Your take on how to ask someone out....

[spwath]

I just don't even know anymore.

 

So you became a creeper?

IDK.

 

Its really weird looking back.

 

But, Im not like that any more.

[Trik'Stari]

 Girls are naturally - no, wait, socially - defensive, so it's not gonna be just a matter of going up to some random chick and sayin' "wassup, wanna date?" That's not a good move for multiple reasons.

Just make/be friends with the person. Act normally around them, treat him/her as you would any other good friend of yours. That's how I interact with girls, and it slackens the tension that's there. Pat them on the back when they do a good job on something, put your arm around their shoulder when they're feeling down. Be relaxed around them and they'll be relaxed around you. The only difference there should be is what's between your legs and that is it. Members of the opposite sex don't (usually) bite, so just be normal.

Once you're close enough friends, ask them if they want to hang out somewhere. It doesn't have to be on a date per se, it can be with a larger group of friends (just make sure the gender groups are reasonably balanced -- some girls don't mind, but it's common that they'll feel singled out.) If that's enjoyable for you guys, then you can step it up a notch, maybe dinner somewhere, a film.... also try to make your goings-out something that both of you will enjoy, and not something where one of you will be ecstatic and the other bored out of his/her mind. Take it from there.

Things like this take time, it doesn't happen overnight. Get to know the person first so that they'll be more comfortable with the idea of going out with you.

 

Sources: I have never once dated a girl, but I prefer to keep my circle of friends balanced, and I find that just acting normally is the best thing to do when hanging out with them.

In my experience, this does not work AT ALL. Girls always end up friend zoning anyone who attempts to befriend them and then date them.

 

Instead, again this is from experience, girls (young ones anyways) will date anyone that treats them like crap, regardless of that persons worth or attractiveness. (AGAIN, these are just observations from my own time in high school, and personal experience). My thought is that young girls think this because when boys are "mean" to girls pre highschool/middle school, their mothers console them by telling them "that's just young boys way of showing you they like you". My sister agrees, (who's 8 years old than me) as our mother told her the same thing, at in high school she dated guys that treated her like crap.

[DigitalHermit]

Last time I asked someone out, I was all casual...

 

now that I think about it... she introduced me to her father on the same night...

 

and probably missed my chance making her my girlfriend...

 

and that was back when I still looked like a metalhead...

 

I'll go back in my feels corner for a bit...

[Kyuubixchidori]

In my experience, this does not work AT ALL. Girls always end up friend zoning anyone who attempts to befriend them and then date them.

 

Instead, again this is from experience, girls (young ones anyways) will date anyone that treats them like crap, regardless of that persons worth or attractiveness. (AGAIN, these are just observations from my own time in high school, and personal experience). My thought is that young girls think this because when boys are "mean" to girls pre highschool/middle school, their mothers console them by telling them "that's just young boys way of showing you they like you". My sister agrees, (who's 8 years old than me) as our mother told her the same thing, at in high school she dated guys that treated her like crap.

EHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

 

agree with first part 100%, not so much second.

 

when you met someone and you want to date them, you need to have the intent to date someone. you can not be just friends with someone you want to try and date. it simply just does not work. thats why the whole "friendzone" thing exists. guys try to be best friends with girls, then get mad when they wont date them.

 

 

well heres the thing, then you have no value to that girl as a boyfriend. because she will always have you as a best friend. and that is kind of where your logic comes in. basically no matter what happens they will still have you as a best friend, so why risk that with a relationship? they wont. they will only be in a realtionship with new people.

 

note* note all girls are 100% the same, and there are exceptions. 

[Trik'Stari]

EHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

 

agree with first part 100%, not so much second.

 

when you met someone and you want to date them, you need to have the intent to date someone. you can not be just friends with someone you want to try and date. it simply just does not work. thats why the whole "friendzone" thing exists. guys try to be best friends with girls, then get mad when they wont date them.

 

 

well heres the thing, then you have no value to that girl as a boyfriend. because she will always have you as a best friend. and that is kind of where your logic comes in. basically no matter what happens they will still have you as a best friend, so why risk that with a relationship? they wont. they will only be in a realtionship with new people.

 

note* note all girls are 100% the same, and there are exceptions. 

Again, from my experience, young girls throw themselves at guys with absolutely ZERO value, as men, as people, and as human beings.

[Kyuubixchidori]

Again, from my experience, young girls throw themselves at guys with absolutely ZERO value, as men, as people, and as human beings.

no wonder girls throw themselves at me constantly /s

 

once again, depends on the age we are talking about and the girl. from my experience, theres crowds of girls that will do that. it seems every freshmen/sophmore girl that is not a complete nerd is like that. as girls get older they tend to mature, and I just graduated, but senior girls seemed to be less like that. the one thing though is girls seem to get super attached to one person, and cant get over them no matter what. I seen a girl pretty much ruin her life over a guy simply because they had sex once, and now she wont let go. 

[Trik'Stari]

no wonder girls throw themselves at me constantly /s

 

once again, depends on the age we are talking about and the girl. from my experience, theres crowds of girls that will do that. it seems every freshmen/sophmore girl that is not a complete nerd is like that. as girls get older they tend to mature, and I just graduated, but senior girls seemed to be less like that. the one thing though is girls seem to get super attached to one person, and cant get over them no matter what. I seen a girl pretty much ruin her life over a guy simply because they had sex once, and now she wont let go. 

I've seen several girls do that. I've been dumped for a meth addict, and a heroin addict. and all I ever did was be a "nice guy" and act like I wanted to get to know them (in all honesty, I did, because sex isn't the only thing I care about) before jumping into their panties.

[Kyuubixchidori]

I've seen several girls do that. I've been dumped for a meth addict, and a heroin addict. and all I ever did was be a "nice guy" and act like I wanted to get to know them (in all honesty, I did, because sex isn't the only thing I care about) before jumping into their panties.

right, you care about PCs also.

 

girls are weird man. like contrary to what I been saying, the girl I took to prom and half seeing,(open relationship per say) is a super hot tatted up girl. but graduated from high school with a associates. so smart, hot as hell, and we been friends since childhood. yet we on and off date. But this seems to be the exception, and most girls will only hook up with new guys in there life. 

[Trik'Stari]

right, you care about PCs also.

 

girls are weird man. like contrary to what I been saying, the girl I took to prom and half seeing,(open relationship per say) is a super hot tatted up girl. but graduated from high school with a associates. so smart, hot as hell, and we been friends since childhood. yet we on and off date. But this seems to be the exception, and most girls will only hook up with new guys in there life. 

While I haven't had any friends since childhood (one of my biggest regrets) because my parents moved us around so much, I've been doing the same. Going out with girls I have something in common with, and they've all treated me like crap. Go to parties with them,, they ignore me, drive half way across the county (drunk and stoned, through the only town in the county) to pick them up because they're drunk at a party and some guy tried to molest them in their sleep, they go right back to dating that guy......because reasons.

 

 

Which is why I've become interested in Tgirls, they at least somewhat sane by comparison. Also, much more feminine acting....in my head lol.

 

Biggest problem there, is a lack of dating sites for men looking for T-girls.

[Kyuubixchidori]

While I haven't had any friends since childhood (one of my biggest regrets) because my parents moved us around so much, I've been doing the same. Going out with girls I have something in common with, and they've all treated me like crap. Go to parties with them,, they ignore me, drive half way across the county (drunk and stoned, through the only town in the county) to pick them up because they're drunk at a party and some guy tried to molest them in their sleep, they go right back to dating that guy......because reasons.

 

 

Which is why I've become interested in Tgirls, they at least somewhat sane by comparison. Also, much more feminine acting....in my head lol.

 

Biggest problem there, is a lack of dating sites for men looking for T-girls.

yeah, shes pretty much my only childhood friend i stay in touch with, as i moved around. we kind of just hook up when we are both single lol.

 

 

well, good luck. Im sure theres somewhere on the internet

[KemoKa]

In my experience, this does not work AT ALL. Girls always end up friend zoning anyone who attempts to befriend them and then date them.

 

Instead, again this is from experience, girls (young ones anyways) will date anyone that treats them like crap, regardless of that persons worth or attractiveness. (AGAIN, these are just observations from my own time in high school, and personal experience). My thought is that young girls think this because when boys are "mean" to girls pre highschool/middle school, their mothers console them by telling them "that's just young boys way of showing you they like you". My sister agrees, (who's 8 years old than me) as our mother told her the same thing, at in high school she dated guys that treated her like crap.

Same here, man, all this is just personal experience for me. I don't treat girls like most people expect people to treat girls (over-defensively), I just act like a normal person. I grew up with two girls as frequent playdates basically from birth, so as a result I have never thought of any gender difference as a barrier to just normal interaction. At high school, I hung out with a couple of girls but they were... statistical anomalies in that they were calm, level-headed and spent more time stabbing the A button on a DS than rapping away on a smartphone. On the other hand, for the most part, yeah, the vast majority of the girls at my school were your typical indecisive, insecure, attention-sucking, scatterbrained all-american high-school girls who changed relationships about as much as they got new phones, so I totally understand where you're coming from on that.

 

That said, I don't think the way to get a date (properly at least) is to just jump in, because any relationship you were hoping for will surely end overnight if they say yes instantly. Pretty much every high school relationship that I have watched from the sidelines has ended within the month, save ONE. I personally feel that anyone worth dating will take the time to get to know you rather than just be like "oh, a boy, yay #dating". Again, that's just based purely off of my own personal experience. People are different, and the girls I tend to hang out with are more likely to straight out smash someone in the face with their fists and head (in some cases their shinai) rather than slap them, so... to each their own.

[Trik'Stari]

Same here, man, all this is just personal experience for me. I don't treat girls like most people expect people to treat girls (over-defensively), I just act like a normal person. I grew up with two girls as frequent playdates basically from birth, so as a result I have never thought of any gender difference as a barrier to just normal interaction. At high school, I hung out with a couple of girls but they were... statistical anomalies in that they were calm, level-headed and spent more time stabbing the A button on a DS than rapping away on a smartphone. On the other hand, for the most part, yeah, the vast majority of the girls at my school were your typical indecisive, insecure, attention-sucking, scatterbrained all-american high-school girls who changed relationships about as much as they got new phones, so I totally understand where you're coming from on that.

 

That said, I don't think the way to get a date (properly at least) is to just jump in, because any relationship you were hoping for will surely end overnight if they say yes instantly. Pretty much every high school relationship that I have watched from the sidelines has ended within the month, save ONE. I personally feel that anyone worth dating will take the time to get to know you rather than just be like "oh, a boy, yay #dating". Again, that's just based purely off of my own personal experience. People are different, and the girls I tend to hang out with are more likely to straight out smash someone in the face with their fists and head (in some cases their shinai) rather than slap them, so... to each their own.

That's what I'm looking for, someone who plays games, is level headed, and wants to get to know someone, instead of using sex as an ice breaker and then uploading nude selfies to facebook.

 

But they also need to be an atheist like me. Smoke pot (or be okay with it), but not drink (yeah, I drink, but I don't enjoy it, I do it to sleep). etc, I'm basically looking for a female version of myself, only MUCH better looking lol

[KemoKa]

That's what I'm looking for, someone who plays games, is level headed, and wants to get to know someone, instead of using sex as an ice breaker and then uploading nude selfies to facebook.

 

But they also need to be an atheist like me. Smoke pot (or be okay with it), but not drink (yeah, I drink, but I don't enjoy it, I do it to sleep). etc, I'm basically looking for a female version of myself, only MUCH better looking lol

yeah, that's what I'd like, basically a female version of me. As far as I can guess, if I had an exact replica of myself, but a girl, she'd be basically the same as me except for the... bits. Probably even have the same build as me. I think it'd be really cool.

Ah, but I can only dream...

[Trik'Stari]

yeah, that's what I'd like, basically a female version of me. As far as I can guess, if I had an exact replica of myself, but a girl, she'd be basically the same as me except for the... bits. Probably even have the same build as me. I think it'd be really cool.

Ah, but I can only dream...

Personally I have 3 hopes.

 

1. I find that unicorn I'm looking for (stoner/gamer/survivalist skinny pale redhead with ridiculously long hair)

2. A lifelike android woman.

3. At some point in my lifetime, I can upload my consciousness to a computer, and live out the rest of eternity in pure fantasy.

 

that's about it.

[KemoKa]

Personally I have 3 hopes.

 

1. I find that unicorn I'm looking for (stoner/gamer/survivalist skinny pale redhead with ridiculously long hair)

2. A lifelike android woman.

3. At some point in my lifetime, I can upload my consciousness to a computer, and live out the rest of eternity in pure fantasy.

 

that's about it.

Mine is just that I find a girl who's more of a bro to me than anything else. That's all really.

[Trik'Stari]

Mine is just that I find a girl who's more of a bro to me than anything else. That's all really.

What a lot of people don't seem to get, is that being in a long term relationship is just as much about being friends, as it is being in love.

[KemoKa]

What a lot of people don't seem to get, is that being in a long term relationship is just as much about being friends, as it is being in love.

that was my whole point

[Trik'Stari]

that was my whole point

Now if only someone would tell all the females that.

[Ruostunut kokis]

A long wall of text:

 

In my experience, this does not work AT ALL. Girls always end up friend zoning anyone who attempts to befriend them and then date them.

 

Instead, again this is from experience, girls (young ones anyways) will date anyone that treats them like crap, regardless of that persons worth or attractiveness. (AGAIN, these are just observations from my own time in high school, and personal experience). My thought is that young girls think this because when boys are "mean" to girls pre highschool/middle school, their mothers console them by telling them "that's just young boys way of showing you they like you". My sister agrees, (who's 8 years old than me) as our mother told her the same thing, at in high school she dated guys that treated her like crap.

Pardon me, but I have to disagree a little bit with you there. This "friendzone" is just a made up thing by those people who believe they have chances, even though they might not actually have any. What I'm trying to say: if she/he is not into you, there's nothing you can do to change it (except in maybe 0.5% of the cases where you can make a difference), and all you can do is to move on. Though with that complicated girls you have mentioned, I'm not exactly surprised that basically none of these rules might apply, and/or they constantly change minds.

 

You can't also begin a relationship without being the person's friend, as the chances are the relationship will most likely fail if you are not a friend of theirs. And as I mentioned earlier, if the subject in question is not interested in you as more than just a friend, move on: forced relationships rarely work, if ever.

 

And when it comes to treating people like sh*t... It's about confidence. Confidence is very often found attractive, but unfortunately in this day's standards people think that confidence = acting like an asshole (which it's not, but the mean boys usually have confidence, which helps their situation), and showing confidence in other way is difficult.

 

 

What a lot of people don't seem to get, is that being in a long term relationship is just as much about being friends, as it is being in love.

Indeed. Couples should be best friends to each others. This is also why you need to become their friend in the first place.

 

 

That's what I'm looking for, someone who plays games, is level headed, and wants to get to know someone, instead of using sex as an ice breaker and then uploading nude selfies to facebook.

 

But they also need to be an atheist like me. Smoke pot (or be okay with it), but not drink (yeah, I drink, but I don't enjoy it, I do it to sleep). etc, I'm basically looking for a female version of myself, only MUCH better looking lol

yeah, that's what I'd like, basically a female version of me. As far as I can guess, if I had an exact replica of myself, but a girl, she'd be basically the same as me except for the... bits. Probably even have the same build as me. I think it'd be really cool.

Ah, but I can only dream...

They say that "Opposites do attract, but shared interests are a key part in compatibility". What this means is that it's good to have several shared interests and attributes, but if the two are too similar, the relationship might not work (it certainly can, though). It's good to have some differences too, for example to compensate for each other's weakness. But too different people (polar opposites) just aren't compatible, so there needs to be a suitable middle-ground.

 

 

Same here, man, all this is just personal experience for me. I don't treat girls like most people expect people to treat girls (over-defensively), I just act like a normal person. I grew up with two girls as frequent playdates basically from birth, so as a result I have never thought of any gender difference as a barrier to just normal interaction. At high school, I hung out with a couple of girls but they were... statistical anomalies in that they were calm, level-headed and spent more time stabbing the A button on a DS than rapping away on a smartphone. On the other hand, for the most part, yeah, the vast majority of the girls at my school were your typical indecisive, insecure, attention-sucking, scatterbrained all-american high-school girls who changed relationships about as much as they got new phones, so I totally understand where you're coming from on that.

 

That said, I don't think the way to get a date (properly at least) is to just jump in, because any relationship you were hoping for will surely end overnight if they say yes instantly. Pretty much every high school relationship that I have watched from the sidelines has ended within the month, save ONE. I personally feel that anyone worth dating will take the time to get to know you rather than just be like "oh, a boy, yay #dating". Again, that's just based purely off of my own personal experience. People are different, and the girls I tend to hang out with are more likely to straight out smash someone in the face with their fists and head (in some cases their shinai) rather than slap them, so... to each their own.

Are the people you hang around with kendo participants by any chance? :lol:  Shinai can hurt, but maybe less so than a fist...

 

I'm not good at social interactions, especially with people of opposite gender. But now I don't have much of an issue (or... then I'm equally as bad with everyone), because I (try to) treat everyone the same unless they act in a negative way.

 

 

 

 

 

What a lot of people don't seem to get, is that being in a long term relationship is just as much about being friends, as it is being in love.

that was my whole point 

Now if only someone would tell all the females that.

Now only if that would happen... Unfortunately human stupidity continues to be a thing that we can never get rid of.

 

 

 

 

This is all just my opinion, though.

[KemoKa]

A long wall of text:

 

Curse you, "Like" button, I can only press you once...

 

Yeah, a lot of the time having differences to compensate is one of the best things you can have, but it's different for different people. I think for my part, given my introverted-but-hug-loving-fangirlness, a perfect counterpart to myself would be a girl exactly like me. I function incredibly well with people who act and think like I do, and it doesn't really work with other sorts of people. Having someone like me would allow us to pursue all our goals together, and that's the kind of partner I'm looking for.

 

I was in Japan for quite a while, I'm sure at least one of the girls I hung out with was in Kendo-bu. (Kendo is mainly practised by girls these days in Japanese schools, along with archery - they're scary, dude!), Shinai are described as "far from dangerous", but that's totally wrong, those things hurt like hell. I guess the comment kind of just stemmed from my reverence for girls who hit hard when hard hitting is required.

 

Really, I just try and keep interactions with both guys and girls about the same. just treating them like I would any other person. It's a bit awkward for some, because I do the brotherly-pat-on-the-shoulder thing, which some girls wince at slightly, but they learn to get used to it. It takes away the tension is all. Girls need to be less defensive. Of course, there are creeps all over the place, you gotta watch out for those idiots, but if girls would just slacken their shoulders and relax a bit... be much better.

[Ruostunut kokis]

Curse you, "Like" button, I can only press you once...

 

Yeah, a lot of the time having differences to compensate is one of the best things you can have, but it's different for different people. I think for my part, given my introverted-but-hug-loving-fangirlness, a perfect counterpart to myself would be a girl exactly like me. I function incredibly well with people who act and think like I do, and it doesn't really work with other sorts of people. Having someone like me would allow us to pursue all our goals together, and that's the kind of partner I'm looking for.

 

I was in Japan for quite a while, I'm sure at least one of the girls I hung out with was in Kendo-bu. (Kendo is mainly practised by girls these days in Japanese schools, along with archery - they're scary, dude!), Shinai are described as "far from dangerous", but that's totally wrong, those things hurt like hell. I guess the comment kind of just stemmed from my reverence for girls who hit hard when hard hitting is required.

 

Really, I just try and keep interactions with both guys and girls about the same. just treating them like I would any other person. It's a bit awkward for some, because I do the brotherly-pat-on-the-shoulder thing, which some girls wince at slightly, but they learn to get used to it. It takes away the tension is all. Girls need to be less defensive. Of course, there are creeps all over the place, you gotta watch out for those idiots, but if girls would just slacken their shoulders and relax a bit... be much better. 

Fair enough. I don't bother with human relationships nor friendships, as my existence is barely acknowledged, plus most of the people of my age are those kinds of people who get themselves wasted every weekend... not quite into that. I kinda like this, being like a "third-person", but a friend or two wouldn't hurt. I just can't trust anyone, so I'll just keep my distance from others. At least I don't come up as a creep, but as a person having trust issues. Not much of a people-person. Mild speech impediments certainly don't help with that (mild Aphasia + Rhotacism).

 

Hugging... Now that is a thing I haven't done in a decade... Not even joking. Practically the only kinds of "hugs" I have gotten / given are restraining holds and choke holds in the last 10 years... yeah...

 

As for Shinai... They can cause a serious injury if it breaks / splinters, but chances of getting such is low. They aren't really designed to inflict damage, but to just simply hurt, and it does a good job at that. (and I guess it's better to get hit by a Shinai than Bokken... Now that would be almost the same as baseball bat)

[alicskysareblue]

Im going on a date to meet someone that I met online, dates dont have to be official just ask someone if she/he is interested in doing something, its not a big deal. think of it as asking your best freind if he wants to hangout, woman are no diffrent and it shouldnt be seen as though you HAVE to be going on a date, that kind of thought process will make things stressful and if they DO think you are asking them out just let them know you guys are just hanging and its not a date or if it is be honest that it is, you never know

 

how do I know ? 26 years old with major issue with anxiety disorders, took me years to realize the above logic.

[Bajantechnician]

that was my whole point

 

 

Now if only someone would tell all the females that.

 

 

Curse you, "Like" button, I can only press you once...

 

Yeah, a lot of the time having differences to compensate is one of the best things you can have, but it's different for different people. I think for my part, given my introverted-but-hug-loving-fangirlness, a perfect counterpart to myself would be a girl exactly like me. I function incredibly well with people who act and think like I do, and it doesn't really work with other sorts of people. Having someone like me would allow us to pursue all our goals together, and that's the kind of partner I'm looking for.

 

I was in Japan for quite a while, I'm sure at least one of the girls I hung out with was in Kendo-bu. (Kendo is mainly practised by girls these days in Japanese schools, along with archery - they're scary, dude!), Shinai are described as "far from dangerous", but that's totally wrong, those things hurt like hell. I guess the comment kind of just stemmed from my reverence for girls who hit hard when hard hitting is required.

 

Really, I just try and keep interactions with both guys and girls about the same. just treating them like I would any other person. It's a bit awkward for some, because I do the brotherly-pat-on-the-shoulder thing, which some girls wince at slightly, but they learn to get used to it. It takes away the tension is all. Girls need to be less defensive. Of course, there are creeps all over the place, you gotta watch out for those idiots, but if girls would just slacken their shoulders and relax a bit... be much better.

 

 

Im going on a date to meet someone that I met online, dates dont have to be official just ask someone if she/he is interested in doing something, its not a big deal. think of it as asking your best freind if he wants to hangout, woman are no diffrent and it shouldnt be seen as though you HAVE to be going on a date, that kind of thought process will make things stressful and if they DO think you are asking them out just let them know you guys are just hanging and its not a date or if it is be honest that it is, you never know

 

how do I know ? 26 years old with major issue with anxiety disorders, took me years to realize the above logic.

 

 

IDK.

We both liked her (I didnt know I liked her at the time, but looking back, i did)

and we were in 6th grade, so IDK.

 

 

I just don't even know anymore.

 

So you became a creeper?

me sad

*tear

*cri

 

/SSSSSS

 

she said hi today...

i dunno what the HELLs goin on....

[Trik'Stari]

me sad

*tear

*cri

 

/SSSSSS

 

she said hi today...

i dunno what the HELLs goin on....

She's a two-faced bitch, that's what's going on. Drop her like a hot rock.

 

Thinking about it, yeah, she may or may not have feelings for you, but in the end, if she can't choose between her friends and someone she might care about, then she isn't really worth it.

 

It's really up to you. Is it worth the potential hurt if she turns out to be simply a two faced bitch? None of us know a thing about the girl, and are only going off of what you've told us. Not to mention that some of us (like me) are jaded and bitter, who've known girls like this in the past, and wish we could go back in time and treat them like they deserved to be treated, instead of treating them as nicely as we did.

[KemoKa]

me sad

*tear

*cri

 

/SSSSSS

 

she said hi today...

i dunno what the HELLs goin on....

calm down man. Just act normal -- no no no, not like that. I know what that was.