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I'm bored, let's start a joke thread.

Stardar1
By Stardar1
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Make me laugh

 

black_hole.png

It also brings all the boys (and everything else) to my yard)

 

 

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10 minutes ago, Stardar1 said:

Well, with an i7, GTX 1080, Full tower and flashy lights, it can obviously only be for one thing:

Solitaire. 

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This one's in my sig..and it's more of a pun than a joke but...

 

I don't like 2D games. I just couldn't get into them...

 

No? Ok.:$

I don't like 2D games...I just couldn't get into them.. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

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1 minute ago, AstroBenny said:

This one's in my sig..and it's more of a pun than a joke but...

 

I don't like 2D games. I just couldn't get into them...

 

No? Ok.:$

YES! Puns are amazing. 

Different PCPartPickers for different countries:

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10 minutes ago, Stardar1 said:

Well, with an i7, GTX 1080, Full tower and flashy lights, it can obviously only be for one thing:

Solitaire. 

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Schrödinger walks into a room with a box in his hands. Oppenheimer is sitting in the room and asks Schrödinger:

 

Oppenheimer: Schrödinger, is your cat in that box?

Schrödinger: Yes.

Oppenheimer: Is it dead or alive?

Schrödinger: Yes.

Nova doctrina terribilis sit perdere

Audio format guides: Vinyl records | Cassette tapes

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1 minute ago, Stardar1 said:

That's... Pretty terrible, just like my joke about paper!

 

(better if read aloud)

All right. I admit ..It is. I know good jokes but most of them don't make any sense in english.

Let me try once more.

 

What happens when judge will decide to become a chef?

Just ice will be served.

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1 minute ago, Volbet said:

Schrödinger walks into a room with a box in his hands. Oppenheimer is sitting in the room and asks Schrödinger:

 

Oppenheimer: Schrödinger, is your cat in that box?

Schrödinger: Yes.

Oppenheimer: Is it dead or alive?

Schrödinger: Yes.

If we are going into this realm, I have a good one. 

 

Einstein, Newton and Pascal are playing hide-and-seek

 

Einstein is seeking, and pascal runs and hides, but not Newton, Newton draws a square in the dirt and stands over it. 

 

Einstein opens his eyes and says "Ha! Newton! I found you"

 

But Newton replies "no, You found Pascal"

Different PCPartPickers for different countries:

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10 minutes ago, Stardar1 said:

Well, with an i7, GTX 1080, Full tower and flashy lights, it can obviously only be for one thing:

Solitaire. 

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2 minutes ago, Stardar1 said:

If we are going into this realm, I have a good one. 

 

Einstein, Newton and Pascal are playing hide-and-seek

 

Einstein is seeking, and pascal runs and hides, but not Newton, Newton draws a square in the dirt and stands over it. 

 

Einstein opens his eyes and says "Ha! Newton! I found you"

 

But Newton replies "no, You found Pascal"

Totally forgot about that one.

 

 

Girl is drowning in a lake and is calling for help. IT guy sees it and is deciding.

"Should I save her or should I save her as?"

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1 minute ago, WereCat said:

Totally forgot about that one.

 

 

Girl is drowning in a lake and is calling for help. IT guy sees it and is deciding.

"Should I save her or should I save her as?"

A polar bear goes swimming and calls out to a brown bear on the shore "Help! Help I'm dissolving!"

The brown bear replies "But bears are insoluble"

"That's easy for you to say! You're nonpolar!!!!"

Different PCPartPickers for different countries:

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10 minutes ago, Stardar1 said:

Well, with an i7, GTX 1080, Full tower and flashy lights, it can obviously only be for one thing:

Solitaire. 

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2 minutes ago, mikat said:

why the chemistry joke WHYYYYY 

All the good ones Argon, I know. 

 

But I still have to try periodically. 

Different PCPartPickers for different countries:

UK-----Italy----Canada-----Spain-----Germany-----Austrailia-----New Zealand-----'Murica-----France-----India

 

10 minutes ago, Stardar1 said:

Well, with an i7, GTX 1080, Full tower and flashy lights, it can obviously only be for one thing:

Solitaire. 

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7 minutes ago, Stardar1 said:

I had a joke about construction, but I'm still working on it. 

It's OK, you have to build on your skills.

I am so, so sorry for that.

Project White Lightning (My ITX Gaming PC): Core i5-4690K | CRYORIG H5 Ultimate | ASUS Maximus VII Impact | HyperX Savage 2x8GB DDR3 | Samsung 850 EVO 250GB | WD Black 1TB | Sapphire RX 480 8GB NITRO+ OC | Phanteks Enthoo EVOLV ITX | Corsair AX760 | LG 29UM67 | CM Storm Quickfire Ultimate | Logitech G502 Proteus Spectrum | HyperX Cloud II | Logitech Z333

Benchmark Results: 3DMark Firestrike: 10,528 | SteamVR VR Ready (avg. quality 7.1) | VRMark 7,004 (VR Ready)

 

Other systems I've built:

Core i3-6100 | CM Hyper 212 EVO | MSI H110M ECO | Corsair Vengeance LPX 1x8GB DDR4  | ADATA SP550 120GB | Seagate 500GB | EVGA ACX 2.0 GTX 1050 Ti | Fractal Design Core 1500 | Corsair CX450M

Core i5-4590 | Intel Stock Cooler | Gigabyte GA-H97N-WIFI | HyperX Savage 2x4GB DDR3 | Seagate 500GB | Intel Integrated HD Graphics | Fractal Design Arc Mini R2 | be quiet! Pure Power L8 350W

 

I am not a professional. I am not an expert. I am just a smartass. Don't try and blame me if you break something when acting upon my advice.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

...why are you still reading this?

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Just now, Stardar1 said:

I do not share your sense of humor it seems. 

Damn it!

I know good jokes.. I swear..fuck.

 

I will let my self out then.

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1 minute ago, Volbet said:

Q: What do they call the spot between Pamala Anderson's breasts?

  Reveal hidden contents

A: Silicone Valley

Kenshi walks into a bar, a table and a chair. 

 

1 minute ago, ThinkWithPortals said:

It's OK, you have to build on your skills.

 

I am so, so sorry for that.

I love bad puns. 

 

 

2 chemists walk into a bar, one asks for some H2O, his friend turns to him and says "why would you overcomplicate this just to make this confusing?" the first chemist's assassination attempt has failed.

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UK-----Italy----Canada-----Spain-----Germany-----Austrailia-----New Zealand-----'Murica-----France-----India

 

10 minutes ago, Stardar1 said:

Well, with an i7, GTX 1080, Full tower and flashy lights, it can obviously only be for one thing:

Solitaire. 

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Not relevant but still hilarious. God I love this show.

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eETuZBeSxuA

 

For some reason ltt doesn't want to show the youtube thumbnail.

 

 

 

i7 7700k @ 4.9ghz | Asus Maximus IX Hero | G.skill 32gb @ 3200 | Gtx 1080 classified | In win 909 | Samsung 960 pro 1tb | WD caviar blue 1tb x3 | Dell u3417w | Corsair H115i | Ducky premier dk9008p (mx reds) | Logitech g900 | Sennheiser hd 800s w/ hdvd 800 | Audioengine a5+ w/ s8

 

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3 minutes ago, eLucid said:

Not relevant but still hilarious. God I love this show.

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eETuZBeSxuA

 

I'm afraid that my current location will not allow me to view this video at this time

Different PCPartPickers for different countries:

UK-----Italy----Canada-----Spain-----Germany-----Austrailia-----New Zealand-----'Murica-----France-----India

 

10 minutes ago, Stardar1 said:

Well, with an i7, GTX 1080, Full tower and flashy lights, it can obviously only be for one thing:

Solitaire. 

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One electron says to another, "I'm about to lose an electron!" the other responds, "are you sure" the first says "I'm positive!"

 

Did you hear about oxygen and magnesium breaking up? I was like, OMg.

 

I'm sure I know more chem jokes, but they're not coming to me right now.

ASU

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Ooh, I've got another few!

There are 10 types of people in the world, those who understand binary and those who don't.

Two chemists walk into a restaurant. Chemist one says "I'll have some H2O." Chemist two says "I'll have some H2O too." The second chemist dies.

 

Project White Lightning (My ITX Gaming PC): Core i5-4690K | CRYORIG H5 Ultimate | ASUS Maximus VII Impact | HyperX Savage 2x8GB DDR3 | Samsung 850 EVO 250GB | WD Black 1TB | Sapphire RX 480 8GB NITRO+ OC | Phanteks Enthoo EVOLV ITX | Corsair AX760 | LG 29UM67 | CM Storm Quickfire Ultimate | Logitech G502 Proteus Spectrum | HyperX Cloud II | Logitech Z333

Benchmark Results: 3DMark Firestrike: 10,528 | SteamVR VR Ready (avg. quality 7.1) | VRMark 7,004 (VR Ready)

 

Other systems I've built:

Core i3-6100 | CM Hyper 212 EVO | MSI H110M ECO | Corsair Vengeance LPX 1x8GB DDR4  | ADATA SP550 120GB | Seagate 500GB | EVGA ACX 2.0 GTX 1050 Ti | Fractal Design Core 1500 | Corsair CX450M

Core i5-4590 | Intel Stock Cooler | Gigabyte GA-H97N-WIFI | HyperX Savage 2x4GB DDR3 | Seagate 500GB | Intel Integrated HD Graphics | Fractal Design Arc Mini R2 | be quiet! Pure Power L8 350W

 

I am not a professional. I am not an expert. I am just a smartass. Don't try and blame me if you break something when acting upon my advice.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

...why are you still reading this?

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You're so hot you denature me ;)

Star Citizen referral codes, to help support your fellow comrades!
UOLTT Discord server, come on over and chat!

i7 4790k/ Bequiet Pure Rock/Asrock h97 PRO4/ 8 GB Crucial TT/ Corsair RM 750/ H-440 Custom/  PNY GT 610

Damn you're like a modular human being. -ThatCoolBlueKidd

 
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1 minute ago, Hackentosher said:

One electron says to another, "I'm about to lose an electron!" the other responds, "are you sure" the first says "I'm positive!"

 

Did you hear about oxygen and magnesium breaking up? I was like, OMg.

 

I'm sure I know more chem jokes, but they're not coming to me right now.

(you screwed up the first one)

 

 

I asked the guy sitting next to me if he had any Sodium Bromide, he said NaBrO.

 

Oxygen an Potassium went on a date, it went OK

 

Nitrogen asking Oxygen out? Hahaha NO

 

My teacher threw Sodium Chloride at me, that's a salt.

 

You're a 10? On the pH scale maybe, cause you're basic.

 

What do you call a benzene ring made of iron?

Spoiler

A ferrous wheel

 

Hey, what do you call an avocado when it is cut into 6.02*10^23 pieces?

Spoiler

Guacamole

 

Are you made of copper and tellurium? Because you're CuTe

 

Where is the electron? That’s a tough one, I know where it probably is.

 

An electron is speeding down a highway when he is pulled over, the cop asks him "Do you know how fast you were going"? The electron replies "No, but I know where I am"

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UK-----Italy----Canada-----Spain-----Germany-----Austrailia-----New Zealand-----'Murica-----France-----India

 

10 minutes ago, Stardar1 said:

Well, with an i7, GTX 1080, Full tower and flashy lights, it can obviously only be for one thing:

Solitaire. 

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2 minutes ago, ThinkWithPortals said:

Ooh, I've got another few!

There are 10 types of people in the world, those who understand binary and those who don't.

Two chemists walk into a restaurant. Chemist one says "I'll have some H2O." Chemist two says "I'll have some H2O too." The second chemist dies.

 

No, you screwed it up!

 

There are 10 types of people in the world, those who understand binary and those who don't.

 

And those who didn't expect this joke to be in base 3. 

 

 

And I already posted a variation of the H2O2 joke

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10 minutes ago, Stardar1 said:

Well, with an i7, GTX 1080, Full tower and flashy lights, it can obviously only be for one thing:

Solitaire. 

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I AM SO SORRY

 

 

Math puns are the first sine of madness

 

Excuse me, can you cosine this for me?

 

Sorry, I went off on a bit of a tangent there, back to math puns.

 

You C, one has to differentiate from math puns and normal puns, otherwise you may hit your lim.

 

If one hits their limit of math puns, going out into nature and logging roots of trees is a great way to relax.

 

If you C anybody with euly hair, do not talk to them about math puns, they use too much hair product.

 

Look, do I need to plot this down for you?

 

Look, I'm being rational, stop acting like i am imaginary!

 

Math puns are radical, I don’t know why you are being such a conjugate.

 

This conversation isn't making a difference is it?

 

Do I need to point out that you have to stay positive?

 

Please don't deviate from this conversation!

 

I'm going to be square with you here.

 

You just have to divide the math puns from the others!

 

And after a long day of math punning, make sure to eat some pi.

 

Looks like I'm out of math puns, I will have to think of sum more.

Different PCPartPickers for different countries:

UK-----Italy----Canada-----Spain-----Germany-----Austrailia-----New Zealand-----'Murica-----France-----India

 

10 minutes ago, Stardar1 said:

Well, with an i7, GTX 1080, Full tower and flashy lights, it can obviously only be for one thing:

Solitaire. 

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Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like banana.

====>The car thread<====>Dark Souls thread<====>Placeholder<====
"Life is like a raging river, Its gonna get rough downstream. And people's gonna piss in it" 

"Who discovered we could get milk from cows, and what did he THINK he was doing at the time?"

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Golly, the rotation of the earth really just... Makes my day.

 

Alright, I'll go kill myself now.

Updated 2021 Desktop || 3700x || Asus x570 Tuf Gaming || 32gb Predator 3200mhz || 2080s XC Ultra || MSI 1440p144hz || DT990 + HD660 || GoXLR + ifi Zen Can || Avermedia Livestreamer 513 ||

New Home Dedicated Game Server || Xeon E5 2630Lv3 || 16gb 2333mhz ddr4 ECC || 2tb Sata SSD || 8tb Nas HDD || Radeon 6450 1g display adapter ||

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