Carathas

Why am I making this post?
So I wanted to make a post here after Anthony discussed his issue with weightloss issue and quite honestly, it affected me! After watching the latest video and having Anthony talk so openly about his weight issues, it gave me a sudden glimps of clarity. I'm an alcoholic, and I don't mean that in the sense of "I need a drink to get me through the day" but I'm happy to sit there and drink 8 pints of beer and then jump on to 4 or 5 double whiskeys until I can't remember going to bed. On top of that, I am a smoker! Not in the sense of smoking 20 marlboro a day, because I was far to good for that. I smoked 5 half corona cigars a day, because smoking cigars clearly meant that I was better than cigarette smokers, right? Wrong. I'm an idiot. I spend on average CAD$150 a week on my terrible habits.
 
What Is My Endgoal?
So I want to quit everything. I'm not an idiot and I understand that this could be very bad for me, alcoholics suffer horrendous withdrawal sympthoms and I expect that I will suffer a lot of these issues. Last time I had a drink was maybe 20 minutes for the latest LTT video came out and I'm already craving a drink. I would kill a small child for a quadruple whiskey right now but it's not going to happen.
 
What do I want?
Honestly nothing, I'm here to support Anthony, but if you guys have had to deal with this stuff and have tips, then feel free to send them my way. I'm done with this shitty life. I'm done with underperforming and waking up, not knowing how I got to bed or why I feel so terrible each morning. I will try my best to update this thread for every day that I stay clean, I really hope that someone else who is struggling will be able to see this and come to me.

Why am I making this post?
So I wanted to make a post here after Anthony discussed his issue with weightloss issue and quite honestly, it affected me! After watching the latest video and having Anthony talk so openly about his weight issues, it gave me a sudden glimps of clarity. I'm an alcoholic, and I don't mean that in the sense of "I need a drink to get me through the day" but I'm happy to sit there and drink 8 pints of beer and then jump on to 4 or 5 double whiskeys until I can't remember going to bed. On top of that, I am a smoker! Not in the sense of smoking 20 marlboro a day, because I was far to good for that. I smoked 5 half corona cigars a day, because smoking cigars clearly meant that I was better than cigarette smokers, right? Wrong. I'm an idiot. I spend on average CAD$150 a week on my terrible habits.
 
What Is My Endgoal?
So I want to quit everything. I'm not an idiot and I understand that this could be very bad for me, alcoholics suffer horrendous withdrawal sympthoms and I expect that I will suffer a lot of these issues. Last time I had a drink was maybe 20 minutes for the latest LTT video came out and I'm already craving a drink. I would kill a small child for a quadruple whiskey right now but it's not going to happen.
 
What do I want?
Honestly nothing, I'm here to support Anthony, but if you guys have had to deal with this stuff and have tips, then feel free to send them my way. I'm done with this shitty life. I'm done with underperforming and waking up, not knowing how I got to bed or why I feel so terrible each morning. I will try my best to update this thread for every day that I stay clean, I really hope that someone else who is struggling will be able to see this and come to me.

Why am I making this post?
So I wanted to make a post here after Anthony discussed his issue with weightloss issue and quite honestly, it affected me! After watching the latest video and having Anthony talk so openly about his weight issues, it gave me a sudden glimps of clarity. I'm an alcoholic, and I don't mean that in the sense of "I need a drink to get me through the day" but I'm happy to sit there and drink 8 pints of beer and then jump on to 4 or 5 double whiskeys until I can't remember going to bed. On top of that, I am a smoker! Not in the sense of smoking 20 marlboro a day, because I was far to good for that. I smoked 5 half corona cigars a day, because smoking cigars clearly meant that I was better than cigarette smokers, right? Wrong. I'm an idiot. I spend on average CAD$150 a week on my terrible habits.
 
What Is My Endgoal?
So I want to quit everything. I'm not an idiot and I understand that this could be very bad for me, alcoholics suffer horrendous withdrawal sympthoms and I expect that I will suffer a lot of these issues. Last time I had a drink was maybe 20 minutes for the latest LTT video came out and I'm already craving a drink. I would kill a small child for a quadruple whiskey right now but it's not going to happen.
 
What do I want?
Honestly nothing, I'm here to support Anthony, but if you guys have had to deal with this stuff and have tips, then feel free to send them my way. I'm done with this shitty life. I'm done with underperforming and waking up, not knowing how I got to bed or why I feel so terrible each morning. I will try my best to update this thread for every day that I stay clean, I really hope that someone else who is struggling will be able to see this and come to me.

Why am I making this post?
So I wanted to make a post here after Anthony discussed his issue with weightloss issue and quite honestly, it affected me! After watching the latest video and having Anthony talk so openly about his weight issues, it gave me a sudden glimps of clarity. I'm an alcoholic, and I don't mean that in the sense of "I need a drink to get me through the day" but I'm happy to sit there and drink 8 pints of beer and then jump on to 4 or 5 double whiskeys until I can't remember going to bed. On top of that, I am a smoker! Not in the sense of smoking 20 marlboro a day, because I was far to good for that. I smoked 5 half corona cigars a day, because smoking cigars clearly meant that I was better than cigarette smokers, right? Wrong. I'm an idiot. I spend on average CAD$150 a week on my terrible habits.
 
What Is My Endgoal?
So I want to quit everything. I'm not an idiot and I understand that this could be very bad for me, alcoholics suffer horrendous withdrawal sympthoms and I expect that I will suffer a lot of these issues. Last time I had a drink was maybe 20 minutes for the latest LTT video came out and I'm already craving a drink. I would kill a small child for a quadruple whiskey right now but it's not going to happen.
 
What do I want?
Honestly nothing, I'm here to support Anthony, but if you guys have had to deal with this stuff and have tips, then feel free to send them my way. I'm done with this shitty life. I'm done with underperforming and waking up, not knowing how I got to bed or why I feel so terrible each morning. I will try my best to update this thread for every day that I stay clean, I really hope that someone else who is struggling will be able to see this and come to me.

Why am I making this post?
So I wanted to make a post here after Anthony discussed his issue with weightloss issue and quite honestly, it affected me! After watching the latest video and having Anthony talk so openly about his weight issues, it gave me a sudden glimps of clarity. I'm an alcoholic, and I don't mean that in the sense of "I need a drink to get me through the day" but I'm happy to sit there and drink 8 pints of beer and then jump on to 4 or 5 double whiskeys until I can't remember going to bed. On top of that, I am a smoker! Not in the sense of smoking 20 marlboro a day, because I was far to good for that. I smoked 5 half corona cigars a day, because smoking cigars clearly meant that I was better than cigarette smokers, right? Wrong. I'm an idiot. I spend on average CAD$150 a week on my terrible habits.
 
What Is My Endgoal?
So I want to quit everything. I'm not an idiot and I understand that this could be very bad for me, alcoholics suffer horrendous withdrawal sympthoms and I expect that I will suffer a lot of these issues. Last time I had a drink was maybe 20 minutes for the latest LTT video came out and I'm already craving a drink. I would kill a small child for a quadruple whiskey right now but it's not going to happen.
 
What do I want?
Honestly nothing, I'm here to support Anthony, but if you guys have had to deal with this stuff and have tips, then feel free to send them my way. I'm done with this shitty life. I'm done with underperforming and waking up, not knowing how I got to bed or why I feel so terrible each morning. I will try my best to update this thread for every day that I stay clean, I really hope that someone else who is struggling will be able to see this and come to me.

Why am I making this post?
So I wanted to make a post here after Anthony discussed his issue with weightloss issue and quite honestly, it affected me! After watching the latest video and having Anthony talk so openly about his weight issues, it gave me a sudden glimps of clarity. I'm an alcoholic, and I don't mean that in the sense of "I need a drink to get me through the day" but I'm happy to sit there and drink 8 pints of beer and then jump on to 4 or 5 double whiskeys until I can't remember going to bed. On top of that, I am a smoker! Not in the sense of smoking 20 marlboro a day, because I was far to good for that. I smoked 5 half corona cigars a day, because smoking cigars clearly meant that I was better than cigarette smokers, right? Wrong. I'm an idiot. I spend on average CAD$150 a week on my terrible habits.
 
What Is My Endgoal?
So I want to quit everything. I'm not an idiot and I understand that this could be very bad for me, alcoholics suffer horrendous withdrawal sympthoms and I expect that I will suffer a lot of these issues. Last time I had a drink was maybe 20 minutes for the latest LTT video came out and I'm already craving a drink. I would kill a small child for a quadruple whiskey right now but it's not going to happen.
 
What do I want?
Honestly nothing, I'm here to support Anthony, but if you guys have had to deal with this stuff and have tips, then feel free to send them my way. I'm done with this shitty life. I'm done with underperforming and waking up, not knowing how I got to bed or why I feel so terrible each morning. I will try my best to update this thread for every day that I stay clean, I really hope that someone else who is struggling will be able to see this and come to me.

Why am I making this post?
So I wanted to make a post here after Anthony discussed his issue with weightloss issue and quite honestly, it affected me! After watching the latest video and having Anthony talk so openly about his weight issues, it gave me a sudden glimps of clarity. I'm an alcoholic, and I don't mean that in the sense of "I need a drink to get me through the day" but I'm happy to sit there and drink 8 pints of beer and then jump on to 4 or 5 double whiskeys until I can't remember going to bed. On top of that, I am a smoker! Not in the sense of smoking 20 marlboro a day, because I was far to good for that. I smoked 5 half corona cigars a day, because smoking cigars clearly meant that I was better than cigarette smokers, right? Wrong. I'm an idiot. I spend on average CAD$150 a week on my terrible habits.
 
What Is My Endgoal?
So I want to quit everything. I'm not an idiot and I understand that this could be very bad for me, alcoholics suffer horrendous withdrawal sympthoms and I expect that I will suffer a lot of these issues. Last time I had a drink was maybe 20 minutes for the latest LTT video came out and I'm already craving a drink. I would kill a small child for a quadruple whiskey right now but it's not going to happen.
 
What do I want?
Honestly nothing, I'm here to support Anthony, but if you guys have had to deal with this stuff and have tips, then feel free to send them my way. I'm done with this shitty life. I'm done with underperforming and waking up, not knowing how I got to bed or why I feel so terrible each morning. I will try my best to update this thread for every day that I stay clean, I really hope that someone else who is struggling will be able to see this and come to me.

Why am I making this post?
So I wanted to make a post here after Anthony discussed his issue with weightloss issue and quite honestly, it affected me! After watching the latest video and having Anthony talk so openly about his weight issues, it gave me a sudden glimps of clarity. I'm an alcoholic, and I don't mean that in the sense of "I need a drink to get me through the day" but I'm happy to sit there and drink 8 pints of beer and then jump on to 4 or 5 double whiskeys until I can't remember going to bed. On top of that, I am a smoker! Not in the sense of smoking 20 marlboro a day, because I was far to good for that. I smoked 5 half corona cigars a day, because smoking cigars clearly meant that I was better than cigarette smokers, right? Wrong. I'm an idiot. I spend on average CAD$150 a week on my terrible habits.
 
What Is My Endgoal?
So I want to quit everything. I'm not an idiot and I understand that this could be very bad for me, alcoholics suffer horrendous withdrawal sympthoms and I expect that I will suffer a lot of these issues. Last time I had a drink was maybe 20 minutes for the latest LTT video came out and I'm already craving a drink. I would kill a small child for a quadruple whiskey right now but it's not going to happen.
 
What do I want?
Honestly nothing, I'm here to support Anthony, but if you guys have had to deal with this stuff and have tips, then feel free to send them my way. I'm done with this shitty life. I'm done with underperforming and waking up, not knowing how I got to bed or why I feel so terrible each morning. I will try my best to update this thread for every day that I stay clean, I really hope that someone else who is struggling will be able to see this and come to me.

My grandpa quit after he was diagnosed of lung cancer. Unfortunately, it was too late. He died 8 weeks later.
 
He once told my father "don't smoke. think of your wife. think of your (future at the time) children". 
 
Maybe you can also use these words to support yourself. There's still a long life for you ahead.
 
I'm also sorry if this didn't really help.

Why am I making this post?
So I wanted to make a post here after Anthony discussed his issue with weightloss issue and quite honestly, it affected me! After watching the latest video and having Anthony talk so openly about his weight issues, it gave me a sudden glimps of clarity. I'm an alcoholic, and I don't mean that in the sense of "I need a drink to get me through the day" but I'm happy to sit there and drink 8 pints of beer and then jump on to 4 or 5 double whiskeys until I can't remember going to bed. On top of that, I am a smoker! Not in the sense of smoking 20 marlboro a day, because I was far to good for that. I smoked 5 half corona cigars a day, because smoking cigars clearly meant that I was better than cigarette smokers, right? Wrong. I'm an idiot. I spend on average CAD$150 a week on my terrible habits.
 
What Is My Endgoal?
So I want to quit everything. I'm not an idiot and I understand that this could be very bad for me, alcoholics suffer horrendous withdrawal sympthoms and I expect that I will suffer a lot of these issues. Last time I had a drink was maybe 20 minutes for the latest LTT video came out and I'm already craving a drink. I would kill a small child for a quadruple whiskey right now but it's not going to happen.
 
What do I want?
Honestly nothing, I'm here to support Anthony, but if you guys have had to deal with this stuff and have tips, then feel free to send them my way. I'm done with this shitty life. I'm done with underperforming and waking up, not knowing how I got to bed or why I feel so terrible each morning. I will try my best to update this thread for every day that I stay clean, I really hope that someone else who is struggling will be able to see this and come to me.

Why am I making this post?
So I wanted to make a post here after Anthony discussed his issue with weightloss issue and quite honestly, it affected me! After watching the latest video and having Anthony talk so openly about his weight issues, it gave me a sudden glimps of clarity. I'm an alcoholic, and I don't mean that in the sense of "I need a drink to get me through the day" but I'm happy to sit there and drink 8 pints of beer and then jump on to 4 or 5 double whiskeys until I can't remember going to bed. On top of that, I am a smoker! Not in the sense of smoking 20 marlboro a day, because I was far to good for that. I smoked 5 half corona cigars a day, because smoking cigars clearly meant that I was better than cigarette smokers, right? Wrong. I'm an idiot. I spend on average CAD$150 a week on my terrible habits.
 
What Is My Endgoal?
So I want to quit everything. I'm not an idiot and I understand that this could be very bad for me, alcoholics suffer horrendous withdrawal sympthoms and I expect that I will suffer a lot of these issues. Last time I had a drink was maybe 20 minutes for the latest LTT video came out and I'm already craving a drink. I would kill a small child for a quadruple whiskey right now but it's not going to happen.
 
What do I want?
Honestly nothing, I'm here to support Anthony, but if you guys have had to deal with this stuff and have tips, then feel free to send them my way. I'm done with this shitty life. I'm done with underperforming and waking up, not knowing how I got to bed or why I feel so terrible each morning. I will try my best to update this thread for every day that I stay clean, I really hope that someone else who is struggling will be able to see this and come to me.

Why am I making this post?
So I wanted to make a post here after Anthony discussed his issue with weightloss issue and quite honestly, it affected me! After watching the latest video and having Anthony talk so openly about his weight issues, it gave me a sudden glimps of clarity. I'm an alcoholic, and I don't mean that in the sense of "I need a drink to get me through the day" but I'm happy to sit there and drink 8 pints of beer and then jump on to 4 or 5 double whiskeys until I can't remember going to bed. On top of that, I am a smoker! Not in the sense of smoking 20 marlboro a day, because I was far to good for that. I smoked 5 half corona cigars a day, because smoking cigars clearly meant that I was better than cigarette smokers, right? Wrong. I'm an idiot. I spend on average CAD$150 a week on my terrible habits.
 
What Is My Endgoal?
So I want to quit everything. I'm not an idiot and I understand that this could be very bad for me, alcoholics suffer horrendous withdrawal sympthoms and I expect that I will suffer a lot of these issues. Last time I had a drink was maybe 20 minutes for the latest LTT video came out and I'm already craving a drink. I would kill a small child for a quadruple whiskey right now but it's not going to happen.
 
What do I want?
Honestly nothing, I'm here to support Anthony, but if you guys have had to deal with this stuff and have tips, then feel free to send them my way. I'm done with this shitty life. I'm done with underperforming and waking up, not knowing how I got to bed or why I feel so terrible each morning. I will try my best to update this thread for every day that I stay clean, I really hope that someone else who is struggling will be able to see this and come to me.

Why am I making this post?
So I wanted to make a post here after Anthony discussed his issue with weightloss issue and quite honestly, it affected me! After watching the latest video and having Anthony talk so openly about his weight issues, it gave me a sudden glimps of clarity. I'm an alcoholic, and I don't mean that in the sense of "I need a drink to get me through the day" but I'm happy to sit there and drink 8 pints of beer and then jump on to 4 or 5 double whiskeys until I can't remember going to bed. On top of that, I am a smoker! Not in the sense of smoking 20 marlboro a day, because I was far to good for that. I smoked 5 half corona cigars a day, because smoking cigars clearly meant that I was better than cigarette smokers, right? Wrong. I'm an idiot. I spend on average CAD$150 a week on my terrible habits.
 
What Is My Endgoal?
So I want to quit everything. I'm not an idiot and I understand that this could be very bad for me, alcoholics suffer horrendous withdrawal sympthoms and I expect that I will suffer a lot of these issues. Last time I had a drink was maybe 20 minutes for the latest LTT video came out and I'm already craving a drink. I would kill a small child for a quadruple whiskey right now but it's not going to happen.
 
What do I want?
Honestly nothing, I'm here to support Anthony, but if you guys have had to deal with this stuff and have tips, then feel free to send them my way. I'm done with this shitty life. I'm done with underperforming and waking up, not knowing how I got to bed or why I feel so terrible each morning. I will try my best to update this thread for every day that I stay clean, I really hope that someone else who is struggling will be able to see this and come to me.

Why am I making this post?
So I wanted to make a post here after Anthony discussed his issue with weightloss issue and quite honestly, it affected me! After watching the latest video and having Anthony talk so openly about his weight issues, it gave me a sudden glimps of clarity. I'm an alcoholic, and I don't mean that in the sense of "I need a drink to get me through the day" but I'm happy to sit there and drink 8 pints of beer and then jump on to 4 or 5 double whiskeys until I can't remember going to bed. On top of that, I am a smoker! Not in the sense of smoking 20 marlboro a day, because I was far to good for that. I smoked 5 half corona cigars a day, because smoking cigars clearly meant that I was better than cigarette smokers, right? Wrong. I'm an idiot. I spend on average CAD$150 a week on my terrible habits.
 
What Is My Endgoal?
So I want to quit everything. I'm not an idiot and I understand that this could be very bad for me, alcoholics suffer horrendous withdrawal sympthoms and I expect that I will suffer a lot of these issues. Last time I had a drink was maybe 20 minutes for the latest LTT video came out and I'm already craving a drink. I would kill a small child for a quadruple whiskey right now but it's not going to happen.
 
What do I want?
Honestly nothing, I'm here to support Anthony, but if you guys have had to deal with this stuff and have tips, then feel free to send them my way. I'm done with this shitty life. I'm done with underperforming and waking up, not knowing how I got to bed or why I feel so terrible each morning. I will try my best to update this thread for every day that I stay clean, I really hope that someone else who is struggling will be able to see this and come to me.

Why am I making this post?
So I wanted to make a post here after Anthony discussed his issue with weightloss issue and quite honestly, it affected me! After watching the latest video and having Anthony talk so openly about his weight issues, it gave me a sudden glimps of clarity. I'm an alcoholic, and I don't mean that in the sense of "I need a drink to get me through the day" but I'm happy to sit there and drink 8 pints of beer and then jump on to 4 or 5 double whiskeys until I can't remember going to bed. On top of that, I am a smoker! Not in the sense of smoking 20 marlboro a day, because I was far to good for that. I smoked 5 half corona cigars a day, because smoking cigars clearly meant that I was better than cigarette smokers, right? Wrong. I'm an idiot. I spend on average CAD$150 a week on my terrible habits.
 
What Is My Endgoal?
So I want to quit everything. I'm not an idiot and I understand that this could be very bad for me, alcoholics suffer horrendous withdrawal sympthoms and I expect that I will suffer a lot of these issues. Last time I had a drink was maybe 20 minutes for the latest LTT video came out and I'm already craving a drink. I would kill a small child for a quadruple whiskey right now but it's not going to happen.
 
What do I want?
Honestly nothing, I'm here to support Anthony, but if you guys have had to deal with this stuff and have tips, then feel free to send them my way. I'm done with this shitty life. I'm done with underperforming and waking up, not knowing how I got to bed or why I feel so terrible each morning. I will try my best to update this thread for every day that I stay clean, I really hope that someone else who is struggling will be able to see this and come to me.

Why am I making this post?
So I wanted to make a post here after Anthony discussed his issue with weightloss issue and quite honestly, it affected me! After watching the latest video and having Anthony talk so openly about his weight issues, it gave me a sudden glimps of clarity. I'm an alcoholic, and I don't mean that in the sense of "I need a drink to get me through the day" but I'm happy to sit there and drink 8 pints of beer and then jump on to 4 or 5 double whiskeys until I can't remember going to bed. On top of that, I am a smoker! Not in the sense of smoking 20 marlboro a day, because I was far to good for that. I smoked 5 half corona cigars a day, because smoking cigars clearly meant that I was better than cigarette smokers, right? Wrong. I'm an idiot. I spend on average CAD$150 a week on my terrible habits.
 
What Is My Endgoal?
So I want to quit everything. I'm not an idiot and I understand that this could be very bad for me, alcoholics suffer horrendous withdrawal sympthoms and I expect that I will suffer a lot of these issues. Last time I had a drink was maybe 20 minutes for the latest LTT video came out and I'm already craving a drink. I would kill a small child for a quadruple whiskey right now but it's not going to happen.
 
What do I want?
Honestly nothing, I'm here to support Anthony, but if you guys have had to deal with this stuff and have tips, then feel free to send them my way. I'm done with this shitty life. I'm done with underperforming and waking up, not knowing how I got to bed or why I feel so terrible each morning. I will try my best to update this thread for every day that I stay clean, I really hope that someone else who is struggling will be able to see this and come to me.

Why am I making this post?
So I wanted to make a post here after Anthony discussed his issue with weightloss issue and quite honestly, it affected me! After watching the latest video and having Anthony talk so openly about his weight issues, it gave me a sudden glimps of clarity. I'm an alcoholic, and I don't mean that in the sense of "I need a drink to get me through the day" but I'm happy to sit there and drink 8 pints of beer and then jump on to 4 or 5 double whiskeys until I can't remember going to bed. On top of that, I am a smoker! Not in the sense of smoking 20 marlboro a day, because I was far to good for that. I smoked 5 half corona cigars a day, because smoking cigars clearly meant that I was better than cigarette smokers, right? Wrong. I'm an idiot. I spend on average CAD$150 a week on my terrible habits.
 
What Is My Endgoal?
So I want to quit everything. I'm not an idiot and I understand that this could be very bad for me, alcoholics suffer horrendous withdrawal sympthoms and I expect that I will suffer a lot of these issues. Last time I had a drink was maybe 20 minutes for the latest LTT video came out and I'm already craving a drink. I would kill a small child for a quadruple whiskey right now but it's not going to happen.
 
What do I want?
Honestly nothing, I'm here to support Anthony, but if you guys have had to deal with this stuff and have tips, then feel free to send them my way. I'm done with this shitty life. I'm done with underperforming and waking up, not knowing how I got to bed or why I feel so terrible each morning. I will try my best to update this thread for every day that I stay clean, I really hope that someone else who is struggling will be able to see this and come to me.

Why am I making this post?
So I wanted to make a post here after Anthony discussed his issue with weightloss issue and quite honestly, it affected me! After watching the latest video and having Anthony talk so openly about his weight issues, it gave me a sudden glimps of clarity. I'm an alcoholic, and I don't mean that in the sense of "I need a drink to get me through the day" but I'm happy to sit there and drink 8 pints of beer and then jump on to 4 or 5 double whiskeys until I can't remember going to bed. On top of that, I am a smoker! Not in the sense of smoking 20 marlboro a day, because I was far to good for that. I smoked 5 half corona cigars a day, because smoking cigars clearly meant that I was better than cigarette smokers, right? Wrong. I'm an idiot. I spend on average CAD$150 a week on my terrible habits.
 
What Is My Endgoal?
So I want to quit everything. I'm not an idiot and I understand that this could be very bad for me, alcoholics suffer horrendous withdrawal sympthoms and I expect that I will suffer a lot of these issues. Last time I had a drink was maybe 20 minutes for the latest LTT video came out and I'm already craving a drink. I would kill a small child for a quadruple whiskey right now but it's not going to happen.
 
What do I want?
Honestly nothing, I'm here to support Anthony, but if you guys have had to deal with this stuff and have tips, then feel free to send them my way. I'm done with this shitty life. I'm done with underperforming and waking up, not knowing how I got to bed or why I feel so terrible each morning. I will try my best to update this thread for every day that I stay clean, I really hope that someone else who is struggling will be able to see this and come to me.