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carguy86
By carguy86
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I feel better for a bit. But then its just me going to the same way of dealing with my emotions by bottling them up.

 

How often do you let all of that stuff out?

"I try to put good out into the world...that way I can believe it's out there." --CKN                  “How people treat you is their karma; how you react is yours.” --Wayne Dyer            

[Needs Updating] My PC: i5-10600K @TBD / 32GB DDR4 @4000MHz / Z490 AORUS Elite AC / Titan RTX / Samsung 1TB 960 Evo / EVGA SuperNova 850 T2

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How often do you let all of that stuff out?

Probably 4-5 times a week, sometimes it can be at work other times it will be just me listing to music or biking around.

|King Of The Lost|
Project Dark: i7 7820x 5.1GHz | X299 Dark | Trident Z 32GB 3200MHz | GTX 1080Ti Hybrid | Corsair 760t | 1TB Samsung 860 Pro | EVGA Supernova G2 850w | H110i GTX
Lava: i9 12900k 5.1GHz (Undervolted to 1.26v)| MSI z690 Pro DDR4| Dominator Platnium 32GB 3800MHz| Power Color Red Devil RX 6950 XT| Seasonic Focus Platnium 850w| NZXT Kraken Z53
Unholy Rampage: i7 5930k 4.7GHz 4.4 Ring| X99 Rampage|Ripjaws IV 16GB 2800 CL13| GTX 1080 Strix(Custom XOC Signed BIOS) | Seasonic Focus Platinum 850w |H100i v2 
Revenge of 775: Pentium 641 | Biostar TPower i45| Crucial Tracer 1066 DDR2 | GTX 580 Classified Ultra | EVGA 650 BQ | Noctua NH D14

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Probably 4-5 times a week, sometimes it can be at work other times it will be just me listing to music or biking around.

 

So is it the stuff you need to talk about that feels like it's bottled up?

 

It sounds like you know how to let your emotions out?

"I try to put good out into the world...that way I can believe it's out there." --CKN                  “How people treat you is their karma; how you react is yours.” --Wayne Dyer            

[Needs Updating] My PC: i5-10600K @TBD / 32GB DDR4 @4000MHz / Z490 AORUS Elite AC / Titan RTX / Samsung 1TB 960 Evo / EVGA SuperNova 850 T2

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So is it the stuff you need to talk about that feels like it's bottled up?

 

It sounds like you know how to let your emotions out?

Its stuff I know I should talk about when I have the chance but don't want to talk about.  Its a conflict between my emotions and better judgment.

This was the last song I listened to when I had a break down.

|King Of The Lost|
Project Dark: i7 7820x 5.1GHz | X299 Dark | Trident Z 32GB 3200MHz | GTX 1080Ti Hybrid | Corsair 760t | 1TB Samsung 860 Pro | EVGA Supernova G2 850w | H110i GTX
Lava: i9 12900k 5.1GHz (Undervolted to 1.26v)| MSI z690 Pro DDR4| Dominator Platnium 32GB 3800MHz| Power Color Red Devil RX 6950 XT| Seasonic Focus Platnium 850w| NZXT Kraken Z53
Unholy Rampage: i7 5930k 4.7GHz 4.4 Ring| X99 Rampage|Ripjaws IV 16GB 2800 CL13| GTX 1080 Strix(Custom XOC Signed BIOS) | Seasonic Focus Platinum 850w |H100i v2 
Revenge of 775: Pentium 641 | Biostar TPower i45| Crucial Tracer 1066 DDR2 | GTX 580 Classified Ultra | EVGA 650 BQ | Noctua NH D14

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Its stuff I know I should talk about when I have the chance but don't want to talk about.  Its a conflict between my emotions and better judgment.

This was the last song I listened to when I had a break down.

 

What makes you think you shouldn't talk about the stuff you need to talk about? :0/

"I try to put good out into the world...that way I can believe it's out there." --CKN                  “How people treat you is their karma; how you react is yours.” --Wayne Dyer            

[Needs Updating] My PC: i5-10600K @TBD / 32GB DDR4 @4000MHz / Z490 AORUS Elite AC / Titan RTX / Samsung 1TB 960 Evo / EVGA SuperNova 850 T2

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What makes you think you shouldn't talk about the stuff you need to talk about? :0/

Being afraid of the outcome, the response, the feedback.

|King Of The Lost|
Project Dark: i7 7820x 5.1GHz | X299 Dark | Trident Z 32GB 3200MHz | GTX 1080Ti Hybrid | Corsair 760t | 1TB Samsung 860 Pro | EVGA Supernova G2 850w | H110i GTX
Lava: i9 12900k 5.1GHz (Undervolted to 1.26v)| MSI z690 Pro DDR4| Dominator Platnium 32GB 3800MHz| Power Color Red Devil RX 6950 XT| Seasonic Focus Platnium 850w| NZXT Kraken Z53
Unholy Rampage: i7 5930k 4.7GHz 4.4 Ring| X99 Rampage|Ripjaws IV 16GB 2800 CL13| GTX 1080 Strix(Custom XOC Signed BIOS) | Seasonic Focus Platinum 850w |H100i v2 
Revenge of 775: Pentium 641 | Biostar TPower i45| Crucial Tracer 1066 DDR2 | GTX 580 Classified Ultra | EVGA 650 BQ | Noctua NH D14

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Being afraid of the outcome, the response, the feedback.

 

Even from your counselors?

"I try to put good out into the world...that way I can believe it's out there." --CKN                  “How people treat you is their karma; how you react is yours.” --Wayne Dyer            

[Needs Updating] My PC: i5-10600K @TBD / 32GB DDR4 @4000MHz / Z490 AORUS Elite AC / Titan RTX / Samsung 1TB 960 Evo / EVGA SuperNova 850 T2

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Even from your counselors?

Even from them, I am afraid. 

|King Of The Lost|
Project Dark: i7 7820x 5.1GHz | X299 Dark | Trident Z 32GB 3200MHz | GTX 1080Ti Hybrid | Corsair 760t | 1TB Samsung 860 Pro | EVGA Supernova G2 850w | H110i GTX
Lava: i9 12900k 5.1GHz (Undervolted to 1.26v)| MSI z690 Pro DDR4| Dominator Platnium 32GB 3800MHz| Power Color Red Devil RX 6950 XT| Seasonic Focus Platnium 850w| NZXT Kraken Z53
Unholy Rampage: i7 5930k 4.7GHz 4.4 Ring| X99 Rampage|Ripjaws IV 16GB 2800 CL13| GTX 1080 Strix(Custom XOC Signed BIOS) | Seasonic Focus Platinum 850w |H100i v2 
Revenge of 775: Pentium 641 | Biostar TPower i45| Crucial Tracer 1066 DDR2 | GTX 580 Classified Ultra | EVGA 650 BQ | Noctua NH D14

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Even from them, I am afraid. 

 

Don't you trust them to be able to help you?

"I try to put good out into the world...that way I can believe it's out there." --CKN                  “How people treat you is their karma; how you react is yours.” --Wayne Dyer            

[Needs Updating] My PC: i5-10600K @TBD / 32GB DDR4 @4000MHz / Z490 AORUS Elite AC / Titan RTX / Samsung 1TB 960 Evo / EVGA SuperNova 850 T2

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Don't you trust them to be able to help you?

I want to trust them but I feel like I can't. Its probably due to me feeling like I need to always protect myself from being hurt anymore.

|King Of The Lost|
Project Dark: i7 7820x 5.1GHz | X299 Dark | Trident Z 32GB 3200MHz | GTX 1080Ti Hybrid | Corsair 760t | 1TB Samsung 860 Pro | EVGA Supernova G2 850w | H110i GTX
Lava: i9 12900k 5.1GHz (Undervolted to 1.26v)| MSI z690 Pro DDR4| Dominator Platnium 32GB 3800MHz| Power Color Red Devil RX 6950 XT| Seasonic Focus Platnium 850w| NZXT Kraken Z53
Unholy Rampage: i7 5930k 4.7GHz 4.4 Ring| X99 Rampage|Ripjaws IV 16GB 2800 CL13| GTX 1080 Strix(Custom XOC Signed BIOS) | Seasonic Focus Platinum 850w |H100i v2 
Revenge of 775: Pentium 641 | Biostar TPower i45| Crucial Tracer 1066 DDR2 | GTX 580 Classified Ultra | EVGA 650 BQ | Noctua NH D14

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I want to trust them but I feel like I can't. Its probably due to me feeling like I need to always protect myself from being hurt anymore.

 

What is it that you're worried might happen if you do choose to trust them? :0/

"I try to put good out into the world...that way I can believe it's out there." --CKN                  “How people treat you is their karma; how you react is yours.” --Wayne Dyer            

[Needs Updating] My PC: i5-10600K @TBD / 32GB DDR4 @4000MHz / Z490 AORUS Elite AC / Titan RTX / Samsung 1TB 960 Evo / EVGA SuperNova 850 T2

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What is it that you're worried might happen if you do choose to trust them?

Abuse

Emotional Trauma 

Conflict

|King Of The Lost|
Project Dark: i7 7820x 5.1GHz | X299 Dark | Trident Z 32GB 3200MHz | GTX 1080Ti Hybrid | Corsair 760t | 1TB Samsung 860 Pro | EVGA Supernova G2 850w | H110i GTX
Lava: i9 12900k 5.1GHz (Undervolted to 1.26v)| MSI z690 Pro DDR4| Dominator Platnium 32GB 3800MHz| Power Color Red Devil RX 6950 XT| Seasonic Focus Platnium 850w| NZXT Kraken Z53
Unholy Rampage: i7 5930k 4.7GHz 4.4 Ring| X99 Rampage|Ripjaws IV 16GB 2800 CL13| GTX 1080 Strix(Custom XOC Signed BIOS) | Seasonic Focus Platinum 850w |H100i v2 
Revenge of 775: Pentium 641 | Biostar TPower i45| Crucial Tracer 1066 DDR2 | GTX 580 Classified Ultra | EVGA 650 BQ | Noctua NH D14

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So I came out to my mom tonight, and got a reaction that I was dreading from her. 

 

:(

Main rig on profile

VAULT - File Server

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Intel Core i5 11400 w/ Shadow Rock LP, 2x16GB SP GAMING 3200MHz CL16, ASUS PRIME Z590-A, 2x LSI 9211-8i, Fractal Define 7, 256GB Team MP33, 3x 6TB WD Red Pro (general storage), 3x 1TB Seagate Barracuda (dumping ground), 3x 8TB WD White-Label (Plex) (all 3 arrays in their respective Windows Parity storage spaces), Corsair RM750x, Windows 11 Education

Sleeper HP Pavilion A6137C

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Intel Core i7 6700K @ 4.4GHz, 4x8GB G.SKILL Ares 1800MHz CL10, ASUS Z170M-E D3, 128GB Team MP33, 1TB Seagate Barracuda, 320GB Samsung Spinpoint (for video capture), MSI GTX 970 100ME, EVGA 650G1, Windows 10 Pro

Mac Mini (Late 2020)

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Consoles: Softmodded 1.4 Xbox w/ 500GB HDD, Xbox 360 Elite 120GB Falcon, XB1X w/2TB MX500, Xbox Series X, PS1 1001, PS2 Slim 70000 w/ FreeMcBoot, PS4 Pro 7015B 1TB (retired), PS5 Digital, Nintendo Switch OLED, Nintendo Wii RVL-001 (black)

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Abuse

Emotional Trauma 

Conflict

 

You think they may abuse you and cause you emotional trauma? :0/

 

Why do you think that? :0/

 

@KingCry Are you sure you don't want to take this to a pm? You're okay talking about it here?

"I try to put good out into the world...that way I can believe it's out there." --CKN                  “How people treat you is their karma; how you react is yours.” --Wayne Dyer            

[Needs Updating] My PC: i5-10600K @TBD / 32GB DDR4 @4000MHz / Z490 AORUS Elite AC / Titan RTX / Samsung 1TB 960 Evo / EVGA SuperNova 850 T2

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You think they may abuse you and cause you emotional trauma? :0/

 

Why do you think that? :0/

Thats pretty how my life was pre 2012 its a constant worry for me now.

Unless a mod asks us to move it to a PM I'm fine.

|King Of The Lost|
Project Dark: i7 7820x 5.1GHz | X299 Dark | Trident Z 32GB 3200MHz | GTX 1080Ti Hybrid | Corsair 760t | 1TB Samsung 860 Pro | EVGA Supernova G2 850w | H110i GTX
Lava: i9 12900k 5.1GHz (Undervolted to 1.26v)| MSI z690 Pro DDR4| Dominator Platnium 32GB 3800MHz| Power Color Red Devil RX 6950 XT| Seasonic Focus Platnium 850w| NZXT Kraken Z53
Unholy Rampage: i7 5930k 4.7GHz 4.4 Ring| X99 Rampage|Ripjaws IV 16GB 2800 CL13| GTX 1080 Strix(Custom XOC Signed BIOS) | Seasonic Focus Platinum 850w |H100i v2 
Revenge of 775: Pentium 641 | Biostar TPower i45| Crucial Tracer 1066 DDR2 | GTX 580 Classified Ultra | EVGA 650 BQ | Noctua NH D14

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Thats pretty how my life was pre 2012 its a constant worry for me now.

 

You were abused by one of your counselors? ...or in the ward?

 

I'm not sure I understand?

"I try to put good out into the world...that way I can believe it's out there." --CKN                  “How people treat you is their karma; how you react is yours.” --Wayne Dyer            

[Needs Updating] My PC: i5-10600K @TBD / 32GB DDR4 @4000MHz / Z490 AORUS Elite AC / Titan RTX / Samsung 1TB 960 Evo / EVGA SuperNova 850 T2

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You were abused by one of your counselors? ...or in the ward?

 

I'm not sure I understand?

The ward and my dad when I was younger.

|King Of The Lost|
Project Dark: i7 7820x 5.1GHz | X299 Dark | Trident Z 32GB 3200MHz | GTX 1080Ti Hybrid | Corsair 760t | 1TB Samsung 860 Pro | EVGA Supernova G2 850w | H110i GTX
Lava: i9 12900k 5.1GHz (Undervolted to 1.26v)| MSI z690 Pro DDR4| Dominator Platnium 32GB 3800MHz| Power Color Red Devil RX 6950 XT| Seasonic Focus Platnium 850w| NZXT Kraken Z53
Unholy Rampage: i7 5930k 4.7GHz 4.4 Ring| X99 Rampage|Ripjaws IV 16GB 2800 CL13| GTX 1080 Strix(Custom XOC Signed BIOS) | Seasonic Focus Platinum 850w |H100i v2 
Revenge of 775: Pentium 641 | Biostar TPower i45| Crucial Tracer 1066 DDR2 | GTX 580 Classified Ultra | EVGA 650 BQ | Noctua NH D14

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The ward and my dad when I was younger.

 

Who have you told about it? :0/

"I try to put good out into the world...that way I can believe it's out there." --CKN                  “How people treat you is their karma; how you react is yours.” --Wayne Dyer            

[Needs Updating] My PC: i5-10600K @TBD / 32GB DDR4 @4000MHz / Z490 AORUS Elite AC / Titan RTX / Samsung 1TB 960 Evo / EVGA SuperNova 850 T2

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Who have you told about it? :0/

Teachers, police, friends when ever it happens people were always told but nothing was ever done more then them tell him not to let it happen again.

|King Of The Lost|
Project Dark: i7 7820x 5.1GHz | X299 Dark | Trident Z 32GB 3200MHz | GTX 1080Ti Hybrid | Corsair 760t | 1TB Samsung 860 Pro | EVGA Supernova G2 850w | H110i GTX
Lava: i9 12900k 5.1GHz (Undervolted to 1.26v)| MSI z690 Pro DDR4| Dominator Platnium 32GB 3800MHz| Power Color Red Devil RX 6950 XT| Seasonic Focus Platnium 850w| NZXT Kraken Z53
Unholy Rampage: i7 5930k 4.7GHz 4.4 Ring| X99 Rampage|Ripjaws IV 16GB 2800 CL13| GTX 1080 Strix(Custom XOC Signed BIOS) | Seasonic Focus Platinum 850w |H100i v2 
Revenge of 775: Pentium 641 | Biostar TPower i45| Crucial Tracer 1066 DDR2 | GTX 580 Classified Ultra | EVGA 650 BQ | Noctua NH D14

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Teachers, police, friends when ever it happens people were always told but nothing was ever done more then them tell him not to let it happen again.

 

But it doesn't happen any more?

 

You said it happened when you were younger?

"I try to put good out into the world...that way I can believe it's out there." --CKN                  “How people treat you is their karma; how you react is yours.” --Wayne Dyer            

[Needs Updating] My PC: i5-10600K @TBD / 32GB DDR4 @4000MHz / Z490 AORUS Elite AC / Titan RTX / Samsung 1TB 960 Evo / EVGA SuperNova 850 T2

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But it doesn't happen any more?

 

You said it happened when you were younger?

it hasn't happened yet since 2012, I wait everyday expecting to come home and him just lose it and have it start back up again.

|King Of The Lost|
Project Dark: i7 7820x 5.1GHz | X299 Dark | Trident Z 32GB 3200MHz | GTX 1080Ti Hybrid | Corsair 760t | 1TB Samsung 860 Pro | EVGA Supernova G2 850w | H110i GTX
Lava: i9 12900k 5.1GHz (Undervolted to 1.26v)| MSI z690 Pro DDR4| Dominator Platnium 32GB 3800MHz| Power Color Red Devil RX 6950 XT| Seasonic Focus Platnium 850w| NZXT Kraken Z53
Unholy Rampage: i7 5930k 4.7GHz 4.4 Ring| X99 Rampage|Ripjaws IV 16GB 2800 CL13| GTX 1080 Strix(Custom XOC Signed BIOS) | Seasonic Focus Platinum 850w |H100i v2 
Revenge of 775: Pentium 641 | Biostar TPower i45| Crucial Tracer 1066 DDR2 | GTX 580 Classified Ultra | EVGA 650 BQ | Noctua NH D14

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it hasn't happened yet since 2012, I wait everyday expecting to come home and him just lose it and have it start back up again.

 

What was it that used to make him loose his temper? 

"I try to put good out into the world...that way I can believe it's out there." --CKN                  “How people treat you is their karma; how you react is yours.” --Wayne Dyer            

[Needs Updating] My PC: i5-10600K @TBD / 32GB DDR4 @4000MHz / Z490 AORUS Elite AC / Titan RTX / Samsung 1TB 960 Evo / EVGA SuperNova 850 T2

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What is it called if?:

-Hetero

-But barely any attraction to someone... like I don't care

Apathetic?

 

If women get your dick up but you don't have much sex drive, you're a heterosexual with low sex drive

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What was it that used to make him loose his temper?

I never understood what caused it. I feel like it was over stupid little things.

|King Of The Lost|
Project Dark: i7 7820x 5.1GHz | X299 Dark | Trident Z 32GB 3200MHz | GTX 1080Ti Hybrid | Corsair 760t | 1TB Samsung 860 Pro | EVGA Supernova G2 850w | H110i GTX
Lava: i9 12900k 5.1GHz (Undervolted to 1.26v)| MSI z690 Pro DDR4| Dominator Platnium 32GB 3800MHz| Power Color Red Devil RX 6950 XT| Seasonic Focus Platnium 850w| NZXT Kraken Z53
Unholy Rampage: i7 5930k 4.7GHz 4.4 Ring| X99 Rampage|Ripjaws IV 16GB 2800 CL13| GTX 1080 Strix(Custom XOC Signed BIOS) | Seasonic Focus Platinum 850w |H100i v2 
Revenge of 775: Pentium 641 | Biostar TPower i45| Crucial Tracer 1066 DDR2 | GTX 580 Classified Ultra | EVGA 650 BQ | Noctua NH D14

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I never understood what caused it. I feel like it was over stupid little things.

 

But if you could tell all of those people before what's stopping you from talking about that kind of stuff now?

 

Edit: sorry, I meant I'm a bit confused?

"I try to put good out into the world...that way I can believe it's out there." --CKN                  “How people treat you is their karma; how you react is yours.” --Wayne Dyer            

[Needs Updating] My PC: i5-10600K @TBD / 32GB DDR4 @4000MHz / Z490 AORUS Elite AC / Titan RTX / Samsung 1TB 960 Evo / EVGA SuperNova 850 T2

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