Complicated Ex Advice

[dalekphalm]

1 minute ago, spartaman64 said:

He won't talk to her so I want to talk to her and attempt to sort this out

You can't. You're not him. You talking to her is little different from him blocking her, except that it's less complete, and doesn't actually prevent anything.

 

If he refuses to talk to her, then he should block her.

 

If he refuses to do either, then your friend is an ass, and you should drop it and maybe befriend her instead.

[Thunderpup]

Just buy her a kitten or a puppy and put a note on it saying "sorry my friend is a dick"

[spartaman64]

3 minutes ago, Misanthrope said:

Oh, then just take advantage of the ignore and blocking features of social media.

I also want to do something to help her as this situation is my friends fault 

[spartaman64]

2 minutes ago, Thunderpup said:

Just buy her a kitten or a puppy and put a note on it saying "sorry my friend is a dick"

She's allergic but sure maybe I'll buy her something

3 minutes ago, dalekphalm said:

You can't. You're not him. You talking to her is little different from him blocking her, except that it's less complete, and doesn't actually prevent anything.

 

If he refuses to talk to her, then he should block her.

 

If he refuses to do either, then your friend is an ass, and you should drop it and maybe befriend her instead.

I think the problem is she is expecting them to get back together and if I tell her how he really feels about her that will stop that 

[dalekphalm]

3 minutes ago, spartaman64 said:

I also want to do something to help her as this situation is my friends fault 

Well we've given you our suggestions. At this point, the ball is in your court. You need to make a decision.

 

You could just throw your friend under the bus, and tell her he's a total asshole (since, he does seem like he is). But that's not going to hurt her feelings any less than him blocking her. In fact, it will probably hurt MORE because he won't even take 5 minutes out of his day to either talk to her or block her.

Just now, spartaman64 said:

She's allergic but sure maybe I'll buy her something

I think the problem is she is expecting them to get back together and if I tell her how he really feels about her that will stop that 

 

[Misanthrope]

4 minutes ago, spartaman64 said:

I also want to do something to help her as this situation is my friends fault 

Don't. You just shouldn't get in between at all unless you want a thing with her or she's also a good friend and you don't mind choosing one friend over another. But the short answer to me it's still don't: friends will constantly fuck up with their S.O. and we should just watch from the sidelines.

[dalekphalm]

Just now, Misanthrope said:

Don't. You just shouldn't get in between at all unless you want a thing with her or she's also a good friend and you don't mind choosing one friend over another. But the short answer to me it's still don't: friends will constantly fuck up with their S.O. and we should just watch from the sidelines.

In fact, @spartaman64, you could even make things worse (unintentionally of course) by interfering.

 

Honestly, if your friend is such a douche that he won't do anything about it, then you should drop it.

 

Unless you have a thing for her, or want to become really good friends with her.

[Bleedingyamato]

1 minute ago, spartaman64 said:

I also want to do something to help her as this situation is my friends fault 

Maybe try discussing the situation with her and tell her getting upset about your friend isn't worth it?  That he's not worth obsessing over and she'll feel better sooner if she just lets the issue go and moves on with her life. 

 

She's in high school so one guy who wasn't super nice to her is not the end of the world like she may think it is.  Plenty of actual nice guys out there.   

 

Your friend explaining he was misleading her, saying sorry if he actually is sorry, and saying he hopes she finds someone better than him might help too.  

 

If he's not legit sorry then do not suggest lying or allow him to do so.  Dishonesty is unethical and what got your friend into this mess in the first place.

 

Then, after trying those things, if she still doesn't get the hint just step aside and let things play out.  There's really nothing else to do at that point.  

[Bleedingyamato]

11 minutes ago, spartaman64 said:

She's allergic but sure maybe I'll buy her something

I think the problem is she is expecting them to get back together and if I tell her how he really feels about her that will stop that 

If you buy her an "I'm sorry my friend is a douche" gift carefully consider what you get.

 

You don't want to send the wrong message like that you're interested or something else that wouldn't help her move on.

[Prysin]

29 minutes ago, spartaman64 said:

He won't talk to her so I want to talk to her and attempt to sort this out

you talking to her is going to seriously fuck things up, Best case she gets mad, worst case she and her friends start harrasing you and ruining your life for meddling.

[dalekphalm]

3 minutes ago, Prysin said:

you talking to her is going to seriously fuck things up, Best case she gets mad, worst case she and her friends start harrasing you and ruining your life for meddling.

Especially if she gets it into her head that "No no, he really DOES like me deep down! We'll get back together! That fucking @spartaman64 is just trying to keep us apart!"

[Prysin]

14 minutes ago, dalekphalm said:

Especially if she gets it into her head that "No no, he really DOES like me deep down! We'll get back together! That fucking @spartaman64 is just trying to keep us apart!"

yup, that would really make things bad. And when girls are #heartbroken, you aren't talking to ONE girl. you are talking to one girl AND HER FRIENDS. Which can be total cold hearted assholes for all you know.

[spartaman64]

On 10/27/2016 at 4:05 PM, Prysin said:

yup, that would really make things bad. And when girls are #heartbroken, you aren't talking to ONE girl. you are talking to one girl AND HER FRIENDS. Which can be total cold hearted assholes for all you know.

 

On 10/27/2016 at 3:49 PM, dalekphalm said:

Especially if she gets it into her head that "No no, he really DOES like me deep down! We'll get back together! That fucking @spartaman64 is just trying to keep us apart!"

 

On 10/27/2016 at 3:35 PM, Bleedingyamato said:

If you buy her an "I'm sorry my friend is a douche" gift carefully consider what you get.

 

You don't want to send the wrong message like that you're interested or something else that wouldn't help her move on.

 

On 10/27/2016 at 3:25 PM, Misanthrope said:

Don't. You just shouldn't get in between at all unless you want a thing with her or she's also a good friend and you don't mind choosing one friend over another. But the short answer to me it's still don't: friends will constantly fuck up with their S.O. and we should just watch from the sidelines.

 

On 10/27/2016 at 3:19 PM, Thunderpup said:

Just buy her a kitten or a puppy and put a note on it saying "sorry my friend is a dick"

i might have done good.

 

so i anonymously bought her a ukuelele on amazon and in the name field i put something like let him go holding on will make it hurt more. and today she apparently approached my friend during lunch and asked if he wants to go to off campus lunch with her and still be friends to which he replied we are not friends. which is ouch but probably the right response and then she started crying which is not good but she said good bye and have a good life which is good and she told him that she left something in his locker which i suspect is that ukuelele. 

 

and well i hope thats the end of that. not a good ending i was hoping for but its not too terrible either considering the situation

[dalekphalm]

1 minute ago, spartaman64 said:

 

 

 

 

i might have done good.

 

so i anonymously bought her a ukuelele on amazon and in the name field i put something like let him go holding on will make it hurt more. and today she apparently approached my friend during lunch and asked if he wants to go to off campus lunch with her and still be friend to which he replied we are not friends. which is ouch but probably the right response and then she started crying which is not good but she said good bye and have a good life which is good and she told him that she left something in his locker which i suspect is that ukuelele. 

 

and well i hope thats the end of that. not a good ending i was hoping for but its not too terrible either considering the situation

Well I'm glad that you think the situation is resolved.

 

I'm confused as fuck as to why you bought her a Ukulele though. You basically just bought your asshole friend a ukulele lol.

[spartaman64]

5 minutes ago, dalekphalm said:

Well I'm glad that you think the situation is resolved.

 

I'm confused as fuck as to why you bought her a Ukulele though. You basically just bought your asshole friend a ukulele lol.

i know that she wants a ukuelele and i was thinking that she would keep it but i guess i should have expected that she doesnt want something that reminds her of him

 

it was really expensive also :'( fricken $199

[Bleedingyamato]

14 minutes ago, spartaman64 said:

 

 

 

 

i might have done good.

 

so i anonymously bought her a ukuelele on amazon and in the name field i put something like let him go holding on will make it hurt more. and today she apparently approached my friend during lunch and asked if he wants to go to off campus lunch with her and still be friends to which he replied we are not friends. which is ouch but probably the right response and then she started crying which is not good but she said good bye and have a good life which is good and she told him that she left something in his locker which i suspect is that ukuelele. 

 

and well i hope thats the end of that. not a good ending i was hoping for but its not too terrible either considering the situation

 

6 minutes ago, spartaman64 said:

i know that she wants a ukuelele and i was thinking that she would keep it but i guess i should have expected that she doesnt want something that reminds her of him

 

it was really expensive also :'( fricken $199

I think the important thing is that you tried to help in your own way.  I think it's the best you could've hoped for under the circumstances.  It's logical that she might've tried to be friends like she did but getting that idea rejected is probably good in the end since now she's got a chance to move on to someone better.

 

Though $199 is a bit more than I would've suggested but it's your money.  (When I was in HS I didn't have $199 lying around too often that I could afford to spend like that so I assume you have a job or a really nice family who throws money at you. ?)

 

Depending on if you care that much to know you could just ask your friend what she left in his locker?

[spartaman64]

5 minutes ago, Bleedingyamato said:

 

I think the important thing is that you tried to help in your own way.  I think it's the best you could've hoped for under the circumstances.  It's logical that she might've tried to be friends like she did but getting that idea rejected is probably good in the end since now she's got a chance to move on to someone better.

 

Though $199 is a bit more than I would've suggested but it's your money.  (When I was in HS I didn't have $199 lying around too often that I could afford to spend like that so I assume you have a job or a really nice family who throws money at you. ?)

 

Depending on if you care that much to know you could just ask your friend what she left in his locker?

nice family. well depending on your definition. my dad gave me a credit card and as long as i dont spend more than 800 a month he doesnt ask. i guess its sort of an apology for not coming home until 8pm most days including weekends

[Bleedingyamato]

1 hour ago, spartaman64 said:

nice family. well depending on your definition. my dad gave me a credit card and as long as i dont spend more than 800 a month he doesnt ask. i guess its sort of an apology for not coming home until 8pm most days including weekends

Oh my Godoka..  That's a lot each month.  Is your dad rich?  ?

 

 

I guess how nice you think it is depends on how much you like your dad.  Either way I seems like he's trying at least.  If he didn't care at all I doubt he'd give you that credit card.  I hope that's what it means anyway.  

[maulemall]

Tell your friend to NEVER and I MEAN NEVER make an enemy of a woman.

That's the cops job.

[Misanthrope]

7 hours ago, spartaman64 said:

i might have done good.

-describes things that are not good at all-

I think you're putting way too much emphasis on trying to do good here. You pushed someone to confront a person when she probably wasn't ready and could have made things worst but you can't see it.

 

You either have a huge crush on this girl or have a truly frail hearth and will suffer endlessly until you freeze that shit a bit, though that usually comes more with age and experience not something you can actively control too much.

[Xanthe_2871]

On 10/25/2016 at 8:09 PM, spartaman64 said:

ask her to stop stalking him politely.

I don't think 'stalking' and 'politely' have any business being used in the same sentence... 

 

There isn't a nice way to do it. Tell him/her/helicopter to f*** off, and if that fails get the police involved. If your friend is attractive, the local news may also help. 

[IAEInferno]

4 hours ago, Xanthe_2871 said:

I don't think 'stalking' and 'politely' have any business being used in the same sentence... 

 

There isn't a nice way to do it. Tell him/her/helicopter to f*** off, and if that fails get the police involved. If your friend is attractive, the local news may also help. 

 

How did you get bronze contributor so fast?

 

 

Teach me sensei .

[spartaman64]

9 hours ago, Misanthrope said:

I think you're putting way too much emphasis on trying to do good here. You pushed someone to confront a person when she probably wasn't ready and could have made things worst but you can't see it.

 

You either have a huge crush on this girl or have a truly frail hearth and will suffer endlessly until you freeze that shit a bit, though that usually comes more with age and experience not something you can actively control too much.

its over they can both move on. they might not have felt good after it but thats nearly impossible at this point. also i know them better than you this would have gone on for the rest of their time at school if someone didnt do something. this has already been going on for 2 months and i didnt push her I just gave her a nudge but she ultimately made that decision on her own. and how can someone put too much emphasis on trying to do good. doesnt everybody want to. and why do you keep thinking i have a crush on her? does there always have be some other motivation to help someone when helping people is itself its own reward. and i was hesitant to do this because i recognize that it could make things worse but its better to take a chance at making things better than just keeping the status quo. if we dont take risks nothing can improve. and I dont understand your analogy with fireplaces.  

 

im not happy with the ending but its practically impossible to get an ending im happy with and i think it ending in one of the best ways possible considering the situation. someone is going to get hurt there is no avoiding it. you think that her keeping think that they can get back together is a healthy situation. its easy for you to judge me when you are not in my situation

[Xanthe_2871]

7 hours ago, IAEInferno said:

How did you get bronze contributor so fast?

 

 

Teach me sensei .

With $5.

[IAEInferno]

Just now, Xanthe_2871 said:

With $5.

I'll find another teacher, never thought you were this cheap .