Funny Thread

[FireFox]

Since I can't find one I thought I'd make a thread where people can post jokes, funny stories and well anything humerous:)

 

I'll go first with a couple of limericks, I post some more later.

 

There once was a man from Bombay,
Who went on a boat to China one day,
he was tied to the tiller,
by a sex crazed Gorilla,
And  China's a long way away

 

On a maiden a man once begat
Cute triplets named Nat, Tat and Pat;
'Twas fun in the breeding
But hell in the feeding:
She hadn't a spare tit for Tat.

 

It was so difficult trying to find decent ones that were clean enough lol

[T.Vengeance]

Since I can't find one I thought I'd make a thread where people can post jokes, funny stories and well anything humerous:)

 

I'll go first with a couple of limericks, I post some more later.

 

There once was a man from Bombay,

Who went on a boat to China one day,

he was tied to the tiller,

by a sex crazed Gorilla,

And  China's a long way away

LOL that just made my day...or morning lol...which ever :D

[FireFox]

My shirt smells like airplane bathroom...

 

That't not really funny, just a little gross :P

[FireFox]

I'm trying to keep the jokes in good taste but it's surprisingly difficult.

 

Here are a few, if they offend then please tell me, all I want to do is give some humour and not annoy people.

 

'What do mopeds and fat ladies have in common?

They're both a great ride until someone sees you on one.'

 

'A man goes to his doctor after losing a lot of weight.

"I feel great, but I have a problem, doctor. I was so fat beforehand that my skin has stretched and stayed that long. Is there anything you can give me?"

"Hmm, short of plastic surgery, there is only one alternative. Please take off your clothes."

The man strips down. The doctor pulls all his skin upwards and ties it in a ball above his head.

"But doctor -- now my navel is in the middle of my forehead!"

"True," replies the doctor, "and you should see what you have for a collar and tie."

 

 

 

Here are some quotes from Bill Hicks, one being in my signiture which I find quite funny.

 

'I never got along with my dad. Kids used to come up to me and say, "My dad can beat up your dad." I'd say Yeah? When?'

 

'What did moths bump into before the electric light bulb was invented? Boy, the lightbulb really screwed the moth up didn't it? Are there moths on their way to the sun now going, "It's gonna be worth it!".

 

'Then comes the kicker: Say the alphabet – backwards. "Well, shit, you got me. I'm not drunk, but I'm obviously too stupid to be driving, God damn it."

 

'I can speak for every guy in this room here tonight. Guys, if you could blow yourselves, ladies, you'd be in this room alone right now. Watching an empty stage.'

 

'Lots of Christians wear crosses around their necks… You really think when Jesus comes back, he ever wants to see a f***ing cross?'

 

'I loved when Bush came out and said, "We are losing the war against drugs." You know what that implies? There's a war being fought, and the people on drugs are winning it.'

 

'The worst kind of non-smokers are the ones that come up to you and cough. That's pretty f***ing cruel isn't it? Do you go up to cripples and dance too?'

 

I claim no ownership of those, they're just pretty funny (to me at least) so all credit goes to the creators, I just hope other people agree and start adding funnies to this thread otherwise I look like a doofus again lol

[FireFox]

Well this thread sure bombed lol

[threee6]

two fat guys sat in a bar, they finish there drinks, one says "your round" the other replies "so are you ya fat b**tard".

 

what do you call a dog with no back legs and steel balls? ..................... Sparky.

[FireFox]

two fat guys sat in a bar, they finish there drinks, one says "your round" the other replies "so are you ya fat b**tard".

 

what do you call a dog with no back legs and steel balls? ..................... Sparky.

 

lol I like it

 

'Why are women and tornadoes so alike, first there's alot of sucking and blowing, then they take your house'

[Pingypoker]

Just saying, those limericks aren't poetically correct.

[qwertywarrior]

[FireFox]

Just saying, those limericks aren't poetically correct.

 

But they are not racist, they're just jokes

[FireFox]

 

Blank ehh

[Keystone Nyan Cat]

The furry thread topic was listed right above this one when I was browsing this section and I thought to myself- why are their two furry topics? :P I had just misread them :(

@qwertywarrior- lol :lol:

Heres a funny vid btw, enjoy :)

[FireFox]

The furry thread topic was listed right above this one when I was browsing this section and I thought to myself- why are their two furry topics? :P I had just misread them :(

@qwertywarrior- lol :lol:

Heres a funny vid btw, enjoy :)

 

That's pretty funny, also I realised that I should have picked a better name after I had created the thread lol

[Dixon]

A new employee has his first day at work in a big department store. At the end of the day his boss asks him how many customers he had and he answers "One". His boss is confused and asks for the volume of sales, whereupon the man says "Well, the one customer spent about 70000$ here." The boss can't believe it and wants to know how he managed to achieve that, so he explains: "I wantet to sell that guy a fishing hook. And than he noticed that he did not even have a fishing rod. So i sold him one. And then it all startet. He bought all kind of gear, a boat and a fitting trailer and even a new car so he could use the trailer." The boss is very excited and asks: "So this customer walks in, asks for nothing more than a fishing hook and you were able to make him buy all that stuff?" The employee laughs and says "Hell no, he wanted to get some tampons for his wife, so i said to him: Dude, your weekends gonna suck anyways, why dont you forget the tampons and do a fishing trip"

[FireFox]

God I love Hamsters, this is excellent and hopefully it's not just me who thinks so

 

[ObeseWalrus]

Browsing 4chan is like diving after gold in a sewage treatment plant, you mostly find poo and rarely find gold.

[FireFox]

Browsing 4chan is like diving after gold in a sewage treatment plant, you mostly find poo and rarely find gold.

 

wow that makes sense, 4chan ehh *summons Google*

[FireFox]

Some Family Guy and Simpsons bits I find quite humerous.

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tByPK1Hg7IQ

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EJRBQRwg1pI

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W5SC64DpAEE

 

There is a little swearing in the last link so viewer discretion is advised :)

[qwertywarrior]

Browsing 4chan is like diving after gold in a sewage treatment plant, you mostly find poo and rarely find gold.

thats why i stick to funny websites

they find the good stuff

[david cassar]

That was hilarious XD

[FireFox]

Just saying, those limericks aren't poetically correct.

 

Shit, I just re-read or post, I thought you said it wasn't politically correct lol

 

My bad :P

[FireFox]

 

Pretty funny but more excellant, damn good song aswell

[FireFox]

Peter Griffin, Ding Fries are Done :P

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7REd6PklVNE

[LogicalDrm]

I was just thinking about something like this thread. Here's one I heard from my father once:

 

There was a finnish banker called Ruokokoski. One day he had englishman as quest. When this man was leaving he wanted to write back to banker and asked how to spell his name.

"R U O K O K..." banker said.

"Yes, yes, I'm fine," englishman replied, "but how do you spell your name?"

[Tr33]

Yo momma's so fat, that when she stopped to stand in front of the TV i missed 2 episodes.