game development Useless game dev discussion

[LOLZpersonok]

This thread is no longer necessary. Don't bother reading it.

 

Spoiler

 

I would appreciate it if you read through this whole post and helped me with what I am asking below. I have highly ambitious and very long term goals of developing my own video game, a game people would buy, play and actually like. I've got no experience right now (that will change with college) but I plan on this being something I will definitely do, even if I have to go to hell and back. Game development is a long and hard () process, I already know that and I haven't even tried making the game in mind aside from taking notes (I've got a word document with 16 pages so far full of size 8 text, all ideas for the game).

 

The project I have in mind is very ambitious, and bringing it to life on a PC will be a long and painful process, especially if I were to do it all on my own, as unlikely as that is. I'm not setting myself any time constraints, and I will do what I must to actually make this game, but I'm a long ways off from actually starting the project. I first must learn to code, then I need to gain experience in actually developing programs, all before I can actually begin on my ultimate project. According to the college program I will be taking, it'll dabble in game development, but it won't be enough for, say, a job application at most game studios, but getting a job at a game studio isn't my goal anyways. 

 

Although I'm a long ways off from actually beginning the project, I was thinking about how I would set up the framework for the game. Ideally, I would like to make something that is modular and easily modifiable, like Skyrim is. Here are some basic ideas for my game. You could say my game is sort of a cross between Mass Effect and Skyrim. These are important in consideration of the whole point of this thread:

• The game should be easily modifiable, so players could create mods for it using a program similar to the Creation Kit for Skyrim, but I may not do this if it proves too infeasible.
   
• The player can design his or her own character similar to how they can in games like The Sims or Saint's Row. I want to make customization deeper than that which is seen in Mass Effect. 
   
• The game will feature a large open world for the player to explore. The setup will be similar to Skyrim; "world spaces" which would make up large areas like the city the player can explore or a different planet (more on this below), containing lots of "cells" that make up the building interiors. I want to go with a cell model like Skyrim so I don't have to make building interiors line up with exteriors, make more of them and also to help consume less system resources. The primary world space consists of a city, full of buildings. I may even go as far as producing a countryside as well.
   
• The game will have quests (I will call them "tasks" in the game) which they can complete for various entities (NPCs or organizations). There will be quest lines like in Skyrim, where the player may complete a series of tasks for one entity. 
   
• Game modes - separate gameplay functions, almost like separate games in their own right. There will be a main game mode (We will call it LYLM - it's an acronym, but I'm secretive with certain game plans so I won't tell you what it stands for) which would allow the player to live their life in the game world, complete tasks at their leisure, explore the world and develop their character. Other game modes would be included in DLCs. One game mode; for example, will focus on the player's goal to escape the city after it was devastated by a massive disaster. This game mode would be separate from the primary game mode (LYLM) due to the nature of the story. What happens in this game mode does not affect the LYLM mode, except for maybe some achievements or rewards but they would use the same resources (same game world or cells). This description may not be clear, so just ask me to clarify. 
   
• DLCs - the game will eventually have DLC packs where I would include new tasks and features. I have 3 DLCs in mind; two add game modes and one adds additional content and features to the main game mode (LYLM). The DLC which does not add a game mode adds content to the LYLM game mode; it will focus on a situation similar to that which exists in the Mass Effect universe, though with considerable differences. I plan on there being numerous different interactive species as well as several new world spaces (where the player would visit other planets). DLCs can interact with each other to a certain degree; take my disaster DLC and my aliens DLC as an example: If both are installed, the player may encounter disaster survivors who are not human, and aliens will have lines of dialogue referring to the disaster, if the player survives the ending of the disaster DLC.
   
• I plan on having cars the player may purchase and own. I would have to have foot controls as well as vehicle controls. I would also like to have vehicles realistically damaged (the only games I've ever seen to have realistic car damage are Rigs of Rods and something I think is called BeamNG), but I would understand if this isn't possible. I can't exactly afford the licensing to use someone else's game engine. 
   
• The player can interact with various NPCs. Most NPCs seen in the world will just be generic characters the player will only be able to have basic interactions with. These characters will not have names, instead being referred to as their associated faction (police officer, employee, citizen, etc.). There will be developed and named characters which the player may build a relationship with. 
   
• I plan on having some level of in-game character personality development in a similar way to what happens in Mass Effect, where the player may choose conversation options which are either nice or not-so-nice and alter a score. I also want to implement a system of cutscene interrupts (like the Paragon or Renegade interrupts in the Mass Effect series) but I don't want them to be too similar to Mass Effect. 
   
• I want the game to be graphically similar to Mass Effect 1, 2 or 3, but in the end this will probably depend on my capability. 

The whole point of this long-ass post is for you to help me consider the game's framework - the game engine(s). I don't know of any open source engines which may satisfy my needs, and I really can't afford licensing for any pre-existing closed source game engines. I may have to develop my own game engine, but for various reasons, I would only do this as a last resort. 

 

This project is a long way off, but while I'm jotting down ideas, I might as well make plans for a game engine as well. Let me reiterate that I already know game development is not a task for the faint of heart. I also don't care and will go to hell and back to get it done. Don't discourage me, please and thank you. If you've managed to read this far, I really appreciate it.

 

 

[Enderman]

ue4 is great

[Guest]

https://aws.amazon.com/lumberyard/

 

 

[trag1c]

Unreal is probably your best bet. It's now open source so you can modify it as you wish. iirc it has no upfront license fee but does have a 5% royalty on income above $50000.

 

I've coded my own engine (more precisely I am still actively developing it) and while it is an amazing learning experience it isn't really a justifiable time expenditure unless you have a use case where custom is the only option that makes sense. Most industry professionals will tell you this as well. There is almost zero point to creating your own engine when Unity or UE4 exist.

[jcw150]

If you haven't heard of fail faster look it up it will help you a lot.

 

If it's your first game I wouldn't plan for dlc before you've even started making it.

 

Set yourself deadlines, without them your project will just keep going and going with you striving for a level of protection which is not attainable on your first ever game.

 

Making a game and making a game engine is not a task for the same person so use a something like ue4 as someone else mentioned.

 

I am currently doing a course at college which has a couple of game design units and I have over 40 pages of documentation to put my idea onto paper so write down everything cause it can't hurt. Also a few whiteboard might help when it gets down to the actual development stage.

 

I really hope you succeed in realising your vision and I'm sure you will so don't give up if problems arise!

[MSVSora]

I agree with jcw150 on most parts, planning for DLC for a huge scale game before you have even made your first game is way too large a scope, the game itself is really too large a scope for your first game.

 

I would recommend you start by using an engine like UE to just learn the basic concepts of how to design a game. Start out with something small just to get used to the flow of the engine.

 

Once you are comfortable in UE both with content creation, visual scripting and C++ programming (as it sounds like you want to do all of it yourself) then I would recommend taking a break from pre made engines and try making your own very basic just to help you understand how everything works behind the scenes.

 

After you are comfortable with all the systems of your engine, then I would say you are ready to start tackling your project. At which point when it comes to choosing an engine it really depends what you want to focus on in your game, UE lets you prototype extremely quickly by using blueprints while other engines such as lumberyard will allow you easier customization of the engine and also wont have the 5% royalties that UE has. Though I would still say it is far too early for you to start thinking about this but to each their own.

[Nineshadow]

Too ambitious for the first project.

Even if you were to set up everything on the programming/scripting side of things, you'd still be left with asset creation which , for a game like you described, is a pretty big deal.

 

Just start out with something small. You need previous programming experience , if you don't , then go ahead and start learning some. Then there's also quite a lot of game programming patterns , which you should learn.

 

Nevertheless, Unity seems to be the go-to game engine for indie game devs.

[Beskamir]

UE4 would be the best for what you want to do, and if there's something it can't do you can always add that feature in since it's basically open source. 

[Gachr]

Okay, so for a long ass post, I will write a long ass reply that should explain everything, including some things you won't be willing to hear.

Like @Nineshadow said, your project is WAY too ambitious. It's nothing wrong in thinking about projects that will have an open world, will be modable etc., but aiming for all of those things will make things extremely difficult and time consuming. If you go ahead with this project, I'd be surprised if you finished it within 10 years. It also depends on how much time you can spend. Professional game studios don't go with such ambitious projects, and you are (probably inexperienced) developer that's alone. This projects seems to include modability, good 3D graphics, open world, extensibility, high variety of gameplay modes, advanced physics and different mechanics (like driving) - all of those things are pretty difficult and time consuming.

If you want to really complete this game, you will really need to slim down the game. The way I see it, it could be 2D isometric survival on foot. You could make extra maps for it (different towns and such) after creating a toolkit of map assets. Something like Project Zomboid, just in a different scenario.

In terms of engines, there are quite a few choices. The ones I'm familiar with are:

• Unity, it's a fine engine with a HUGE community, so you can find loads of different tutorials for it. It's very newbie-friendly. C#, which is a quite useful language is used for all scripting in it. I had good experience with it. The licensing terms seem quite unclear to me, it LOOKS LIKE use the free version for any purpose, but it's quite limited. The Pro version costs $2000, and I think modules for Android and iOS still cost $2000 each. There is also a subscription available, for $75 a month. It also has an ability to easily make 2D games, however those are still in 3D space, which comes with advantages and disadvantages.
• Unreal Engine, I think that its business model is great. You practically won't pay for anything, including if your project is free. If you earn over $3,000 per product per quarter. Some things are covered by this royalty, some aren't, everything is explained in the licensing terms. It makes it very accessible and cheap for indie productions, but it can get really expensive really fast with larger productions, especially that the 5% is off nett revenue. However, that business model enabled for the engine to be open source, so you can look at and modify the source code freely, which enabled great flexibility for developers. It doesn't have a huge community, but I think it's "good enough" and the engine actually comes with demos you can learn from. It uses a graphical tool for scripting, with an option to script in C++ (especially for high-performance tasks).
• CryEngine, it doesn't meet your requirements since it's subscription-only model, but that subscription is low enough ($10 a month for indie devs) for it to be an option for you. It also has a "good enough" community. I personally haven't checked it out in detail, since I like to have $10 in my wallet. Afaik, you can do anything with that subscription, publishing the game commercially included. The game uses a graphical tool for scripting like Unreal, but there is also an option of scripting in Lua, which is a great little language.
• Godot, so the only non-commercial engine on this list. It's completely free and open source, so it's easily accessible and free for any use. I looked at it a bit, not too much in depth, but I expect it not to be too advanced since in game engines, the free and open projects can't really compete with commercial software. Just like Unity, it supports 2D, but it has its own dedicated sub-engine (very inaccurate term) for 2D games. It uses its own, Python-like language for scripting, which I didn't really like. -- I actually checked its website after writing that, it looks like they released the 2.0 version, which I'm not familiar with. However, it looks like the Python-like language is still there.

However, first of all you should get a feel of game development; pick an engine, create some minigames to see how stuff works before taking on a larger project. What's your general experience with programming, 3D and 2D graphics?

(I didn't proof read this post, it's just too long :D)

[Nineshadow]

14 minutes ago, Gachr said:

 

• Unity, it's a fine engine with a HUGE community, so you can find loads of different tutorials for it. It's very newbie-friendly. C#, which is a quite useful language is used for all scripting in it. I had good experience with it. The licensing terms seem quite unclear to me, it LOOKS LIKE use the free version for any purpose, but it's quite limited. The Pro version costs $2000, and I think modules for Android and iOS still cost $2000 each. There is also a subscription available, for $75 a month. It also has an ability to easily make 2D games, however those are still in 3D space, which comes with advantages and disadvantages.

Actually no , the free version isn't limited anymore , at least not engine-wise. The Pro and Personal version both have the full engine. Also , you can build your projects for Android/iOS in the free version as well.

[maremp]

Own engine for someone w/o experience is a bad idea. You would at least need to try some engines first and learn how do they work under the hood, learn all the maths and physics stuff they do etc. You must know that currently popular games have tens, if not hundreds, of people working on the project and the amount of time and knowledge invested is unimaginable. Even if you are ambitious enough to go down this path, you will end up spending more time programming the engine than actually developing the game.

I would recommend starting with making few simple games so you learn how the things work. Unity is a great choice, since the Asset store offers a ton of useful things, a lot of them free. Also as mentioned few times, UE4 is also good. Or the recently released Lumberyard by Amazon, which I believe is based on CryEngine. My completely biased and uneducated guess would be that you will find most resources related to Unity, but UE doesn't lack those either. I can't say about Lumberyard, since I haven't checked it out, but since it was released less than a month ago, I doubt there are as much resources and from my experience with other AWS stuff, their documentation can sometimes get a bit confusing. You can also switch between these while learning and compare the differences, it's a great learning experience and you when getting started on the big project, you will be able to make a more educated decision. 

 

tl;dr: With 0 experience, I suggest not trying to write your own engine, you'll probably get overwhelmed and quit. Try learning game dev with first creating few smaller games, just to get a taste of it. With Unity you get a great engine lots of free/cheap assets (asset store). A great learning experience is to also try alternatives and compare.

[LOLZpersonok]

18 hours ago, MSVSora said:

I agree with jcw150 on most parts, planning for DLC for a huge scale game before you have even made your first game is way too large a scope, the game itself is really too large a scope for your first game.

 

15 hours ago, Nineshadow said:

Too ambitious for the first project.

Even if you were to set up everything on the programming/scripting side of things, you'd still be left with asset creation which , for a game like you described, is a pretty big deal.

 

Just start out with something small. You need previous programming experience , if you don't , then go ahead and start learning some.

 

10 hours ago, Gachr said:

Okay, so for a long ass post, I will write a long ass reply that should explain everything, including some things you won't be willing to hear.

Like @Nineshadow said, your project is WAY too ambitious. It's nothing wrong in thinking about projects that will have an open world, will be modable etc., but aiming for all of those things will make things extremely difficult and time consuming. If you go ahead with this project, I'd be surprised if you finished it within 10 years.

 

1 hour ago, maremp said:

Own engine for someone w/o experience is a bad idea. You would at least need to try some engines first and learn how do they work under the hood, learn all the maths and physics stuff they do etc.

Perhaps I didn't clarify in my initial post. You don't have to tell me that this is too ambitious for a first project, because if I recall correctly I stated that I know this already and it won't be a first project, and it is highly unlikely that I'd be doing it alone. I thought I made it clear that this was a long time and ultimate goal of mine. As I said, I know it won't be easy and it will be time consuming but I also don't care and will do it anyways. I'm really not fond of when people in essence tell me my dreams aren't worth it and I should just drop it.

 

I also said that I'm going to college and they will go into this, and this is where I will gain some knowledge and experience. Be honest, how many of you didn't read my post? Why do I even bother asking?

[Gachr]

1 hour ago, LOLZpersonok said:

Perhaps I didn't clarify in my initial post. You don't have to tell me that this is too ambitious for a first project, because if I recall correctly I stated that I know this already and it won't be a first project, and it is highly unlikely that I'd be doing it alone. I thought I made it clear that this was a long time and ultimate goal of mine. As I said, I know it won't be easy and it will be time consuming but I also don't care and will do it anyways. I'm really not fond of when people in essence tell me my dreams aren't worth it and I should just drop it.

 

I also said that I'm going to college and they will go into this, and this is where I will gain some knowledge and experience. Be honest, how many of you didn't read my post? Why do I even bother asking?

All of us read your post. If you really were experienced with gamedev, you wouldn't ask (basic) questions about game engines, you would know that if you were experienced. You would also not come up with such an ambitious project if you were experienced. Aaaand you wouldn't ask questions on such forums if they were advanced and you knew a thing or two about gamedev.

Also, noone with experience will join your project, since it is too ambitious to gain anything else than a realisation of a personal vision, which is a thing only for you.

[LOLZpersonok]

1 hour ago, Gachr said:

All of us read your post. If you really were experienced with gamedev, you wouldn't ask (basic) questions about game engines, you would know that if you were experienced. You would also not come up with such an ambitious project if you were experienced. Aaaand you wouldn't ask questions on such forums if they were advanced and you knew a thing or two about gamedev.

Also, noone with experience will join your project, since it is too ambitious to gain anything else than a realisation of a personal vision, which is a thing only for you.

Well, as per your (subliminal) suggestion, I'm going to delete all my current ideas and withdraw from college, seeing there's no point in following my dreams anymore (because it's not like I can actually attain them, am I right?). I'll pretend this never happened - you taught me something valuable here, and that is one's hopes and dreams are useless, pointless and never worth pursuing. Will probably do something else for a living, something not as interesting. I'll just give up on my hopes and dreams, they're dumb ideas anyways. Or, I can post my ideas online and let some game studio profit off my ideas and shove them in my face.

[MSVSora]

@LOLZpersonok First of all, please calm down we are just trying to help as you requested in your original post.

 

Now as to your claim that we didn't read your original post, that isn't the case. Your exact wording being 

Quote

The project I have in mind is very ambitious, and bringing it to life on a PC will be a long and painful process, especially if I were to do it all on my own, as unlikely as that is. I'm not setting myself any time constraints, and I will do what I must to actually make this game, but I'm a long ways off from actually starting the project. I first must learn to code, then I need to gain experience in actually developing programs, all before I can actually begin on my ultimate project. According to the college program I will be taking, it'll dabble in game development, but it won't be enough for, say, a job application at most game studios, but getting a job at a game studio isn't my goal anyways. 

This does not say anything about getting experience in programming games. There is a huge difference in developing applications and developing games. "It'll dabble in game development, but it won't be enough for, say, a job application at most game studios." This obviously shows that you will have no where near enough experience to start working on this game even once you have finished college and probably even for many years after if you have no intention of working at a game studio. The scope that you specified was that of a AAA corporation not a single studio and definitely not a single person. It would require over a thousand years of development time for a single person to be able to pull something like this off (this is of course a rough estimate only taking into account most AAA studios avg dev time for close to this scope of a game and them only having to work 8 hour work days). 

 

Now about your drama post. I believe the more accurate message to take from Gachr's message is to just drop this project as it is too big and try just working on something smaller instead  

 

I hope you have a good day and good luck with your project

[maremp]

11 hours ago, LOLZpersonok said:

Perhaps I didn't clarify in my initial post. You don't have to tell me that this is too ambitious for a first project, because if I recall correctly I stated that I know this already and it won't be a first project, and it is highly unlikely that I'd be doing it alone. I thought I made it clear that this was a long time and ultimate goal of mine. As I said, I know it won't be easy and it will be time consuming but I also don't care and will do it anyways. I'm really not fond of when people in essence tell me my dreams aren't worth it and I should just drop it.

 

I also said that I'm going to college and they will go into this, and this is where I will gain some knowledge and experience. Be honest, how many of you didn't read my post? Why do I even bother asking?

This kind of questions get asked a lot in game dev communities. Please don't take these responses personally when you hear the reality of it. No one is saying you are incompetent, we are just trying to explain what's waiting for you if you decide to go down this path. I don't want to be a downer, but being ambitious is one thing, dreaming of creating games like skyrim/mass effect is orders of magnitude out of proportion. These games have hundreds of team members. Read this medium post to get some idea how does working on a huge AAA title looks and feels like and the guy also goes in details on why he didn't like this kind of work. I don't say that it's not possible to do it, but as you've already figured it out yourself, there is no way of doing it alone in a reasonable time span.

I believe that all of us who've commented in this manner wanted to explicitly point this out, since too many people who want to get in game dev don't have any idea of what's waiting for them and when they see the beast for the first time, they get overwhelmed and quit.

 

As for going to college, please get familiar with what courses you are getting. Any game dev or general CS college will probably have lots of mathematics and algorithms, probably even some physics. Sure there will be things that you probably will not care about and will not use in your career as a game developer, but please don't embarrass yourself and post (or be like) this meme.

[Brenz]

What you have described is the same as one person trying to build a skyscraper when they don't want to be a builder.

 

This project is a massive undertaking and as others have mentioned will require a large and talented team to pull off in any meaningful time frame.

 

As a hobby project it honestly isn't feasible, even after a few years it would be likely whatever game engine you chose would be outdated and you would end up rebuilding the original parts of the game for an updated engine.

10 hours ago, LOLZpersonok said:

Will probably do something else for a living, something not as interesting.

You explicitly said:

On 26/02/2016 at 4:03 AM, LOLZpersonok said:

getting a job at a game studio isn't my goal anyways

This game certainly won't provide you a living, either you work elsewhere and the game is a weekend project or you spend all your time on it in which case you will be bankrupt long before the game is ready.

[EpicAdom]

This goal is extremely ambitious, and that's awesome, but it's not feasible (in the way you described) as others have said in this thread. If you want to fully realize this dream of yours, you should get a college degree in game development, not computer science. Then, you could work at game studios and built up experience. Eventually you could start your own game studio and create your game. This isn't impossible to do, but you can't do it by yourself.

[fizzlesticks]

9 minutes ago, EpicAdom said:

you should get a college degree in game development, not computer science. 

Maybe Canada is different but very very few reputable colleges in the US have an undergraduate degree in game development.  

Most schools have electives you can take for game development and some will even let you "specialize" in game development but your actual degree is still Computer Science. For the most part the schools that have a degree in game design, development or programming are the for profit places like University of Phoenix and Full Sail University which are basically scams. Grad school is of course different, there are excellent colleges like Carnegie Mellon that have grad programs totally focused on game making. 

 

I would say even if you're 100% set on only programming to make games, you're still way better off majoring in Comp Sci and specializing in game development if your school has that kind of thing.

[Gachr]

7 hours ago, MSVSora said:

@LOLZpersonok First of all, please calm down we are just trying to help as you requested in your original post.

 

Now as to your claim that we didn't read your original post, that isn't the case. Your exact wording being 

This does not say anything about getting experience in programming games. There is a huge difference in developing applications and developing games. "It'll dabble in game development, but it won't be enough for, say, a job application at most game studios." This obviously shows that you will have no where near enough experience to start working on this game even once you have finished college and probably even for many years after if you have no intention of working at a game studio. The scope that you specified was that of a AAA corporation not a single studio and definitely not a single person. It would require over a thousand years of development time for a single person to be able to pull something like this off (this is of course a rough estimate only taking into account most AAA studios avg dev time for close to this scope of a game and them only having to work 8 hour work days). 

 

Now about your drama post. I believe the more accurate message to take from Gachr's message is to just drop this project as it is too big and try just working on something smaller instead  

 

I hope you have a good day and good luck with your project

I agree with you, however I did not suggest for OP to drop his project, but rather slim it down. I think that it is manageable for him to create some kind of a simple apocalyptic simulator with isometric 2D graphics. Of course, after getting some experience with mini games.

[MSVSora]

1 hour ago, Gachr said:

I agree with you, however I did not suggest for OP to drop his project, but rather slim it down. I think that it is manageable for him to create some kind of a simple apocalyptic simulator with isometric 2D graphics. Of course, after getting some experience with mini games.

That is basically a completely different game than his original suggestion is it not?

[LOLZpersonok]

11 hours ago, MSVSora said:

@LOLZpersonok First of all, please calm down we are just trying to help as you requested in your original post.

 

Now as to your claim that we didn't read your original post, that isn't the case. Your exact wording being 

This does not say anything about getting experience in programming games. There is a huge difference in developing applications and developing games. "It'll dabble in game development, but it won't be enough for, say, a job application at most game studios." This obviously shows that you will have no where near enough experience to start working on this game even once you have finished college and probably even for many years after if you have no intention of working at a game studio. The scope that you specified was that of a AAA corporation not a single studio and definitely not a single person. It would require over a thousand years of development time for a single person to be able to pull something like this off (this is of course a rough estimate only taking into account most AAA studios avg dev time for close to this scope of a game and them only having to work 8 hour work days). 

 

Now about your drama post. I believe the more accurate message to take from Gachr's message is to just drop this project as it is too big and try just working on something smaller instead  

 

I hope you have a good day and good luck with your project

I've made up my mind. I no longer want to go into game development and I won't go near it with a 10 foot pole even though I'd like to. I've scrapped all ideas, I deleted them off my hard drive. If I get any ideas, it'll just have to slip. If I can never make that game project happen (even if I banded together friends from college), I won't start any other game projects either, no matter how minuscule. Just like the movies I also have in mind; if I find I can't make them good I won't make them at all. For me, it's all or nothing. I should have kept my ideas. Could have sold them and watch as something I wanted to be mine becomes someone else's. 

 

I knew my idea was difficult to begin with, but now I know just how frickin' stupid it was. It's never going to happen now, no matter the circumstances.

 

What about game development is it that makes it take so long? Is it the huge amounts of code and correcting required for simple tasks? Is it building the game world? Given the right tools I could make an okay-looking 3D map that could be ported to a game. I don't understand why so many games even exist if they're so hard to make. I was looking forward to playing on my Xbox, but considering I'd be seeing someone else's achievements and know I could never achieve the same things, I think I have to put it away.

[LOLZpersonok]

4 hours ago, Gachr said:

I agree with you, however I did not suggest for OP to drop his project, but rather slim it down. 

All or nothing, my friend. All or nothing. I'm not doing it at all if I can't get it the way I want it. I don't mean to be a rude piece of sh*t but I'm not in the best of moods right now from having a truth bomb dropped on my head.

[LOLZpersonok]

It's not good enough for me to have worked on something great with lots of other people. If it's my idea, it has to be mine. I'm too creative, I have too many creative ideas in my head like schizophrenia; it's a curse because I can do nothing to satisfy it. That's why I have an all or nothing mentality. If I can't do it my way, it won't be done at all. I hate my will to make something other people would like and be impressed by (that was the whole point of my game plan), it causes my ideas to be too ambitious and in turn causes unnecessary and uncontrollable stress and anxiety, and when I get a bombshell, it tends to depress me.

 

I want to make myself noteworthy, and making a good video game or movie are the only ways that I can think of that I might actually enjoy doing, and enjoy the end product. But I see now that won't happen.