How'd you get over your ex/first love?

[Hikaru12]

So my first and longest relationship to my girlfriend ended about a week ago. I finally talked to her again today and she said there's no chance we'll ever get back together because the trust between us is gone and she's been hurt by me and other guys in the past too much. It seemed like she had longstanding insecurity and emotional issues (I did too but I've been slowly growing more confident)

 

The relationship ended for two reasons 1) she had been diagnosed with bipolar disorder earlier this year and she felt like the lost the ability to trust her own emotions 2) I had been talking to other girls sexually this past year and she always got back together with me and forgave me for that because she was scared of being alone and she relied on me too much for her happiness.

 

Looking back on all this I shouldn't have done what I did. Maybe I wasn't that in love with her as much as I thought or I was just looking from attention from other girls?

 

She has decided to remain friends and I'm thankful for that. I don't want to screw this up by being more than platonic. And yes, I know there's other fish in the sea but I don't think I'm ready to start dating any time soon.

 

Anyway, the point of this post is to ask you guys how you guys got over your first love (we were together since senior year of high school to about senior year of college - 4.5 years), what sort of activities did you do? Right now I'm losing my job in a few weeks because it's grant funded so I've been desperately trying to find something else because I need money and I need to keep myself busy. All of my hobbies and the stuff I enjoy doing seems to require money and the weather is still gross out to play sports.

[Rorgash]

Do you get over it?  :huh:

[Real_PhillBert]

Sometimes life kicks you in the balls. You just gotta walk it off.

[Hikaru12]

Do you get over it?  :huh:

 

Interesting way of putting that. I don't think anyone every forgets but just copes with it and eventually learns to live with it?

[LawrenceBarnes2013]

Dude why ? that's not how to treat a woman !

any way, it'll just take some time, when you find some one else, and see in her more than you saw in your ex, things will start getting better, that's how i got over it

[Mooshi]

By having an awkward strained relationship that has long breaks of non-communication mixed in with regret. It's kinda annoying both missing someone for who they used to be while simultaneously "hating" them.

 

Don't get me wrong, I love my girl with all my heart and wouldn't trade her for anyone, including my ex. At the same time, I wish our breakup was clean so we could have at least had that close bond of best friends we once had. Only thing you can do is shrug and focus everything on the person in your life now. Whatever mistakes that lead to the first love breakup, don't repeat that. Be a shame to balls everything up.

[Yoinkerman]

It wasn't that bad for me I didn't exactly pick a prize in the first place.

[wtfxmitchell]

get a dog

[Fred Castellum]

I'd say get your income down good before getting in a relationship personally, being financially stable is my priority. But that's just me.  

 

As for the getting over thing... I've never really been in love, heck even attracted to anyone so its hard to say. I do have regrets on how I handled a past relationship though, but that's not comparable to your situation. 

 

Sorry mate I'm of little to no help here... just a open ear. 

[Camul]

Oh, it's actually a lot easier than you might think. I did it by being ugly and uninteresting, so nobody ever loved me in the first place.

[The_Strict_Nein]

My first and only relationship ended because the intimacy of a relationship was bringing up painful memories for her. I still care deeply about her, but I realise that I just have to move on for my own sake. Because there will be someone out there I can feel for again. I hope.

[theelitegamer]

Still with my girl matey, that's sad to hear matey.. I give you a tip, just wait it out... take her out on dates *WAIT though wait like 2 months or so* if she ask what's the prupose? just say two friends having a good time something like that... try to nudge you just love her, not all at once just small stuff like, ''you're using the perfume I like". Do something different each time, then take her to where you first kissed *if it's outside. if it was in a house or something, do a first date or something*. Try to say, babe I miss you, I tried to go on with out you, I tried to sleep without  you there *providing you lived together*. I need you back, just be mine again. She starts crying, you kiss again, make up time . If this don't work, your doomed my man.. 

you better but this top answer or something though, this is some hitch crap here man.. JK but try it mate, all that can go wrong is a No.. plus she's still interested if she just want to be friends 

[theelitegamer]

get a dog

10/10 would do again... 

[Mooshi]

Think of the bright side. You might run into someone you have stronger feelings for than the other relationship. The 23rd made 2 years for us and I joke with her about breaking a curse. See, after my first love breakup, all relationships after that lasted upwards to 4 months.

[Hikaru12]

Think of the bright side. You might run into someone you have stronger feelings for than the other relationship. The 23rd made 2 years for us and I joke with her about breaking a curse. See, after my first love breakup, all relationships after that lasted upwards to 4 months.

 

That's what I was thinking. I mean we shared some values together but I wouldn't say we were a perfect match. She was an English major and the more creative type and I'm more of a nerd and a little more conservative. I can only hope that things will go better from now on but I might have to go through more heartbreak until that point, who knows? Thanks man. Much success to you and your girl!

[Nineshadow]

Whatever happens,try to smile.

[Ciccioo]

So my first and longest relationship to my girlfriend ended about a week ago

-snip-

She has decided to remain friends and I'm thankful for that

i don't know how things work out for you, but i think i see where this is going

[Nineshadow]

i don't know how things work out for you, but i think i see where this is going

Oh boy.

[Vitalius]

I found out that my grandmother's maiden name was the same as the last name of the girl. That killed it with fire for me. 

For the ones before her (the ones in the awkward teen years as well as childhood crushes) that I wouldn't immediately think of as "first love", I met them at summer camp. It never failed. There was one girl there that was 100% my type. And that I either never talked to, was too old for me, or I was socially awkward in front of. 

Nothing is more socially awkward than asking the girl you like to dance with you, then slow dancing (because that's literally all you know how to do) during a fast song. Biggest of failures right there. I actually have spaghetti in my pockets remembering that one. 

Then there was the "user". The one who wanted to feel special but doesn't like you back. 

I suppose this is missing the point of what the OP is asking, but ... I don't know. Life just went on. I grew up a little more. 

But to answer your question, look back at my first line. I didn't have much choice. My heart is complicated in that sometimes, sometimes, it's logical. If there is any chance I'm related to her, the answer is no apparently. 

Oh well. I'll just rock on with my one true first love:

[adriel604]

time.

[Hikaru12]

-snip-

 

You're a riot man If anything that definitely helped me cheer up lol

[CJPowell27]

Find another girl to be strong friends with

[Askew]

Human memory is too good for us to deal with sometimes.

[Guest]

I just recently acquired my first love.

 

Ask me in a couple of years.

[Hidden Orange]

Oh, it's actually a lot easier than you might think. I did it by being ugly and uninteresting, so nobody ever loved me in the first place.

Aww, but we love you anyway.

 

Me, I just ended it. I had crushes here and there, but it was never like this with one person. So, feeling I shouldn't be disillusioned anymore and not wanting to be plagued by "what ifs", fantasies, and awkwardness between us, I told her how I felt. I expected what she would say: stay as friends. Honestly, I would have liked to be in a relationship with her, but with my issues and since she's going to go out of state for college, it wouldn't have worked out well anyway. Still, at least I get to keep an amazing friend and never have to wonder +10 years later what if I had told her.

 

As I mention issues, someone had to waltz into my life... It's not her fault, but come on, I want to fix my life and not deal with whatever the hell is going on. I'm probably just over-thinking things and misreading things - it doesn't help that I need stronger glasses and am pretty much oblivious to subtle clues - since I feel like she's flirting with me or is interested in one way or another. I hope I'm wrong and that she's just a naturally friendly person with a great smile. Damn it all, of course I had to be the nice guy in our auto tech class while some were drooling wolves. And of course I had to smile back at her. Why can't I just zone out like everyone else? Well, whatever is going on and whatever she's doing, it's working to make me become really interested in her.

 

Talk about first-world problems. I'm worried about some girl while others are starving in third-world countries.