Relationship advice

[holycowsuperbat]

Wow, it's another relationship post. So the situation is a little weird. I and a friend got into a relationship a couple of months ago. It didn't really work out mostly because of my non-existent confidence and I also was very busy. When we broke up it was really weird because the relationship never really got super far so we were kind of a friends-with-slight-benefits situation. We "split up" but are still good friends. The problem is I'm still really into her but she has since moved on to another guy. Trust me when I say this, she is not the kind of person to just go guy to guy so I was not that worried. I still want to be in a relationship with her but right now she has a boyfriend who I don't know if it's just a rebound but (this sounds evil and horrible) I'm kind of hoping they do not work out so I can get another shot. What do you guys think I should do? I really really feel like I can't lose her even and fix my habits so that there is not another repeat.

 

(I also know that this is not the ideal place to post this but its really my only outlet even though I usually just browse)

[Tcrumpen]

3 hours ago, holycowsuperbat said:

Wow, it's another relationship post. So the situation is a little weird. I and a friend got into a relationship a couple of months ago. It didn't really work out mostly because of my non-existent confidence and I also was very busy. When we broke up it was really weird because the relationship never really got super far so we were kind of a friends-with-slight-benefits situation. We "split up" but are still good friends. The problem is I'm still really into her but she has since moved on to another guy. Trust me when I say this, she is not the kind of person to just go guy to guy so I was not that worried. I still want to be in a relationship with her but right now she has a boyfriend who I don't know if it's just a rebound but (this sounds evil and horrible) I'm kind of hoping they do not work out so I can get another shot. What do you guys think I should do? I really really feel like I can't lose her even and fix my habits so that there is not another repeat.

 

(I also know that this is not the ideal place to post this but its really my only outlet even though I usually just browse)

I've been in a similar situation. If you still have feelings for the girl but are currently unable to voice it due to her being taken you basically have two choices; neither of which is an ideal choice

 

1) Stay as friends and endure the pain and hurt of seeing her with someone other than you (which trust me does not bode well for your psyche)

2) You cut contact with her (Cutting all contact is preferable but most of the time unrealistic and quite harsh) and let time heal the wound and once you feel like you've healed enough start to get back in contact with her

 

I believe in the phrase that "Ex's can't remain friends as one person always gets hurt"

[Monkey Dust]

51 minutes ago, Tcrumpen said:

I've been in a similar situation. If you still have feelings for the girl but are currently unable to voice it due to her being taken you basically have two choices; neither of which is an ideal choice

 

1) Stay as friends and endure the pain and hurt of seeing her with someone other than you (which trust me does not bode well for your psyche)

2) You cut contact with her (Cutting all contact is preferable but most of the time unrealistic and quite harsh) and let time heal the wound and once you feel like you've healed enough start to get back in contact with her

 

I believe in the phrase that "Ex's can't remain friends as one person always gets hurt"

Option 2, but allow yourself to drift apart rather than harshly cutting it off.

[Tcrumpen]

30 minutes ago, Monkey Dust said:

Option 2, but allow yourself to drift apart rather than harshly cutting it off.

Depends on the person, in my situation i did the drift apart but unfortunately that just fed the "Want what you can't have" mentality so in my previous situation it would have been best if i just straight cut if off. It all depends on the person and to a certain extent the people involved

[Princess Luna]

5 hours ago, holycowsuperbat said:

I still want to be in a relationship with her but right now she has a boyfriend

Forget it you already lost her... a girl when learns the benefits of a relationship (and likes it) does attempt to stay with someone, and there is nothing more frustrating than a passive male partner which seems to have been your issue, therefore if the new boyfriend is decent you really don't have a second chance here.

 

Talking out of personal experience really from myself and my friends.

[kokakolia]

6 hours ago, Monkey Dust said:

Option 2, but allow yourself to drift apart rather than harshly cutting it off.

Yeah, my thoughts. Find someone else. That relationship didn’t sound very good in the first place. Harshly cutting someone off is just a weird thing to do. 

[BlueChinchillaEatingDorito]

6 hours ago, Princess Cadence said:

there is nothing more frustrating than a passive male partner which seems to have been your issue

Exactly why I'm hesitant to make a move. We're both so busy and rarely message each other just to chat when we're not together. But we still enjoy each other's company in person so I guess that's why it's been going rather well... even a year after (clearly knows my intentions by now). 

[Yoinkerman]

You do nothing and be happy for her because she doesn't exist to be your possession.

 

You drove her away, own it.  Fix your failings and move on.

 

 

[Beef Boss]

There's always more fish in the sea, some even change genders halfway through their life... Neat! 

 

Anyway, try moving on? It was hard for me to move on in one of my relationships, since well never mind blah blah stuff happened and yeah don't turn to suicide it doesn't help. 

[Canada EH]

On 5/11/2018 at 12:04 AM, holycowsuperbat said:

she has since moved on to another guy.

you struck out

 

time to brush up on your interpersonal skills and find yourself another woman