Need some advice talking to my ex-girlfriend

[h3rm3s]

Hello everyone,

 

I had a girlfriend for a while, but 1 month ago she broke up with me. The reason why she broke up with me is because she found me too passive and socially-incapable. I was pretty insecure (emotionally) during the relationship, and looking back at our relationship, I would've done everything different. When people ask me about the relationship, I'm almost ashamed to talk about it, because of how I behaved during the relationship (socially-incapable, awkward, passive, ...). I see her everyday at my job, and I'd like to talk to her about how I feel about the relationship we had. I want to tell her about how I feel about everything right now, basically telling her that she was right to break up with me. I have the feeling she lost her respect for me, because I heard her saying to friends "Oh, that relationship, a huge mistake!", which is pretty harsh. I'd like to tell her that I'm actually working on my bad characteristics.

But if I would do that, it would just seem desperate, and that I'm trying to get back together with her, which is not the case.

 

So to put it simply, I'd like to go talk to her, one last time, to make an end to the awkwardness between us, and make it clear how I feel about the relationship we had.

 

Do you guys have any ideas on how to handle this, or how to go about doing this?

 

Thanks!

[dalekphalm]

52 minutes ago, h3rm3s said:

Hello everyone,

 

I had a girlfriend for a while, but 1 month ago she broke up with me. The reason why she broke up with me is because she found me too passive and socially-incapable. I was pretty insecure (emotionally) during the relationship, and looking back at our relationship, I would've done everything different. When people ask me about the relationship, I'm almost ashamed to talk about it, because of how I behaved during the relationship (socially-incapable, awkward, passive, ...). I see her everyday at my job, and I'd like to talk to her about how I feel about the relationship we had. I want to tell her about how I feel about everything right now, basically telling her that she was right to break up with me. I have the feeling she lost her respect for me, because I heard her saying to friends "Oh, that relationship, a huge mistake!", which is pretty harsh. I'd like to tell her that I'm actually working on my bad characteristics.

But if I would do that, it would just seem desperate, and that I'm trying to get back together with her, which is not the case.

 

So to put it simply, I'd like to go talk to her, one last time, to make an end to the awkwardness between us, and make it clear how I feel about the relationship we had.

 

Do you guys have any ideas on how to handle this, or how to go about doing this?

 

Thanks!

My suggestion?

 

Just don't. It's over. Talking to her won't help either of you at all. At best, it'll make her feel more bad for breaking up with you.

 

You want her to respect you? Show it with your actions in general. Change yourself for the better (If you truly want to change - just don't change for her). Work on becoming less passive. Work on becoming more social and more outgoing.

[CookieSmash]

Protip: if it didn't work the first time, the second time is going to be worse because of expectations and past resentment.

[kaiju_wars]

Yeah bud, it's over.  Don't try to push it.  

You'd make yourself look desperate, and maybe even kind of creepy.  The relationship ended.  Trying to go at it again, assuming y'all do, would just make the second breakup that much harder.  Coming from experience.  

[Misanthrope]

2 hours ago, dalekphalm said:

My suggestion?

 

Just don't. It's over.

This pretty much.

[Praesi]

7 hours ago, h3rm3s said:

Do you guys have any ideas on how to handle this, or how to go about doing this?

Yes. Forget her.

 

7 hours ago, h3rm3s said:

basically telling her that she was right to break up with me.

Dude...dont do that to yourself, serious.

And if you want work on yourself, do it for you and not for her.

The way she behave, she´s not worth it.

[charles899]

You hit it n quit it. no more. there's more fat chicks in the sea go find one ;3. say to your co workers around her like "that was the worst pussy I've ever had" ftw

[h3rm3s]

36 minutes ago, Praesi said:

Yes. Forget her.

 

Dude...dont do that to yourself, serious.

And if you want work on yourself, do it for you and not for her.

The way she behave, she´s not worth it.

 

4 hours ago, Misanthrope said:

This pretty much.

 

6 hours ago, kaiju_wars said:

Yeah bud, it's over.  Don't try to push it.  

You'd make yourself look desperate, and maybe even kind of creepy.  The relationship ended.  Trying to go at it again, assuming y'all do, would just make the second breakup that much harder.  Coming from experience.  

 

6 hours ago, CookieSmash said:

Protip: if it didn't work the first time, the second time is going to be worse because of expectations and past resentment.

 

7 hours ago, dalekphalm said:

My suggestion?

 

Just don't. It's over. Talking to her won't help either of you at all. At best, it'll make her feel more bad for breaking up with you.

 

You want her to respect you? Show it with your actions in general. Change yourself for the better (If you truly want to change - just don't change for her). Work on becoming less passive. Work on becoming more social and more outgoing.

Okay, you've all given me a very clear answer, which is great. Thanks for the advice, and I'm going to go with what you're all saying. Working on become in more socially-capable is something I'm planning to do, just for my own sake. Do you guys have any advice on how to handle conversations with her (unavoidable ones, for work related things)? Thanks again!

[charles899]

1 minute ago, h3rm3s said:

 

 

 

 

Okay, you've all given me a very clear answer, which is great. Thanks for the advice, and I'm going to go with what you're all saying. Working on become in more socially-capable is something I'm planning to do, just for my own sake. Do you guys have any advice on how to handle conversations with her (unavoidable ones, for work related things)? Thanks again!

Work related:oh THAT fish smells awful -walk off- -hump her leg- -walk off- I got me a new gf better then you or or or don't talk to her?

[Praesi]

26 minutes ago, h3rm3s said:

Okay, you've all given me a very clear answer, which is great. Thanks for the advice, and I'm going to go with what you're all saying. Working on become in more socially-capable is something I'm planning to do, just for my own sake. Do you guys have any advice on how to handle conversations with her (unavoidable ones, for work related things)? Thanks again!

Avoid smalltalk ect. If i were you, I would ignore her. She talks bad about you infront others...fuck that bitch. 

[Nikolithebear]

Ship her a live world war 2 hand grenade.  That worked for me. 

[dalekphalm]

4 hours ago, h3rm3s said:

 

 

 

 

Okay, you've all given me a very clear answer, which is great. Thanks for the advice, and I'm going to go with what you're all saying. Working on become in more socially-capable is something I'm planning to do, just for my own sake. Do you guys have any advice on how to handle conversations with her (unavoidable ones, for work related things)? Thanks again!

Just be polite, professional, and act like she's some random employee you've never met and don't care to get to know. If she tries to engage, offer polite and non-personal small talk.

[Mooshi]

Yeah, the forget it crew are right. From personal experience, it makes things 10 times worst and even more awkward. 

 

The fix? Focus on YOU and when someone else comes around, it'd be better. 

[dizmo]

Oh boy. Welcome to the world of dating. The best thing to take from it is exactly what you already seem to have. The lessons.

You shouldn't at all feel stupid or ashamed about the relationship, I think pretty much everyone goes through that. That's how you learn. Hindsight is always 20-20, thinking "oh if only I'd changed this" won't help anything. Just think "ok, in the future I'll change this about myself" is a much better attitude to take. Think of it as something good! (Which it is).

You've also learned another valuable lesson. Never date someone you work with, if you plan on staying at the job long term.

It might seem like a great idea, but there's such a thing as seeing too much of one another (if it had worked out), or the potentially awkward situation you've gotten yourself into.

Don't do it! As everyone else says. It's just a bad idea. Just be yourself, be talkative at work (work is work, private life is private) and keep it professional. Eventually you can probably become friends again, if that was you goal. The relationship very well could have been a mistake, however that doesn't make you a bad person. It just means you two don't match. There's lots of other girls out there, and one's bound to be a better fit. Don't tell her you are, words are cheap. Showing her you've changed is a lot better. I generally like the slap to the face effect it has. But that's just me, and I'm a dick.

It sucks right now, but you'll get over it, and if you can laugh at yourself and think "oh man, I can't believe I acted that way" then you'll know you're better.

 

....I kinda started feeling like Dr Phil halfway through that but I wasn't about to waste all the typing

6 hours ago, Praesi said:

Yes. Forget her.

 

Dude...dont do that to yourself, serious.

And if you want work on yourself, do it for you and not for her.

The way she behave, she´s not worth it.

I don't think he necessarily has to forget her, but not bringing up the failed relationship is definitely for the best

Working towards friendship is usually a possibility.

5 hours ago, charles899 said:

You hit it n quit it. no more. there's more fat chicks in the sea go find one ;3. say to your co workers around her like "that was the worst pussy I've ever had" ftw

Ah yes. I see we have proof the audience here is quite young.

5 hours ago, h3rm3s said:

 

Okay, you've all given me a very clear answer, which is great. Thanks for the advice, and I'm going to go with what you're all saying. Working on become in more socially-capable is something I'm planning to do, just for my own sake. Do you guys have any advice on how to handle conversations with her (unavoidable ones, for work related things)? Thanks again!

Just like you used to. No need to make it awkward. Some people just don't match.

If you make things awkward, and it creates issues in the workplace, one of you could end up getting fired.

 

 

[charles899]

12 minutes ago, dizmo said:

Oh boy. Welcome to the world of dating. The best thing to take from it is exactly what you already seem to have. The lessons.

You shouldn't at all feel stupid or ashamed about the relationship, I think pretty much everyone goes through that. That's how you learn. Hindsight is always 20-20, thinking "oh if only I'd changed this" won't help anything. Just think "ok, in the future I'll change this about myself" is a much better attitude to take. Think of it as something good! (Which it is).

You've also learned another valuable lesson. Never date someone you work with, if you plan on staying at the job long term.

It might seem like a great idea, but there's such a thing as seeing too much of one another (if it had worked out), or the potentially awkward situation you've gotten yourself into.

Don't do it! As everyone else says. It's just a bad idea. Just be yourself, be talkative at work (work is work, private life is private) and keep it professional. Eventually you can probably become friends again, if that was you goal. The relationship very well could have been a mistake, however that doesn't make you a bad person. It just means you two don't match. There's lots of other girls out there, and one's bound to be a better fit. Don't tell her you are, words are cheap. Showing her you've changed is a lot better. I generally like the slap to the face effect it has. But that's just me, and I'm a dick.

It sucks right now, but you'll get over it, and if you can laugh at yourself and think "oh man, I can't believe I acted that way" then you'll know you're better.

 

....I kinda started feeling like Dr Phil halfway through that but I wasn't about to waste all the typing

I don't think he necessarily has to forget her, but not bringing up the failed relationship is definitely for the best

Working towards friendship is usually a possibility.

Ah yes. I see we have proof the audience here is quite young.

Just like you used to. No need to make it awkward. Some people just don't match.

If you make things awkward, and it creates issues in the workplace, one of you could end up getting fired.

 

 

What someone says or types doesn't verify their age? 

[dizmo]

49 minutes ago, charles899 said:

What someone says or types doesn't verify their age? 

True, there are always really immature "adults".

[charles899]

2 hours ago, dizmo said:

True, there are always really immature "adults".

"Immature" is your own opinion which opinions don't always matter

[Albatross]

19 hours ago, dalekphalm said:

My suggestion?

 

Just don't. It's over. Talking to her won't help either of you at all. At best, it'll make her feel more bad for breaking up with you.

 

You want her to respect you? Show it with your actions in general. Change yourself for the better (If you truly want to change - just don't change for her). Work on becoming less passive. Work on becoming more social and more outgoing.

I agree somewhat.

 

Honestly, she sounds kind of mean and not worth the effort. To talk about a previous relationship so negatively publicly around that person you were involved with? Seems really cruel. Just act like she's a nobody/someone different and ignore her elsewhere. Don't feel ashamed OP.

[h3rm3s]

16 hours ago, charles899 said:

Work related:oh THAT fish smells awful -walk off- -hump her leg- -walk off- I got me a new gf better then you or or or don't talk to her?

Well but there are cases you HAVE to talk, for work and stuff.

[h3rm3s]

16 hours ago, Praesi said:

Avoid smalltalk ect. If i were you, I would ignore her. She talks bad about you infront others...fuck that bitch. 

Yeah you're right, her being like also kinda helped me getting over her. I can't respect an ex who talks about me in that way, WHEN I'M THERE.

[h3rm3s]

11 hours ago, dizmo said:

Oh boy. Welcome to the world of dating. The best thing to take from it is exactly what you already seem to have. The lessons.

You shouldn't at all feel stupid or ashamed about the relationship, I think pretty much everyone goes through that. That's how you learn. Hindsight is always 20-20, thinking "oh if only I'd changed this" won't help anything. Just think "ok, in the future I'll change this about myself" is a much better attitude to take. Think of it as something good! (Which it is).

You've also learned another valuable lesson. Never date someone you work with, if you plan on staying at the job long term.

It might seem like a great idea, but there's such a thing as seeing too much of one another (if it had worked out), or the potentially awkward situation you've gotten yourself into.

Don't do it! As everyone else says. It's just a bad idea. Just be yourself, be talkative at work (work is work, private life is private) and keep it professional. Eventually you can probably become friends again, if that was you goal. The relationship very well could have been a mistake, however that doesn't make you a bad person. It just means you two don't match. There's lots of other girls out there, and one's bound to be a better fit. Don't tell her you are, words are cheap. Showing her you've changed is a lot better. I generally like the slap to the face effect it has. But that's just me, and I'm a dick.

It sucks right now, but you'll get over it, and if you can laugh at yourself and think "oh man, I can't believe I acted that way" then you'll know you're better.

 

....I kinda started feeling like Dr Phil halfway through that but I wasn't about to waste all the typing

I don't think he necessarily has to forget her, but not bringing up the failed relationship is definitely for the best

Working towards friendship is usually a possibility.

Ah yes. I see we have proof the audience here is quite young.

Just like you used to. No need to make it awkward. Some people just don't match.

If you make things awkward, and it creates issues in the workplace, one of you could end up getting fired.

 

 

Thanks for the advice mate! Yes, I also like the slap in the face effect. After hearing her talk to me, I wouldn't mind being a tiny bit of a dick to her. But of course I wont talk bad about her behind her back. Thanks again!

[h3rm3s]

I sent the reply twice, and I don't know how to delete this one, so ignore this please.

Edited December 14, 2016 by h3rm3s

[h3rm3s]

8 hours ago, Albatross said:

I agree somewhat.

 

Honestly, she sounds kind of mean and not worth the effort. To talk about a previous relationship so negatively publicly around that person you were involved with? Seems really cruel. Just act like she's a nobody/someone different and ignore her elsewhere. Don't feel ashamed OP.

Looking back, I am afraid I have to agree with you. She's kinda mean/cruel. She also likes to talk loudly (so I'm able to hear it) about other guys she's dating right now, because apparently she doesn't have anything better to do than to irritate me. But why would she act like this? Why does she want me to know about how she's moving on? I don't really understand that.

[beanhubbleday]

Not worth it

[dalekphalm]

1 minute ago, h3rm3s said:

Looking back, I am afraid I have to agree with you. She's kinda mean/cruel. She also likes to talk loudly (so I'm able to hear it) about other guys she's dating right now, because apparently she doesn't have anything better to do than to irritate me. But why would she act like this? Why does she want me to know about how she's moving on? I don't really understand that.

People are assholes sometimes. You can't control that.

 

I would ignore it for now. Don't be a dick back to her, because that'll just justify her actions in her own mind. Just pretend you don't hear her. Eventually she'll get bored, when she realizes that you won't rise to her bait.

 

If it becomes an issue that interferes with your job, I'd suggest talking to Human Resources, or an objective third party manager that doesn't manage either of you. But don't do this unless ABSOLUTELY necessary.