whY am i like this (I need help...)

[CSGOaddict]

I've been feeling awful lately and I don't know why. For context, I'm a teenager, male, and I'm making my post here because this is literally the closest I've ever been to a community of people, and seeing as though I have like 11 posts here, that should tell you a lot about me.

 

Lately I've been feeling tired all the time, but not sleepy.

I've also been sad for no apparent reason, besides my grades in school really. (Bs aren't enough I guess)

I guess another reason I could be sad is because I asked a girl out a month, we were good friends for a while, and she said no, usually when this happens, the two people stop talking, however, we stayed good friends, and this hasn't helped me get over that since we talk on an almost daily basis. I don't even know why I'm thinking about such things, I'm really just a teen tbh.... 

I'm always annoyed, I procrastinate a lot. Like a lot. When my work piles up, I look at it, cry, and then play video games for the next 3 to 4 hours. When it's around 10 P.M. I start my work, and then go to sleep at around 1 A.M.

I love playing video games, it's a big part of my life but it's sadly one of the only things I do outside of school. I'm not taking part in any clubs, or doing extracurriculars. This makes it somewhat hard to get to know new people. 

 

My personality is probably not that interesting. Like, if the only thing I do is play video games, then how am I going to engage in any useful/productive conversation, or even find new people to talk to?

I like to think I'm funny, and that's what helps me make the few friends I have....

But i change my personality depending on who I talk to, I might be energetic and over-enthusiastic with one person, but calm and reserved with another. I fake it, and I hate myself for it. But it's the only way I get to really talk to people. That's part of the reason I really loved talking to that girl I mentioned above is because I don't fake myself with her, and regardless of that, she's willing to talk to me.

I'm a sophomore in high school right now. This high school funnels middle schoolers from two middle schools, I didn't attend either, so everybody is tied into their own friend groups. This makes it harder for  me to make friends, and also really makes me miss my middle school friends. I had one very close friend in middle school, and I could talk to him about anything knowing that he wouldn't judge me. We talk to each other now a couple times a month at most, but i still consider him my best friend solely due to the fact that we can pick up right where we left off and talk like nothing's changed.

 

My friends are always doing something productive, something that makes them happy. I have literally nothing that makes me happy. I say that I enjoy playing video games, but that's really due to the fact that they're very immersive, and they help me escape the world around me. I'm going to be honest, I really don't like the world around me, every day is the same, every day is a blur. I lack motivation to do anything. All I do is sit at this desk and look at this laptop screen all day, watching Twitch/YouTube, playing video games, and do my homework. 

 

I also don't have a good relationship with my mother (my only parent, my father left my life about 3-4 years ago, I don't even remember), or my brother. We can almost never talk to each other without arguing. I think it's my fault, since the majority of my friends tell me that too, that I argue a lot about pointless things. We're a very dysfunctional family in my opinion. At least I have a family though, right?

 

I don't know why I'm like this, I don't know why I'm feeling the way I am. A lot people tell me I look depressed all the time. I don't know if I am, and if I am, "getting professional help" is not something I'm in the position to "do". In the mean time, all I can do is write this post, and talk to some friends who'll hopefully care enough to listen to me.

 

I don't know if anybody even read this far, but if you did, thanks.

[jiyeon]

25 minutes ago, CSGOaddict said:

Lately I've been feeling tired all the time, but not sleepy.

I've also been sad for no apparent reason, besides my grades in school really. (Bs aren't enough I guess)

Hey, don't worry, because I actually have been feeling that way too. I recently quit my job due to feeling tired all the time, so I can relate.

 

26 minutes ago, CSGOaddict said:

I'm always annoyed, I procrastinate a lot. Like a lot. When my work piles up, I look at it, cry, and then play video games for the next 3 to 4 hours. When it's around 10 P.M. I start my work, and then go to sleep at around 1 A.M.

It's not healthy for you or your work life. I sometimes as well go to bed at ridiculous hours due to anxiety and insomnia, and it will really hurt you in the long term.

Instead of crying when you see your work, think of it as a challenge for yourself to overcome it, because once you've done it, now you can play video games as long as you want to with no worries about work.

 

29 minutes ago, CSGOaddict said:

I don't know why I'm like this, I don't know why I'm feeling the way I am. A lot people tell me I look depressed all the time. I don't know if I am, and if I am, "getting professional help" is not something I'm in the position to "do". In the mean time, all I can do is write this post, and talk to some friends who'll hopefully care enough to listen to me.

I totally get it, I too had that said to me as well, I was told I looked depressed and tired, and only you yourself can know if you truly do look and feel that way.

You don't need professional help, the least you can do to benefit yourself is to talk to your friends and family, they are sure to assist you can help you through this rough patch in your life.

 

30 minutes ago, CSGOaddict said:

In the mean time, all I can do is write this post, and talk to some friends who'll hopefully care enough to listen to me.

You can consider me a friend, it's okay to feel these things sometimes, we all feel these emotions. It's good of you to open up and talk, there's no need to feel ashamed of what you've said today. It's healthy for you to speak up about your problems, because there are people who care.

 

Stay strong, and if you ever need to talk to someone, you can always message me, and anybody else on the forum.

[CSGOaddict]

Hey, thanks for reading through all my nonsense, it means a lot to know someone cares.

 

2 hours ago, seoz said:

It's not healthy for you or your work life. I sometimes as well go to bed at ridiculous hours due to anxiety and insomnia, and it will really hurt you in the long term.

I've been trying really hard to improve, but I have absolutely no motivation...

And once I'm done with all my work, there's always this guilt in the back of my mind that says "You could be doing more!" or "Why not study for this thing or that thing." I hate how my brain works...

 

2 hours ago, seoz said:

I totally get it, I too had that said to me as well, I was told I looked depressed and tired, and only you yourself can know if you truly do look and feel that way.

You don't need professional help, the least you can do to benefit yourself is to talk to your friends and family, they are sure to assist you can help you through this rough patch in your life.

I do talk about it with some of my closer friends, but I feel like they don't care. Plus, they're probably dealing with other things themselves, so I really don't like putting my problems on them.

 

2 hours ago, seoz said:

You can consider me a friend, it's okay to feel these things sometimes, we all feel these emotions. It's good of you to open up and talk, there's no need to feel ashamed of what you've said today. It's healthy for you to speak up about your problems, because there are people who care.

 

Stay strong, and if you ever need to talk to someone, you can always message me, and anybody else on the forum.

I'm so glad that you responded, it's crazy how you can meet so many nice people over the Internet who may not even know you but help you through things.

 

 

[jiyeon]

6 minutes ago, CSGOaddict said:

I do talk about it with some of my closer friends, but I feel like they don't care. Plus, they're probably dealing with other things themselves, so I really don't like putting my problems on them.

That's nothing to worry about, it's natural for you to want to speak to someone about your problems, because it shows you value their time and affection and believe they can help you.

You're not putting your problems on them, you're asking them to help you out and to be there for you, so they know that you're maybe not being yourself. If you don't tell them, they're going to think you're perfectly fine.

 

6 minutes ago, CSGOaddict said:

I'm so glad that you responded, it's crazy how you can meet so many nice people over the Internet who may not even know you but help you through things.

The internet is a magical place. I'm glad that you opened up, who knows how much further down your decline you would've gone had you not spoke up.

 

Again, I'm here if you need someone to talk to, or if I'm not around, I guarantee you'll find someone just as compassionate here on the forum.

 

Always remember that you're not alone, and you don't need to suffer alone.

[Derkoli]

On 3/29/2019 at 9:32 PM, CSGOaddict said:

I've been feeling awful lately and I don't know why. For context, I'm a teenager, male, and I'm making my post here because this is literally the closest I've ever been to a community of people, and seeing as though I have like 11 posts here, that should tell you a lot about me.

 

Lately I've been feeling tired all the time, but not sleepy.

I've also been sad for no apparent reason, besides my grades in school really. (Bs aren't enough I guess)

I guess another reason I could be sad is because I asked a girl out a month, we were good friends for a while, and she said no, usually when this happens, the two people stop talking, however, we stayed good friends, and this hasn't helped me get over that since we talk on an almost daily basis. I don't even know why I'm thinking about such things, I'm really just a teen tbh.... 

I'm always annoyed, I procrastinate a lot. Like a lot. When my work piles up, I look at it, cry, and then play video games for the next 3 to 4 hours. When it's around 10 P.M. I start my work, and then go to sleep at around 1 A.M.

I love playing video games, it's a big part of my life but it's sadly one of the only things I do outside of school. I'm not taking part in any clubs, or doing extracurriculars. This makes it somewhat hard to get to know new people. 

 

My personality is probably not that interesting. Like, if the only thing I do is play video games, then how am I going to engage in any useful/productive conversation, or even find new people to talk to?

I like to think I'm funny, and that's what helps me make the few friends I have....

But i change my personality depending on who I talk to, I might be energetic and over-enthusiastic with one person, but calm and reserved with another. I fake it, and I hate myself for it. But it's the only way I get to really talk to people. That's part of the reason I really loved talking to that girl I mentioned above is because I don't fake myself with her, and regardless of that, she's willing to talk to me.

I'm a sophomore in high school right now. This high school funnels middle schoolers from two middle schools, I didn't attend either, so everybody is tied into their own friend groups. This makes it harder for  me to make friends, and also really makes me miss my middle school friends. I had one very close friend in middle school, and I could talk to him about anything knowing that he wouldn't judge me. We talk to each other now a couple times a month at most, but i still consider him my best friend solely due to the fact that we can pick up right where we left off and talk like nothing's changed.

 

My friends are always doing something productive, something that makes them happy. I have literally nothing that makes me happy. I say that I enjoy playing video games, but that's really due to the fact that they're very immersive, and they help me escape the world around me. I'm going to be honest, I really don't like the world around me, every day is the same, every day is a blur. I lack motivation to do anything. All I do is sit at this desk and look at this laptop screen all day, watching Twitch/YouTube, playing video games, and do my homework. 

 

I also don't have a good relationship with my mother (my only parent, my father left my life about 3-4 years ago, I don't even remember), or my brother. We can almost never talk to each other without arguing. I think it's my fault, since the majority of my friends tell me that too, that I argue a lot about pointless things. We're a very dysfunctional family in my opinion. At least I have a family though, right?

 

I don't know why I'm like this, I don't know why I'm feeling the way I am. A lot people tell me I look depressed all the time. I don't know if I am, and if I am, "getting professional help" is not something I'm in the position to "do". In the mean time, all I can do is write this post, and talk to some friends who'll hopefully care enough to listen to me.

 

I don't know if anybody even read this far, but if you did, thanks.

You sound alot like me a few years ago. im very much the same with my mum, tbf i hate my dad for what he did to me and my mum and he left my life about 6 years ago when i refused to go with him, im alot like this alot of the time during winter, during summer try to get out more, with the girl you talk to alot arrange to meet up and go explore woods near you for example, vitamin D (the sun) is very good for you and how you feel, also internet friends can REALLY help, probably my best friend is a greek girl i know even though we've never met lol. but do try and go out more, and get a hobby such as bike riding or climbing (climbing can be quite cheap to get into, a harness can be 60 pounds and rope about the same) bike riding is a huge part of my life and really helps with my self esteem, learning things like wheelies can be really uplifting, also listening to uplifting music such as "The Fault In Our Stars - Charli XCX - Boom Clap" can help with making you happier and more motivated, and when you have work to do try and integrate it into your life and your routine when you get home, such as do 2 pieces of work every night, then game until you give up and go to bed, having a good routine and timing and also helping other people out such as on here can really help aswell, even just having two mentions or quotes in these forums each day can really help boost my self esteem, it gives you energy because you're giving other people energy aswell and helping them through your problems, also learn a new skill, such as being a really fast typer, or learning knot tying or something simple and easy that you can do regularly and with little amounts of time, not something that you have to dedicate your whole life too, shutting yourself in your room all day aint gonna help, open the curtains and a window, the thicker and more dense air can help with your tiredness, you tend to get tired when your in a dark, hot room because your bodies metabolism goes all out of whack, if you have any more questions or issues, shoot me a message

[CSGOaddict]

On 4/19/2019 at 8:54 PM, Derkoli said:

You sound alot like me a few years ago. im very much the same with my mum, tbf i hate my dad for what he did to me and my mum and he left my life about 6 years ago when i refused to go with him, im alot like this alot of the time during winter, during summer try to get out more, with the girl you talk to alot arrange to meet up and go explore woods near you for example, vitamin D (the sun) is very good for you and how you feel, also internet friends can REALLY help, probably my best friend is a greek girl i know even though we've never met lol. but do try and go out more, and get a hobby such as bike riding or climbing (climbing can be quite cheap to get into, a harness can be 60 pounds and rope about the same) bike riding is a huge part of my life and really helps with my self esteem, learning things like wheelies can be really uplifting, also listening to uplifting music such as "The Fault In Our Stars - Charli XCX - Boom Clap" can help with making you happier and more motivated, and when you have work to do try and integrate it into your life and your routine when you get home, such as do 2 pieces of work every night, then game until you give up and go to bed, having a good routine and timing and also helping other people out such as on here can really help aswell, even just having two mentions or quotes in these forums each day can really help boost my self esteem, it gives you energy because you're giving other people energy aswell and helping them through your problems, also learn a new skill, such as being a really fast typer, or learning knot tying or something simple and easy that you can do regularly and with little amounts of time, not something that you have to dedicate your whole life too, shutting yourself in your room all day aint gonna help, open the curtains and a window, the thicker and more dense air can help with your tiredness, you tend to get tired when your in a dark, hot room because your bodies metabolism goes all out of whack, if you have any more questions or issues, shoot me a message

Hey, I just saw this. Thanks so much for responding, this really helps, and to know that someone has been through the same things I have and gotten out of it really gives me hope. I will definitely shoot you a message if I need to talk. Thanks again!

[Derkoli]

2 minutes ago, CSGOaddict said:

Hey, I just saw this. Thanks so much for responding, this really helps, and to know that someone has been through the same things I have and gotten out of it really gives me hope. I will definitely shoot you a message if I need to talk. Thanks again!

Np things will get much better.

[wasab]

Date a girl and get married. You won't have this issue once you settle down. 

 

Edit: completely forgot you are a teen. Stupid me. ?

[CSGOaddict]

On 4/21/2019 at 5:03 PM, wasab said:

Date a girl and get married. You won't have this issue once you settle down. 

 

Edit: completely forgot you are a teen. Stupid me. ?

LOL

 

I mean dating someone doesn't sound that bad but I'm not into anyone and nobody's into me for sure so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

 

This just made my day lol