Am I a homophobe?

[JigglyPufflez]

I am 14 years old (year 9), and yesterday as i with my group of friends in school a year 11 who was gay approached us, i did not know him at all but my friends told me he was gay as he walked towards us, as he eventually got to us for some reason i felt a bit uncomfortable, i had no idea what came over me. I did not hate the guy at all he seemed completely fine and was cool, he did not really talk to me or any of us, just said hi and walked off. But my friends notice i was getting a bit uncomfortable and nervous, i was sitting awkwardly they said, i don't actually recall what i was doing but i do know that i was uncomfortable, they then said that i was a homophobe and said some mean stuff to me, i tried explaining to them that it was the first gay person who has ever come that close to me. But i was thinking about it again and i may think i was just a bit uncomfortable because it was the first time i have been that close to a gay person, conscious he was gay. But i mean i dont hate the guy, i dont think he is should die because he is gay or anything like that, but for some reason he just made me feel uncomfortable. Am I a homophobe? I really dont want to be because i like my friends and they completely support gays, and i do to i dont mind if a gay couple get married fine with me, but i am still clueless as to why i was uncomfortable around that gay boy who came to my group. Can you tell me if i am a homophobe? and maybe why i felt uncomfortable? like i said before this was the closest i have been to a gay person and knowing that he was gay. maybe dont try and say hate towards me as i am young and most likely when i grow will encounter more gay people and things might change, but i sure do want to get a better understanding of why i was uncomfortable around this gay person. any ideas are appreciated :D also i do not mean to offend anyone if you are offended and want me to take this topic down that is fine.

[chimmychunger]

their is one girl in my class who is a homophobe and cryes whenever she thinks about gay's

 

look the honest answer is you may be but sean as though that was the first time you have ever been so close to someone like that its aceptible people can get over being a homophobe by just realising that they are people just like you or me it may take time but you should get over it good luck :) 

[JigglyPufflez]

their is one girl in my class who is a homophobe and cryes whenever she thinks about gay's

 

look the honest answer is you may be but sean as though that was the first time you have ever been so close to someone like that its aceptible people can get over being a homophobe by just realising that they are people just like you or me it may take time but you should get over it good luck it 

thanks mate that made me feel a bit better, but i do not know what to tell my friends so they could forgive me, because they think of me as sorta a homophobe now, i tried telling them that it was my first time being this close to a gay person, but they did not seem to care. They just said that their first time meeting a gay they were fine and did not feel uncomfortable at all, and then resulted in me being called mean stuff :/

[SkyArmy]

No offense bro but this is a tech forum.......

[JigglyPufflez]

No offense bro but this is a tech forum.......

Isn't this the off topic part....?

[chimmychunger]

thanks mate that made me feel a bit better, but i do not know what to tell my friends so they could forgive me, because they think of me as sorta a homophobe now, i tried telling them that it was my first time being this close to a gay person, but they did not seem to care. They just said that their first time meeting a gay they were fine and did not feel uncomfortable at all, and then resulted in me being called mean stuff :/

not to be mean or anything if they call you things that are mean and u have tryed to explane it to them they arnt very good friends but just try one more time to explane if they dont listen i would honostly find new friends

[virusal19]

This maybe the off-topic sub forums but I'm not sure if it is a great idea to discuss about this on the internet.

 

If you feel this way, speak to someone you trust like a parent, friend, family or even your teachers.  

[Jiffy]

No offense bro but this is a tech forum.......     

 

In the "General Discussion & Off Topic" section so what's the matter?

[JigglyPufflez]

This maybe the off-topic sub forums but I'm not sure if it is a great idea to discuss about this on the internet.

 

If you feel this way, speak to someone you trust like a parent, friend, family or even your teachers.  

Yes i know this is a big topic if you feel offended by it i will be more than happy to take it down then :)

[bradscoolio]

Speak to you're schools chaplain about it. A chaplain is just like the nurse/counselor person that you can talk to about personal problems. Every school should have one :)

[JigglyPufflez]

Speak to you're schools chaplain about it. A chaplain is just like the nurse/counselor person that you can talk to about personal problems. Every school should have one :)

Yes my school has one, but i am sorta scared that she might like discriminate against me, maybe she may think i might be a homophobe and if she does something to me for thinking i am a homophobe (detentions, suspensions etc.) it is really gonna kill me :/

[bradscoolio]

Yes my school has one, but i am sorta scared that she might like discriminate against me, maybe she may think i might be a homophobe and if she does something to me for thinking i am a homophobe (detentions, suspensions etc.) it is really gonna kill me :/

 

She is not allowed to discriminate, and she also isn't allowed to disclose anything you tell her unless it's against the law or you tell her to. She will most likely re-assure you that It's not uncommon for somebody your age to be somewhat threatened by homosexuality, and that over time you will gain tolerance towards it.

 

I think maybe in a situation where you encounter a very young male (in your case 11) who hasn't disclosed his sexuality to you personally, your friends might be playing a joke on you. 

[JigglyPufflez]

She is not allowed to discriminate, and she also isn't allowed to disclose anything you tell her unless it's against the law or you tell her to. She will most likely re-assure you that It's not uncommon for somebody your age to be somewhat threatened by homosexuality, and that over time you will gain tolerance towards it.

 

I think maybe in a situation where you encounter a very young male (in your case 11) who hasn't disclosed his sexuality to you personally, your friends might be playing a joke on you. 

Sorry i may have been a bit misleading i am 14 turning 15 and i am in year 9 he is in year 11 making him 16 or 17 years of age sorry :/

[Wulfgar]

Are you part of an Abrahamic religion? Due partly to them, sexuality and especially homosexuality is still a taboo in many parts of the country. Growing up with these taboos and social ostracizing in place, it's only natural for you to be uncomfortable with it. What I recommend is to try and look at it from their situation. I don't know where you live and what kind of people you go to school with, but chances are that a gay person with encounter a lot of negative peer pressure and even condemnation. Perhaps even from their own parents. They're human beings and deserve to be treated like anyone else. That is the essence of not being bigoted. If you're uncomfortable with the way they act, you have to realize that when gays come out of the closet, they have to re-learn their social behavior all over again. So a lot of times the "flamboyancy" you notice is part of their "growing up" process that they have to do all over again. It's very very hard to have to do this.

 

Sorry if that was a little long but I've had close gay friends both young and old that have told me all about what they've been through. Just take it one step at a time and talk to them. It will help you become more comfortable with them, and perhaps cement your own feelings of confidence and sexuality.

[JigglyPufflez]

Are you part of an Abrahamic religion? Due partly to them, sexuality and especially homosexuality is still a taboo in many parts of the country. Growing up with these taboos and social ostracizing in place, it's only natural for you to be uncomfortable with it. What I recommend is to try and look at it from their situation. I don't know where you live and what kind of people you go to school with, but chances are that a gay person with encounter a lot of negative peer pressure and even condemnation. Perhaps even from their own parents. They're human beings and deserve to be treated like anyone else. That is the essence of not being bigoted. If you're uncomfortable with the way they act, you have to realize that when gays come out of the closet, they have to re-learn their social behavior all over again. So a lot of times the "flamboyancy" you notice is part of their "growing up" process that they have to do all over again. It's very very hard to have to do this.

 

Sorry if that was a little long but I've had close gay friends both young and old that have told me all about what they've been through. Just take it one step at a time and talk to them. It will help you become more comfortable with them, and perhaps cement your own feelings of confidence and sexuality.

I live in Melbourne, Australia I am a Christian but i probably should be a strong Christian, but i was find myself questioning the belief of it which i probably should'nt , I see what you mean with talking to a gay and hearing from them personally what they are going througuh, however out of the 1500-2000 students in my school, i only of 2 being gay, im sure there are more, that maybe have not come out yet or i just have not heard of them, but it would be hard to talk to one as they are doing their VCE studies and are always occupied and i would not want to disturb them, also does this mean i am a homophobe? I am really confused, :/

[Hoppa]

Don't worry about it man, it's human nature to act differently when unsure of something or knowingly witnessing something for the first time. You probably would have acted the same way if you had just seen a girl for the first time.
Just remember we're all people and we all have feelings.

Try to put yourself in the other persons shoes: If someone was acting nervous around you would that make you feel weird?
I have a friend who is gay and he's a really nice person, so there's nothing to be worried about.
Just be cool man.

This topic might get locked because of the wording of the title.

[JigglyPufflez]

Don't worry about it man, it's human nature to act differently when unsure of something or knowingly witnessing something for the first time. You probably would have acted the same way if  you had just seen a girl for the first time.

Just remember we're all people and we all have feelings.

 

Try to put yourself in the other persons shoes: If someone was acting nervous around you would that make you feel weird?

I have a friend who is gay gay and he's a really nice person, so there's nothing to be worried about.

Just be cool man.

 

This topic might get locked because of the wording of the title.

oh really sorry :/ umm eh i am an amateur when it comes to wording things, any suggestions as to what i could change it to? also how to change it? and thanks for the input mate 

[Wulfgar]

I guess that answer to your question is yes, you are a little homophobic. But that's due to social conditioning, you can change your own behavior and perceptions of people. Also, it's not wrong to question your own religion/beliefs. The power of doubt is much more moral than the power of blind faith.

[Hoppa]

oh really sorry :/ umm eh i am an amateur when it comes to wording things, any suggestions as to what i could change it to? also how to change it? and thanks for the input mate 

lol wouldn't have a clue what to change it to without it sounding offensive xD

[JigglyPufflez]

I guess that answer to your question is yes, you are a little homophobic. But that's due to social conditioning, you can change your own behavior and perceptions of people. Also, it's not wrong to question your own religion/beliefs. The power of doubt is much more moral than the power of blind faith.

that sucks :/ i guess i might talk to my counselor and see what she says and i hope she can help me not be a homophobe because i dont want to be a homophobe. thank you though!

[Wulfgar]

No problem. You being only 14 means you have a ton to learn and there is a buttload of room for mistakes and shaping your perception of this complicated world we live in. Talking to a counselor is a good idea.

 

Also, I don't believe the wording of the thread title is wrong at all. The forum rules only refer to personal attacks and using gender, sexual preference etc. when it is used in a derogatory fashion which I definitely don't believe you are.

[JaeDee884]

How about this for an interesting situation as a comparrision.

I myself am naturally Bisexual, I am male, but i oppose certain types of gays.
I cannot stand gays who act and behave is a matter that is feminine, i use the prerogative term for those gays due to i believe it defeats the purpose of being gay/bi. if you like men, you should be a man, not act like a woman. sorry if this offends some people out there. but its my personal opinion, I'm not asking for you to agree with it or even accept it. :P

Also don't believe in gay marriage. but thats a different story and focused around me hating the definitions of words being modified or modernised :P not against a legal equivelent, but the notion that marriage is strictly about love is absurd :P

[filipcro]

I live in Melbourne, Australia I am a Christian but i probably should be a strong Christian, but i was find myself questioning the belief of it which i probably should'nt

 

You most definitely should question it because:

 

1.every religion is just an organized superstition, it has no basis in fact, reason, or evidence, its only basis is childhood indotrination, if you lived somewhere else you would believe in a completely different superstition because your parents and environment would make it so, this is called tradition.

 

2.every religion is incoherent internally contradictory nonsense produced by ancient ignoramuses who tried to explain the world around them. Basically if something is ancient it means it's more magical, and obviously impossible events are more plausible because...you know, it's ancienty.

 

Try reading these books:

 

1.God: The Failed Hypothesis. How Science Shows That God Does Not Exist, V.Stenger(physicist)

 

2.Religion Explained, P.Boyer(cognitive anthropologist)

 

3.Why We Believe in God(s): A Concise Guide to the Science of Faith, A.Thomson(psychiatrist)

 

4.The Christian Delusion: Why Faith Fails, Loftus, Barker(ex life time priests)

 

 

You can start with the 4th one, since christian superstition is closest to you.

This is your biggest problem, not homophobia, you have to undo the damage your parents did first.

[JaeDee884]

You most definitely should question it because:

 

1.every religion is just an organized superstition, it has no basis in fact, reason, or evidence, its only basis is childhood indotrination, if you lived somewhere else you would believe in a completely different superstition because your parents and environment would make it so, this is called tradition.

 

2.every religion is incoherent internally contradictory nonsense produced by ancient ignoramuses who tried to explain the world around them

 

Try reading these books:

 

1.God: The Failed Hypothesis. How Science Shows That God Does Not Exist, V.Stenger(physicist)

 

2.Religion Explained, P.Boyer(cognitive anthropologist)

 

3.Why We Believe in God(s): A Concise Guide to the Science of Faith, A.Thomson(psychiatrist)

 

4.The Christian Delusion: Why Faith Fails, Loftus, Barker(ex life time priests)

 

 

You can start with the 4th one, since christian superstition is closest to you.

Imma sum it up even better, in religion there are two kinds of people, smart people and dumb people.

The smart people Create and control, while the blind people (lets call them sheep) follow. 

[Toby]

I had a friend who told me he was uncomfortable when he discovered this guy we knew was gay because he thought for some reason this guy would suddenly try to come onto him or something, but when I pointed out he didn't assume every woman he met would be interested in him simply because they were heterosexual, he seemed to become far more relaxed about it. I'm not sure if that's part of your thought-process at all, but I figured I'd mention it. Chances are there's some preconception that's making you treat this person as "omg gay person" rather than just a regular guy. You only need to remember that we're all just...people.