What could be wrong with me? +Rant

[BigCake]

I am not here trying to become some special snowflake since I do not require empathy from anyone. So, the thing is that I feel like I am able to understand`s someone`s emotions more than an average person. I am not entirely sure if it is truly the fact the I may have higher emotional intelligence. I am able to clearly identify what type of emotions is the person is going through when he/she talks to me or someone else. Correct me if I am wrong here.

 

Here is the rant, I am about 60% introverted guy. It is somewhat hard for me to initiate conversation with someone or make the conversation lengthy. Going to University, meeting/talking with people makes me tired so much that when I come home I have no power left to socialize with my family members. What truly bugs me? When professors asks to give presentation in front of 60 students. Exactly, this happened to me once. About 60+ students. I prepared myself before hand but when I walked and stood in front of everyone, I forgot everything to say. I stood there for like 30 seconds looking randomly at student`s faces all waiting for me to talk. It was so embarrassing for me. I had to go back to my seat awkwardly! It makes me furious!! Why the hell teachers don`t see what type of student they are teaching! I literally fail to perfectly socialize with anyone! I even have awkward socializing with family members !!! 

[Marty88]

4 minutes ago, Atalia Chez said:

I am not here trying to become some special snowflake since I do not require empathy from anyone. So, the thing is that I feel like I am able to understand`s someone`s emotions more than an average person. I am not entirely sure if it is truly the fact the I may have higher emotional intelligence. I am able to clearly identify what type of emotions is the person is going through when he/she talks to me or someone else. Correct me if I am wrong here.

 

Here is the rant, I am about 60% introverted guy. It is somewhat hard for me to initiate conversation with someone or make the conversation lengthy. Going to University, meeting/talking with people makes me tired so much that when I come home I have no power left to socialize with my family members. What truly bugs me? When professors asks to give presentation in front of 60 students. Exactly, this happened to me once. About 60+ students. I prepared myself before hand but when I walked and stood in front of everyone, I forgot everything to say. I stood there for like 30 seconds looking randomly at student`s faces all waiting for me to talk. It was so embarrassing for me. I had to go back to my seat awkwardly! It makes me furious!! Why the hell teachers don`t see what type of student they are teaching! I literally fail to perfectly socialize with anyone! I even have awkward socializing with family members !!! 

Being able to present in front of people is one of the skills that a lot of companies go for and doing it at university allows you to practice and demonstrate those skills to potential employers.

 

i do understand where your coming from in regards to how you feel and not being very social have you considered seeing a councillor to see if they can maybe help with self esteem etc? 

[MadyTehWolfie]

3 hours ago, Atalia Chez said:

I am not here trying to become some special snowflake since I do not require empathy from anyone. So, the thing is that I feel like I am able to understand`s someone`s emotions more than an average person. I am not entirely sure if it is truly the fact the I may have higher emotional intelligence. I am able to clearly identify what type of emotions is the person is going through when he/she talks to me or someone else. Correct me if I am wrong here.

 

Here is the rant, I am about 60% introverted guy. It is somewhat hard for me to initiate conversation with someone or make the conversation lengthy. Going to University, meeting/talking with people makes me tired so much that when I come home I have no power left to socialize with my family members. What truly bugs me? When professors asks to give presentation in front of 60 students. Exactly, this happened to me once. About 60+ students. I prepared myself before hand but when I walked and stood in front of everyone, I forgot everything to say. I stood there for like 30 seconds looking randomly at student`s faces all waiting for me to talk. It was so embarrassing for me. I had to go back to my seat awkwardly! It makes me furious!! Why the hell teachers don`t see what type of student they are teaching! I literally fail to perfectly socialize with anyone! I even have awkward socializing with family members !!! 

Getting out and being forced to socialize will only help you be less introverted/look less of the school shooter type in the classroom. Good on your teachers for forcing you out of your shell you'll be happy later in life for it.

[BlueChinchillaEatingDorito]

3 hours ago, Atalia Chez said:

I am not here trying to become some special snowflake since I do not require empathy from anyone. So, the thing is that I feel like I am able to understand`s someone`s emotions more than an average person. I am not entirely sure if it is truly the fact the I may have higher emotional intelligence. I am able to clearly identify what type of emotions is the person is going through when he/she talks to me or someone else. Correct me if I am wrong here.

 

Here is the rant, I am about 60% introverted guy. It is somewhat hard for me to initiate conversation with someone or make the conversation lengthy. Going to University, meeting/talking with people makes me tired so much that when I come home I have no power left to socialize with my family members. What truly bugs me? When professors asks to give presentation in front of 60 students. Exactly, this happened to me once. About 60+ students. I prepared myself before hand but when I walked and stood in front of everyone, I forgot everything to say. I stood there for like 30 seconds looking randomly at student`s faces all waiting for me to talk. It was so embarrassing for me. I had to go back to my seat awkwardly! It makes me furious!! Why the hell teachers don`t see what type of student they are teaching! I literally fail to perfectly socialize with anyone! I even have awkward socializing with family members !!! 

Have you considered going out to get help? Rather than bad mouthing your professors? Honestly, introversion has little to do with presentations as you are presenting knowledge and stories rather than trying to start a conversation with people. There is little to no active dialogue in a presentation. The only time is when you are asking questions to get the audience engaged and even then, it's not a required component in what makes a presentation good. 

 

There is no shame in just stopping when presenting. People use that as a skill to first collect themselves and continue on with their presentation or speech. It's better to do this, than to just blurt out whatever comes up in your mind as that often leads to more stuttering and saying something completely inaccurate or odd. 

 

In terms of your claimed "social awkwardness", I have no clue as to where you're going with this when you claim you can understand others' emotions better than the average person, yet can't maintain or start a conversation. 

 

You're in University. At this point, people should know when to ask for help, yet they don't. There are many resources out there for you, especially on campus. If you don't go out of your way to utilize those resources when you need them, then you'll be missing out on a lot.

[Yoinkerman]

Most of being an adult is doing stuff you don't want to do.

[Tsuki]

the teachers do that on purpose to force you to break out of your shell and do something you're not comfortable with. so you can get better at it and take that new skill into the real world where if you cant talk in public, you will fail.

[captain_to_fire]

10 hours ago, Atalia Chez said:

Why the hell teachers don`t see what type of student they are teaching! I literally fail to perfectly socialize with anyone! I even have awkward socializing with family members !!!

And there's your problem. I'm sorry to break it to you but college professors doesn't have the time to deal with that and it's their job to train their students to become confident publicly. Instead of whining and bad mouthing them, why don't you ask for help like a guidance counselor or a therapist to help you overcome your social anxiety. 

 

Your college professors aren't the problem but instead, you have an attitude problem that needs helping because in real life, not all the time the people around you should compromise to your every whim. 

[Nuluvius]

@hey_yo_ gave you some great advice on how to proactively begin to deal with your issues. What do you really want to do out in the real world? I think that's an important question that you should address.

 

I was like you once, worse in fact; I was abused and neglected as a child and severely bullied at school. Needless to say that it completely wreaked me as a person and when I was finally able to get away all I did was work in one shit hole after another until something snapped and I decided that I'd had enough and that there had to be something more. When I started my journey to find out what that actually meant I couldn't speak to people, couldn't relate to anyone, didn't understand social interactions, couldn't really stand it when people were even looking at me and I freaked out whenever anyone touched me... I went insane in large crowds... it was torture.

 

Now I frequently lead, mentor and am responsible for teams of people, I love interviews and I love presentations, the more people who are looking at me and to me the better. That's where it ends through. The point is that I have compartmentalised these social abilities or in other words I'm able to do them in a very specific forum - the professional setting. It's experience and being placed into those sort of situations time after time that provided me with the tools that I needed, combined with a constant drive for more and a willingness to do whatever was (and is) needed to attain that.

 

Beyond that particular realm I have a family but I do not cultivate any friends. I simply don't have the tools necessary to be able to hold friendships, I don't understand them and I do not particularly like people enough to want to have contact in that way beyond the professional setting. More or less exactly because of what you have said here:

On 01/09/2017 at 7:26 PM, Atalia Chez said:

It is somewhat hard for me to initiate conversation with someone or make the conversation lengthy. Going to University, meeting/talking with people makes me tired so much that when I come home I have no power left to socialize with my family members.

When I'm done with my day and I get home, quite frequently I am completely and totally exhausted. The absolutely monumental amount of effort and energy that it takes me to maintain my facade in order to socialise in the professional setting leaves me completely worn out, drained and frazzled; I literally have nothing left, my shields are low and my reserves are depleted and all I want sometimes is to be on my own and not to have to deal with or see anyone. Because that's the only time and place where I can truly get 100% quality energy recovery - when I'm completely alone. I give myself to everyone else the rest of the time but this is the one last sanctuary that's mine and it's always been the place where I've felt the most safe and secure... with me.

 

Yes I still need therapy and yes I'm still very damaged and I have no doubt whatsoever that I shall always be this way but I'm successful and my issues (and past) no longer control or define me.

 

The overall point that I'm trying to make to you is that one thing that significantly helped me to overcome my issues was to discover my drive, to find the thing that I wanted to do and be... Have you found it yet? How much do you want it - enough to ignore pain?

 

Life is far too short to be pissed away stressing over what other people may or may not think of you; because they really don't matter in the general scheme of things. You're the only important thing worth worrying about... Are you happy with things the way that they are right now or do you really want them to change. As others have mentioned already: The world does not owe you fuck all, it's up to you to go out into it and to take what you want from it. It is literally that simple.

[Crossbred]

I'm pretty much in line with your situation. I treat speaking like any other thing that makes me nervous: harshly judge everyone before me in my mind or whatever I do, don't think about what I'm doing. I've had to speak in front of a 70-100 count audience various times and have found that's what works for me. On that same note: PRACTICE! Naturally I'm harshly introverted but as I practice i have gained more "stamina" in that sense. Sure, I can't go all day on it , but conversation and presentation has gotten more comfortable and rewarding.

Gl

[Teddy07]

On 1.9.2017 at 8:26 PM, Atalia Chez said:

 It makes me furious!! Why the hell teachers don`t see what type of student they are teaching! I

 

Well, try telling your boss in a few years that you do not want to make a certain task. He will show you the door quicker than you can say fuck off.

 

Time for safe space called school is over

[amancalledoss]

Just for once I'm not going to try to spark a bit of humor in here , although I have never suffered from social anxiety a good friend of mine did .

 

One on one he was fine he had a very small group of friends , when we were out we would do the talking for him (this is long before phones and home PC's were the norm)

we always tried to encourage him to do a bit more but when push came to push he would clam up and retreat back home where he would stay for a few days until we could convince him to come back out .

 

During school he would often be singled out by the teachers to read to the class or be asked to do a presentation but all there would be was an awkward silence for a minute until I would play the class comedian to take the teachers attention away so he could back away again , at school this was easy he would get away with the way he was and I'd constantly be in detention . School is the easiest part of your life !

 

After school we still hung out though never as much , I went to college and had a job he went to a different college and we kind of drifted apart usually seeing each other every other month , 7 months after that Bod hung himself by the lake near to where we lived , it was devastating for his family and it shook me to my core .

 

He left a note saying this was never what he was expecting (life) he was sorry to his family but he couldnt go on like this for another 50-60 years !

 

GET HELP and get it sooner than later the only person who can start to get you help is you , life is going to get much harder and youll have very little control there will be no slipping away and letting someone else do it for you that wont ever be accepted by an employer !