Relationship Help

[MoInMo]

So I am a senior in high school and I manage for the softball team at my high school. This season has been going for about a month now, and there is a girl on the team that I really like. 

She is a freshman, which I think to most people is weird that I would even go after her, but I don't really care what they think. I have always thought she was attractive, and then one day, she started to come over and talk to me, go out of her way to talk to me, and when I am talking with the other managers and she is withing earshot, I usually see her turn to listen into my conversation. She has been flirting a lot with me, but the real issue I have is that she already has a boyfriend.

They have been dating for a whopping 9 months, and in the conversations we have had, she seems to barely know him. He is a sophomore. I want to know how to approach the situation so I can come out of it without messing anything up too badly. I really do like her, and I would like to date her as she has already asked me to take her out. I don't know what to do though. Thanks guys

[Mirdon]

I don't trust girls who flirt with other people while in a relationship. If you two ever become a thing, I'm pretty sure she'll do the same thing to you.

[malon]

All i can say is not to date (with the idea of her beeing your girlfriend)her wile she still is still in a relation, but rather be a friend (don't dare to say friendzone allert)and just say what you feel for her, and if you have picked up the signals that she send to you correctly and she is also i n to you say that you dont want her to cheat on her current boyfriend because pottential drama and such. Also just use your brain correctly and think everything trough and don't  do stuppid things. Then again its easyer said than done and it is internet advice and i don't know any of you in person nor the exact situation so yea... , just be the smart person.

[MoInMo]

41 minutes ago, malon said:

All i can say is not to date (with the idea of her beeing your girlfriend)her wile she still is still in a relation, but rather be a friend (don't dare to say friendzone allert)and just say what you feel for her, and if you have picked up the signals that she send to you correctly and she is also i n to you say that you dont want her to cheat on her current boyfriend because pottential drama and such. Also just use your brain correctly and think everything trough and don't  do stuppid things. Then again its easyer said than done and it is internet advice and i don't know any of you in person nor the exact situation so yea... , just be the smart person.

What would be the best way to approach the conversation? I mean, is there really a way to just walk up to her, and just be like "I really like you. I don't want to mess anything up with you and your boyfriend, but I still really like you."? Or what am I supposed to say?

[rhyseyness]

3 minutes ago, MoInMo said:

What would be the best way to approach the conversation? I mean, is there really a way to just walk up to her, and just be like "I really like you. I don't want to mess anything up with you and your boyfriend, but I still really like you."? Or what am I supposed to say?

Just bring it up when you two are hanging out.

Like if there's a silence or whatever, just say "so, I kinda wanna talk to you about something," and go from there.

Have courage. You got this.

I also agree with everyone else that she's in a relationship so you need to be really f***ing careful.

[MoInMo]

27 minutes ago, rhyseyness said:

Just bring it up when you two are hanging out.

Like if there's a silence or whatever, just say "so, I kinda wanna talk to you about something," and go from there.

Have courage. You got this.

I also agree with everyone else that she's in a relationship so you need to be really f***ing careful.

How is it that I can remove her boyfriend from the whole scenario? I mean we were talking to other day about how i am left handed, and she said that thinks that her boyfriend is left handed. I mean if you are dating someone for 9 months, wouldn't you know what handedness they are? I mean it seems like they are not even that close. I'm assuming I should use that to my advantage?

[rhyseyness]

12 minutes ago, MoInMo said:

How is it that I can remove her boyfriend from the whole scenario? I mean we were talking to other day about how i am left handed, and she said that thinks that her boyfriend is left handed. I mean if you are dating someone for 9 months, wouldn't you know what handedness they are? I mean it seems like they are not even that close. I'm assuming I should use that to my advantage?

Don't try and use anything to your advantage.

Don't go into any of this expecting any specific outcome.

It could all go horribly wrong.

It could all go horrible right.

You don't know.

Don't try and play the situation to any ends, because you'll end up ruining anything that may/may not be there.

Just talk to her about it.

Explain how you're feeling, get an understanding for how she's feeling.

She may well feel differently and you're misunderstanding, at which point you're going to have to decide whether you're happy with that or not.
She may feel the same in which case she may consider re-thinking her relationship with her boyfriend.

 

Have an open mind.

Don't have any expectations.

Don't try and "judge" how good a relationship her and her bf have on the basis that your relationship is "better."

 

You're in a good position in that there's no real attachment or anything yet.

Whatever the outcome of this conversation is, it's going to be positive.

If she doesn't feel the same and is just really friendly, you can carry on with your life with closure (continuing to be friends with her or not).

If she does feel the same, that's great, and hopefully she breaks up with her bf (but for the love of god don't ask her or pressure her to do so).

Careful with that second one though... doesn't sound like you just wanna be the shoulder to cry on/rebound guy.

 

Hope this helps

 

P.s. I couldn't tell you off the top of my head whether my girlfriend is left or right handed. We've been together 2 months.

 

EDIT:

Tldr:

Stop comparing your relationship with her to her relationship with her bf.

Discussing with her is the only way to get any kind of resolution here.

[malon]

22 minutes ago, MoInMo said:

How is it that I can remove her boyfriend from the whole scenario? I mean we were talking to other day about how i am left handed, and she said that thinks that her boyfriend is left handed. I mean if you are dating someone for 9 months, wouldn't you know what handedness they are? I mean it seems like they are not even that close. I'm assuming I should use that to my advantage?

you don't remove the current boyfriend, not by accident by brute force or any way, this would be the most dickish and dumb way to act and would ruin not only your chance with this girl but also with any possible other girl that she might be friends with

.

I think(don't quote me on this) but the best way to realy know if they they realy like each other is to bring him up in a casual conversation like you did with beeing left handed and try to get to know him a bit better (hobbies and other intrests) and even then there is no way that an outsider, or even parrents and close friends can see if they are a realy good match for sure.

 

Also she is only 14-15 year( if i have my american school terms correct) so she is still devoleping,both mentaly and physicly, and i know from experience(3 sisters) that they can sometimes look like they don't seem intrested in a person even though they are, but they just get used to the person they have been with for a long time and no longer look/remember at those details( this also count towards, if not more, to boys around that age)

 

Also any action between the girl and her boyfriend should come from the girls side or her boyfriend, unless there would be any abuse in the relation ofcource, then talk to preferably the parrents of the girl.

 

Once again this is just advice and own experience and talking from my own mistakes as a hormone driven guy that was once in his mid to late teens.

 

Just be the smart person and don't do anything you will regret.

 

Edit

Also this is not a dating advice forum

 

 

 

Edited September 19, 2016 by malon

[dalekphalm]

4 hours ago, MoInMo said:

So I am a senior in high school and I manage for the softball team at my high school. This season has been going for about a month now, and there is a girl on the team that I really like. 

She is a freshman, which I think to most people is weird that I would even go after her, but I don't really care what they think. I have always thought she was attractive, and then one day, she started to come over and talk to me, go out of her way to talk to me, and when I am talking with the other managers and she is withing earshot, I usually see her turn to listen into my conversation. She has been flirting a lot with me, but the real issue I have is that she already has a boyfriend.

They have been dating for a whopping 9 months, and in the conversations we have had, she seems to barely know him. He is a sophomore. I want to know how to approach the situation so I can come out of it without messing anything up too badly. I really do like her, and I would like to date her as she has already asked me to take her out. I don't know what to do though. Thanks guys

One thing to keep in mind is that if she's a team member of the Softball team that you manage, you need to be extremely careful of the rules governing how Managers and players interact. Especially if this is a School Team. You could get in trouble for having intimate relations with her, since you're in a position of authority over her. You could be dismissed from your position, even if both you and her were fully 100% consensual.

 

As to the actual situation at hand? As others have said, you don't get to make her BF go away. If she genuinely seems interested in you, you should just straight up ask her.

 

Something like this:

"I've been meaning to ask, are you interested in me? I've been noticing signals that make me think so." See what she says. If she says yes, reply with something like:

 

"I don't want to get in the way of your boyfriend, but if you really are interested, I'll wait for you until you've sorted things out with him"

 

Basically, you're giving her an opportunity to break up with her boyfriend. If she doesn't, well there you go, you know your answer. Whatever you do, I'd avoid any situation where she's potentially cheating on him with you. That's bad socially, and there's the risk that the BF might come after you.

 

Also don't worry about the age. You're both young enough and both in high school - anyone that gives a shit about the difference has too much time on their hands.