Haiku Movie Reviews

Radium_Angel · May 4, 2020

Everyone's a critic (you know the old saying, those who can't do, criticize) and movie reviews are legion, but rather than suffer through long-winded critiques about lighting and direction, meaning and intent, I thought I'd try my hand as boiling down a film into the haiku style of 5-7-5 and see if I couldn't sharpen my English skills at the same time.

The title of the film will not count towards the haiku, only the review.

Also, there may be spoilers contained within, proceed at your own risk.

"Sea Fever" (https://www.imdb.com/title/tt2716382/?ref_=fn_al_tt_1)

Unlikable Cast

Sail into dangerous sea

No action all die

"Cold Skin" (https://www.imdb.com/title/tt1034385/?ref_=fn_al_tt_1)

War piece, set remote

Lighthouse, humans not alone

Gripping tale, must watch

"Code 8" (https://www.imdb.com/title/tt6259380/?ref_=fn_al_tt_1)

New superheroes

But not Marvel, quite darker

Short was much better

"Crawlspace" (https://www.imdb.com/title/tt1890375/?ref_=fn_al_tt_4)

Oz Exploitation

Merge of Science and Horror

Low budget, well done

"Death Machine" (https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0109575/?ref_=fn_al_tt_1)

Cyberpunk film noir

Brilliant cast, outstanding effects

Tight script, must track down

"Dog Soldiers" (https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0280609/?ref_=fn_al_tt_1)

British horror film

Best werewolf film ever made

Tight enclosed spaces

"Nova Seed" (https://www.imdb.com/title/tt5569618/?ref_=fn_al_tt_1)

Low budget cartoon

In style of Heavy Metal

Had potential, skip

"Pitch Black" (https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0134847/?ref_=fn_al_tt_1)

Well written movie

Unique scorching hidden world

Vin Diesel so young

"Return of the Living Dead Part III" (https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0107953/?ref_=nv_sr_srsg_2)

Very low budget

Love story apocalypse

Zombie film, all die

"Mirrors" (https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0790686/?ref_=nv_sr_srsg_1)

Dark world, not all seen

Plumbs depths of insanity

Very sad ending

"The Beast (of war)" (https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0094716/?ref_=nv_sr_srsg_0)

War film made from play

Wrong accents for Russian crew

Despite flaws, must watch

"The Jacket" (https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0366627/?ref_=fn_al_tt_1)

Adrien Brody

Time travel movie done right

Deep haunting ending

Feel free to add your own if you want

Spotty · May 4, 2020

Films about haiku

Is what I was expecting.

Three out of five stars.

13 minutes ago, Radium_Angel said:

Cyberpunk film noir

Brilliant cast, outstanding effects

Tight script, must track down

That's 5,8,5. "Great cast, outstanding effects" or "Brilliant cast, awesome effects" would fit.

Otherwise the rest are good. Interesting.

Radium_Angel · May 4, 2020

2 hours ago, Spotty said:

Films about haiku

Is what I was expecting.

Three out of five stars.

That's 5,8,5. "Great cast, outstanding effects" or "Brilliant cast, awesome effects" would fit.

Otherwise the rest are good. Interesting.

Bollocks, you are right, I was tired when I wrote these.

And 3 out of 5? I'm offended!