""

[Mojo-Jojo]

At college we often run into trouble with bit-shifting wrongly - especially when, for example, sending 16-bit values over UART.

I quickly came to the conclusion that "shift happens".

[Cheesebaron]

If you don't know the site, then it is really funny and recommended read: http://thedailywtf.com/ so many "wtf?" situations