People say it's wrong for me to think this

[IDprofile]

You have issues and put too much of your self esteem on silly stupid things like who makes more money. You should seek advice of the professional kind and don't make your significant other the target of your unjustified frustrations.

Please tell me you are joking

[Hidden Orange]

Please tell me you are joking

For some, that might be true. There's a reason why people mock guys in supped up muscle cars and stuff. 

[NeoZeon]

You are a sexist because you believe your spouse has a defined role by gender, and so do you.

 

 Would this be the same if you were a homosexual?  Why do you feel like you need to provide? What kind of self respecting, educated woman would ever agree to marry someone like you if you are of this mentality. These are the things you need to answer.

[Ethanololol]

 

Please tell me you are joking

 

He could very well be serious. He seems to be the... disagreeable sort. To put it lightly.

 

I any case, I came into this thinking "sexism in a PC forum?". then I read the comments and I understood what you meant. And people are absolutely going to misinterpret what you mean. But at the same time, if that's what ends up happening, it's not so bad is it?

[IDprofile]

You are a sexist because you believe your spouse has a defined role by gender, and so do you.

 

 Would this be the same if you were a homosexual?  Why do you feel like you need to provide? What kind of self respecting, educated woman would ever agree to marry someone like you if you are of this mentality. These are the things you need to answer.

I'm not sexist because I don't think that women in general need to fill this role. It's that ideally I want to have a woman that I can take care of where she isn't working hard and can relax some because of what I do for her.

 

 

 

 

 

He could very well be serious. He seems to be the... disagreeable sort. To put it lightly.

 

I any case, I came into this thinking "sexism in a PC forum?". then I read the comments and I understood what you meant. And people are absolutely going to misinterpret what you mean. But at the same time, if that's what ends up happening, it's not so bad is it?

 

I created this thread so that I could read controversy. But it seems like Misanthrope didn't read much and doesn't understand what I'm saying. As it's not about making more money than her but it's about taking care of her.

[Crabtr]

I used to feel the same way but I realized that it would've meant we'd be poor or I'd have to work a crappy job and/or all the time so we weren't. All I care about now is that I like my job and my wife likes her job. If she makes more than me but likes her job then all is well. I'll ask for some new servers or a supermoto for Christmas this year  .

 

It just bothers me when people call me sexist for this.

 

Edit: It's that I don't want my wife to have to work. I feel that it's my job to make sure she doesn't need to.

It's only sexist/misogynistic if you want to make more than her because you don't think your wife should simply because she's a women. Arguably the concept has a misogynistic birth and history (men provide, women take care of what's provided) but the application isn't always misogynistic. Unfortunately some people lack the ability to understand this and will call you sexist/misogynistic regardless though.

[Ethanololol]

it's not about making more money than her but it's about taking care of her.

 

I have nothing but respect for that notion.

[EricX2]

I'm not sexist because I don't think that women in general need to fill this role. It's that ideally I want to have a woman that I can take care of where she isn't working hard and can relax some because of what I do for her.

 

I created this thread so that I could read controversy. But it seems like Misanthrope didn't read much and doesn't understand what I'm saying. As it's not about making more money than her but it's about taking care of her.

 

Taking care of her has nothing to do with money. You can make lots of money and do a horrible job taking care of her and vice versa.

[NeoZeon]

I think what you really mean is, you want a woman who is happy 1) making less money than you  or 2) not working at all. You don't want a woman whose happiness is derived from working long hours, at a skilled job.

 

There is nothing wrong with that, but that reveals much more about who you are than who your ideal match is, just sayin. 

 

Taking care of someone isn't providing them things. Taking care of someone is facilitating their happiness and health, and money is often a secondary thing; My mom would be unhappy if she didn't work 70 hours a week at a job she loves. It has nothing to do with how much money she makes, which is a lot, and everything to do with the confidence and sense of self she gets from helping people with the consulting she provides. It is a fortunate secondary benefit that what she likes to do is lucrative. 

[ericlee30]

Nah,totally understandable, but if you work as a team instead of trying to be the full bread winner "Pride", it seams to work out better that way. My wife makes more then I do, she makes $125,000 a year and I make close to $80,000 a year combined together, we provide for each other and our kids just fine. It's a win, win

[VG Docs]

I think our personal preferences tend to be judged prematurely by people who assume things about us, this being one example.

Another example being that people (prematurely) assume that I'm gay, it's been like that nearly all my life. I ain't gay, but people are too damn stubborn to change their minds about you.

You want a specific type of relationship, and people assume that it's bad. Sure, entirely different situations, but same personal reaction from other people, you want something they disagree with, and they attack you for it. I don't know, maybe I'm insane, but I've been noticing that it seems to be more about other people's insecurities rather than your own, when they have a problem with you.

[cae]

I think it's a silly stance or idea to have, but I wouldn't call it wrong. I wouldn't call it sexist either, but it does seem somewhat selfish - because it's your desire to feel protective or caring that's taking precedence.

[Yoinkerman]

Yeah.  You're wrong.  It's not about money.  How much money you make isn't a relevant relationship metric.  It's about what each person expects to put in and get out of the relationship.

 

With my wife it's not about who earns more money or who earns money at all.  It's about sacrificing time and putting it towards our house and family.  I work 40 or 50 or 60 hours a week.  She's currently going to school full time.  While it's not 40-60 hours a week, the time she spends doing that is important, so we split household duties decently even, with her doing the slightly greater portion(because she's at school somewhat less than I work).

 

It's not up to you to decide how the relationship duties are assigned, that's sexist, misogynist, selfish, and quite frankly bordering abusive.  It's up to the two of you to come up with something that truly works for you both.  Together.  It's up to the both of you to provide for each other, and that comes in more ways than simply working and providing income.

 

When I am married I don't want my wife to make as much or more money than me.

I want to provide for my wife and kids. If my wife makes as much or more money than me then I'm not providing for her and I have failed as a man.

So that's my personal opinion. I don't have anything against other women making more money than their spouses.

People have told me that it is really wrong that I think this. What's your opinion? Am I a bad person?  :rolleyes:

[Humbug]

While I can kinda understand your line of thinking I disagree. I never want to define myself by how much money I make relative to somebody else. It's hard to predefine relationship roles, I think we should let it happen organically without egos getting in the way. What if my future wife is brilliant in her field? Does that mean that I should try to outdo her? I would rather just be me.

[Fred Castellum]

Taking care of someone isn't providing them things. Taking care of someone is facilitating their happiness and health, and money is often a secondary thing; My mom would be unhappy if she didn't work 70 hours a week at a job she loves. It has nothing to do with how much money she makes, which is a lot, and everything to do with the confidence and sense of self she gets from helping people with the consulting she provides. It is a fortunate secondary benefit that what she likes to do is lucrative. 

 

Exactly! Sure money is important but it should NOT outweigh the happiness of a person... there a lot of people out there who have their goals set on profits, always reaching for the dollar and the potential to make more money. But how many are actually truly happy with their lives while chasing for that piece of paper that determines how well off financially you are? A bunch of people out there have high paying jobs, tons of money but their personal lives are a mess! 

 

If chasing after wealth is what makes you happy then go for it but if you get to the point you value the money more than your or someones else's happiness, then the cracks start to appear. 

 

That said, I would take a part-time job or something to support her and not do stupid stuff like use her money to buy a Porsche or invest in unstable stocks. 

I know some fairly stable stocks if you ever want to take the dive  

 

No such thing as a 100% guarantee however~

[Ringtail Jax]

I don't see you as a bad person, and in a way I see your point of view. Although I lean more for the idea that it would be more beneficial for both parents to be making an equal paycheck for the sake of neutrality as a whole. But overall if both the wife and husband can see some sort of pact in terms of regulating finances than eveything should be fine.