[GIVEAWAY] Battlefield 4 - Tell me a story.

[Vitalius]

I am in possession of another BF4 key and I already own it. I don't care about selling it or trading it, so a giveaway is in order. :3

However, I don't like just "giving it away" to whoever gets here first. So, what we are going to do is simple.

Write me a decent 1-2 paragraph story about an event in your life. Yes, it's high school English all over again. Obviously don't put specifics (i.e. names and such), but just something interesting, funny, epic, or what have you. 

I'll go through and put all the people who told me a story (that I consider legit) in a big pool and roll a die until only 1 person is left in the list by my rules. That person will win. 

Good luck and have fun.

Note: Please only Safe For Work. Cringe is fine, but nothing extreme. NSFW or otherwise unnecessarily disturbing or vulgar entries will be ignored/invalidated.

 

Edit: oops. The giveaway ends in 3 days. That's Saturday 6PM CST.

[TheSLSAMG]

Note: This is a story from my Blog on the forums.

 

So, I have been talking to a girl. We have but a single class together, Photoshop. She's perfect for me. She likes technology, listens to the same music and likes cars as I do. She is funny and fun to be around. But I am afraid. Afraid I will ruin a good friendship, destruct what we already have in the pursuit of more. She's pretty good with Photoshop. She is in a beginner class, while I am in advanced. She is taking advanced next year as I take portfolio, which makes the chances of us seeing each other high, so if I screw it up and the relationship goes sour, I will end up dealing with the guilt and looks for my senior year. I am a junior in high school, she is a sophmore. It shouldn't surprise you then, when I tell you that I have been in this situation before.

It all started in the 8th grade. I went to a Catholic school (I know) and I met a girl. Now, I don't know what I saw in her. She was a rebel, a bitch per se. She always had an attitude and she didn't like many people. But my kind and outgoing self was attracted to her anyways. We actually had a decent friendship. Video chatting and texting each other here and there, generally having fun. But, once I brought up the idea that I may have liked her, she closed up. She stopped answering my texts, removed me from social media, etc. I had asked her to the 8th grade prom (lol) and she was pressured to say yes since I made the mistake of asking in public. And that is the start of the issues.

So, freshman in high school now. Excited, and the girls think I am cute (in the manner of which people think Russell from Up is cute.) There is a girl in my Italian class. She is a pretty brunette, seems to be a decent person. I get to know her better. I have two other friends in my Living Environment class, who turn out to be friends of hers as well. I tell them about it, not knowing that they were going to tell her. Tsssss, burn. A few months later then, news gets out that I like her. So, one day in mid-October, my parents pick me up from school. We arrive home to an unfamiliar vehicle, which I will forever call "LaTundra", because of the entry GIF.

Back on topic. So, we are headed up to my dad's workplace in a white LaTundra. I had my iPod plugged into the radio listening to music as I recieve a text on my fawsome BlackBerry. Guess who it is? The brunette. She texts me, asking if I liked her. I foolishly lied and replied "No, who told you that?" I recieve the liberation-laying "I am not ready for a relationship." Meanwhile, that proves to be a load of bullshit when my sister spots her with a male friend of hers, who abandoned being friends with my sister for some poon'. The next month, my sister celebrates her 16th birthday. At her Sweet 16, the guy in question was on her dais. He never showed, and we all (the rest of the dais, our cousins and her friends) flamed him as if he were a chestnut over an open fire. The girl started spreading bullshit lies and rumors about my sister too. She would always give my sister dirty looks and snicker when she saw her.

 

So, I chose this because it really tells about my most prominent issue in life, yes, a girl out of all things. 

 

http://linustechtips.com/main/blog/36/entry-172-women/

 

I'm sorry. I forgot to mention that I already own the game. If I do by chance win it, it will go to @nsyedhasan.

[SAV1OUR]

so there was this pikachu... he already owned battle field 4.... so he started rolling around on the floor....

the end

[qwertywarrior]

its midnight

cant be arsed

[BonBon Scott]

its midnight

cant be arsed

 

.....that was a good story

[phillrulz]

Now, this is a story all about how
My life got flipped-turned upside down
And I'd like to take a minute
Just sit right there
I'll tell you how I became the prince of a town called Bel Air

In west Philadelphia born and raised
On the playground was where I spent most of my days
Chillin' out maxin' relaxin' all cool
And all shootin some b-ball outside of the school
When a couple of guys who were up to no good
Started making trouble in my neighborhood
I got in one little fight and my mom got scared
She said 'You're movin' with your auntie and uncle in Bel Air'

I begged and pleaded with her day after day
But she packed my suit case and sent me on my way
She gave me a kiss and then she gave me my ticket.
I put my Walkman on and said, 'I might as well kick it'.

First class, yo this is bad
Drinking orange juice out of a champagne glass.
Is this what the people of Bel-Air living like?
Hmmmmm this might be alright.

But wait I hear they're prissy, bourgeois, all that
Is this the type of place that they just send this cool cat?
I don't think so
I'll see when I get there
I hope they're prepared for the prince of Bel-Air

Well, the plane landed and when I came out
There was a dude who looked like a cop standing there with my name out
I ain't trying to get arrested yet
I just got here
I sprang with the quickness like lightning, disappeared

I whistled for a cab and when it came near
The license plate said fresh and it had dice in the mirror
If anything I could say that this cab was rare
But I thought 'Nah, forget it' - 'Yo, homes to Bel Air'

I pulled up to the house about 7 or 8
And I yelled to the cabbie 'Yo homes smell ya later'
I looked at my kingdom
I was finally there
To sit on my throne as the Prince of Bel Air

 

[Askew]

I already have the game so I don't need to win, however I'm going to enjoy reading the submissions!

 

This was a cool idea.

[Horrorfull]

     A man awoke from his slumber. As he rose from his empty king sized bed, he wondered what to do for this rest of the day. He wet his lips and proceeded to walk towards his bathroom. The urge to defecate in his pristine, silk jammies was to much for him to bear. He made it to the porcelain chair just in time for the first drops of his feces to narrowly miss the inner workings of his, also silk, undergarment. The sounds of the quick exiting of his excrement caused much embarrassment to the man but quickly dismissed it because his wife was not in the adjoining room. Realizing this he let out moans each time he banished the impurities from his body. The man finished in half an hour and proceeded to make his way downstairs. As he walked downstairs into his private den he saw his wife. She was in heat and ready to go. She was no longer in sleep and was ready to be played with. He sat down and began gently pressing her buttons. She let out a moan as he booted up Battlefield 4. He had has settings on Ultra which quickly made his wife heat up more. She was burning up inside. He didn't care as he proceeded to play with her. She let out many series of moans. He set her to 7 volts because he loved to hear her purr every time there was an explosion on the screen. After an hour of playing with his wife he made a shocking discovery. He forgot to wipe.

 

I already own BF4, i'm just giving you a story.

[rambi36]

I already have Battlefield 4 but I will tell you a story anyways. It was the beginning of High School and I had just made a friend whose name was Evan. Me and him both had a similar interests in PC Gamoing and Computers(I knew a bit more than him about computers though). He seemed very friendly at first and we would hang out with each other all the time in class and during lunch. Unfortunately one day around December 2013 he started acting like a complete dick to me and my other friends and we all got extremely mad at him so we stopped being friends with him.

After that he had started to bully me quite a bit by making fun of pretty much everything I do. This made me feel pretty depressed and I didn't want to do anything at all. After a talk with the guidance councelor and his advisor he eventually let me be and I felt way better than I had ever felt before. I just hope he's not in my class this coming school year

[angrylemon]

So one day there was a homeless man and he wanted a copy of battlefield 4 to play on his next gen 'Brick' console,

The end, its a great story isn't it 

[Totally-A-Hero]

sad stori, i bught a pis statuion fuor

 

lik if u cri evry tim

[Gr8White_Bear]

It was freshman year in high school.  I made it to the junior varsity basketball team.  I had this crush on this one girl who happened to be helping keep track of the score.

She was more talented in sports than I ever was or will be.  Anyways, this guy on the opposing team runs up to make a shot, but I'm in his way.  I let him charge me.

 

The referee calls out that it was a charging foul.  Of course, I'm knocked down to the ground, but it was worth it.  Not only was my coach happy with what I did, but that girl was impressed as well.

[Askew]

     A man awoke from his slumber. As he rose from his empty king sized bed, he wondered what to do for this rest of the day. He wet his lips and proceeded to walk towards his bathroom. The urge to defecate in his pristine, silk jammies was to much for him to bear. He made it to the porcelain chair just in time for the first drops of his feces to narrowly miss the inner workings of his, also silk, undergarment. The sounds of the quick exiting of his excrement caused much embarrassment to the man but quickly dismissed it because his wife was not in the adjoining room. Realizing this he let out moans each time he banished the impurities from his body. The man finished in half an hour and proceeded to make his way downstairs. As he walked downstairs into his private den he saw his wife. She was in heat and ready to go. She was no longer in sleep and was ready to be played with. He sat down and began gently pressing her buttons. She let out a moan as he booted up Battlefield 4. He had has settings on Ultra which quickly made his wife heat up more. She was burning up inside. He didn't care as he proceeded to play with her. She let out many series of moans. He set her to 7 volts because he loved to hear her purr every time there was an explosion on the screen. After an hour of playing with his wife he made a shocking discovery. He forgot to wipe.

 

I already own BF4, i'm just giving you a story. Just flexin my writing skills.

 

 

For real though, that made me laugh in parts.

[NeatSquidYT]

A story.

[Nineshadow]

I'll put a spoiler cause it's quite a long story.

So, last day I went to a very close family friend and I stood there(parents were away at a party).We went out,had a drink and looked at the Roland Gaross women finale(damn,Simona lost ;_; ).Anyway,he also brought another good friend of his with us.

 

After the tennis match had ended, they remember they forgot to do something : they had to write by hand all the courses at uni (they wrote them on their laptops, you know, in Word) because they have a really weird teacher who fails all students who don't do that.So,they now had to re-write all the things they wrote this year,but by hand, in a short amount of time.

 

However,these guys aren't that type who work hard,they're lazy,but they know how to get out of tight situations.

So,we went back home,got a few pens and a notebook and then, the unexpectable : we went to a brothel(the place where you hire prostitutes).You might be wondering, what the hell were we doing there?I was questioning the same thing.Also, I'm under 18 so what the hell would I be doing there!?

 

Finally, we got there.Quite a lot of women I must say,I didn't know there were so many prostitutes in my town.My friend gathers 8 girls and gives them a "test".He made them write something on the notebook and,depending on how beautiful was their writing, he picked 2.Then,we drove back home.

 

On the way, the girls, which were sitting on the backseat along with me, were looking quite strangely at me.Who the hell gets a 14 year old prostitutes?!

 

We arrive at my friend's house,the girls go and sit on a couch and my friend's friend goes to get some beer.My friend went to the 2 girls and explained what he wanted them to do : He would pay them for writing all the stuff they have to write for uni.The prostitutes were very surprised,but also happy they didn't have to just fuck somebody,they could actually do something useful!In the meanwhile,the other guy returned with whisky,not beer.My friend went to the kitchen to open the whisky bottle and he told me to lead the girls into his bedroom where they were supposed to be writing all those uni lessons.

 

After that, we sat on the couch and watched TV,played poker,etc.We had fun for a little while.It got to 3 AM pretty quick,my friends got kinda drunk and we decided it was time to go to sleep.My friend went in his bedroom and told the prostitutes to keep on writing in the living room where I was supposed to be sleeping ( on the sofa ).

 

We had a little chat ( me and the 2 girls) and I explained to them the situation.We talked some more about their life,how I was doing at school,etc. and I fall asleep(without even realizing).

 

I woke up in the morning when everyone else was having coffee(including the prostitutes).My mates were thanking them for what they did,we all talked some more and after some time they left.Then, my friend started laughing at the other dude of what he had done last night.Being drunk,he did quite a lot of stupid stuff(like talking to a vase to ask for a blow and thinking one of the prostitutes was his mother).

 

So... if you say tl;dr let me explain this shortly :

 

I was staying at a friend over night with another friend of his.These guys had to re-write all their uni lessons,but by hand.So, to solve this problem, they hired 2 hookers to do the writing for them!

 

Ingenuity at its best.

 

Original thread : http://linustechtips.com/main/topic/163741-heres-a-little-funny-story/

[Askew]

I'll put a spoiler cause it's quite a long story.

So, last day I went to a very close family friend and I stood there(parents were away at a party).We went out,had a drink and looked at the Roland Gaross women finale(damn,Simona lost ;_; ).Anyway,he also brought another good friend of his with us.

 

After the tennis match had ended, they remember they forgot to do something : they had to write by hand all the courses at uni (they wrote them on their laptops, you know, in Word) because they have a really weird teacher who fails all students who don't do that.So,they now had to re-write all the things they wrote this year,but by hand, in a short amount of time.

 

However,these guys aren't that type who work hard,they're lazy,but they know how to get out of tight situations.

So,we went back home,got a few pens and a notebook and then, the unexpectable : we went to a brothel(the place where you hire prostitutes).You might be wondering, what the hell were we doing there?I was questioning the same thing.Also, I'm under 18 so what the hell would I be doing there!?

 

Finally, we got there.Quite a lot of women I must say,I didn't know there were so many prostitutes in my town.My friend gathers 8 girls and gives them a "test".He made them write something on the notebook and,depending on how beautiful was their writing, he picked 2.Then,we drove back home.

 

On the way, the girls, which were sitting on the backseat along with me, were looking quite strangely at me.Who the hell gets a 14 year old prostitutes?!

 

We arrive at my friend's house,the girls go and sit on a couch and my friend's friend goes to get some beer.My friend went to the 2 girls and explained what he wanted them to do : He would pay them for writing all the stuff they have to write for uni.The prostitutes were very surprised,but also happy they didn't have to just fuck somebody,they could actually do something useful!In the meanwhile,the other guy returned with whisky,not beer.My friend went to the kitchen to open the whisky bottle and he told me to lead the girls into his bedroom where they were supposed to be writing all those uni lessons.

 

After that, we sat on the couch and watched TV,played poker,etc.We had fun for a little while.It got to 3 AM pretty quick,my friends got kinda drunk and we decided it was time to go to sleep.My friend went in his bedroom and told the prostitutes to keep on writing in the living room where I was supposed to be sleeping ( on the sofa ).

 

We had a little chat ( me and the 2 girls) and I explained to them the situation.We talked some more about their life,how I was doing at school,etc. and I fall asleep(without even realizing).

 

I woke up in the morning when everyone else was having coffee(including the prostitutes).My mates were thanking them for what they did,we all talked some more and after some time they left.Then, my friend started laughing at the other dude of what he had done last night.Being drunk,he did quite a lot of stupid stuff(like talking to a vase to ask for a blow and thinking one of the prostitutes was his mother).

 

So... if you say tl;dr let me explain this shortly :

 

I was staying at a friend over night with another friend of his.These guys had to re-write all their uni lessons,but by hand.So, to solve this problem, they hired 2 hookers to do the writing for them!

 

Ingenuity at its best.

 

Original thread : http://linustechtips.com/main/topic/163741-heres-a-little-funny-story/

 

I remember this story, was a cool one.

[Askew]

There was once a young boy named Billy No-Games. He was a member of the Luke Lube Tips forum. He saw people talking about how they lube their toys so they run faster. He even saw one member giving away a lubed copy of Saddlevielle 69. He really wanted this lubed game, it would teach him more about the lube. So he posted in the forum thread in which the guy running the giveaway wanted a story about lube. However, the story ends here and he probably doesn't win...

 

This message was brought to you by Wet Platinum.

[megadarkwood]

Well, let me tell you about the time I went off roading in a hummer and almost died.

 

(this is a real story btw)

 

Late last year I was out in Vegas with my family and we were looking around for things to do, my oldest cousin decided to go out and rent a Hummer H3 and load it up with as many people from the family as he could and go out for a drive. Little did we know, he was going to go out into the desert, in this 20-million ton truck that still had road tires and was set-up for city driving use. As he drove down the main highway, through the desert, we were all yelling laughing and joking around with the windows down and  (stupidly) belts off, my cousin took a hard right and just went straight onto the sand. We were all screaming and all like "WHAT THE F**K ARE YOU DOING?!?" and my cousin that was driving was laughing like crazy. After about 2 minutes we calmed down and started to laugh and lost all out anger, until we lost sight of the highway and well, got stuck on the side of a dune.. (didn't see that coming did you ) We all got out and started yelling at the driving cousin until about 20 minutes we calmed down and tried calling someone for help, no signal on any of our phones. Luckily, a group of people on dune buggies passed by and stopped to help, they winched us out and we paid them $20 then told my cousin that if he didn't get us back to the hotel (the bellagio) we would WRECK him.

 

20 minutes of super safe driving and silence, we finally got back on the highway and started making our way back into the Vegas strip and eventually back to our hotel. When we pulled up the valet's gave us the weirdest look I had ever seen while he took the sand covered, dirty ass hummer into the parking garage. We laughed our asses off all the way up to our rooms and didn't tell our parents anything. That is until they say our Hummer and asked what the hell we had done. Thankfully, they laughed along with us and just made my cousin return the Hummer to the Rental place and banned him from renting a car for the remainder of the trip.

 

Happy ending, the end 

[Nineshadow]

I remember this story, was a cool one.

Not everyone hires hookers for that.

[mr.squishy]

So I don't own BF4 so I guess I'll actually try.

It was beautiful, albeit cold, October Sunday afternoon. I had just been promised some extra cash if I helped a friend out with some wood stacking and splitting for the winter. I get there and there are about 6 people, I get assigned to splitting wood. I go over to my station to discover a 10-ton hydraulic woodsplitter sitting next to a rather large pile of wood. This was where the fatal mistake was made. There were 2 people assigned to work on the woodsplitter at the same time, one to work the lever, and one to load the wood. (you ABSOLUTELY NEVER work on a splitter with someone other than yourself, for safety issues) The work was quick and fast, and around the time when we had about 20 pieces of wood left to split, I load a larger than usual log into the splitter. My partner pulls the lever. I notice the log is slipping, so I  motion to my partner to stop the splitter and go to grab it so it doesn't fall off and roll down the hill. Unbeknownst to me, this particular splitter's handle had some dead space in it's actuation, so as I go to grab the piece of wood, the metal plate continues advancing towards the log. I notice this last second and manage to yank my left hand out of the gap, my right hand being perfectly safe. However, the machine managed to catch my left index finger in it's 10 ton grip, and I watch in horrer as 10 tons of hydraulic force crush my fingertip. It was at this time that I yanked my hand away from the machine, severing my nail bed from my fingertip, making it look like my finger had been filleted from the knuckle to the end of my finger. You could see the bone underneath the skin, so I quickly alerted my partner to what happened and ran to the supervisor to receive medical attention. Someone found the skin that had been pulled off and put it into a plastic bag with ice. I was then transported to the hospital.

 

I get to the hospital, general insurance claims and boring stuff happen, I get an x-ray, and I wait for the orthopedic surgeon. The x-ray, to my relief, shows that no bone has been harmed. The orthopedic surgeon then examines my finger and decides that the best course of action is to clip the bone and shorten my fingertip by folding the skin over itself. He then drugs me up and goes to clip the bone, but decides he needs bigger clippers and turns away. It was at this point that I, in my drugged up state, remembered that we still had the piece of skin that came off. The surgeon mutters something about how the operation would be different if he had some extra skin, and I mention the missing piece, which was conveniently located in a container directly behind him. He then says something along the lines of "Oh, we should use that." He then proceeds to sew the skin patch back on. I receive protective bandaging, recommendation for weekly therapy, lots of drugs, and am sent on my way. The wound bled for 3 days straight after that. Week by week the patch of skin died and fell off, replaced by new skin. a few months later, my finger was fully healed, although slightly shorter and much pointier than before. It looks like my finger was stuck into a pencil sharpener. Thankfully,the nailbed reattached itself and I have full feeling of the finger, and can game just like I used to. 

 

And that's the story of how I almost lost my left fingertip.

[Askew]

snip

 

Small world, cool story I like coincidences like these.

[Fred Castellum]

It was a typical work day, I woke up at around 8:20 am and turned on my computer. Boom 10 minutes later its 8:30 am the stock market opens, TRADING COMMENCES. Hit the buy button on a stock I've been eyeing since yesterday, approximately 16 minutes later I hit the sell button *click* $670 in gains! Alright the work days over, so I start fucking around on the computer watching anime.

 

I decide to go get me some chips around 11:30 am to better enjoy my anime marathoning day, but to my misfortune I find that the glorious potato based foods have been decimated already by other family members... in my distress I decide to do the most productive thing I can! I decided to do something that's rarely done by my energy saving self... going outside and biking to the nearby Walgreens to buy me some snacks!

 

So I begin the tiring task of dressing myself and readying my bike for the short yet tiring 2 mile journey. Bag of Holding? Check! Wallet? Check! Phone that's only purpose is to tell me the time? Check! Alright! I'm good to go! 
 

*Bikes to Walgreens* 

*Picks all the snacks I want*

 

I proceed to walk to the cashier who looks to be a lady in her 40s. I lay my delicious selection of junk foods and drinks down and proceed to wait for her to check off the cargo I'm about purchase out of the store. Instead of giving me my total she starts questioning me about why I'm not in school at the moment, accusing me of skipping class and threatening to call authorities... I attempt to explain to her that I've already graduated from high school years ago, but nooooo she wouldn't have none of that. She proceeds to go on a rant about how kids these days don't understand the value of education and lectures me on how I shouldn't act so spoiled.... 

 

"Ma,am I'm 21 and employed, I don't have time for this I just want to buy these chips and be on my way. Could you please give me my total so I can leave" 

 

She immediately counters my line as if I was insulting her intellect by saying "You probably stole some items and put them in your bag didn't you?" Surprised by the sudden accusation I respond with "I didn't steal anything! I don't have anything in my messenger bag, I only brought it along to put my purchase in so I can bike easier". I proceed to open my bag to prove that I'm no thief! If anything I'm a honest merchant(proud boasting here) that doesn't lie!

 

She ends up calling the police.... the po po show up to see what all the fuss is about. I show them my school ID "Graduating class of 2011" and my Scottrade brokerage ID... the cop laughs and lets me go.... 

 

TIL I look like a high schooler... and a Crazy lady works at Walgreens.... Fack.....

 

This happened about 3 months ago 4 maybe I forget.

 

[RainbowPee]

When I was young I lived in a small neighborhood. It was just me, my sister and some other kid that would always hang out with. Since this was the 90's we'd wear some 'unique' clothes. I would usually wear suspenders, my sister the same thing and the kid would wear a baseball cap and a striped shirt. Anyways, we used to go to this old lady's house to play. She would give us treats and toys to play with, she would also play music and sorts. It was fun. Until one day. The kid me and my sister hung out with ran away. Left his family behind grieving. Gone. This struck my neighborhood like nothing else. The family who lost their kid and left the neighborhood. It was terrible. But the phase came and left and everything went back to normal. To cheer me and my sister up, we went to the old lady's house to have some fun. However no one was home. No one answered the door. It was almost like the house was abandoned. Sad. Scared. We thought they were not home and so we came back the next day. Same thing. We kept coming back to see if they would be home but they weren't. I gave up. We gave up. Fast forward a few years and I come back to the same neighborhood. Everything was like it was. The same. I decided to go to the old lady's house. I ring the door bell. The lady appears. I was surprised. She asks, "Who are you, and what do you want?" in a very harsh tone. I tell her that I'm RainbowPee, the kid that you had over a few years ago. Her face softens and lets me inside her home. I sit down and she go gets me a small snack. I notice something. Strange. I hear something. Children playing. I check the backyard and there's no one. I listen closely. It's me, my sister and the kid. What? I spot a CD player. The old lady sees me looking in the back yard and yells at me, "What are doing? Get out! Get out!". I leave in a hurry. As I walk away from the house, I take a look back. Something catches my eye in the backyard. A figure. Almost like a manikin. It's wearing clothes. A baseball cap. A striped shirt. 

 

Did I ever mention that the husband was a taxidermist?

 

The pure surprise comes from a guy on Reddit. I adjusted it and typed it myself to fit the criteria. Nothing special happened in my life other than my sex life which is still not very exciting.

[Askew]

snip

 

That's the second story you've written on this forum involving an asshole woman irrationally accusing you of being a thief!!

 

Very well written story BTW I did enjoy that.

[Askew]

Yeah, it sure is a small world. Sometimes i think maybe it was a hint that i should somehow keep contact to this guy, what i didn't do. Well, i guess if we're meant to meet again, i'm pretty confident it will happen when the time comes

 

Never exchange contact details with this guy that will completely ruin the adventure!