How is dad compared to mom?

[c0d0ps]

Questions:

How is it to have a dad compared to a mom?

Why do you like the most (if you can make that choice) and why?

 

My mom and my dad (who was kinda a douche) has been divorced since I was ca 3 years old and I have not seen him since then.

I know that this is a broad topic and I am not after sympathy.

I put this in under the spoiler so you don't need to read it, simply by looking at the thread.

 

Now let's begin :-)

[Camul]

Shit jokes and makes you feel ashamed about any bit of femininity you have (if you're male). You didn't miss much OP.

[c0d0ps]

Shit jokes and makes you feel ashamed about any bit of femininity you have (if you're male). You didn't miss much OP.

I guess dad did that?

Dad did it as a joke?

Yes, I am a male.

 

Anyways, society already does that so w/e

Unconsciously, but still. 

[Camul]

I guess dad did that?

Dad did it as a joke?

Yes, I am a male.

 

Anyways, society already does that so w/e

Unconsciously, but still. 

 

Yeah, he was joking, but never under estimate the power that words can have on a child. I don't hate him or anything, I was just kidding around listing off some stereotypical 'dad traits'.

 

I honestly wouldn't know how to answer your question properly. I can't think of anything that one parent offered over another that would have been influenced by their gender.

[c0d0ps]

Yeah, he was joking, but never under estimate the power that words can have on a child. I don't hate him or anything, I was just kidding around listing off some stereotypical 'dad traits'.

 

I honestly wouldn't know how to answer your question properly. I can't think of anything that one parent offered over another that would have been influenced by their gender. 

While that is true I am pretty sure that guy talk to a guy or girl talk talk to a girl is better/easier as a parent of the same gender.

And they have slightly more of a connection because of it. But I am not sure.

That goes more if a girl only has a dad than a guy only has a mom (probably).

I have heard that they are really scared/freaked out when their periods start and other stuff that I do not know much about. 

[c0d0ps]

Parents don't behave the same to a child of different gender.

While I do agree, explain

So I know how you think.

[Camul]

While that is true I am pretty sure that guy talk to a guy or girl talk talk to a girl is better/easier as a parent of the same gender.

And they have slightly more of a connection because of it. But I am not sure.

That goes more if a girl only has a dad than a guy only has a mom (probably).

I have heard that they are really scared/freaked out when their periods start and other stuff that I do not know much about. 

 

Maybe it's because I have never really been that involved with either of my parents. I tend to spend a lot of my time isolated and have done quite a bit since I was young. But I don't know much about guy talk or any of that stuff. 

[c0d0ps]

Maybe it's because I have never really been that involved with either of my parents. I tend to spend a lot of my time isolated and have done quite a bit since I was young. But I don't know much about guy talk or any of that stuff. 

Okay.

Have you played any sport(s) with your father?

[Camul]

Ok, interesting.

Have you played any sports with your father?

 

Nah, I hated sports. I would rather have played with my toys or my sister as a kid.

[c0d0ps]

Nah, I hated sports. I would rather have played with my toys or my sister as a kid.

Okay.

Do you mainly prefer being in your room and playing games?

Anything in particular that you did with your sister? Board games or something?

[Jaybird]

My parents are still together.

[c0d0ps]

My parents are still together.

Good for you.

But, can you take a look at the questions again?

[Trik'Stari]

Both of my parents are emotionally abusive asshats who have checked out in life and care about nothing but themselves. They've constantly sabotaged my sister and I all our lives by always questioning our plans, and instilling massive amounts of self doubt into both of us.

 

My father is a workaholic and alcoholic (although he won't admit he's an alcoholic because he only has 5 beers a night and "doesn't drink to get drunk") who takes his anger over his shit job out on the rest of the family.

 

My mom just can't be bothered with anything. Has possible dementia, along with bi polar disorder. She's somewhat nice when our dad isn't around, as soon as he comes home at the end of the day she checks out mentally.

 

Both are passive aggressive in their behaviors, both want me and my sister to act like adults, yet constantly treat us like children (call us when we go out and tell us we need to come home, when im 26 and my sister is 30)

 

My sister and I both live at home for a variety of reasons. Growing up we had to move around a lot because my dad could never keep a job (although that wasn't entirely his fault, douchebag bosses and what not). I for one have a deep seeded fear of responsibility as a result of my dad trying way to hard to instill a sense of responsibility in me, whilst undermining my own self confidence by doubting everything I ever tried to do. An example of this, whenever I manage to find a job, the first thing I feel is "oh god, I want to quit, I don't want to have to do this every single fucking day" to the point of almost having a panic attack. I've managed to hold at least one job for a little over a year.

 

My sister is far worse off, has health issues, and my parents were a lot hard on her when she was younger than they were on me (they couldn't break me for some reason).

 

To quote my sister's shrink, "get out, never come back, break off all contact with them. How your little brother hasn't ended up institutionalized I don't know".

 

Pot and video games are my explanation. And people wonder why I am an introvert.

[Camul]

Okay.

Do you mainly prefer being in your room and playing games?

Anything in particular that you did with your sister? Board games or something?

 

I prefer to be in my room playing games over doing sports or anything like that, but I'd still rather have someone to hang out with a lot. I use to play games like hide and seek, house or with her toys.

[c0d0ps]

Both of my parents are emotionally abusive asshats who have checked out in life and care about nothing but themselves. They've constantly sabotaged my sister and I all our lives by always questioning our plans, and instilling massive amounts of self doubt into both of us.

 

My father is a workaholic and alcoholic (although he won't admit he's an alcoholic because he only has 5 beers a night and "doesn't drink to get drunk") who takes his anger over his shit job out on the rest of the family.

 

My mom just can't be bothered with anything. Has possible dementia, along with bi polar disorder. She's somewhat nice when our dad isn't around, as soon as he comes home at the end of the day she checks out mentally.

 

Both are passive aggressive in their behaviors, both want me and my sister to act like adults, yet constantly treat us like children (call us when we go out and tell us we need to come home, when im 26 and my sister is 30)

 

My sister and I both live at home for a variety of reasons. Growing up we had to move around a lot because my dad could never keep a job (although that wasn't entirely his fault, douchebag bosses and what not). I for one have a deep seeded fear of responsibility as a result of my dad trying way to hard to instill a sense of responsibility in me, whilst undermining my own self confidence by doubting everything I ever tried to do. An example of this, whenever I manage to find a job, the first thing I feel is "oh god, I want to quit, I don't want to have to do this every single fucking day" to the point of almost having a panic attack. I've managed to hold at least one job for a little over a year.

 

My sister is far worse off, has health issues, and my parents were a lot hard on her when she was younger than they were on me (they couldn't break me for some reason).

 

To quote my sister's shrink, "get out, never come back, break off all contact with them. How your little brother hasn't ended up institutionalized I don't know".

 

Pot and video games are my explanation. And people wonder why I am an introvert.

I take that as they both suck.

Can you two not "just" break connection with both of them (or only your father depending on how your mother is) and then possibly move to a place which they don't know where it is?

[Misanthrope]

Both my parents left me on my own terms since I was a little kid, after their good intentioned but misguided attempts to make me socialize (which to me was just being forced into activities I hated) Their own problems (mostly with money) made em not care much: I was one of the only kids who had to take 2 buses to get back from elementary school at 13 and when I was bullied I basically had to fistfight one of my bullies to get em off my case. After that they only tried to address my most apparent issue due to the fact it had an actual physical manifestation which was my weight issue (I was pushing 170kg at one point) but nothing else. Even when I was like 16 or 17 I would just call to let em know I was going to spend off the night drinking with "friends" and instead of being scolded or told get the fuck back home or anything the most I got is "Ok take care though don't drink too much" 

So when some people judge as to why I still live with my parents after my divorce, they just don't realize that I've been basically leaving on my own (making my meals, getting around, cleaning my room, etc) since I was 14 they're basically just some folks that occasionally make some chit chat with me about the weather when I'm on my way to my room and that's the extend of my interaction with them for most days.

[c0d0ps]

Both my parents left me on my own terms since I was a little kid, after their good intentioned but misguided attempts to make me socialize (which to me was just being forced into activities I hated) Their own problems (mostly with money) made em not care much: I was one of the only kids who had to take 2 buses to get back from elementary school at 13 and when I was bullied I basically had to fistfight one of my bullies to get em off my case. After that they only tried to address my most apparent issue due to the fact it had an actual physical manifestation which was my weight issue (I was pushing 170kg at one point) but nothing else. Even when I was like 16 or 17 I would just call to let em know I was going to spend off the night drinking with "friends" and instead of being scolded or told get the fuck back home or anything the most I got is "Ok take care though don't drink too much" 

So when some people judge as to why I still live with my parents after my divorce, they just don't realize that I've been basically leaving on my own (making my meals, getting around, cleaning my room, etc) since I was 14 they're basically just some folks that occasionally make some chit chat with me about the weather when I'm on my way to my room and that's the extend of my interaction with them for most days.

So they both suck?

I don't see much about them being especially bad/terrible but perhaps I didn't understand what you meant exactly.

Can you live with some other relative(s)? (Since it seems like it doesn't go well at home/with your parents)

[Misanthrope]

So they both suck?

I don't see much about them being especially bad/terrible but perhaps I didn't understand what you meant exactly.

Can you live with some other relative(s)? (Since it seems like it doesn't go well at home/with your parents)

 

I guess I was ambiguous about it because I am ambiguous about them myself: I don't think they deliberately ignore me or anything like that, they were just not prepared to deal with a chronically depressed kid/teen on top of unemployment, severe money issues and uncertainty and their own marital issues.

You do have to remember that I seem to be a lot more understanding now (I wasn't) that I am a parent myself and continue to struggle with my own shit and I am naturally a very cold and distant person with exceptionally bad health I'm sure I won't be my son's favorite person for much longer, specially if I pass away in his teen years (something very likely to happen due to my diabetes) but well, I guess I am saying is that later on you might appreciate your parents a lot more when you realize they did try despite their shortcomings. That's if the do of course, I know some people are genuinely selfish and careless about their kids, if that's your situation then though luck but I say reflect back in a couple decades.

[c0d0ps]

I guess I was ambiguous about it because I am ambiguous about them myself: I don't think they deliberately ignore me or anything like that, they were just not prepared to deal with a chronically depressed kid/teen on top of unemployment, severe money issues and uncertainty and their own marital issues.

You do have to remember that I seem to be a lot more understanding now (I wasn't) that I am a parent myself and continue to struggle with my own shit and I am naturally a very cold and distant person with exceptionally bad health I'm sure I won't be my son's favorite person for much longer, specially if I pass away in his teen years (something very likely to happen due to my diabetes) but well, I guess I am saying is that later on you might appreciate your parents a lot more when you realize they did try despite their shortcomings. That's if the do of course, I know some people are genuinely selfish and careless about their kids, if that's your situation then though luck but I say reflect back in a couple decades.

Okay. So this happened like 5+ years ago?

My mother has PTSD but we get a long kinda well together. 

I can't seem to have long conversations with her for some reason but I suppose I will like her more the longer I am away and/or growing up.

[Jaybird]

Good for you.

But, can you take a look at the questions again?

I can't answer your question because my parents are still together. It's like asking what life is like if you only had a keyboard with your PC or only a mouse with your PC. The question itself is loaded and cannot be answered when you have both your parents in the same house everyday. Shure I could give you theories and ideas but the bottom line is I see my parents working together and interacting. It would be an entirely different world if they were apart. That is why I did not answer the question and mearly said my parents are still together.

[Misanthrope]

Okay. So this happened like 5+ years ago?

My mother has PTSD but we get a long kinda well together. 

I can't seem to have long conversations with her for some reason but I suppose I will like her more the longer I am away and/or growing up.

 

Yeah but waaay before than I'm talking 20+ years. It just never actually changed it's just the way it has been ever since, and I'm not willing to open up or anything like that at this point I'd ignore any attempts from them to get closer, not that it happens often or anything anyway.

[c0d0ps]

I can't answer your question because my parents are still together. It's like asking what life is like if you only had a keyboard with your PC or only a mouse with your PC. The question itself is loaded and cannot be answered when you have both your parents in the same house everyday. Sure I could give you theories and ideas but the bottom line is I see my parents working together and interacting. It would be an entirely different world if they were apart. That is why I did not answer the question and mearly said my parents are still together.

No special or different things they do?

For example X parent is better at Y thing or something.

People who have both parents at home can still answer the question but all of you can't.

[Volbet]

My parents are pretty much the same person (I guess that is to be expected after 30 years of marriage).

Both of them are anti-authoritarian, semi-anarchistic individuals, that let me and my sister do whatever we wanted, aslong as we took the trash for it

I like both of them a lot, so I can't chose either.

[Jack.EXE]

You get upset when you dissapoint him, but glow when he's proud of you.

You get afraid when he's angry, but you have no idea why.

You should fear mom more, but you dont?

 

That's dad.

[Trik'Stari]

I take that as they both suck.

Can you two not "just" break connection with both of them (or only your father depending on how your mother is) and then possibly move to a place which they don't know where it is?

We're currently stuck with them because of finances. Hopefully be moving out soon if she can get rent vouchers and I can find a decent job. Unlikely though in this shit economy.