Serious life advice needed

[FloRolf]

Supperonie LTT Friends.

 

I dunno if this is the right place to ask for some serious life advice but whatever. I've seen quite a lot of not-12yo here so people with actual life experience can probably help

 

Here's my situation:

i'm 21y/o from germany with a 21y/o GF who i've been with for 2 years now. She is VERY emotionally unstable.

Currently studying mechanical engineering but i'll graduate (bachelors) in September of this year. i'm in some kind of dual studies system which means i have a workplace i go to every day and i study on the side.

I'd totally love to work for that company after i graduate but they don't have any free jobs this year or the following years.

That shit limits my options to the following:

 

1. Go to a different country (czech republic) and still work for the same company but a different plant.

This would mean in short:

- Safe job because i could get one there rather easily

- I know the company, i know some guys there and i'd do exactly what i like to do

- ton of life and work experience so i'd be pretty badass when i come back after 2-3 years

- 1000km distance to my home, my GF and everything i now

- GF can't come with me because she will study at least the next 2 years in germany but she works for the same company.

 

2. Try to get a job in/around my hometown

That means:

- Write tons and tons of applications

- probably get less salary

- i'll be the "new guy" without experience in the new company and field they are working in

- have the chance to NOT get a job, which would totally suck

- i'm still at home and can live happily with my GF and family

 

 

So yeah. i'm in a total dilemma and i don't know what to do.

I've only talked about this with my mom but GF will follow, which will be a very very shitty conversation.

I have written down a list of pro's and con's i can add here if you want but i'm a bit lazy right now for translating lol.

 

I'm open for discussions and advice, feel free to contact me personally aswell if you don't want to talk about something you experienced yourself here in the open.

[Organized]

Well, some advices and thoughts:

1. Ask your boss for his advice - as he will not be responsible for you if you move to czech republic anyway, maybe his first interest isn't you staying in the company. Maybe he has some good contacts for you - who knows?
2. Start writing applications early to collect pledges
3. If you switch to another company it's not a bad thing to be the "new guy". In my opinion you will stay the trainee in the company you learned at for years, but not in a new company. Maybe you heard about that, it's often advised for apprentices in germany (i mean the Berufsausbildung, lol) to switch to another company if they can because of that.
4. You collect different experiences if you switch to another company which would increase your value - maybe you can go back to your current company in a few years and get a lot more salary?
5. It's a lot of stress moving to another place you don't know, especially if it's another country, you don't speak the language (even if you speak it a little). Staying in the company and moving to czech republic would be my last interest if I was you.

[FloRolf]

8 minutes ago, Organized said:

Well, some advices and thoughts:

1. Ask your boss for his advice - as he will not be responsible for you if you move to czech republic anyway, maybe his first interest isn't you staying in the company. Maybe he has some good contacts for you - who knows?
2. Start writing applications early to collect pledges
3. If you switch to another company it's not a bad thing to be the "new guy". In my opinion you will stay the trainee in the company you learned at for years, but not in a new company. Maybe you heard about that, it's often advised for apprentices in germany (i mean the Berufsausbildung, lol) to switch to another company if they can because of that.
4. You collect different experiences if you switch to another company which would increase your value - maybe you can go back to your current company in a few years and get a lot more salary?
5. It's a lot of stress moving to another place you don't know, especially if it's another country, you don't speak the language (even if you speak it a little). Staying in the company and moving to czech republic would be my last interest if I was you.

my current boss would totally support me going to the czech republic. He has a lot of contacts within the whole company hence i'd get the job there easily.

Yeah i think i'll just write some applications anyways. Just to see if i could get something here. The problem is that my decision has to be made in the next couple weeks.

I totally agree that other companies would also offer a lot of experience. But i might not get the job i like or in the field of work i like. I'm pretty happy with my current company and job.

The stress level is also what i'm thinking about. The language not so much. They apparently speak pretty good english down there and also some german. I've already done an internship in China for 6 weeks and i managed that without dying

However driving or flying home every (or every other) weekend either costs a bunch (150€ Flight per weekend) or takes like 18-20hours of driving.

 

i'm personally not a huge fan of eastern european countries if i can say so, but i've also not really seen one that closely. If you live there you get a totally different impression for sure.

[mrchow19910319]

K. I went to another country for studying when I was 16. 

Let me just be clear here: If you have a chance, always, always go to another country/city and experience different culture. The whole process will make you a better person.

For me I would prefer to  go out and find myself an entry level job (waiter)  than living in my hometown and let my parents make some phone calls, to point me to a "more well paid" job. I would always choose the former. But that's just me. I might be biased here cos I am speaking from my own experience. 

[FloRolf]

8 minutes ago, mrchow19910319 said:

K. I went to another country for studying when I was 16. 

Let me just be clear here: If you have a chance, always, always go to another country/city and experience different culture. The whole process will make you a better person.

For me I would prefer to  go out and find myself an entry level job (waiter)  than living in my hometown and let my parents make some phone calls, to point me to a "more well paid" job. I would always choose the former. But that's just me. I might be biased here cos I am speaking from my own experience. 

Thanks for your experience m8!

Luckily it's not about a job as a waiter but that makes your point even more valid.

Did you have any personal bindings to your hometown other than your parents? And how far away did you move?

[Corrupt_Liberty]

Let me give you some advice from a guy who's been married (and divorced) twice.  Don't take my advice.

[FloRolf]

1 minute ago, Corrupt_Liberty said:

Let me give you some advice from a guy who's been married (and divorced) twice.  Don't take my advice.

Well if next to your two failed marriages (Sorry for that btw) you are a successfull engineer then maybe i could still use your experience lol

[treeroy]

I personally cannot imagine moving country - if a job transfer came up for me to go to a different country, I wouldn't take it, I would just get a different, worse job where I live. I don't think anyone here can really tell you what you personally would prefer; it is a massive commitment moving country. You won't know anyone, won't speak the language (I assume) and won't be able to get home easily. It may be very tough, although may also be very rewarding if it goes well.

[tlink]

would you be able to get back in contact with your boss later down the line? personally i would not move away from my girlfriend especially when shes very emotionally unstable (not trying to be nosy but from that i'm just going to assume that means pretty horrible mental health, along the lines of bipolar disorder or borderline personality disorder). what does she think of this all? what does the job rotation look like in your home town? would your girlfriend be able to move with you? personally i would choose happiness over everything. what is going to make you the happiest in the long run? i don't think i can decide that for you. 

[Organized]

21 minutes ago, FloRolf said:

They apparently speak pretty good english down there and also some german.

Sure, the people in your company do. But what about other people? Maybe it depends on what region in czech republic you will then live, but I don't think that everybody there can speak english as good as you think. You have to think about everyday situations, not only your working life. Also, learning czech will not be easy, as it's a slavic language, not a germanic one.

 

22 minutes ago, mrchow19910319 said:

If you have a chance, always, always go to another country/city and experience different culture. The whole process will make you a better person.

True, but: czech culture and german culture aren't really different. We even fight about who invented the Pilsner beer

[Praesi]

Number 1.

 

You learn so much in other Countries and you are so young. This will not be your last GF. So take that Chance.

[tlink]

1 minute ago, Praesi said:

Number 1.

 

You learn so much in other Countries and you are so young. This will not be your last GF. So take that Chance.

don't say that, i know lots of people who got married at a very young age and are still together. even people born in the 90's do that despite the stereotype people like to smear. it all depends on how mature your relation ship is, i am still together with the girl i met when i was 19. but i do agree that OP should consider if he wants to build a future with her in the long run, and if she wants that too. its a hard convo to have but it should be had so you both have your expectations synced.

[Praesi]

Just now, tlink said:

don't say that, i know lots of people who got married at a very young age and are still together. even people born in the 90's do that despite the stereotype people like to smear. it all depends on how mature your relation ship is, i am still together with the girl i met when i was 19. but i do agree that OP should consider if he wants to build a future with her in the long run, and if she wants that too. its a hard convo to have but it should be had so you both have your expectations synced.

Good to hear. I had many GF´s in my 20´s. Never had the Luck to meet "the one".

Of course, i dont know her, maybe she is the one for him. But still, he should take that chance. 2 Years are gone fast.

[FloRolf]

22 minutes ago, treeroy said:

I personally cannot imagine moving country - if a job transfer came up for me to go to a different country, I wouldn't take it, I would just get a different, worse job where I live. I don't think anyone here can really tell you what you personally would prefer; it is a massive commitment moving country. You won't know anyone, won't speak the language (I assume) and won't be able to get home easily. It may be very tough, although may also be very rewarding if it goes well.

Well i don't think it'll be easy, moving to a different country, but i'm conifdent that i could manage that. Also the language barrier. I'm not really good with languages but i could get along. 

Going home would be a tough act. It's 1000km so either drive 2x10hours which apparently a lot of people from my company do. Or get a 150€ plane ticket. That only takes about 2x 2/3hours.

15 minutes ago, tlink said:

would you be able to get back in contact with your boss later down the line? personally i would not move away from my girlfriend especially when shes very emotionally unstable (not trying to be nosy but from that i'm just going to assume that means pretty horrible mental health, along the lines of bipolar disorder or borderline personality disorder). what does she think of this all? what does the job rotation look like in your home town? would your girlfriend be able to move with you? personally i would choose happiness over everything. what is going to make you the happiest in the long run? i don't think i can decide that for you. 

Yea, I would probably even stay in contact with the whole team i'm currently working with because we have similar tasks.

It's not like she is a freak But you can easily make her cry and she has a lot of fears. That's why i haven't talked with her yet. We had this conversation once when i 

got offered a job in Detroit. But 1000km is a whole different story than 8000km.

I think a good job with decent salary is a huge part of happiness outside of a good relationship. The 2/3 years would probably be super hard but after that i'd most likely get a nice job back in my hometown. And coming home from work happily makes your relationship easier than coming home from a shit job with shit mood everyday.

 

18 minutes ago, Organized said:

Sure, the people in your company do. But what about other people? Maybe it depends on what region in czech republic you will then live, but I don't think that everybody there can speak english as good as you think. You have to think about everyday situations, not only your working life. Also, learning czech will not be easy, as it's a slavic language, not a germanic one.

 

True, but: czech culture and german culture aren't really different. We even fight about who invented the Pilsner beer

Yeah i know that Czech is probably a hard to learn language but i'm confident that i could manage that.

 

18 minutes ago, Praesi said:

Number 1.

 

You learn so much in other Countries and you are so young. This will not be your last GF. So take that Chance.

mh... I know that i'm young and that many people have even more GFs but i'm not that kind of guy. I try to keep up that relationship first ^^ 

But you are right, 2 years really are gone fast. 

[Corrupt_Liberty]

31 minutes ago, FloRolf said:

Well if next to your two failed marriages (Sorry for that btw) you are a successfull engineer then maybe i could still use your experience lol

Actually I was just laid off!  But hey, after a decade with the company I did get a measly severance and a very nice letter thanking me for my years of service.

[ZothOmmog]

12 minutes ago, Praesi said:

Good to hear. I had many GF´s in my 20´s. Never had the Luck to meet "the one".

Of course, i dont know her, maybe she is the one for him. But still, he should take that chance. 2 Years are gone fast.

Same here, or maybe not the same, still haven't had a single one.

 

But I mean if @FloRolf have something good going on then why risk throwing it away by moving.

 

I have unfortunately a bad experience moving to a new place where I tried to study and it ended with me being depressed and only talking to people whilst going to the store, but that's just me and my experience.

[FloRolf]

7 minutes ago, Corrupt_Liberty said:

Actually I was just laid off!  But hey, after a decade with the company I did get a measly severance and a very nice letter thanking me for my years of service.

wow man i'm sorry to hear that  Hope you are doing well after all that!

 

6 minutes ago, ZothOmmog said:

Same here, or maybe not the same, still haven't had a single one.

 

But I mean if @FloRolf have something good going on then why risk throwing it away by moving.

 

I have unfortunately a bad experience moving to a new place where I tried to study and it ended with me being depressed and only talking to people whilst going to the store, but that's just me and my experience.

Yeah exactly. Like i said above, i was also offered a job in Detroit but GF told me she'd leave me if i do that. So yeah... Czech Republic is a different story though and i'll talk about it with her sometimes this week. Which is cool because we have our anniversary this week aswell. Sounds like that will be awesome...

 

i'm more of a alone guy anyways So even if i can't find anything to do then i could come along. But i heard from a friend who was at that plant, that the people are all very nice and take you to freetime events aswell, like sports and stuff.

[MrHarv]

1 hour ago, Praesi said:

Number 1.

 

You learn so much in other Countries and you are so young. This will not be your last GF. So take that Chance.

mate breaking relationships takes a second and while it takes years months to maintain it.

 

as for you FloRolf if you are attached to your family like me i would give anything even a small job just to see their faces and smiles every day rather than leave them and live my life. because you know at some point of time they will leave you from this world.

So cherish the time you have with your family and priortise your family above yourself if you love them. 

[WhatComesAround]

2 hours ago, FloRolf said:

Supperonie LTT Friends.

 

I dunno if this is the right place to ask for some serious life advice but whatever. I've seen quite a lot of not-12yo here so people with actual life experience can probably help

 

Here's my situation:

i'm 21y/o from germany with a 21y/o GF who i've been with for 2 years now. She is VERY emotionally unstable.

Currently studying mechanical engineering but i'll graduate (bachelors) in September of this year. i'm in some kind of dual studies system which means i have a workplace i go to every day and i study on the side.

I'd totally love to work for that company after i graduate but they don't have any free jobs this year or the following years.

That shit limits my options to the following:

 

1. Go to a different country (czech republic) and still work for the same company but a different plant.

This would mean in short:

- Safe job because i could get one there rather easily

- I know the company, i know some guys there and i'd do exactly what i like to do

- ton of life and work experience so i'd be pretty badass when i come back after 2-3 years

- 1000km distance to my home, my GF and everything i now

- GF can't come with me because she will study at least the next 2 years in germany but she works for the same company.

 

2. Try to get a job in/around my hometown

That means:

- Write tons and tons of applications

- probably get less salary

- i'll be the "new guy" without experience in the new company and field they are working in

- have the chance to NOT get a job, which would totally suck

- i'm still at home and can live happily with my GF and family

 

 

So yeah. i'm in a total dilemma and i don't know what to do.

I've only talked about this with my mom but GF will follow, which will be a very very shitty conversation.

I have written down a list of pro's and con's i can add here if you want but i'm a bit lazy right now for translating lol.

 

I'm open for discussions and advice, feel free to contact me personally aswell if you don't want to talk about something you experienced yourself here in the open.

Ich mochte studiert ins Deutschland. Is that correct?  I only know a little of german, and yes, I do want to study in germany and I want to study mechanical engineering. As for advice well I really don't have any but I am here for something different. Advice (XD HAHAH) but from you , so uhhh, what company u working for?

[Mug]

I had a gf who had huge mental health issues. I know where you're coming from.

I would make the move. If you're going to have a better qualiy of life it's worth it. You'll make new friends, maybe a new girlfriend, and forge a new and better life for yourself.

Long distance sucks so if you're breaking up with your gf it'll be difficult but most likely worth it. There'll be a good time for everything.

Your family will be fine, I moved away from my family and it's all groovy, I have no need to see them every day.

[mrchow19910319]

2 hours ago, FloRolf said:

Did you have any personal bindings to your hometown other than your parents? And how far away did you move?

Will it might take me a whole week to explain to you why I did what I did. Moved to another country to study. And let me just sum some points I wanna make.

1) It is not gonna be what you think. No matter how you imagine what the other place might be, it always feels different. Sometimes in a scary way. 

2) The 1st thing I have learned all these years is how to accept that in life, different people can go through completely different things. Even you guys are at the same age, the difference in "life experience" can be night and day. And sometimes it is really hard to accept that. And people from different background will always, always have different perspective. And different perspective, give people different conclusion. 

 

Also, just to answer your question, I moved from china to singapore. 

[jeremymwilson]

Plan for the long term not the short term. 

 

My advice is move abroad. From what you said it is definitely the better choice. 

 

And I don't mean to sound mean or uncaring but do you want to stay with a girlfriend who is emotionally unstable? You're only 21, you have all of your adult life ahead of you.

 

Make a courageous choice rather than an easy one and you'll be fine?

[Yoinkerman]

Just by you saying you'd fly back several times a month just to see your gf tells me you're better off putting your own future ahead of your "together" future.  

 

Live your life.  She'll either support you in that, or she won't.  If she doesn't, she's not good for you.

[dalekphalm]

Whether you want to stay with your girlfriend or not ultimately will be up to both of you and how you deal with long distance relationships. If you do take the job and stay with her, please don't commit to flying or driving home every weekend. That's going to be insane, and it will suck the energy out of you.

 

I would, at best, commit to once a month. My Fiancee lives 280KM away while at school and we don't see each other every weekend. It's too much. We're both secure and comfortable with our relationship that we can go a few weeks or a month without seeing each other.

 

The fact that she threatened to break up with you if you took the Detroit job shows that she's more concerned about herself then your well being. A rational adult would have a discussion with you about her wants and your needs and would consider the positives and cons of it. Ultimately, they would stand by your decision and support you - even if you ultimately break up rather than do long distance.

[wilamu]

Don't be ruled by your heart here dude, if what's meant to be with your gf is meant to be then you'll be "together" no matter what. This job at a company you like will be the "proper" start of your career and even if you have to go to CZ that's cool!! You gotta live life man, not everything will always be how you want it but you make the best of the situation.

 

If it was me, I would go 100%.