Your Experience with Depression and Anxiety?

[Teddy07]

1 hour ago, wcreek said:

Out of curiosity why do you think that?

I don't get how people can have no energy and be tired. This allegedly prevents them from working. Just sleep enough and make sport.

1 hour ago, KingKeith55 said:

Most people without depression have a hard time understanding it, same goes for people without mental illness trying to understand what it's really like without making false assumptions.

good post. I definitely don't understand it and think that it cant be a huge deal. So many people claim to have depression or something else just so they don't have to work their shitty job. 

[handymanshandle]

31 minutes ago, Teddy07 said:

Just sleep enough and make sport.

Well if you're sleeping 13 hours on average, I wouldn't really think that you're not getting enough sleep.

 

[Skanky Sylveon]

6 hours ago, Teddy07 said:

I know I will earn heat for this but I believe that depression and burnout are not real.

So, you are saying that you don't believe in a known mental disorder?  One that has had millions of dollars put into it, just to find more effective treatments?

And yes, I am giving you heat for your statement.  Not understanding the disorder is fine, I don't fully understand it.

But not believing in a known mental disorder, one that has been responsible for reducing many peoples quality of life, is pretty ignorant.

[EPENEX]

I suffer from major depression, but take medicine for it now. Before I took medication I thought about killing myself nearly everyday and self-harmed. I barely wanted to do anything and would just sit alone in a dark room all day.

[MoonlightSylv]

Currently dealing with depression and gender dysphoria which is horrible when together, on top of that I have several mental health issues such as ADD, OCD, Asperger's Syndrome. It's not fun. 

 

It started relatively small with me just occasionally feeling down and more recently it has gotten to the point where I almost can't get out of bed without someone telling me to start to do something. It was probably at it's worst around a week ago. Me and my boyfriend were still broken up, I was dealing with extreme dysphoria and self-hatred, and I was contemplating suicide. I had a bottle of anxiety pills that I could have used to overdose. I was talked out of it and I am glad. Me and my boyfriend are back together so that helps a little but since then the self hatred and dysphoria seems to have gotten worse. It's not bad to the point where I am contemplating suicide, mostly because my boyfriend, friends, and family would get really sad and some probably would fall in to a depression similar to mine. But it's still hard to get out of bed, it's hard to get motivated to do anything, and doing anything that requires any mental capacity is almost impossible to do when I'm at my lowest. With that being said I have an appointment with a therapist on the 20th. And I'm trying to get some stronger antidepressants. So it's starting to look at least a little bit better.

[Skanky Sylveon]

7 minutes ago, ShadowTechXTS said:

Currently dealing with depression and gender dysphoria which is horrible when together,

I've heard that.

9 minutes ago, ShadowTechXTS said:

I was dealing with extreme dysphoria and self-hatred, and I was contemplating suicide. I had a bottle of anxiety pills that I could have used to overdose.

That sounds rough, at risk of sounding like a broken record, if you ever need to talk, i'm all ears.

11 minutes ago, ShadowTechXTS said:

I was talked out of it and I am glad.

Me too, and i'm sure that you and me aren't the only ones.

13 minutes ago, ShadowTechXTS said:

the self hatred and dysphoria seems to have gotten worse.

This may be a stupid question, but do you know if there is a "source" that is causing the self hatred?  And if said "source" has gotten "stronger"?

16 minutes ago, ShadowTechXTS said:

With that being said I have an appointment with a therapist on the 20th. And I'm trying to get some stronger antidepressants. So it's starting to look at least a little bit better.

Lets hope that it does get better.

[MoonlightSylv]

26 minutes ago, Cinnabar Sonar said:

This may be a stupid question, but do you know if there is a "source" that is causing the self hatred?  And if said "source" has gotten "stronger"?

Most likely something from the gender dysphoria. Not 100% sure though.

[Skanky Sylveon]

4 minutes ago, ShadowTechXTS said:

Most likely something from the gender dysphoria. Not 100% sure though.

That would make sense, gender dysphoria may be the largest "source" of your depression.  Dealing with that may help with the majority with your depression.

 

I'm not a therapist though.

[handymanshandle]

31 minutes ago, ShadowTechXTS said:

Currently dealing with depression and gender dysphoria which is horrible when together, on top of that I have several mental health issues such as ADD, OCD, Asperger's Syndrome. It's not fun. 

Really shafted in the mental health department there I suppose ASD is more of a developmental disability than it is a mental illness but its effects are primarily on the mental side of things, but there are certainly people who have it way worse. I definitely don't imagine it being fun to have all of that.

But it's good you're taking steps to improve your mental health. Honestly it's something a lot of people who don't suffer from mental illness don't seem to realize how big of a deal it is to stare those thoughts or "demons" if you will and if that's your thing straight in the eye or stare directly at and try your absolute hardest to get rid of those thoughts or "demons" or at least shut them out/learn how to better deal with them when they arise. 

 

If you don't mind... But my question is, was your mental health issues "too much" for your boyfriend? Because that's something I honestly fear a lot is that those issues are something that are a "burden" @Cinnabar Sonar  and something that I should more so keep at bay as best as I can but really I think that does way more harm than the "good" of satisfying that fear. 
I guess for me I have a hard time asking questions like these about my mental issues being a "burden" or not but my general take away is that really it was just an empty fear or nothing short of it probably being excessive anxiety considering at least Jake and the few others I've chatted with is actually quite a bit of support and not feeling like those issues are a "burden".

[MoonlightSylv]

Just now, wcreek said:

If you don't mind... But my question is, was your mental health issues "too much" for your boyfriend? Because that's something I honestly fear a lot is that those issues are something that are a "burden" @Cinnabar Sonar  and something that I should more so keep at bay as best as I can but really I think that does way more harm than the "good" of satisfying that fear. 
I guess for me I have a hard time asking questions like these about my mental issues being a "burden" or not but my general take away is that really it was just an empty fear or nothing short of it probably being excessive anxiety considering at least Jake and the few others I've chatted with is actually quite a bit of support and not feeling like those issues are a "burden".

I worry about them being a burden quite a lot, it stresses me out badly if I think about it too much, but whenever I ask him he tells me that we'll get through this and he can deal with them until I'm better.

[handymanshandle]

31 minutes ago, ShadowTechXTS said:

I worry about them being a burden quite a lot, it stresses me out badly if I think about it too much, but whenever I ask him he tells me that we'll get through this and he can deal with them until I'm better.

That's good. Going through a tough time like that and to lose your boyfriend that's something that I would hate to experience myself.

[Skanky Sylveon]

22 minutes ago, ShadowTechXTS said:

I worry about them being a burden quite a lot, it stresses me out badly if I think about it too much, but whenever I ask him he tells me that we'll get through this and he can deal with them until I'm better.

I knew that this was an issue, but I didn't expect it to be as widespread.  @wcreek has also stated this as a concern.

 

As a male, I was shunned for crying at my school once.  Society didn't want me to have emotions.  Sticks and stones, etc.

To all of those people, I would like to say, fuck off.  I'm not a robot.

And nobody here is a robot ether (at least I don't think).  We all have emotions, and said emotions can very much get hurt.  Not everyone has someone to talk to, which is a shame, but for those that do, don't hesitate.  I seriously doubt that anyone that cares for you would consider your mental well being a burden.

[handymanshandle]

Just now, Cinnabar Sonar said:

I knew that this was an issue, but I didn't expect it to be as widespread.  @wcreek has also stated this as a concern.

I guess it's stemmed from self-doubt or something like that.

Just now, Cinnabar Sonar said:

As a male, I was shunned for crying at my school once.  Society didn't want me to have emotions.  Sticks and stones, etc.

To all of those people, I would like to say, fuck off.  I'm not a robot.

And nobody here is a robot ether (at least I don't think).  We all have emotions, and said emotions can very much get hurt.  Not everyone has someone to talk to, which is a shame, but for those that do, don't hesitate. 

For sure, there is the expectation for males to be tough and not show their emotions or at least make yourself vulnerable by having those emotions. I really don't know why we impose that on ourselves and why some people tend to have that expectation.

Just now, Cinnabar Sonar said:

I seriously doubt that anyone that cares for you would consider your mental well being a burden.

Another for sure thing. Definitely not seeing those mental health issues as a burden on those that care for you it feels good to see that those that really do care for you don't feel it as being a burden and really are supportive of you and aren't put off for it.

[Kamina]

I've suffered from mild depression almost all of my life, including PTSD.

 

Had a traumatic past and ended up getting acute lymphoblastic leukemia at 20. Now 23. I'm 3 months away from being done with my treatment.

It feels like I've never gotten break all my life, but I'm still hanging in there and taking things at a very slow pace.

 

I started taking anti depressants (SSRIs) at 17 along with therapy up until 19. Not sure it's helped, but everything just feels meh most of the time. So, I smoke weed just to make things a little bit more exciting and meaningful. I just wish there was a pill that could gave me a burst of energy in the morning that would keep me on task with my things.

[Anghammarad]

Good morning all,

 

excuse me for not quoting while in part answering and giving another view/experience of now my late wife.

 

At first for @Teddy07 yes depressions immobalize you. They don't make you weak, your body is still strong, but your mind paralyzes you. For example just washing dishes or filling the washing machine you want to do, you really want or need to do that, but your mind won't let you stand up and do this small chores. Is it as if you are paralyzed. 

 

With me it was the only things I could do, get a coffee, go to the bathroom and then sit down again at my desk. I was not bodily weak, it was more of a mental paralyze. Then sleeping a lot is another thing, you don't do it because you are bodily exhausted. Your exhaustion is mental. And sleeping is another way to get away from all those thoughts. 

 

@Cinnabar Sonar men having emotions is ok. I can't tell you how often I could cry or do cry when things get emotional. Tears of joy, sadness, etc... Having no emotions is where it gets different. As my wife did before we met, I shut off all emotions after a bad breakup. And Life felt easier. But it wasn't living. It was just existing. Sure walking through the world and not feeling a thing, not get touched by anything may make life in part easier, but you slowly die inside. I managed to turn emotions back on only due to the love to my wife. For her I did feel again.

 

Emotions are a part of us, and we should embrace and live them, instead of shutting them away where they eat us from inside and do more harm that way.

 

Now a part of the experiences with my wife.

 

She was depressive herself. Sometimes it was bad, sometimes it was better. But she always hated herself, her body, due to having a broken back which did give her immense pains every now and then, in the beginning of our relationship it was at its worst. She could sleep for max two hours and then get up with so bad cramps and pains that she could only breath really shallow because of the hurt it gave her. Imagine only sleeping for 2 hours a time for over 10 years... It slowly kills you as well. Bodily and mentally.

 

Then she was allergic to pollen, which usually made most of the year a bad time, and another thing was her time growing up. She constantly was told by her mother that she is useless, can't do a thing, is to fat, which she wasn't and so on, that wore down on her like a mountain. 

 

Just an example of that relation between them. After not seeing or speaking to each other for some years they met by accident. Instead of getting a hug and love from her mom she just looked at her and said "my god did you gain a lot of weight!" ... So one can understand that the relationship with her parents was kind of broken. I first met them after we were together over 10 years. And if not for me we wouldn't have. 

 

And I stood by her all the time, through good and bad and even worse, even though I couldn't really help her, I was able to reassure her that it is ok not to function 24/7 like her mom said to her, that it is ok to let your partner take some burdens off from you, and gave her unconditional love. And we spoke a lot to understand. Exchanging views, thoughts, experiences. That helped a lot, us both. 

 

She was also burdened with a high IQ and EQ, she was empathic to a point where she could feel the emotions of other people around her, which also wore her down, if those emotions were sad/bad. Then again when getting in touch with people that were not "themselfs" but wore a false facade, that did hurt her as well. She could tell ones life after only small chat, tell where there is something wrong, what weighs you down, your problems etc. Really a gift that was astounding and wonderful, as well as a terrible burden because she really felt with everyone and couldn't shut it down. That was her reason to turn of her emotions that time before we met.

 

I told her in the beginning of our relationship that she didn't need to function 24/7, that I don't want that from her. The only thing I wanted from her is to get well again, to get better, all in no rush. May it take all the time it needs, and that I am there for her, I'll provide for us both. 

 

It took quite a lot of time for her to realize that to the fullest, until she really embraced it and started to get better.

 

Due to that "you are a woman and we need to function 24/7 and give it all we have" she was also giving 150% of what she had on everything she did. That took a lot of strength. I told her to listen to her body to slow down or take days to rest, at first she didn't and again it got worse health wise. With that the depressions came back. 

 

Finally she listened to her body, but only at the last second before braking down again. With that she was able to rest and come out stronger and healthier, as long as she could rest. If she couldn't due to circumstances that we both couldn't change, she got thrown back 1-2 years health wise.

And again the depressions kicked back in. 

 

Due to all of that she kind of extracted herself from the world, broke contact to her friends and loved ones in the family. She felt bad about it, but while at some time she couldn't get in contact due to health issues, when those were better, her mind stopped her. Her guilty conscience as well as the nagging "you get broken again" that lingered in her mind.

 

For me learning to help her wasn't easy. I'm a person that is used to really care. So at first I nearly smothered her in that, and I needed to adept. She was a person that for one needed her own space, like a lone wolf in the cave licking it's wounds to heal up, and then on other times some help was appreciated. But I always was there for her. Unconditionally. 

 

I learned an awesome lot from her, and loved her more each day, it sounds funny but I did. Leaving the house in the morning I turned back to the door and smiled and was happy, just because in anticipation of getting back home to her. 

 

Fast forward to her last months. She really got depressive, she just had a throwback again, and all the progress she gained health wise were gone again. Then we received an invitation to a family event from her niece. She thought quite some time about going there, then one night she told me that she would get better one last time, work for it, go to the family event, and thank her parents for raising her, and when we are back home she wanted to take the exit from life. 

 

At first I was stunned, I just didn't know what to say or do, so I just functioned. After one or two weeks I broke the ice and asked her how she thinks I feel about that. Imagining her being dead when coming home one evening. She then asked me if that is what I believe she would do, I just plainly answered that I don't know. She told me about her plans, that she would one night dress herself, and just leave, going to a place where death is known and use some meds to end herself alone. She also said that I was the only one entitled to forbid that to her, due to the love and care I gave to her. I told her that she won't die alone, I would accompany her and wait at her side until she would have gone. Because no one should die alone. 

 

I was contend with her choice, even though it pained me greatly, I saw how she was in pain, bodily and mentally, and then telling her "no don't!" that wouldn't have been love, but only cruel and selfish. 

 

But again, due to long talks she got out of that, and for the first time I knew her she made plans for the future, got active... and 4 weeks later her heart attack hits home, from which she didn't recover. 

 

It was on me to decide to let the machines torture her on, or to let her go, the advise from the doctors were to shut them down, due to her body braking down more and more. We had our shares of wonders, but as I say, at some time there are no wonders left on the block you get for your life. So I decided to let her go.

 

And as promised I sat by her side the whole time, talking to her that she can go, that all that pain it is ok to leave behind, and that I will always love her... I stroke over her head, and kept on. Then sitting at her side for another nearly two hour until the staff send me away. That really broke me. 

 

Now to what I wanted to bring across, it is not easy to live with someone who is suffering from depressions, but unconditional real love is stronger. That I felt for her, and gave her. And she felt it as well and was greatful, not to me directly but so she told friends or family when they spoke about or relationship. That makes me feel a little better to know I could help her in some ways feeling warmth and welcome and love as well as understanding. 

 

 

Again quite a lot of text... and I'll say more later. 

 

Thank you and perhaps it helps. I hope so, that experiences help others getting better. 

[Anghammarad]

Ok want I wanted to add... this may sound pathetic but it is my honest opinion and thinking/understanding...

 

In todays world we don't get it easy. We get influenced by media/press on what to eat, how to look, how to behave. They try to "normalize" us, indoctrinate us with ideals that they think we should strive for.

 

Now I think throwing out the TV was the best thing I did years ago, yes I got a 40" tv in the living room, but there is no cable connected to it, only the media server. 

 

At first, listen to your body and heart and gut feeling. Those three if in unison are always right. I live by that, if my body craves for a thing, then it usually needs it. (not regarding candy and sugar stuff). As well as in decision making. 

 

Another thing, everyone is beautiful the way they are. Everyone in this world can be the most beautiful being there is, even if it is only for a short while during accepting oneself and being happy. 

 

So if you don't fit in the picture the media shows you/us, don't feel bad, try to be proud to be an individual and not a clone/working drone that we are supposed to be. 

 

Another thing that my wife and I learned, all you really need is a roof over your head, something to eat, and a loving family/partner. Those are the basic needs. Everything else is a bonus. 

 

If possible try to get one day each week that is only for you and if wanted your partner/family. Use it to talk, make things you enjoy, no chores, no work, and try that day not to spend any money. Use the time for your self and your loved one. Bring each other up to speed about feelings, sorrows, happy things, what you are worried about and can't stop thinking about. About plans you want to make. So that you and your partner know each other better.

 

Those did wonders for my wife and me. Mentally and then as well physically. She always said all sicknesses come from the psyche. If you have a bad mental health, your body develops sicknesses as warning signs. 

 

 

So this from me today, bed is calling. 

 

Have a wonderful day/night/afternoon/morning. 

[handymanshandle]

2 hours ago, Anghammarad said:

Another thing, everyone is beautiful the way they are. Everyone in this world can be the most beautiful being there is, even if it is only for a short while during accepting oneself and being happy. 

For sure

2 hours ago, Anghammarad said:

If possible try to get one day each week that is only for you and if wanted your partner/family. Use it to talk, make things you enjoy, no chores, no work, and try that day not to spend any money. Use the time for your self and your loved one. Bring each other up to speed about feelings, sorrows, happy things, what you are worried about and can't stop thinking about. About plans you want to make. So that you and your partner know each other better.

Honestly that's something Jake @Dan Castellaneta and I should may do more of just because that kind of dialogue I think certainly a healthy one and it wouldn't hurt to do more.

[Skanky Sylveon]

3 hours ago, Anghammarad said:

Ok want I wanted to add... this may sound pathetic but it is my honest opinion and thinking/understanding...

 

In todays world we don't get it easy. We get influenced by media/press on what to eat, how to look, how to behave. They try to "normalize" us, indoctrinate us with ideals that they think we should strive for.

 

Now I think throwing out the TV was the best thing I did years ago, yes I got a 40" tv in the living room, but there is no cable connected to it, only the media server. 

 

At first, listen to your body and heart and gut feeling. Those three if in unison are always right. I live by that, if my body craves for a thing, then it usually needs it. (not regarding candy and sugar stuff). As well as in decision making. 

 

Another thing, everyone is beautiful the way they are. Everyone in this world can be the most beautiful being there is, even if it is only for a short while during accepting oneself and being happy. 

 

So if you don't fit in the picture the media shows you/us, don't feel bad, try to be proud to be an individual and not a clone/working drone that we are supposed to be. 

 

Another thing that my wife and I learned, all you really need is a roof over your head, something to eat, and a loving family/partner. Those are the basic needs. Everything else is a bonus. 

 

If possible try to get one day each week that is only for you and if wanted your partner/family. Use it to talk, make things you enjoy, no chores, no work, and try that day not to spend any money. Use the time for your self and your loved one. Bring each other up to speed about feelings, sorrows, happy things, what you are worried about and can't stop thinking about. About plans you want to make. So that you and your partner know each other better.

 

Those did wonders for my wife and me. Mentally and then as well physically. She always said all sicknesses come from the psyche. If you have a bad mental health, your body develops sicknesses as warning signs. 

 

 

So this from me today, bed is calling. 

 

Have a wonderful day/night/afternoon/morning. 

Good advice in general, regardless of gender, social status, sexuality, etc.

To everyone, do what makes you feel comfortable, and if anyone objects, they can fuck off.

As long as you are not breaking the law, of course.

1 hour ago, wcreek said:

Honestly that's something Jake @Dan Castellaneta and I should may do more of just because that kind of dialogue I think certainly a healthy one and it wouldn't hurt to do more.

Definitely.

18 hours ago, Kamina said:

I've suffered from mild depression almost all of my life, including PTSD.

 

Had a traumatic past and ended up getting acute lymphoblastic leukemia at 20. Now 23. I'm 3 months away from being done with my treatment.

It feels like I've never gotten break all my life, but I'm still hanging in there and taking things at a very slow pace.

 

I started taking anti depressants (SSRIs) at 17 along with therapy up until 19. Not sure it's helped, but everything just feels meh most of the time. So, I smoke weed just to make things a little bit more exciting and meaningful. I just wish there was a pill that could gave me a burst of energy in the morning that would keep me on task with my things.

I have PTSD, very well managed though.  A word of advice, if there is anything that ends up "triggering" you, don't hide from it, confront it.

[handymanshandle]

On 10/1/2017 at 11:36 PM, Cinnabar Sonar said:

I have PTSD, very well managed though.  A word of advice, if there is anything that ends up "triggering" you, don't hide from it, confront it.

Exactly. 

Also don't let it bottle up either.

[handymanshandle]

Just now, JayKay3000 said:

Depression for me feels like a shadow because when life is going good the sun is out and the shadow is gone, but when life goes bad the sun goes down and the shadow tries to take over and snuff out the last bit of light to encompass my world in a bleak blackness where hopes and dreams have no place in life where life becomes pointless. I've learned to counter the shadow and keep the sun out, but I know it's there, waiting and when life goes bad I know tricks with how to deal with it.

 

But I admit, there are times when the shadow sneaks up on me and I'm unaware its there till 'something' makes me realize the shadow has been getting stronger and that the light of hope and optimism has been fading. In such times I'm able to take stock, look at my life as a mass of hopes, people, dreams, work and living space. I'll then look at each thing and work out whether something is lacking and then work out ways to change the problem. Small changes can have big effects.

 

I also know of plenty of people that are openly happy and affectionate, but are secretly battling with their own depression. So even the happiest person in the world may not be all you think. 

 

Never assume that people who appear to have their achievements actually have their achievements.

 

 

Feels pretty accurate for me too lol

[0b3rp3d0]

So I'll use this chance to tell a little bit about me and maybe someone have experienced the same way.
(Bad Englisch incomming, so be prepared)
I'm 16 right now and I have a little experience with depression.
Some time ago (about 4 Months ago) my girlfriend got pregnant and we decided to have an abortion. (There where several reasons for that) 
And I have frequently flashbacks of her crying with the "pregnant test". I can't sleep anymore because even now when everything is over it gets me every time. Often there is a discussion about abortion and a sit there and listen to that and could destroy everything. The most thing that bugs me is that my parents know nothing about it and only a brother and a sister of mine know it.
The girlfriend I have told me that we keep this as a secret but shortly I found out she told it to a lot of people even my Ex. 
My childhood wasn't easy either, my parents treaded me like shit and beat me sometimes. 
And yes if somebody's asking a talked to a psychological doctor about that and it didn't helped me. 
I know that I'm crazy in my head. I think/thought about suicide because I see/saw no other way out of the situation. 
People that say time heals wounds didn't had enough wounds. Because from my sight things like that follow me my life trough. 
(Damn man, it's hard to talk about all this so "freely.)

And the only thing I know right now is that everything feels like shit, everything feels empty. 
And like one poster said: music helps him (and me too). I listen to music 24/7.

[SlipperyPete]

2 minutes ago, 0b3rp3d0 said:

Some time ago (about 4 Months ago) my girlfriend got pregnant and we decided to have an abortion. (There where several reasons for that) 
And I have frequently flashbacks of her crying with the "pregnant test". I can't sleep anymore because even now when everything is over it gets me every time. Often there is a discussion about abortion and a sit there and listen to that and could destroy everything. The most thing that bugs me is that my parents know nothing about it and only a brother and a sister of mine know it.

The girlfriend I have told me that we keep this as a secret but shortly I found out she told it to a lot of people even my Ex. 
My childhood wasn't easy either, my parents treaded me like shit and beat me sometimes. 

wow man. this is some heavy stuff. im very sorry to hear this. the closest i got was a pregnancy scare back in highschool and that was scary enough for me. guilt/keeping a secret like that can do a lot of damage to an individual. I would say tell your parents but it sounds like they are abusive and this might have negative results.

6 minutes ago, 0b3rp3d0 said:

And yes if somebody's asking a talked to a psychological doctor about that and it didn't helped me. 

im not trying to pressure you or annoy you by this. thats not my goal and you should decide on your own to go or not. the first psychologist i went to didnt help or click. i stopped going shortly later. useless experience. a few years later i tried a different doctor and she made a HUGE difference in my life. sometimes its about finding the right person.

8 minutes ago, 0b3rp3d0 said:

And like one poster said: music helps him (and me too). I listen to music 24/7.

i believe you are referring to me posting about the music. it helps a lot. one of the best methods ive found personally.

[0b3rp3d0]

9 minutes ago, SlipperyPete said:

wow man. this is some heavy stuff. im very sorry to hear this. the closest i got was a pregnancy scare back in highschool and that was scary enough for me. guilt/keeping a secret like that can do a lot of damage to an individual. I would say tell your parents but it sounds like they are abusive and this might have negative results.

im not trying to pressure you or annoy you by this. thats not my goal and you should decide on your own to go or not. the first psychologist i went to didnt help or click. i stopped going shortly later. useless experience. a few years later i tried a different doctor and she made a HUGE difference in my life. sometimes its about finding the right person.

i believe you are referring to me posting about the music. it helps a lot. one of the best methods ive found personally.

Yes I refer to your post. Even now I listen to music? (Question: Do you listen to specific music or just random you like?)

And yeah maybe I look for another doc that can maybe make a difference.

And (Sorry for using so much "And") I won't tell it to my parents, first of all they wouldn't understand it and yes they where abusive in the past. (They would kick me out of their house of would make accusations why we aborted the baby.
You know what makes me angry? There was once a women from the youth Welfare Office but she didn't do anything and just go. 

 

[cluelessgenius]

well depression is a tricky bitch to handle. i have for years now no real idea what to do with my life or why i should do anything. peole have goal and are happy about stuff and most of the time it just seems ultimativly pointless to me. i have spent days in bed and generally am not very energetic to do stuff. the thought of why do i even bother going on popped into my head a couple of times and the only thing holding me back, is the thought of what it would do to my family. 

the only thing i have found to work for me is distraction, i mean everything in the end is just distraction but to quote the great rick:

Spoiler

man that series has really fucked with my head and also kinda helped:

Spoiler

 

anyway im getting off-point...

...southpark also had a great one 

Spoiler

 

...ok enough pop-culture references

i recently tried to talk to my mom about it for the first time since we were talking about my uncles depression and she played it down like "achh, you dont have depression, youre just..blahblahblah" and then i held the facts in here face like how i have called in sick just because i couldnt get out of bed. how i am never enthusiastic about doing anything and so on.. and i think it really came to her.

but now i wish i hadnt told her because now its even worse. she is texting me how my day was and how i am feeling and i have never had conversations like that with her and it feels like pity to me.

i grew up with this image were i have to be strong and dont let people see you struggle so this is really strange for me.

 

i think talking about it helps but when i do with my best friend he kinda understands and tries to help but always end up "jesus man thats dark" when hears how i see the world. so i dunno...

..anyway thats my little note on depression

[SlipperyPete]

15 minutes ago, 0b3rp3d0 said:

Even now I listen to music? (Question: Do you listen to specific music or just random you like?)

whatever is loud enough to drown out my my thoughts. rap as of late. (the hateful aggressive Eminem stuff is really nice)

outside of that when im trying to fall asleep i listen to a lot of Bob Dylan