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Best Tech Joke you know?

jameshumphries47
By jameshumphries47
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title says it all! everybody post your best tech joke you know! :) 

Heres mine! 

I walked into a technology shop, bought some stuff, as i walked out the alarms went off. I was really embarrassed! The security guards rush over to me! and Exclaim in a loud and meaningful tone, "Have you got anything Sharp in your pockets?" to which i reply "no, only Sony and Panasonic"!! :D

Check out my current projects: Selling site (Click Here)

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1. There are 10 types of people in the world: those who understand binary, and those who don't.

 

2. How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb? 

None. It's a hardware problem.

 

3. A SEO couple had twins. For the first time they were happy with duplicate content.

 

4. Why is it that programmers always confuse Halloween with Christmas? 

Because 31 OCT = 25 DEC

 

5. Why do they call it hyper text? 

Too much JAVA.

 

6. Why was the JavaScript developer sad? 

Because he didn't Node how to Express himself

 

7. In order to understand recursion you must first understand recursion.

 

8. Why do Java developers wear glasses? Because they can't C#

 

9. What do you call 8 hobbits? 

A hobbyte

 

10. Why did the developer go broke? 

Because he used up all his cache

 

11. Why did the geek add body { padding-top: 1000px; } to his Facebook profile? 

He wanted to keep a low profile.

 

12. An SEO expert walks into a bar, bars, pub, tavern, public house, Irish pub, drinks, beer, alcohol

 

13. I would tell you a UDP joke, but you might not get it.

 

14. 8 bytes walk into a bar, the bartenders asks "What will it be?"

One of them says, "Make us a double."

 

15. Two bytes meet. The first byte asks, "Are you ill?" 

The second byte replies, "No, just feeling a bit off."

 

16. These two strings walk into a bar and sit down. The bartender says, "So what'll it be?" 

The first string says, "I think I'll have a beer quag fulk boorg jdk^CjfdLk jk3s d#f67howe%^U r89nvy~~owmc63^Dz x.xvcu"

"Please excuse my friend," the second string says, "He isn't null-terminated."

 

17. "Knock, knock. Who's there?" 

very long pause...

"Java."

 

18. If you put a million monkeys on a million keyboards, one of them will eventually write a Java program. The rest of them will write Perl programs.

 

19. There's a band called 1023MB. They haven't had any gigs yet.

 

20. There are only two hard things in computer science: cache invalidation, naming things, and off-by-one errors.

heree copy pasta

 

 

 

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People say my computer jokes are bad, I tend to just not tech any notice.

Spoiler

CPU: AMD Ryzen 3700X | Mobo: ASUS Strix X570-I Gaming ITX | GPU: Nvidia GeForce RTX 3060 Ti Founders Edition | RAM: Corsair Vengeance RGB PRO 16GB 3600MHz | Storage: Corsair Force MP600 1TB PCI-e Gen 4 & 2x 2TB Seagate Barracuda | Cooler: Stock Prism | Case: NZXT H210i | PSU: Corsair CS500M

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AMD

Jk

 

 

i7-6700k  Cooling: Deepcool Captain 240EX White GPU: GTX 1080Ti EVGA FTW3 Mobo: AsRock Z170 Extreme4 Case: Phanteks P400s TG Special Black/White PSU: EVGA 850w GQ Ram: 64GB (3200Mhz 16x4 Corsair Vengeance RGB) Storage 1x 1TB Seagate Barracuda 240GBSandisk SSDPlus, 480GB OCZ Trion 150, 1TB Crucial NVMe
(Rest of Specs on Profile)

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why did the JAVA programmer wear glasses? because he cant C# :D

Check out my current projects: Selling site (Click Here)

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My best tech joke? That I know what I'm talking about when I give advice.

 

 

Also, like the other guy basically said: AMDs lineup of CPUs

#RIPTopGear  This is the best thread ever: http://linustechtips.com/main/topic/53190-i-can-not-get-hard/ " French meetings are just people sitting in a semi-circle shouting at each other" -Dom Jolly  :lol:

My rig: 

   CPU: Pentium G3258 @ 4.5GHz | GPU: GTX 760 reference | PSU: Corsair RM750 | Cooler: Cooler Master Seidon 120V | Motherboard: Gigabyte B85M D3H | Case: NZXT S340 White | RAM: 8GB EVO Potenza @ 1600MHz | Storage: 3TB Seagate HDD, 60GB OCZ SSD, 620GB Toshiba HDD | Mouse: Steelseries Rival @1000 CPi |  OS: Windows 10 Pro | Phone: iPhone 6S 16GB  
http://linustechtips.com/main/topic/439354-why-nvidia/
 
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Wikipedia: I know everything! Google: I have everything! Facebook: I know everybody! Internet: Without me you are nothing! Electricity: Keep talking bitches!

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There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer. When asked to define "Great" he said, "I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!" He now works for Microsoft, writing error messages.

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Where's the best place to hide a body? Page two of Google.

 

A wife send her husband an sms on a cold winter evening: "Windows frozen". The husband send answer back: "Pour some warm water over them". Some time later husband receives answer from his wife: "The computer is completely fucked now".

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A female secretary was helping her new boss set up his computer and asked him what word he would like to use as a password to log in with. Wanting to embarrass his new secretary a bit and let her know where they stood, he smugly told her to enter ‘penis.’ Without blinking or saying a word, she entered the password. She then almost died laughing at the computer’s response: PASSWORD REJECTED. NOT LONG ENOUGH

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more of a techie pick-up line:

wow, is your watercooling broken cause you are hot!

My pc:

http://pcpartpicker.com/p/dvcw23 

(Black Glacier)

 

My server:

Dual xeon x5679 processors, 24gb of ECC memory, Nvidia quadro 295 NVS and 48tb of storage.  (z600) 

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Not really my favorite (can't say I've seen any good  funny tech related jokes) but I found this one entertaining:

 

optimist_mouse_by_johnsu.png

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If Intel's main headquarters were located on an island, what would the road to it be called?

Sandy Bridge.

LTT's unofficial Windows activation expert.
 

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Not really my favorite (can't say I've seen any good  funny tech related jokes) but I found this one entertaining:

 

optimist_mouse_by_johnsu.png

ahh the good old days, aha where you would take other peoples roller balls out :D 

Check out my current projects: Selling site (Click Here)

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A blonde girl enters a store that sells curtains

She tells the salesman "I would like to buy a pink curtain in the size of my computer screen"

The surprised salesman replies "But, madam, computers don't have windows"

"Helloooo... I've got windows."

You are on a need to know basis, and you don't need to know.

 

 

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