Brother with aspergers.

[TheTacoSniper]

Hey guys, I know this has nothing to do with tech, but this is off topic. I am only posting this on this forum, because I trust you guys and this is only place on the internet that I even mildly trust with personal things. I am 14 just starting highschool, I have a 15 year old brother that has been diagnosed with aspergers since he was 3. As we know aspergers makes it difficult for them to communicate with others ( I have issues with talking to people, but not a mental illness). He knows that he can get what ever he wants if he just throws a tantrum and throws around s word ( no i don't mean shit ). He always complains about how he doesn't have friends. At our school, there is a girl who is almost 7ft tall, who happens to also be in his spanish class. The other day he came home boasting about how he was able to talk to her. As we were eating dinner my mom asked what he said to her. He said that he asked " How is the weather up there? " and other rude comments like that. We both (my mom and I) proceeded to tell him that that is rude and that is not how to make friends. I told him that bullying is not how to make friends. He went ahead and threw a tantrum and accused me of bullying him, and now i'm the one who got grounded. For the past few days, he has been acting normal until he remembers that he is supposed to be mad, and then he starts acting like he is all depressed ( which I know he isn't) and this stresses out my mom a lot. I share rooms with him so I cant just avoid him. I don't know what to do, what is your guys's feedback? Thanks guys I really appreciate it. 

[Fred Castellum]

Sounds like a phase to me, he can't keep it up forever. Just ignore him and carry on doing what you need to do. 

[AlwaysFSX]

Smother him with a pillow, works every time.

 

Honestly it'll take a while but you can knock some sense in to him if you're persistent enough.

[Tea1337]

Although it can be hard, he isn't going to really process that. He may have aspergers, but be stern with him. Letting him get away with it isn't going to help a thing. I hope it helps a bit, talking to my grandfather with dementia is pretty hard.

[minimoose]

Hey guys, I know this has nothing to do with tech, but this is off topic. I am only posting this on this forum, because I trust you guys and this is only place on the internet that I even mildly trust with personal things. I am 14 just starting highschool, I have a 15 year old brother that has been diagnosed with aspergers since he was 3. As we know aspergers makes it difficult for them to communicate with others ( I have issues with talking to people, but not a mental illness). He knows that he can get what ever he wants if he just throws a tantrum and throws around s word ( no i don't mean shit ). He always complains about how he doesn't have friends. At our school, there is a girl who is almost 7ft tall, who happens to also be in his spanish class. The other day he came home boasting about how he was able to talk to her. As we were eating dinner my mom asked what he said to her. He said that he asked " How is the weather up there? " and other rude comments like that. We both (my mom and I) proceeded to tell him that that is rude and that is not how to make friends. I told him that bullying is not how to make friends. He went ahead and threw a tantrum and accused me of bullying him, and now i'm the one who got grounded. For the past few days, he has been acting normal until he remembers that he is supposed to be mad, and then he starts acting like he is all depressed ( which I know he isn't) and this stresses out my mom a lot. I share rooms with him so I cant just avoid him. I don't know what to do, what is your guys's feedback? Thanks guys I really appreciate it. 

Sorry guy, but this is really not the place to ask something like this.  Not because it importunes us, but because I'm guessing no one who will answer are really qualified/should be listened too. 

[flibberdipper]

Tough love. Works wonders, I'll tell ya.

[Fred Castellum]

Sorry guy, but this is really not the place to ask something like this.  Not because it importunes us, but because I'm guessing no one who will answer are really qualified/should be listened too. 

There have been various times posts similar to OPs have been made here. And various time splendid advice was given, its not hard to read and take into account what the good advice is. 

 

I don't see anything wrong with asking for advice here, he will get mix results but good advice will be given. 

[AlwaysFSX]

There have been various times posts similar to OPs have been made here. And various time splendid advice was given, its not hard to read and take into account what the good advice is. 

 

I don't see anything wrong with asking for advice here, he will get mix results but good advice will be given. 

Even mine?

[minimoose]

There have been various times posts similar to OPs have been made here. And various time splendid advice was given, its not hard to read and take into account what the good advice is. 

 

I don't see anything wrong with asking for advice here, he will get mix results but good advice will be given. 

Well, because even if advice seems good, it might not really be the right course of action and could mess his problem up more.  TBH I just wouldn't take advice on something this serious from a random on the internet.  But to each his own, no hate meant.

[Hashiyan]

Well personally I was diagnosed with Asperger's  when I was little but then diagnosed as on a unknown part of the Autism scale. Try to talk to him about it, its very hard for kids to really to express there emotions. Let him cool off if hes still mad and try to talk to your mom on some ways on how you can approach things. Don't be mad that your in trouble. It happens and its something that you might need to cope with for a long time.  

[Mooshi]

I'm sorry, but having aspergers isn't an excuse to be a dick. A friend of mine also has aspergers and he's nothing like that.

[eLucid]

I'm sorry, but having aspergers isn't an excuse to be a dick. A friend of mine also has aspergers and he's nothing like that.

What an ignorant statement.

 

OP, you just opened up a can of worms on here. This isn't the place to ask for advise on matters such as these.

[AlwaysFSX]

I'm sorry, but having aspergers isn't an excuse to be a dick. A friend of mine also has aspergers and he's nothing like that.

Likewise, my friend just likes to bug me about video games nonstop. :lol:

[Hashiyan]

I'm sorry, but having aspergers isn't an excuse to be a dick. A friend of mine also has aspergers and he's nothing like that.

Well then, people are not the same as your friend... OP dont mind these people, they dont understand. 

[Mooshi]

If only this forum had a dislike button instead of wasting time with replies.

 

I have several friends who are on various scales, I myself get bad anxiety and have difficult at times. Being a rude asshole to someone, there is no excuse for that. Sounds like OPs brother is turning a problem into a golden ticket to get away with anything. You don't brag about hurting someone else's feelings, I'm sure that girl, if she is that tall, has heard this type of crap before and doesn't need to keep hearing it. I'm not giving an ignorant statement, you guys are pandering to bad behavior. Aspergers is mild compared to someone with full blown mental disabilities. Back in highschool, I used to assist some of the teachers in the special ed department since my mum worked there as a sub at times and that type of disability is excusable. Students so bad they couldn't even talk or function properly without supervision. Aspergers is being socially awkward and still not an excuse to be rude to others like that.

 

Hate me, I don't care. 

 

Edit: I'll leave this here http://pensiveaspie.wordpress.com/2014/05/31/just-because-you-have-aspergers-doesnt-mean-you-get-to-be-an-ass/

[Jaybird]

confession: for several years of my life I always thought it was assburgers. it never made much sense to me. 

[Hashiyan]

If only this forum had a dislike button instead of wasting time with replies.

 

I have several friends who are on various scales, I myself get bad anxiety and have difficult at times. Being a rude asshole to someone, there is no excuse for that. Sounds like OPs brother is turning a problem into a golden ticket to get away with anything. You don't brag about hurting someone else's feelings, I'm sure that girl, if she is that tall, has heard this type of crap before and doesn't need to keep hearing it. I'm not giving an ignorant statement, you guys are pandering to bad behavior. Aspergers is mild compared to someone full blown mental disabilities. Back in highschool, I used to assist some of the teachers in the special ed department since my mum worked there as a sub at times and that type of disability is excusable. Students so bad they couldn't even talk or function properly without supervision. Aspergers is being socially awkward and still not an excuse to be rude to others like that.

 

Hate me, I don't care.

 

Yes, not letting them get away with things is one thing, but kids Autistic kids can not balance feelings well. Dude, I know from first hand, In 3-5th grade I acted like a brat, I smashed walls, cried and was bullied all the time. I never knew how to express my emotions, everything was just reaction to the first thing I felt. I remember kids making fun of me and me walking up and pushing them down out of anger. I also remember getting mad about not being able to have my shoes off in class (because I could not function well for a reason that I still do not know), making me push tables down, teachers locking me inside the class till the Spec Ed teacher came and dragged me into her room. Kids with high levels of Autism do not know how to act sometimes, its hard to understand and think about how others feel when you really cant understand how you feel yourself. 

 

But yes, letting him sit there and insult people is not right and should be punished. But they wont be able to properly understand that for a long time. They can do it, I did it, but It took nearly 6 years for me to understand and start to think and understand how I feel. 

[Fred Castellum]

Well, because even if advice seems good, it might not really be the right course of action and could mess his problem up more.  TBH I just wouldn't take advice on something this serious from a random on the internet.  But to each his own, no hate meant.

The situation is ultimately in OPs hands, I'm positive OP will weight his options and go through the route he finds to be most effective at dealing with his problem. Sometimes the best advice you can get is from somewhere you would have thought it could come from. 

[Mooshi]

Yes, not letting them get away with things is one thing, but kids Autistic kids can not balance feelings well. Dude, I know from first hand, In 3-5th grade I acted like a brat, I smashed walls, cried and was bullied all the time. I never knew how to express my emotions, everything was just reaction to the first thing I felt. I remember kids making fun of me and me walking up and pushing them down out of anger. I also remember getting mad about not being able to have my shoes off in class (because I could not function well for a reason that I still do not know), making me push tables down, teachers locking me inside the class till the Spec Ed teacher came and dragged me into her room. Kids with high levels of Autism do not know how to act sometimes, its hard to understand and think about how others feel when you really cant understand how you feel yourself. 

 

But yes, letting him sit there and insult people is not right and should be punished. But they wont be able to properly understand that for a long time. They can do it, I did it, but It took nearly 6 years for me to understand and start to think and understand how I feel. 

 

My times in grade school wasn't so nice as well, you know. While I never threw tantrums, I dealt with bullies because my family moved around a lot and because of that, I tended to stick to myself most of the time with the mindset of "we're not going to be friends long anyway so why care" - terrible for a kid's self esteem, I know. There are times where I even question if I have a genuine disliking of people in general or if I might actually be autistic to some degree. Not really a fan of labels to bother fussing over it beyond that. I was raised to be respectable towards people, but I can go off if someone says something that really disagrees with me. i can be a mean spirited opinionated butthole, but I try not to be if I can help it.

 

I really do hope the people reading this thread doesn't see me as someone who feels they are superior. If anything, it's the opposite. I have a legit nervous system disorder and bad social anxiety. Is it a form of autism? For all we know, it could be. However, I don't use my mental problems as an excuse to be rude to others on purpose, I was raised better than that. If a same sex couple is holding hands, I'm not going to make a butt of myself and gawk or say something weird. If someone is really tall or short, i'm not gonna make "how is the weather up/down there" tasteless comments. Believe me, I do understand.

[Fred Castellum]

-snip-

*Gasp* I think you believe your superior! I must show the extent of my skills to counter you now!

 

BEHOLD:

[Mooshi]

*Gasp* I think you believe your superior! I must show the extent of my skills to counter you now!

 

BEHOLD:

 

 

NOU

[Guest]

Idk man but what is the s word that isn't shit? I can't think of any other word...

Although my younger brother doesn't have aspergers, he's annoying as hell, but I just try to communicate with him by making jokes and ignoring the stupid stuff he comes up with. Ignore the bad and only put out stuff that deters it.

POSITIVE REINFORCEMENT.

[Sammael]

First thought based off your original post.  Go hug your mom and tell you you love her, and that you understand she is having a hard time dealing with these troubles and that you appreciate her.

 

EDIT:

 

She is probably thinking what the hell am I going to do to get this kid to survive and function in the real world.  I would be thinking that if I was raising someone who basically insulted that female Sasquatch thinking it was good communication.

 

P.S.  Is he at least one of the hyper smart autistic types?  Might be a good study partner.