Maybe too personal? IDK

[Kryptic BladeZz]

I just need to get this all out.

 

Last year was a tough year for me, and it was all my fault. I don't have any idea why I'm posting this on here, but here I am. Guess I want to get it off my chest. (Gonna keep it short.)

I was diagnosed with depression, and none of the medications would help me so I took painkillers almost every day before school, at first took ones that were prescribed to my deceased father (I'm pretty sure he was addicted, he needed them or he could barely get out of bed, often times taking more than the dose given to him, so he had about 3 different kinds). I almost ran out, but not a week later my mom fell and broke her wrist. She was prescribed hydrocodone/apap and took those until she didn't need them so I started taking those after I'd ran out of my other ones so I could stay "happy". I went through 3/4 of the school year taking pills and not feeling any guilt for it. I gained about 30 pounds because I would just eat, eat, and eat more. December is when everything hit me like a fucking train. I decided to get drunk on straight vodka. Friend was over so he drank a little bit and I probably drank about 3/4 of a Liter. I chased 4 Hydrocodone down with it, don't remember much after that. I slightly, barely woke up to my mom screaming and crying, don't remember what happened after that. I woke up once again, but this time in the ER. I was informed that I could've died for doing what I did. I lied about my friend and said he didn't drink any; didn't want to get him in trouble. I'm really thankful he got my mom when he did or I could quite possibly be dead right now. Anyways, I felt sooooo much guilt after putting my mom and my friend through that, which was a good thing. I decided to change my life around and being supported by my mother and my friends I got off the painkillers and started dieting and exercising. I lost about 50-60 pounds up to now, still working at it. Haven't taken any more painkillers since then, only smoking weed with a few friends at most once a month. I've been getting into music production for the past few months and have made $350 total ghost producing for random people. I'm just really happy and proud with myself and feel like at least getting my story out somewhere idk. Btw this all happened when I was 15, I'm 16 now. 

[BOT Edward]

Nice work man. Good to see you changed it yourself and aren't blaming anybody else for your own issues and mistakes. Not a lot of people are like that.

 

Keep it up dude

[Kryptic BladeZz]

1 minute ago, BOT Edward said:

Nice work man. Good to see you changed it yourself and aren't blaming anybody else for your own issues and mistakes. Not a lot of people are like that.

 

Keep it up dude

Thanks man I really appreciate it. Comments like these are what keeps me motivated and doing what I'm doing.

[Hackentosher]

Wow, that was a roller coaster of a story. If you stay with music production, don't go to YouTube. Granted I don't know you or your limits, but I would think that all the negative dick fucks in the YouTube comments would get to you. Anyway, that's really great that you did a complete 180 with your life, keep it up!

 

What kind of music are you producing? Are you a musician, or a technician behind the sound board? 

[Kryptic BladeZz]

1 hour ago, Hackentosher said:

Wow, that was a roller coaster of a story. If you stay with music production, don't go to YouTube. Granted I don't know you or your limits, but I would think that all the negative dick fucks in the YouTube comments would get to you. Anyway, that's really great that you did a complete 180 with your life, keep it up!

 

What kind of music are you producing? Are you a musician, or a technician behind the sound board? 

I used to put my stuff on Soundcloud, but with ghost producing comes contracts. (Not really "legal" contracts but just me digitally signing a document typed up by the client.) 

 

I mainly produce House and Progressive House, but sometimes I like to experiment with Chillstep and other genres of EDM. I use FL Studio and sometimes mess with Ableton to produce.

 

Thanks for the support man!

[Hackentosher]

18 minutes ago, Kryptic BladeZz said:

I used to put my stuff on Soundcloud, but with ghost producing comes contracts. (Not really "legal" contracts but just me digitally signing a document typed up by the client.) 

 

I mainly produce House and Progressive House, but sometimes I like to experiment with Chillstep and other genres of EDM. I use FL Studio and sometimes mess with Ableton to produce.

 

Thanks for the support man!

Cool, I'm a musician myself, but classical music. Choir is the main thing I do, but I'm also a violinist in my school's orchestra. I've always wanted to produce something like that, but I have so much trouble composing music. So 8 stick to 3D modeling instead

 

 

[minibois]

I remember your previous thread from some time ago, very glad to see you're doing better now  Keep it up!

[Clonzoo]

People often view depression as a oneway ticket to hell with no chance of return. Which is the wrong mentality I feel like. I know alot of people struggle turning it around, but you are a living example that it is possible if you have people backing you up and are properly motivated to make the necessary change. Good on you! Good luck with your music and keep heading in the direction you are. I'd imagine that people that is in the same situation you were in will do good reading this. Hell, I don't struggle with depression but I feel good reading this. Wish you all the best! <3

[mrchow19910319]

I had the same thing 7 years ago. When I was in Singapore studying.

During this seven years, I dropped out of school, from top student to failing all my subject.

My friends all run away from me. 

My parents were fighting for divorce all the time.

Just like you I was addicted to painkiller and sleeping pills.

2 years ago, my body finally gave up.

I quit school (more like got expelled), went back to China for medical treatment. 

Now I am drug free, exercising every day, and my parents are not getting a real divorce, the whole thing is behind me, finally. 

 

I think that you are a super strong person, and most people don't understand this kind of thing because they have never been there before.

But I have, so let's both move on and welcome the next chapter of our life. 

 

[MrDynamicMan]

Glad you made it out. I know it's hard, but I hope you do well with your music.

[dalekphalm]

2 hours ago, mrchow19910319 said:

I had the same thing 7 years ago. When I was in Singapore studying.

During this seven years, I dropped out of school, from top student to failing all my subject.

My friends all run away from me. 

My parents were fighting for divorce all the time.

Just like you I was addicted to painkiller and sleeping pills.

2 years ago, my body finally gave up.

I quit school (more like got expelled), went back to China for medical treatment. 

Now I am drug free, exercising every day, and my parents are not getting a real divorce, the whole thing is behind me, finally. 

 

I think that you are a super strong person, and most people don't understand this kind of thing because they have never been there before.

But I have, so let's both move on and welcome the next chapter of our life. 

 

I have to ask, what does "not getting a "real" divorce" mean? Are they staying together for your sake? Or are they actually working things out and becoming happy again with each other? Because frankly, divorce sometimes is the best option. But only after they've exhausted all other options and have tried counselling and reconciling their differences.

[mrchow19910319]

14 minutes ago, dalekphalm said:

I have to ask, what does "not getting a "real" divorce" mean? Are they staying together for your sake? Or are they actually working things out and becoming happy again with each other? Because frankly, divorce sometimes is the best option. But only after they've exhausted all other options and have tried counselling and reconciling their differences.

They worked things out. 

Both of them changed A LOT. 

Thanks. 

And I will not answer more questions regarding this. Cos it is my personal issue.