Why did the chicken cross the road?

[threee6]

There is no answer. It's a joke that's not even a joke.

actually the original "why did the chicken cross the road - To get to the other side" is a play on terms, you think they mean just cross the road, they actually mean "to get to the other side" as in pass over to the other side, so heaven, the chicken gets run over, your welcome.

[DigiKing]

Jean-Paul Sarte would have said that the chicken was exercising its existential right to free will.

[akileosful]

to see me of course 

[Mattyd]

I dream of a day where a chicken can cross a road and not have his/her motives judged.

[BreadlessSandwich]

It didn't, the road crossed under the chicken. 

[Lamb]

He wanted to lose weight.

[laymonage]

Because there's Half-Life 3

[mgsstar]

Cause he wanted to show the other chickens how brave he was.

[FireFox]

Cause he wanted to show the other chickens how brave he was.

 

And how much of the chicken it takes to paint an average car red

[DontUSASme]

So the people on the side he just left would stop making jokes about why he crossed the road :)

[Christian]

Well, you first gotta understand that this chicken had a hard childhood. His father left when he had yet to hatch. His mother looked after him for a few years, but she was a druggie and didn't do that great a job. Eventually she sold him into slavery in exchange for a hit.

For a few years he worked as a slave laborer on a farm just north of the border. The man who owned the farm was about as cruel and sadistic as they get, but to all outward appearances he was the model of virtue and a pillar of the community, so nobody suspected that he had seventy slave chickens working for him.

Eventually this chicken snapped and murdered the farm owner by pecking open his jugular vein. He left the farm. Shortly after the owner’s family found out who killed him and put up a one million dollar bounty, payable to whoever found, tortured and killed the chicken. Fearing for his life, the chicken headed up north.

He fell in with the chicken mafia, and worked as a hitchicken and general muscle for a few years. He slowly earned enough money to rent a house and get established, although he had to keep his head down to avoid getting noticed. He met a nice hen, and they started dating.

Now, the chicken was getting tired of killing other chickens for a living. He’d been attending classes part time, and had been told by his teachers that he was real smart. They wanted to give him a scholarship to go to college overseas, even.

That never worked out, however. The chicken’s girlfriend got pregnant, and he decided to stay in the country to care for the resulting chicks. He tried to quit the mafia. His bosses were not very pleased about his decision, and told him it would be a shame if anything bad happened to his family. The chicken bought a strong lock for his apartment, although he still constantly worried about his family. The chicken got a job in an office. It was mind-numbingly boring, but it paid the bills and didn't involve killing anyone.

Two years later the chicken got two strokes of bad luck. Firstly, the company was going through hard times and had decided to lay him off. Secondly, he had developed severe respiratory problems; the doctor said it had something to do with exposure to agricultural chemicals from his days as a slave. When he went home to tell his wife the bad news, he found she wasn't there. She had taken the children and left to be with another chicken.

Well, the chicken went out and got good and drunk that night. He was standing outside a bar, watching the cars streak across the nearby highway, when he thought that it would be good to die. He didn't have much to live for, and his life insurance policy would help his kids more than he ever could now. His death had to look like an accident, though.

 

The highway! That was it! He would get run over, and be “accidentally” killed.

 

The chicken staggered out over the road, trying to position himself in front of the largest vehicle possible. They swerved around him, furiously honking their horns and yelling obscenities at him. The chicken staggered on, and before he realized it he’d crossed the road and had reached the other side.

The chicken still wasn't dead, however. He slumped to the ground, weeping bitter tears.

...why? Because I can :D

Absolute devotion. Love it!

Sorry about the long quote but I'm on a G Tab and it's easier to write this than try to shorten it

[Daayzy]

I'm going to go there. I'm sorry that I have to board this train but:

"Because the chicken was like yolo"

 

*Awaiting pitch forks and torches*

[Anult]

From a scientific perspective, the chicken crossed the road because he wanted to get home in the shortest distance possible.

[Shauny]

Well, you first gotta understand that this chicken had a hard childhood. His father left when he had yet to hatch. His mother looked after him for a few years, but she was a druggie and didn't do that great a job. Eventually she sold him into slavery in exchange for a hit.

For a few years he worked as a slave laborer on a farm just north of the border. The man who owned the farm was about as cruel and sadistic as they get, but to all outward appearances he was the model of virtue and a pillar of the community, so nobody suspected that he had seventy slave chickens working for him.

Eventually this chicken snapped and murdered the farm owner by pecking open his jugular vein. He left the farm. Shortly after the owner’s family found out who killed him and put up a one million dollar bounty, payable to whoever found, tortured and killed the chicken. Fearing for his life, the chicken headed up north.

He fell in with the chicken mafia, and worked as a hitchicken and general muscle for a few years. He slowly earned enough money to rent a house and get established, although he had to keep his head down to avoid getting noticed. He met a nice hen, and they started dating.

Now, the chicken was getting tired of killing other chickens for a living. He’d been attending classes part time, and had been told by his teachers that he was real smart. They wanted to give him a scholarship to go to college overseas, even.

That never worked out, however. The chicken’s girlfriend got pregnant, and he decided to stay in the country to care for the resulting chicks. He tried to quit the mafia. His bosses were not very pleased about his decision, and told him it would be a shame if anything bad happened to his family. The chicken bought a strong lock for his apartment, although he still constantly worried about his family. The chicken got a job in an office. It was mind-numbingly boring, but it paid the bills and didn't involve killing anyone.

Two years later the chicken got two strokes of bad luck. Firstly, the company was going through hard times and had decided to lay him off. Secondly, he had developed severe respiratory problems; the doctor said it had something to do with exposure to agricultural chemicals from his days as a slave. When he went home to tell his wife the bad news, he found she wasn't there. She had taken the children and left to be with another chicken.

Well, the chicken went out and got good and drunk that night. He was standing outside a bar, watching the cars streak across the nearby highway, when he thought that it would be good to die. He didn't have much to live for, and his life insurance policy would help his kids more than he ever could now. His death had to look like an accident, though.

 

The highway! That was it! He would get run over, and be “accidentally” killed.

 

The chicken staggered out over the road, trying to position himself in front of the largest vehicle possible. They swerved around him, furiously honking their horns and yelling obscenities at him. The chicken staggered on, and before he realized it he’d crossed the road and had reached the other side.

The chicken still wasn't dead, however. He slumped to the ground, weeping bitter tears.

...why? Because I can :D

Still a better story than twilight

[Christian]

He felt rebellious and thought jaywalking would satisfy such an energy

[Enderman]

because there was a car coming...

[fletch to 99]

Because he was running away from linus, in fear that linus would unbox him.

[ExDreamer]

because they can :)

[Legend932]

IT CHOSE TO CROSS THE ROAD NOT BECAUSE IT'S EASY BUT BECAUSE IT'S HARD!

[R001]

WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD?

Famous answers...

Plato: For the greater good.

Karl Marx: It was a historical inevitability.

Machiavelli: So that its subjects will view it with admiration,

as a chicken which has the daring and courage to

boldly cross the road, but also with fear, for whom

among them has the strength to contend with such a

paragon of avian virtue? In such a manner is the

princely chicken's dominion maintained.

Hippocrates: Because of an excess of light pink gooey stuff in its

pancreas.

Jacques Derrida: Any number of contending discourses may be discovered

within the act of the chicken crossing the road, and

each interpretation is equally valid as the authorial

intent can never be discerned, because structuralism

is DEAD, DAMMIT, DEAD!

Thomas de Torquemada: Give me ten minutes with the chicken and I'll find out.

Timothy Leary: Because that's the only kind of trip the Establishment

would let it take.

Douglas Adams: Forty-two.

Nietzsche: Because if you gaze too long across the Road, the Road

gazes also across you.

Oliver North: National Security was at stake.

B.F. Skinner: Because the external influences which had pervaded its

sensorium from birth had caused it to develop in such a

fashion that it would tend to cross roads, even while

believing these actions to be of its own free will.

Carl Jung: The confluence of events in the cultural gestalt

necessitated that individual chickens cross roads at

this historical juncture, and therefore

synchronicitously brought such occurrences into being.

Jean-Paul Sartre: In order to act in good faith and be true to itself,

the chicken found it necessary to cross the road.

Ludwig Wittgenstein: The possibility of "crossing" was encoded into the

objects "chicken" and "road", and circumstances came

into being which caused the actualization of this

potential occurrence.

Albert Einstein: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road crossed

the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.

Aristotle: To actualize its potential.

Buddha: If you ask this question, you deny your own chicken-

nature.

Howard Cosell: It may very well have been one of the most astonishing

events to grace the annals of history. An historic,

unprecedented avian biped with the temerity to attempt

such an herculean achievement formerly relegated to

homo sapien pedestrians is truly a remarkable occurence.

Salvador Dali: The Fish.

Darwin: It was the logical next step after coming down from

the trees.

Emily Dickinson: Because it could not stop for death.

Epicurus: For fun.

Ralph Waldo Emerson: It didn't cross the road; it transcended it.

Johann von Goethe: The eternal hen-principle made it do it.

Ernest Hemingway: To die. In the rain.

Werner Heisenberg: We are not sure which side of the road the chicken

was on, but it was moving very fast.

David Hume: Out of custom and habit.

Jack Nicholson: 'Cause it (censored) wanted to. That's the (censored)

reason.

Pyrrho the Skeptic: What road?

Ronald Reagan: I forget.

John Sununu: The Air Force was only too happy to provide the

transportation, so quite understandably the chicken

availed himself of the opportunity.

The Sphinx: You tell me.

Mr. T: If you saw me coming you'd cross the road too!

Henry David Thoreau: To live deliberately ... and suck all the marrow

out of life.

Mark Twain: The news of its crossing has been greatly exaggerated.

Molly Yard: It was a hen!

Zeno of Elea: To prove it could never reach the other side.

Chaucer: So priketh hem nature in hir corages.

Wordsworth: To wander lonely as a cloud.

The Godfather: I didn't want its mother to see it like that.

Keats: Philosophy will clip a chicken's wings.

Blake: To see heaven in a wild fowl.

Othello: Jealousy.

Dr Johnson: Sir, had you known the Chicken for as long as I have,

you would not so readily enquire, but feel rather the

Need to resist such a public Display of your own

lamentable and incorrigible Ignorance.

Mrs Thatcher: This chicken's not for turning.

Supreme Soviet: There has never been a chicken in this photograph.

Oscar Wilde: Why, indeed? One's social engagements whilst in

town ought never expose one to such barbarous

inconvenience - although, perhaps, if one must cross a

road, one may do far worse than to cross it as the

chicken in question.

Kafka: Hardly the most urgent enquiry to make of a low-grade

insurance clerk who woke up that morning as a hen.

Swift: It is, of course, inevitable that such a loathsome,

filth-ridden and degraded creature as Man should assume

to question the actions of one in all respects his

superior.

Macbeth: To have turned back were as tedious as to go o'er.

Whitehead: Clearly, having fallen victim to the fallacy of

misplaced concreteness.

Freud: An die andere Seite zu kommen. (Much laughter)

Hamlet: That is not the question.

Donne: It crosseth for thee.

Pope: It was mimicking my Lord Hervey.

Constable: To get a better view.