Opinions on a certain situation

[Zev_7]

I'm not exactly sure if this breaks the rules for posting this-

So this is a bit personal but, I had a fishy long distance relationship for a year and there was another dude who became very obsessed with my girlfriend. 
Long story short that ended and im being cut off forever for repeatedly asking for a face reveal/voice chat but, shes still conversing with the individual daily. 
Some of the things he did were extremely creepy, harassing, threatening, and borderline abusive from Nov. 2017-Sept. 2018 that i could report but nobody is taking it seriously even after they admitted to certain people online. He was only truly away from them for a very short 2 months, but even then "she" still refused to cut this person off beforehand and that was apparently enough to atone for the extreme extents he went.

However i should say my partner never revealed their face nor voice, so i am not sure what to make of it other than-
- catfish
- they're a male 
I would go into detail about everything that has happened in that year but that would make this post extremely long, this has personally been killing me because i don't understand how someone can casually be talking to someone who harmed them - including me - for so long. Seems like their behavior was downplayed, and mine was amped up to the extreme. 
This happened months ago but still, it will never sit with me right.

[MrFixitBlankFace]

A wise note from BlankFace:

 

If you are going to want to plunge into a relationship with someone, you need to meet him/her face to face.  Its the best way to get to know someone, build more trust, and claim her before Mr. Catfish comes up.  Is a long-distance relationship or an online relationahip really true love?  What if she just wants to get to know you for awhile and then she decides she wants to try someone else.  What if she was just desperate and wanted to have the first person that skyped her?  A date, a face to face conversation-------that is how the long-lasting relationships begin.

 

 

 

 

Another wise note:

If true love exists between you and her, you will find each other again.  Maybe you will correct your mistakes.

 

If it is not you she wants, you will have to recover.  Here's my card *Card Says: Dr. BlankFace  Phsyc.*

 

Shall we meet every Saturday? 9:00? 10:00

You decide.   *shows tradition psychiatrist smile*

[Zev_7]

4 minutes ago, MrFixitBlankFace said:

A wise note from BlankFace:

 

If you are going to want to plunge into a relationship with someone, you need to meet him/her face to face.  Its the best way to get to know someone, build more trust, and claim her before Mr. Catfish comes up.  Is a long-distance relationship or an online relationahip really true love?  What if she just wants to get to know you for awhile and then she decides she wants to try someone else.  What if she was just desperate and wanted to have the first person that skyped her?  A date, a face to face conversation-------that is how the long-lasting relationships begin.

 

 

 

 

Another wise note:

If true love between you and her, you will find each other again.  Maybe you will correct your mistakes.

 

If it is not you she wants, you will have to recover.  Here's my card *Card Says: Dr. BlankFace  Phsyc.*

 

Shall we meet every Saturday? 9:00? 10:00

You decide.   *shows tradition psychiatrist smile*

Um okay? 
I did try your first suggestion though, knew this person for 2 years but boy that dude really has a problem. 
Anyways, thanks i guess?

[LukeLinusFanFic]

Let me know if I misunderstood, but you had a relationship for a year with someone you have never met, ever called on the phone nor video chatted?

 

I get where you're coming from I guess, but let me solve this for you and I know this sucks, but it is what it is:

100% catfish. Sorry mate.

If you're so patient and understanding so you could wait so long for that partner, you'll find a new girl in no time. A little a comfort as it might be. 

[XR6]

Yeah, personally I'd leave it be and I'd find someone else.

It's unfortunate to say but if 'she' hasn't revealed 'her' face or voice in 2 years then something really isn't right. Most likely a catfish.

[dalekphalm]

Time to move on.

 

At best, your "girlfriend" has serious issues, especially with trust. Not allowing face to face contact is definitely a no go for a serious relationship. In fact, that should be a prerequisite to a serious relationship.

 

At worst, "she" is catfishing you, and lied about who "she" is.

 

Either way, just stop. Just leave it. Forget about the third person and forget about her, and move on.

[Skanky Sylveon]

From experience, most online relationships involve sending nudes and whatnot.

I mean, everyone who I DM on a regular basis (friends and whatnot) has shown me their face, so I would consider the lack of showing a face suspicious.

 

Honestly, while it's probably hard, it would be in your best interest to just let it go.  The time you spend dwelling on her is time lost finding someone else.

[DumbAsshole32]

.

[dalekphalm]

4 hours ago, Kriss ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) said:

Serious online relationships are a waste of time imo. Maybe you've grown to care for someone who isnt real. I'd give the person an ultimatum, or youre never going to get anywhere.

Serious online relationships aren't inherently bad - but to be successful, you need to trust and know your partner. You need to have already seen each other and communicated at least via video chat - ideally, (but not strictly required), you'd have also met face to face.

 

But either way, if you haven't spoken on the phone and/or over video, you're not really in a proper relationship.

[TetraSky]

Move on, you've never heard their voice or seen their face. For all you know it was a man catfishing you.

Online long distance relationships never work if both parties are not committed to it.

[PixelPol]

22 hours ago, dalekphalm said:

and communicated at least via video chat - ideally, (but not strictly required

I know a thing or two about this type of things.  I'd say a video chat would be required, for other reasons, not just trust. Even just a friend can "sound" strongly different from a well thought mail than once meeting the individual in person. I've had extremely successful friendships (colleagues of my profession, etc) with ppl I knew online-only initially, 'cause I went the extra mile and generated some common events, to meet these other pros, etc. In some case I'd even have that sort of online crush for a woman, but definitely only with the idea of knowing her in person ASAP, or if not, leave it be. The times I didn't do so, it can end up as disaster pretty easily ( and I only mean women I'd have skyped / voice chatted with, other thing is out of question).

 

22 hours ago, dalekphalm said:

if you haven't spoken on the phone and/or over video, you're not really in a proper relationship.

it's incredible that we're even debating it, but, IMO, one is neither if have not ever met her/him in person, and I know this not because am older than the average here. I'm as geeky as the most, but simply, human beings don't work like that.... Specially in the long term. If have never even touched or kissed her, or even just had a face to face conversation...sorry, you can't speak about having a girlfriend, is a mind construct. We've all had platonic moments, so, not judging. It's even a person you know during a year having physical relations and all sort of interactions, to discover "things" are not like you thought after one year. It involves a ton more than some carefully put words into an plain text file.

 

22 hours ago, TetraSky said:

Online long distance relationships never work if both parties are not committed to it.

 

I've had one very case that would have worked. I had known her first in my country, in person. Then, tried to maintain/keep the relation online till next travel possibility, and definitely not easy. Heck, it was even my sister with her several years boyfriend relationship, and the relation did not resist one year of being at a distance, even with an everyday hour of skype video chat. There's a ton of issues (obstacles, concerns, etc) before reaching to the following consideration : Even in the very best, ideal case scenario, people would end up meeting with someone local, and end of story.

 

Don't stick to these kind of relations, get out and know people locally, not just for relationships (as it all come together). And imo, do it ASAP....

These things are often just that the other part wants money, even if it's a progressive and slow plan (so, first they might build a drama around it to involve you emotionally), or just has some mental disorder, and finds emotional compensation with someone due to being incapable of more normal relations ( and in that case u don't do her/him any favor by playing her/his game), so he/she/them uses you for that. There's people also that likes to play this drama-filled stories just for not being mentally balanced. And they can go on and on with that for years. In most cases, there's planned some sort of money related stuff. Careful.

 

And don't get me wrong: I have tons of friends I've only chatted with (voice chat, video chat, or only mails) by inet. But need to set some limits. Very personal stuff, disconnect it from internet. Work, friendship, etc, yeah, why not. I've been a remote staff worker for two great years, and currently a full time freelancer, know people from many parts of the world, and more than clients, are friends. But sentimental relationships, ... Nope, I wouldn't bet for that. (and we could say here that sentence of "thank us later").

 

It is curious that we're wary of fully blind dates (and not even tinder is as bad as a blind date) , I've done 2 in my life, and man, they went really wrong (yet tho, I know stories that went really well, as, after all, they get to really know the person in RL )... Still, stuff as fishy like this, and people fall for it. And not judging, I've fallen for very idiotic things (not exactly this), but that's how you learn, too.  As I said, be careful.

[Arika]

I can almost confirm 100% that it was a male catfishing you. you dont get into a long distance relationship for a whole year and never once turn on a website, let alone a microphone.

 

they can no longer use the excuse of "i don't have a camera or microphone" since every basic smart phone or laptop has both of these things.

 

it sucks that they wasted essentially an entire year when you could have found a legitimate relationship, but use this as a learning experience that if someone you're in a relationship with refuses to speak on voice or show you their face, then chances are they are not who they say they are. 

[dalekphalm]

2 hours ago, PixelPol said:

I know a thing or two about this type of things.  I'd say a video chat would be required, for other reasons, not just trust. Even just a friend can "sound" strongly different from a well thought mail than once meeting the individual in person. I've had extremely successful friendships (colleagues of my profession, etc) with ppl I knew online-only initially, 'cause I went the extra mile and generated some common events, to meet these other pros, etc. In some case I'd even have that sort of online crush for a woman, but definitely only with the idea of knowing her in person ASAP, or if not, leave it be. The times I didn't do so, it can end up as disaster pretty easily ( and I only mean women I'd have skyped / voice chatted with, other thing is out of question).

 

it's incredible that we're even debating it, but, IMO, one is neither if have not ever met her/him in person, and I know this not because am older than the average here. I'm as geeky as the most, but simply, human beings don't work like that.... Specially in the long term. If have never even touched or kissed her, or even just had a face to face conversation...sorry, you can't speak about having a girlfriend, is a mind construct. We've all had platonic moments, so, not judging. It's even a person you know during a year having physical relations and all sort of interactions, to discover "things" are not like you thought after one year. It involves a ton more than some carefully put words into an plain text file.

I agree with some of your points, but face to face contact is not required for a successful relationship - at least, not initially and definitely some people can manage for a long time (even potentially a few years) before that face to face contact.

 

I know one person personally that had an online relationship for multiple years (she lived in Canada, him the US, and neither had money to travel) before they met the first time in person. They're married now (and live together - he immigrated to Canada eventually).

 

However, "visual/auditory" contact is a must to even get to that stage. You must have spoken to them over video chat in such a scenario.

 

Eventually, face to face contact is also a must to move the relationship past a certain point, but that contact isn't necessarily required at any specific time frame.

2 hours ago, PixelPol said:

I've had one very case that would have worked. I had known her first in my country, in person. Then, tried to maintain/keep the relation online till next travel possibility, and definitely not easy. Heck, it was even my sister with her several years boyfriend relationship, and the relation did not resist one year of being at a distance, even with an everyday hour of skype video chat. There's a ton of issues (obstacles, concerns, etc) before reaching to the following consideration : Even in the very best, ideal case scenario, people would end up meeting with someone local, and end of story.

 

Don't stick to these kind of relations, get out and know people locally, not just for relationships (as it all come together). And imo, do it ASAP....

These things are often just that the other part wants money, even if it's a progressive and slow plan (so, first they might build a drama around it to involve you emotionally), or just has some mental disorder, and finds emotional compensation with someone due to being incapable of more normal relations ( and in that case u don't do her/him any favor by playing her/his game), so he/she/them uses you for that. There's people also that likes to play this drama-filled stories just for not being mentally balanced. And they can go on and on with that for years. In most cases, there's planned some sort of money related stuff. Careful.

 

And don't get me wrong: I have tons of friends I've only chatted with (voice chat, video chat, or only mails) by inet. But need to set some limits. Very personal stuff, disconnect it from internet. Work, friendship, etc, yeah, why not. I've been a remote staff worker for two great years, and currently a full time freelancer, know people from many parts of the world, and more than clients, are friends. But sentimental relationships, ... Nope, I wouldn't bet for that. (and we could say here that sentence of "thank us later").

 

It is curious that we're wary of fully blind dates (and not even tinder is as bad as a blind date) , I've done 2 in my life, and man, they went really wrong (yet tho, I know stories that went really well, as, after all, they get to really know the person in RL )... Still, stuff as fishy like this, and people fall for it. And not judging, I've fallen for very idiotic things (not exactly this), but that's how you learn, too.  As I said, be careful.