I need guidance on my social life.

[laushik]

So I'm 15 and on summer vacation. It's July 25 and school ended June 26 and I have not hung out with anybody, even in the school year I have not hung out with anyone. I have some "friends" , but I feel as though I am inferior to them and I hesitate so much to ask them to make plans because I fear rejection and criticism, they don't even respect me that much as they shut me down a lot (ex: telling me to shut up every 5 minutes). Even in school I get anxious when I'm near the "cool kids." However I feel incredibly sad at the moment because I need to be around people. And I know what you'll say; get outside! Join a club! etc... But I'm shy and have lost so much self-esteem, even saying Hi to someone in the elevator is a daunting task. I think I should see a psychiatrist or something, but I'm very hesitant to tell my parents. All I do is play video game all day, please help.    

[Zandvliet]

Sorry to hear this, you yourself gave a good example what to do. Telling your parents is the best thing to do here. Ask them if they had this when they were in school and if they think it's a good idea to talk to a professional. If this is a bridge to far, talk to a professional at school. Not sure if they have it at your school, but in my opinion they should. Those people have a obligation to help you and if you want they cannot tell your parents. 

Do you play videogames with any class mates? You could ask them online to meet them after school. Start with something small, for example it could be that someone has to go into the same direction as you when you are going home and you can ask them to walk/ride/take bus together. 

Other then this it's hard to give more advise, things will get better when you're older. You have to believe that you can do it, that is the first step. After which things like this will get easier. 

 

Good luck!

[laushik]

55 minutes ago, Zandvliet said:

Sorry to hear this, you yourself gave a good example what to do. Telling your parents is the best thing to do here. Ask them if they had this when they were in school and if they think it's a good idea to talk to a professional. If this is a bridge to far, talk to a professional at school. Not sure if they have it at your school, but in my opinion they should. Those people have a obligation to help you and if you want they cannot tell your parents. 

Do you play videogames with any class mates? You could ask them online to meet them after school. Start with something small, for example it could be that someone has to go into the same direction as you when you are going home and you can ask them to walk/ride/take bus together. 

Other then this it's hard to give more advise, things will get better when you're older. You have to believe that you can do it, that is the first step. After which things like this will get easier. 

 

Good luck!

Thank you so much for the advise! Yes my school does have a guidance counselor. I believe my dad faces the same issue, maybe it's something genetic. But I think I will have to speak with my parents about this issue since I cannot take it anymore. Also I don't play video games with my friends, just randoms.  

[wasab]

3 hours ago, laushik said:

So I'm 15 and on summer vacation. It's July 25 and school ended June 26 and I have not hung out with anybody, even in the school year I have not hung out with anyone. I have some "friends" , but I feel as though I am inferior to them and I hesitate so much to ask them to make plans because I fear rejection and criticism, they don't even respect me that much as they shut me down a lot (ex: telling me to shut up every 5 minutes). Even in school I get anxious when I'm near the "cool kids." However I feel incredibly sad at the moment because I need to be around people. And I know what you'll say; get outside! Join a club! etc... But I'm shy and have lost so much self-esteem, even saying Hi to someone in the elevator is a daunting task. I think I should see a psychiatrist or something, but I'm very hesitant to tell my parents. All I do is play video game all day, please help.    

My guidance to you: You don't need social life.

 

Okay, actual guidance. Video game is the issue. You need time away from your computer screen. Go out and get some exercise first. It has been proven spending time outdoors exercising greatly ease anxienty and builds good mood and attitude. This is because sunlight and outdoor are all mood regulator as well as all the hormones your body released during intense exercise. 

 

You don't have to hang around people your age. I mean I never do. I look down on all my peers, especially the ones who are much more successful than me(in looks , intelligence, wealth, whatever). People say I have Napoleon complex but it is common psychology for dealing with insecurity. It safeguards against intimidation and loss of confidence. 

 

You can hang around and learn from people older than you or take care of people younger than you. Both builds confidence. Your leadership skills rely on confidence so it is important have a confident attitude. 

 

 

 

[Guest]

3 hours ago, laushik said:

So I'm 15 and on summer vacation. It's July 25 and school ended June 26 and I have not hung out with anybody, even in the school year I have not hung out with anyone. I have some "friends" , but I feel as though I am inferior to them and I hesitate so much to ask them to make plans because I fear rejection and criticism, they don't even respect me that much as they shut me down a lot (ex: telling me to shut up every 5 minutes). Even in school I get anxious when I'm near the "cool kids." However I feel incredibly sad at the moment because I need to be around people. And I know what you'll say; get outside! Join a club! etc... But I'm shy and have lost so much self-esteem, even saying Hi to someone in the elevator is a daunting task. I think I should see a psychiatrist or something, but I'm very hesitant to tell my parents. All I do is play video game all day, please help.    

What you need to do is take small steps. I'm not talking about like saying, "Hi" in an elevator, because I think it's a bit funny, but I live in a different place. When you buy some groceries always say hi to the cashier etc. TBH it sound like your friends are a bit mean, and I wouldn't take what they say to heart. Kids will be kids you know. Don't feel like you are inferior, because you are not, you are just as good as them.

 

Also, seeing a psychiatrist isn't something to be afraid of, or to hesistate. Quite a lot of people go sometimes and it's nice to talk things over with someone you can trust. Any psychiatrist is a lot better than any of us can be. (If any of these threads are concerned, what mainly gets confirmed is that most of us aren't to great at interacting either). 

[Syntaxvgm]

After high school I ghosted almost everyone, some others the same to me. If you we're a "popular" kid, you'll probably only really stick with 1 or two friends from school. School friends are people that tolerate each other because they're stuck with each other.  Today I have very few friends I see often at all, a few I met in collage, but I think I'm better off for it. I do need to find a way of getting out more without drinking, I dont really like the bar scene. 

Yes you need people to hang out with, but start small. Find someone at school next year to play games with. Dont even have to fucking like each other that much. Drag your game console to his house or the other way around, take turns taking care of food and waste time together. Sometimes what 2 or more socially introverted people need to 'hang out' is an excuse, even if it's wasting time in the same room on the same games. And there's no dead, awkward air playing games. You'll talk when you want to. I spent a lot of time when I was younger just like, playing halo and battlefield or whatever with random people. Most of whom I dont talk to anymore, but it's alright. Healthy relationships stay, ones where you just dont quite click fade away. Life and stuff.  

 

[Anjelllo]

It gets better and easier. Don’t stop trying. Don’t get discouraged. Don’t let people walk over you because friendship should be a positive relationship both ways. I’ve done autistic shit that would probably horribly embarrass/ traumatise a normal person, but I don’t let it get to me and have become successful in relationships because of it. Just keep taking risks and small steps man. 

[Guest]

I think lessons from bill burr will come in handy. I’ll give you the cut down version:

Quote

Eh, fuck it, say it. see what happens. 

I’ve seen like 6 people from my 1000~ person graduating class of high school. THAT’S IT. Also if your friends shut you down, maybe they’re not your friends unless they’re joking. 

 

Just text people “hey, are you busy this Saturday? If not let’s hang out & play switch.” Or.. whatever game console still has local multiplayer. I used to play halo 3 custom games but halo doesn’t do 4 player online split screen anymore. 

 

Other hang out ideas include going to see a movie. One group of my friends we go to see horror movies. I don’t like horror movies but like, the stories in some are really good. Then we go to one of our houses, go in the pool, or play super smash bros Wii U, halo reach multiplayer vs, or Xbox 360 Minecraft splitscreen. 

 

My other friend & I play paintball, or go to funny movies or play his PlayStations since he has like 6. One time we played TF2 or NMRIH on our laptops since his is pretty chit. I’ve seen people hang out & play sports, smoke, drink, watch a movie/tv series. Just make sure it doesn’t sound like you’re asking to Netflix and chill. The “cool way” to ask people to spend time with you was “want to hang out *insert day like “weekend*” Or “I’m getting people together to see *movie title* this Friday. Want to come?” 

 

In high school all my friends just played Xbox live & we did the group voice chat (Xbox live party). Everyone was online anyway so we all just joined or invited each other. 

Sometimes if you play matchmaking you might find a clan & they’re usually pretty nice. I was in a few halo 4 clans & they just played multiplayer together & didn’t care about winning. There’s clans like that for every game. Call of duty, halo, so on. 

 

Also dont be a sour puss (whatever that means) don’t move around, be sad or say anything self conscious. No one wants to babysit your dad feelings. “It’s only awkward if you say it’s awkward.” If you act like you’re having fun, you usually end up having fun. If you notice, everyone else doesn’t really care. You just have to be confident on the outside and people will like you on the inside. (Kinda like fruit. It’s looks ripe on the outside before it’s ripe on the inside.)

[russion1]

No, you need guidance on your techno-life

Here it is - https://www.deviceranking.pl/

[SupremeGOAT]

hmmm... you like pokemon go?

[spwath]

I didn't have many real friends in high school.

I do in college.