For those who have girlfriends

[Zzzzz69]

My girl and I have been together for 23 months and this month is supposed to be our 2nd anniversary together. Since last year she left the current place I am in and lives in Australia atm. Throughout the relationship we both realized that the relationship was just being toxic. We would always argue, ignore each other for days, but in the end we would go back. But yesterday she gave me a different approach, she didn't talk to me for a day, and told me to go away. She blocked me and I emailed her. She unblocked me and later on blocked again. Right now I feel pretty useless, but free. I'm looking forward to my life but it just brings me down, knowing that I lost my girlfriend who I've opened up to so much. I did apologize to her and I guess she's just really tired of me. So yeah she kinda gave up already. Just drop your thoughts on this, for those who have their current girlfriends, love them af and respect who they are, and give them time. I totally regret every mistake that I've done. Drop anything you'd like to say but I hope this is a helpful thing for everyone. Thanks. 

[ufopro]

well distance+constant arguing= not a very good way to maintain your relationship. in the end it may have been for the best since you couldn't find a common ground on your arguments. yes you should back off generally sometimes when arguing if after you process the other person's point of view you see they have stronger arguments but you should make sure you may have been right too at times. idk what happened other than what you say here but if you have problems constantly fighting with no end you probably weren't so open to each other. at least about the topics you argued about. plus someone just blocking you and neve talking to you again is the worst way to declare an unoficial break up. that was bad on her.

[Zzzzz69]

1 minute ago, ufopro said:

well distance+constant arguing= not a very good way to maintain your relationship. in the end it may have been for the best since you couldn't find a common ground on your arguments. yes you should back off generally sometimes when arguing if after you process the other person's point of view you see they have stronger arguments but you should make sure you may have been right too at times. idk what happened other than what you say here but if you have problems constantly fighting with no end you probably weren't so open to each other. at least about the topics you argued about. plus someone just blocking you and neve talking to you again is the worst way to declare an unoficial break up. that was bad on her.

So sad. I agree bro. Well I'd say that we were "too" open. She abused my freedom by stopping me from doing things, and the recent argument that we had was about my family. She told me that I can't go with any members of my family, anywhere. That's where I knew that she's being too much. But the reason why she's like that is because of my past mistakes. So I have not much of a choice but to accept it, I mean, I tried to push her to stay but she doesn't want to stay anymore. So yeah, thank you for your opinion. 

[NelizMastr]

I've been with my current girlfriend for almost 5 years now and I have learned that it's okay to push back sometimes. Don't let your life be controlled by someone that doesn't accept the same treatment. If you want to share your lives, both people will need to find a way to mediate, set boundaries, and live their own lives as well (with friends, family etc.). That's how an adult relationship works.

 

The only solution I see here is to end the relationship and move on. It's clear she isn't willing to fix this or open for conversation to improve the relationship for the future. It's sad but the best way to deal with this situation that won't keep the pain and annoyance drag on. 

[Zzzzz69]

Just now, NelizMastr said:

I've been with my current girlfriend for almost 5 years now and I have learned that it's okay to push back sometimes. Don't let your life be controlled by someone that doesn't accept the same treatment. If you want to share your lives, both people will need to find a way to mediate, set boundaries, and live their own lives as well (with friends, family etc.). That's how an adult relationship works.

 

The only solution I see here is to end the relationship and move on. It's clear she isn't willing to fix this and open for conversation to improve the relationship for the future. It's sad but the best way to deal with this situation that won't keep the pain and annoyance drag on. 

You're blessed. That's what I thought when we started on arguing about little things. I truly agree, I should've taken things to the right path before. Stay strong with your girlfriend bro. I appreciate your advice. 

[dalekphalm]

56 minutes ago, Zzzzz69 said:

My girl and I have been together for 23 months and this month is supposed to be our 2nd anniversary together. Since last year she left the current place I am in and lives in Australia atm. Throughout the relationship we both realized that the relationship was just being toxic. We would always argue, ignore each other for days, but in the end we would go back. But yesterday she gave me a different approach, she didn't talk to me for a day, and told me to go away. She blocked me and I emailed her. She unblocked me and later on blocked again. Right now I feel pretty useless, but free. I'm looking forward to my life but it just brings me down, knowing that I lost my girlfriend who I've opened up to so much. I did apologize to her and I guess she's just really tired of me. So yeah she kinda gave up already. Just drop your thoughts on this, for those who have their current girlfriends, love them af and respect who they are, and give them time. I totally regret every mistake that I've done. Drop anything you'd like to say but I hope this is a helpful thing for everyone. Thanks. 

I have to ask: What were you apologizing for? Did you specifically do something "wrong"? Or did you just apologize to try and get her "back"?

 

If the former, try and learn from your mistakes. If the latter? You should probably break up and stay broken up.

 

Frankly, it sounds like your relationship is not healthy. Long distance is hard enough as it is, but if you're constantly fighting, or ignoring each other for days on end? That's a very bad relationship.

 

You can try and "fix" the relationship, but only if she is 100% onboard with that as well, and both of you must be willing to change your actions for the better. It cannot be one sided or it will not work.

 

But my suggestion is to break it off. Tell her that the relationship has long since deteriorated. After you break up with her, block her on *EVERYTHING*, including email, phone/mobile/social (twitter, forums, Facebook, etc).

 

By blocking her, it will allow you to move on without trying to "stay friends" (yes it can work, but 99% of the time it doesn't). Most of the time, "stay friends" inevitably means one is still in love with the other.

 

Take some time afterwards to learn about yourself and see if there are things you can improve (for example, are there areas of the relationship that you contributed to in a toxic way? How can you change these things?). Don't pursue a new relationship right away.

 

Once you feel ready, then jump back into the game, and start dating new people.

[Radium_Angel]

Write an open letter to her.

Detail every way she has wronged you, made you feel bad, talked down to you, and otherwise treated you like shit.

 

Don't hold back, let it ALL out in the letter.

Once you are done. Put it in an envelope, address it to her, and burn it.

 

Very cathartic.

 

Also remember this: living well is the best form of revenge.

[dalekphalm]

1 hour ago, Radium_Angel said:

Write an open letter to her.

Detail every way she has wronged you, made you feel bad, talked down to you, and otherwise treated you like shit.

 

Don't hold back, let it ALL out in the letter.

Once you are done. Put it in an envelope, address it to her, and burn it.

 

Very cathartic.

 

Also remember this: living well is the best form of revenge.

The first half of your post, I was like "what in the fu..." then I got to the end and was like "ahhhhhh you got me".

[Canada EH]

Just now, dalekphalm said:

.

You read the entire post, word per word, WOW!

 

I dunno about the OP, but from what I read perhaps you need to up your game or move on!

[Zzzzz69]

12 hours ago, dalekphalm said:

I have to ask: What were you apologizing for? Did you specifically do something "wrong"? Or did you just apologize to try and get her "back"?

 

If the former, try and learn from your mistakes. If the latter? You should probably break up and stay broken up.

 

Frankly, it sounds like your relationship is not healthy. Long distance is hard enough as it is, but if you're constantly fighting, or ignoring each other for days on end? That's a very bad relationship.

 

You can try and "fix" the relationship, but only if she is 100% onboard with that as well, and both of you must be willing to change your actions for the better. It cannot be one sided or it will not work.

 

But my suggestion is to break it off. Tell her that the relationship has long since deteriorated. After you break up with her, block her on *EVERYTHING*, including email, phone/mobile/social (twitter, forums, Facebook, etc).

 

By blocking her, it will allow you to move on without trying to "stay friends" (yes it can work, but 99% of the time it doesn't). Most of the time, "stay friends" inevitably means one is still in love with the other.

 

Take some time afterwards to learn about yourself and see if there are things you can improve (for example, are there areas of the relationship that you contributed to in a toxic way? How can you change these things?). Don't pursue a new relationship right away.

 

Once you feel ready, then jump back into the game, and start dating new people.

Damnnnnnn. That's good. I apologized because I knew that it was my fault why we turned that toxic. I've made so much mistakes before and that's what really broke the relationship. Well we did talk about it yesterday and yes she's up for it, I told her that we really need to improve our relationship and that we both must be willing. I did learn from my mistakes but the things that she demands like stop going out with your friends, don't talk to girls even if they're your seatmates, and etc. Well thank you very much for the message bro. Highly appreciated. ?

[Zzzzz69]

7 hours ago, Radium_Angel said:

Write an open letter to her.

Detail every way she has wronged you, made you feel bad, talked down to you, and otherwise treated you like shit.

 

Don't hold back, let it ALL out in the letter.

Once you are done. Put it in an envelope, address it to her, and burn it.

 

Very cathartic.

 

Also remember this: living well is the best form of revenge.

Hell yeah! HAHAH. I'll try do that ? I agree. If she sees me being happy with my life she will be devastated, in a way. Thank you very much

[Radium_Angel]

6 hours ago, Zzzzz69 said:

Hell yeah! HAHAH. I'll try do that ? I agree. If she sees me being happy with my life she will be devastated, in a way. Thank you very much

I speak from experience....

You're welcome

[NMS]

Not a healthy relationship you have there in my opinion. And doesn't matter which one of you is to blame for that, but just don't get back together.

 

My current girlfriend for example, treats me with love and respect. Never runs about above 50C with a single 120 AIO, doesn't ask for the fan to be at 100%, and simply helps with my job on a daily basis with her 6 cores / 12 threads.

[vong]

6 hours ago, Zzzzz69 said:

I did learn from my mistakes but the things that she demands like stop going out with your friends, don't talk to girls even if they're your seatmates, and etc.

To me, this sounds like you did something to lose her trust.

[mr moose]

Dude, tits 'n wheels.   move on and try to find one with less mechanical problems.

 

[dalekphalm]

11 hours ago, Zzzzz69 said:

the things that she demands like stop going out with your friends, don't talk to girls even if they're your seatmates, and etc

No offense but that should be an automatic deal breaker. A proper relationship is one where you never ask your partner to stop hanging out with your friends. And a proper relationship is also one where she trusts you with other girls.

 

I had a girlfriend once where she would get furious because I talked to a long standing female friend often. Needless to say, that relationship didn't last.

4 hours ago, vong said:

To me, this sounds like you did something to lose her trust.

Could be - if the OP cheated or something to that effect. But on the other hand, plenty of partners (male or female) are irrationally jealous.

 

@Zzzzz69 you should never have to make a choice between your girlfriend and your friends. True friends wouldn't force you to, and a girlfriend that really loves you also wouldn't.

 

So there's either more to the story that you're not telling us, or she's batshit crazy and you need to get out ASAP.

[Radium_Angel]

1 hour ago, dalekphalm said:

or she's batshit crazy

You know what they say, right?

 

"crazy in the head, crazy in bed..."

[Zzzzz69]

13 hours ago, NMS said:

Not a healthy relationship you have there in my opinion. And doesn't matter which one of you is to blame for that, but just don't get back together.

 

My current girlfriend for example, treats me with love and respect. Never runs about above 50C with a single 120 AIO, doesn't ask for the fan to be at 100%, and simply helps with my job on a daily basis with her 6 cores / 12 threads.

Thats cute. Lucky you 

[Zzzzz69]

7 hours ago, Radium_Angel said:

You know what they say, right?

 

"crazy in the head, crazy in bed..."

Hell yeah she's crazy in bed 

[Zzzzz69]

14 hours ago, Radium_Angel said:

I speak from experience....

You're welcome

Thank you very much

[Zzzzz69]

8 hours ago, dalekphalm said:

No offense but that should be an automatic deal breaker. A proper relationship is one where you never ask your partner to stop hanging out with your friends. And a proper relationship is also one where she trusts you with other girls.

 

I had a girlfriend once where she would get furious because I talked to a long standing female friend often. Needless to say, that relationship didn't last.

Could be - if the OP cheated or something to that effect. But on the other hand, plenty of partners (male or female) are irrationally jealous.

 

@Zzzzz69 you should never have to make a choice between your girlfriend and your friends. True friends wouldn't force you to, and a girlfriend that really loves you also wouldn't.

 

So there's either more to the story that you're not telling us, or she's batshit crazy and you need to get out ASAP.

I never cheated on her. But I did do a lot of mistakes. I've learned from them and I'll do my best this time. We already talked and I guess we're gonna give it a better try this time. I've opened up to her about the bad things that we have as a couple and she did agree. This time I'll be as good as I can and I'll love her af. Thank you very much for your response bro

[Zzzzz69]

13 hours ago, vong said:

To me, this sounds like you did something to lose her trust.

Yeah I did. I won't explain that far but yeah I did do bad things. But not like having sex bad like small bad. But for her, she took it quite big.

[Zzzzz69]

We're back together and we're doing our best already. We talked it out properly and I hope this time both of us will be happy. Thank you very much everyone. Godbless your souls ?

[Jtalk4456]

might be a bit late to the game, but i have one piece of advice, specifically for the arguing. 

Pay attention carefully during a fight and figure out whether you're  fighting about a subject or if you're just fighting about fighting. Fights will happen, you will have different opinions, but when you're fighting about fighting, that's the part where nothing happens. I see myself do this, where we're fighting about *insert topic here* And I want to resolve the issue but she's tired of fighting and just gives up and stops fighting, which angers me because I want to get the actual fight resolved and come up with a solution, but in my mind i feel like the relationship doesn't matter to her enough to bother working on our problems (not how she feels, but in the heat of the moment I jump to conclusions in my mind). Soon after I'm pushing her to resolve it and she starts pushing back that she wants to stop (pushing not physically, to clarify), and now we're arguing about whether we're going to argue about *topic*. Another example is when I react to how she reacts to a certain topic, and I'm more mad at how she reacted than her actual position on the topic. 

To not give you a problem with no solution, my advice is to pay attention to this very carefully. If you find yourself arguing about HOW you're arguing or HOW she reacted or you reacted, then stop for a moment, walk into another room and think about the fight and the topic, then go back in, say sorry for fighting/yelling/saying the wrong thing, etc. and sit down together and cool off. Once you're cooled off, explain why the argument got you worked up and ask if you can talk calmly about the actual topic again, then go from there. 

[Crunchy Dragon]

I'm a single potato, but I'll throw my two cents in anyway.

 

First off, I fully agree with @Jtalk4456.

 

Another thing I would say is talk about things instead of arguing about them. Y'all gotta find a solution, not just fight and stop talking for a few days.