At what age will let kids date?

[Guest]

Just now, pythonmegapixel said:

To be fair, that's an America problem not a teen dating problem... if you live somewhere where things aren't zoned so strictly or spread a long way apart - i.e. when you live somewhere not built for cars - then that issue simply disappears...

 

Regrettably the UK, where I live, has similar problems in some areas, though not to the same magnitude.

Yeah where I live is the ultimate in suburban sprawl. People who live here commute a half hour away and the nearest shopping center is at least a 10 minute drive. Driving is considered a major step toward autonomy.

[pythonmegapixel]

5 minutes ago, Kylan275 said:

Yeah where I live is the ultimate in suburban sprawl. People who live here commute a half hour away and the nearest shopping center is at least a 10 minute drive. Driving is considered a major step toward autonomy.

Indeed. I live a few minutes walk from a station where there is a bus into the town centre every 15 minutes or a train every hour; as such I don't drive into the town centre (not that I have a car).

 

However in some parts of the country a car is still required for anything.

[BlueChinchillaEatingDorito]

Honestly I think 16 is an okay age as long as they do understand that this person might not be the one the wound up being with for the rest of their lives. At that age, things are more complicated than whether or not two people like each other. Like others have probably mentioned, there might be cultural barriers, time commitment limitations, heck even logistical barriers. My ex was called a slut by her family back in her home country when they heard the news she was dating before she was 19. I know she said she didn't care what they said, but deep down I knew that took a major toll on her.

 

I was in my senior year which meant I was spending considerable time on my studies to get into University and she was close behind. And then we have the logistical part. We were literally living on opposite corners of Metro Vancouver, 50km apart. With no car since we're still teenagers and it being a long and tedious transit ride (2 hours one way with dozens of transfers), it was near impossible to meet up in person. Plus her parents would know and yea, what was mentioned before. 

 

Do I regret it? Other than loosing a good friend when we broke up on a sour note, no. I learned a lot about myself and what it takes to take care of someone intimate. And that's all you can really wish for when dating at such a young age. 

[Whiskers]

Thread cleaned.

 

Please remember that political debates and discussions aren't allowed on the site, as per the Community Standards. This includes incendiary topics such as abortion and birth control.

[whm1974]

38 minutes ago, Whiskers said:

Thread cleaned.

 

Please remember that political debates and discussions aren't allowed on the site, as per the Community Standards. This includes incendiary topics such as abortion and birth control.

Sorry. I didn't mean to violate Community Standards. But I don't see such Topics as Birth Control as remotely Incendiary nor Political in 2020. I will however follow the Rules here.

[Whiskers]

Just now, whm1974 said:

Sorry. I didn't mean to violate Community Standards. But I don't see such Topics as Birth Control as remotely Incendiary nor Political in 2020. I will however follow the Rules here.

Whether they should or shouldn't be is a discussion in and of itself, but unfortunately the reality is that they are definitely incendiary, in so much as discussions relating to them often quickly descend into outright flamewars and insult-flinging. It's one of those topics that can bring about some of the strongest emotions in people.

[whm1974]

14 minutes ago, FoxMan said:

I think children can start dating when they begin to understand their feelings and the feelings of a partner. This is very difficult and important for a relationship.  Parents need to talk to their child, read books with them, watch videos.

Well yes of course Parents should be doing this well before their offspring start Dating, much less do anyway thing beyond that...

[Dundee]

When I get kids hopefully in the future, probably around 16-17. I hope 19-20 though since I want them to be serious and not be a 1 month thing.

[Giganthrax]

My best friend from elementary school had his first girlfriend at 13 or so, then his second girlfriend at 14. Each of these relationships was about a year long or so.

 

Ofc he was obviously physically more mature than the rest of us. Was hairy, had a "manlier" build, and a little mustache years before I did.

[IkeaGnome]

The way I see it, if kids want to date they'll date. If you say no, they'll just do it behind your back. I think it's better to talk to them about it and be open. Helps turn something that's a "NO" without your support to "Watch out for this and that. Don't make them more important than yourself etc" I think it's one of those things that there are healthy ways to do it and unhealthy ways to do it. I'd rather them have relationships in a healthy way regardless.

[pythonmegapixel]

1 minute ago, Voluspa said:

The way I see it, if kids want to date they'll date. If you say no, they'll just do it behind your back. I think it's better to talk to them about it and be open.

That is a very pragmatic view in my opinion.

[IkeaGnome]

2 minutes ago, pythonmegapixel said:

That is a very pragmatic view in my opinion.

It's how I was introduced to it and drinking. Worked for me. 27, I did stupid things around......dating..... in high school, but because I knew options and....backup.... options, I don't have kids yet. Not quite ready for them yet. 

As far as drinking when I was 11 or 12 I started asking my dad more and more about what he was drinking. Turned into me and a good friend (his boss' son who we all 4 hung out all the time) sharing an occasional beer when we were out fishing or camping. When everyone else hit high school and alcohol was thing new "taboo" thing people could get he and I avoided parties because it wasn't new to us. We avoided a lot of trouble with that. I also had this rule once I got my license. If I drank I drank. Just don't drive. Call my mom, dad or step dad at any time and they'd come pick me up instead of driving and I wouldn't get in trouble. I used that a few times and they held to me not getting in trouble. Avoided potential DUIs and some really bad situations with it.

[dalekphalm]

9 hours ago, dundee said:

When I get kids hopefully in the future, probably around 16-17. I hope 19-20 though since I want them to be serious and not be a 1 month thing.

There’s absolutely nothing wrong with having a short relationship in school that only lasts a few weeks or a month. It builds their skills and experience. 
 

If they want to date before 16, you won’t stop them. At best you’ll just alienate them and push them away from you. 
 

instead, teach them and support them. 

[Dundee]

8 minutes ago, dalekphalm said:

There’s absolutely nothing wrong with having a short relationship in school that only lasts a few weeks or a month. It builds their skills and experience. 
 

If they want to date before 16, you won’t stop them. At best you’ll just alienate them and push them away from you. 
 

instead, teach them and support them. 

I agree, but personally, as long as they use protection, I'm fine.

[dalekphalm]

2 hours ago, dundee said:

I agree, but personally, as long as they use protection, I'm fine.

Hopefully there is robust sexual education where you live (this is not something I can assume). Either way, if you have kids, you'll educate them and ensure they practice safe sex.