Reconnecting with cousin

[cluelessgenius]

hey guys,

i have something that has been bugging me lately and i need to vent and thought maybe you guys have some input

 

backstory

me and my cousin go way back. we practically grew up together and always had way to much fun together as kids. every time we visited there would come a point where my cheeks would hurt from laughing. 

 

2014

i wrote her on facebook wether or not she would come to our aunts birthday. just so i could decide if it would be worth going or if there would only be old people there.

 

she didnt even know about the event and went on to tell me i shouldnt let other push me around because firstly is not worth it and secondly i deserve more respect as an individuam of free will. this is a more or less direct quote.

 

to me that felt really condescending and came out of nowhere. she was implying that my family pushes me around and makes it sound like they treat me like a dog or something. also i thought it was weird the way she phrased it so i told her she shouldnt be so condescending and she flipped out on me.

 

the conversation escalated and now were just fighting over whose being condescending and whose stupid and at some point she she just casually mentionened i should spend less time with my dad and that she finds it sad to see me be like this wich at that point has me in rage because she is still up on her high horse looking down on me.

 

that whole fight end at some point with me telling her its fine lets not continue this here its not possible to have a fight on this level online. she agrees and we havent talked since.

 

2016

we saw each other at another aunts funeral and i was still pissed but in my mind that was not the place and time to have it out with her so i avoided her as much as possible and didnt talk to her too much. just the bare minimum. 

 

then 2 days later i get a call from my parents. my aunt (her mother) called and said she had complained that i was being rude to her. like she doesnt even know anything. also at this point im 24 and she 27. who goes crying to their momma at that age.

 

today

i recently heared from my parents that she came back from england pregnant and now has a kid. 

for some reason i thought of her last couple of days and am not sure how to continue with her from her on.

 

should i apologize? (i still think i was completely in the right)

should i offer to forget the whole thing? (looking at the chat history some of her words still sting)

i mean she has a "family" now and probably more important shit going on and im not even sure i want reconnect because she might be the same condescending spoiled brat like before. but also i kinda miss my friend

 

any comment is welcome

[dalekphalm]

It comes to this?

 

Do you want to be right, or do you want her back as a friend.

 

Pick one.

 

Since it seems pretty obvious you won't come to an understanding on this.

[Nicnac]

This whole argument seems so long ago and really not worth it imo. I think it would be best of you to take the high road and pretend you don't care about what happened. Tell her you want to connect again and that you aren't mad in any way. Sometimes it's just not worth it even if you are totally right about something. Ik it can be annoying to do this but being mad for so long is just not worth it imo... 

[Heffe_The_Boss]

dalekphalm  is right. 

 

Continue the fight over small things that ultimately does not matter... or just move past it. 

 

 

Maybe reach out to ask if she needs anything for the baby?

[WindirBear]

OH MY FUCKING GOD OP ARE YOU GUYS DOING THE NASTY!?!?

 

This is a stupid argument only couples have! get over it!

[cluelessgenius]

10 minutes ago, WindirBear said:

OH MY FUCKING GOD OP ARE YOU GUYS DOING THE NASTY!?!?

 

This is a stupid argument only couples have! get over it!

...and siblings i believe and shes the closest thing i have to a sibling.

you good sir disgust me.

[Dissitesuxba11s]

My immature self immediately jumped to the conclusion that you were going to have sex with your cousin when you initially mentioned that your cousin was a girl. Sorry.

 

Like what others have said, the high road needs to be taken. You know your right, and that's okay, but with family/friends sometimes you just have to accept the fact that they need to feel like they are right. Part of growing up is understanding that nothing will replace true friends and family. If you value your friendship with her, you already know what to do. 

 

Good luck.

[dalekphalm]

27 minutes ago, Dissitesuxba11s said:

My immature self immediately jumped to the conclusion that you were going to have sex with your cousin when you initially mentioned that your cousin was a girl. Sorry.

I mean... in some places, that would be okay... lol

[cluelessgenius]

1 minute ago, dalekphalm said:

I mean... in some places, that would be okay... lol

apparently...

1 hour ago, WindirBear said:

OH MY FUCKING GOD OP ARE YOU GUYS DOING THE NASTY!?!?

 

This is a stupid argument only couples have! get over it!

 

[dalekphalm]

1 minute ago, cluelessgenius said:

apparently...

 

Yeah... that was fucked up. It's kinda funny as a joke at first, but not when someone seriously thinks that and then goes so far as to accuse you of wanting to do it.

[thevicparable]

Doesn't matter who was right or wrong, you can still apologise perhaps for the things you said or the way you said them, and how they made her feel.

 

Then hopefully she's cool with it and you guys get to move on.

 

[WindirBear]

2 hours ago, cluelessgenius said:

apparently...

 

OP its happens.... really nothing to be ashamed of, especially in the internet.....

[cluelessgenius]

7 hours ago, WindirBear said:

OP its happens.... really nothing to be ashamed of, especially in the internet.....

ok. im gonna say this once in all clarity so everyone gets it.

I AM NOT FUCKING MY GOD DAMN COUSIN!

 

everybody got that? you sickos need jesus

[warlinty]

43 minutes ago, cluelessgenius said:

ok. im gonna say this once in all clarity so everyone gets it.

I AM NOT FUCKING MY GOD DAMN COUSIN!

 

everybody got that? you sickos need jesus

everyone goes through a stage of denial then finally accepts it

 

 

 

im sorry i had to hop on the bandwagon as well

people have previously said it already so no point in repeating myself

[cluelessgenius]

16 hours ago, dalekphalm said:

It comes to this?

 

Do you want to be right, or do you want her back as a friend.

 

Pick one.

 

Since it seems pretty obvious you won't come to an understanding on this.

15 hours ago, Nicnac said:

This whole argument seems so long ago and really not worth it imo. I think it would be best of you to take the high road and pretend you don't care about what happened. Tell her you want to connect again and that you aren't mad in any way. Sometimes it's just not worth it even if you are totally right about something. Ik it can be annoying to do this but being mad for so long is just not worth it imo... 

11 hours ago, Dissitesuxba11s said:

My immature self immediately jumped to the conclusion that you were going to have sex with your cousin when you initially mentioned that your cousin was a girl. Sorry.

 

Like what others have said, the high road needs to be taken. You know your right, and that's okay, but with family/friends sometimes you just have to accept the fact that they need to feel like they are right. Part of growing up is understanding that nothing will replace true friends and family. If you value your friendship with her, you already know what to do. 

 

Good luck.

idk man i dont think i can just forget about the things that have been said without talking about it. i fear im too stubborn to apologize when i dont feel like im in the wrong

 

15 hours ago, Heffe_The_Boss said:

dalekphalm  is right. 

 

Continue the fight over small things that ultimately does not matter... or just move past it. 

 

 

Maybe reach out to ask if she needs anything for the baby?

that whole baby thing is another thing i dont agree with to be honest. she went to england for a year as an opair and then herself knocked up. this "family" is not a thing she planned and has tought through. its so typically her.

 

10 hours ago, thevicparable said:

Doesn't matter who was right or wrong, you can still apologise perhaps for the things you said or the way you said them, and how they made her feel.

 

Then hopefully she's cool with it and you guys get to move on.

 

well yeah that is actually true. i still think i was right to say what i said but the way i said it and the fact that the whole conversation took place online left alot of room for interpretation so i couldve done it in a better way but still i critized her about how she acted towards me and she went on to attack me personally with stuff i wasnt prepared for. now that i know how she feels im not sure i can just act like im totally cool about it

[Teddy07]

I also want to reconnect with my cousin because we lost contact in 2007. She now has a kid while I fucked my life up with bad decisions. My plan is to try to write her on facebook (still friends) once I got my computer science Bachelor and then Master in a few years. I don´t want to show up with nothing if you know what I mean.

[cluelessgenius]

22 minutes ago, Teddy07 said:

I also want to reconnect with my cousin because we lost contact in 2007. She now has a kid while I fucked my life up with bad decisions. My plan is to try to write her on facebook (still friends) once I got my computer science Bachelor and then Master in a few years. I don´t want to show up with nothing if you know what I mean.

well i already checked and it seems she has deactivated her facebook so i would have to ask my aunt for her number or smething.

anyway i know what you mean but at least that i dont have to worry about because on the outside my life / career look pretty good as long as nobody notices that im fucking miserable working as a consultant.

[Princess Luna]

The only family I have is my dad... makes things so easy.

[cluelessgenius]

3 minutes ago, Princess Cadence said:

The only family I have is my dad... makes things so easy.

family is not neccesaryly bound by blood though. im sure you have riends that you would consider family

[Teddy07]

2 hours ago, cluelessgenius said:

so i know what you mean but at least that i dont have to worry about because on the outside my life / career look pretty good as long as nobody notices that im fucking miserable working as a consultant.

5

sorry for offtopic but I am curious. I assume you are an IT consultant because it's an IT forum? I thought it is pretty good. A lot of money, good work...  Just asking because I might do it after my studies.

1 hour ago, Princess Cadence said:

The only family I have is my dad... makes things so easy.

I think it depends on you are connected to a cousin but it is definitely not a family as cluelessgenius said. It is at least in my case a friend that I would like to stay in contact with because we made our apprenticeship together in the same company, went to the same school afterward.... I lost contact because I was addicted to poker. I am still ashamed of it because I lost precious years. So I "hide" for now.

[cluelessgenius]

19 minutes ago, Teddy07 said:

sorry for offtopic but I am curious. I assume you are an IT consultant because it's an IT forum? I thought it is pretty good. A lot of money, good work...  Just asking because I might do it after my studies.

well you could have had a look in my profile

yeah im a software developer originally but have been working as a "consultant" for the last 4 years. basically im hired full time at my company and then they send me off to whatever customer has a project he needs help with implementing.

normally id say developing software is kinda my dream and ver fun to me but being a consultant in this way i dont often get a say in which projects im assigned to. so for example i just finished a 9 month assignment in nuremberg which is like 400 km away and i took a 4-5h train ride every friday and sunday so i could be home for the weekend. it was a bitch but at least the project and team there was cool and fun. now i gt back my new assignment is right around the corner and i can finally sleep in my own bed every night like i requested but what i didnt know beforehand is that this project has literally nothing to do with software development but rather with comissioning large convayer systems. its boring / completly foreign to me / the team is very closed off and the whole atmosphere is crap. id much rather go back to nuremberg.

so yeah if you want to travel alot and have no problem with maybe doing stuff not related to your field from time to time sure but if all you wanna do is code and have a life then try to go for a stationary job at some company that actually produces software. im certainly thinking of it now that i gained some experience.

 

sorry if theres any mistypings in there i wrote this basically at speaking speed

[maartendc]

21 hours ago, dalekphalm said:

It comes to this?

 

Do you want to be right, or do you want her back as a friend.

 

Pick one.

 

Since it seems pretty obvious you won't come to an understanding on this.

 

This seems pretty true.

 

I mean, are you still even upset after all those years? I'd say just let it go. Perhaps she has forgotten all about it, but you are still thinking about the fight you had.

[Guest]

17 hours ago, Dissitesuxba11s said:

My immature self immediately jumped to the conclusion that you were going to have sex with your cousin when you initially mentioned that your cousin was a girl. Sorry.

When I clicked agree react I meant it to incest part.

 

i mean... wincest!!! 

-pewdiepie 2017 everybody! 

[cluelessgenius]

16 minutes ago, maartendc said:

 

This seems pretty true.

 

I mean, are you still even upset after all those years? I'd say just let it go. Perhaps she has forgotten all about it, but you are still thinking about the fight you had.

well this is not a thing that just happened once. the things she said she probably truly believe and that doesnt just change. it means she acually thinks this way about me and wether or not she to polite to say it 99% of the time doesnt really matter i cant just forget about it and be friend knowing she still feels this way about me.

i specifically didnt go into detail about the fight but basically my dad has his flaws and although i still love him being told im just like him or turning into him is one of the worst thing you can throw at me and if she was a random guy telling me to my face i wouldve probably bashed his face in. like i was in rage

[cluelessgenius]

6 minutes ago, fpo said:

When I clicked agree react I meant it to incest part.

 

i mean... wincest!!! 

-pewdiepie 2017 everybody! 

-.- thanks we really need more people commenting about how great fucking your family is. jesus christ what is wrong with people. also for some weird reason i always asume youre american when somebody "jokes" about how incest is great.