The best way to deal with the loss of a pet buddy?

[QuantumSingularity]

OK guys i'll try to make it short. Sadly i lost my cat this morning to a f***ing tumor, she was my very first pet that was truly my own, had her for 10 years and long story short i have no clue what is the best way to deal with the loss. Is it better to get another kitty right away to try a feel that void of pain? Should i wait a bit and then take such action? Should a go for the same looking kitty or different?? The things are so bad that simply sitting here and thinking about her half-empty cups with food and water, turns my eyes into the Niagara falls. Really would appreciate any help, because i am completely clueless. Thanks in advance,

[BrandonLatzig]

while everyone is different and no situation is the same I would say first try to accept the passing. Will a new pet fill the void or remind you of what you lost? Until you know you can handle a new cat without breaking down I wouldn't go through with it yet. Therapy is an option. Just because it was a pet doesn't make them any less family. 

[QuantumSingularity]

1 minute ago, BrandonLatzig said:

 Just because it was a pet doesn't make them any less family. 

Oh yes, whole heartedly agree. She was basically my only family at this point. At least the one i live with daily.

[BrandonLatzig]

1 minute ago, QuantumSingularity said:

Oh yes, whole heartedly agree. She was basically my only family at this point. At least the one i live with daily.

So I would say Be with friends to help grieve, be with family and if needed, go to a therapist. Only after you have properly grieved I would even think of getting a new pet.

[QuantumSingularity]

2 minutes ago, BrandonLatzig said:

So I would say Be with friends to help grieve, be with family and if needed, go to a therapist. Only after you have properly grieved I would even think of getting a new pet.

Thanks man. Certainly will try the therapist route...

[Stahlmann]

Everyone deals very differently with this kind of loss. I also lost a few pets during my lifetime and I don't really have a specific way to deal with it. I just try to continue my daily life and over time it just gets better. You will move on eventually. Some people need a few days, some people need a few weeks or more. And once you move on you can think about another pet.

[Blasty Blosty]

The best way to look at another pet after losing one is that you are not replacing them, you never can or would as each pet has their own lovely identity. It is simply the start of a new adventure.

[ToboRobot]

It will take time, but try to remember the happy times whenever you think of the loss and try to remind yourself of the joy when you feel sad.

But it will take time, and it's ok to grieve. 

 

Sorry for your loss.

[WildDagwood]

First, condolences for the loss.

 

Personally, I'd take some time to grieve but also try to spend some time with friends and family (get out and live your life still). If you put life on hold you're more likely to wallow in your grief and less likely to move on.

 

When you think you're in a decent place again feel free to look into taking on another furbaby.

[QuantumSingularity]

Did any of you guys have a glooming sense of guilt? I am so mad at myself for not noticing anything earlier. Non-stop thinking that if i only paid a little bit more attention i could've noticed something that would've given me a clue. A general sense of guilt that i have let her down the one time she needed me the most. Visited a therapist today but i don't think she could grasp the deep connection and bond that can occur between a human and a pet.

 

As for a new pet - i decided i am getting a new kitten asap. It's just impossible to sit here at home all alone w/o any other living thing beside me. I feel like i would completely lose my mind and start talking with the wallpapers or go in a downward mental spiral. I get home basically 30-40 minutes before going to bed because i just can't stand the emptiness and the way that there is no one now to greet me at the door.

[WildDagwood]

42 minutes ago, QuantumSingularity said:

Did any of you guys have a glooming sense of guilt? I am so mad at myself for not noticing anything earlier. Non-stop thinking that if i only paid a little bit more attention i could've noticed something that would've given me a clue. A general sense of guilt that i have let her down the one time she needed me the most. Visited a therapist today but i don't think she could grasp the deep connection and bond that can occur between a human and a pet.

 

As for a new pet - i decided i am getting a new kitten asap. It's just impossible to sit here at home all alone w/o any other living thing beside me. I feel like i would completely lose my mind and start talking with the wallpapers or go in a downward mental spiral. I get home basically 30-40 minutes before going to bed because i just can't stand the emptiness and the way that there is no one now to greet me at the door.

In short, yes.

 

I lost a dog about two years ago (a cat a year ago as well but that was due to disease/illness) and it was a situation where I came downstairs after finishing work (was working remotely at the time) and they were gone. Granted, it was apparent that their health was slowly deteriorating but were still quite functional and not in any noticeable pain. Regardless, I still had the feeling of "I should have been there", "Maybe I could have done something", etc.

 

It's something that won't go away tomorrow and you'll carry the memory of them forever, but the best you can do is just try to take care of yourself as best you can, and try not to beat yourself up over something you know (when thinking objectively) isn't your fault.

 

Again, I'd encourage you to spend time with your friends and family, it can be good to vent with people who are there solely as emotional support at times. Not saying there's anything wrong with therapy, but it sounds like the one you had might be a little too pragmatic in their approach when you need a bit more empathy.

[QuantumSingularity]

Well, the problem is that Remi was all my friends and family. My folks live long way from me and they won't be of any help at all. They are not the supportive and understanding type. My sister has her 2 daughters to look after, so not a option to go there and sob about a dead kitty in front of 6 and 2 yo kids. Friends all moved somewhere far away a few years ago when got married, so it was just Remi who was my one and only true friend. My job is such that i meet different people the whole day and the situation isn't that bad during the day when my mind is occupied, but when i have to come home it's just the worst thing in the world. Before that i couldn't wait to get home, now it's like a torture. That's why i need a new buddy to talk to and keep me company. Yes, i may sound crazy, but i always talked to me cat and she kept me company while cooking, watching a movie or playing a game. Even when going to the toilet she was there with me.

[WildDagwood]

2 minutes ago, QuantumSingularity said:

Well, the problem is that Remi was all my friends and family. My folks live long way from me and they won't be of any help at all. They are not the supportive and understanding type. My sister has her 2 daughters to look after, so not a option to go there and sob about a dead kitty in front of 6 and 2 yo kids. Friends all moved somewhere far away a few years ago when got married, so it was just Remi who was my one and only true friend. My job is such that i meet different people the whole day and the situation isn't that bad during the day when my mind is occupied, but when i have to come home it's just the worst thing in the world. Before that i couldn't wait to get home, now it's like a torture. That's why i need a new buddy to talk to and keep me company. Yes, i may sound crazy, but i always talked to me cat and she kept me company while cooking, watching a movie or playing a game. Even when going to the toilet she was there with me.

I would still reach out to your sister if needed, and I would hope she can pass the kids off to her SO for a couple of hours at some point. Not sure what the situation is like with your SO either but I would also hope they're there for you to open up to.

 

Might be time to explore a social hobby of sorts as well though. Something you can do in the evening to keep you occupied while also meeting some new people. Granted, this is easier said than done for many and only seems to get harder as we get older but it might prove beneficial for you if you can stick it out until you find something that seems to fit well.

[kpluck]

Maybe instead of getting a new pet, volunteer at a local animal shelter?

 

Sorry for your loss.

 

-kp

[Psittac]

The only logical answer is to wait for several month's and hold it in, then when a facebook memory of the day you got said animal comes up and you're already drunk.... you drink and cry non-stop for hours.

 

I haven't cried for a single human loss, and I have only cried less than a dozen times in my almost 43 years on this planet.  But my logic is that humans have a hierarchy of other humans to pull on when entering heaven, our pets were made for us and only us.  They are spirits created to be part of our own and become part of our soul.  While my Grandmother who passed today, is able to see and understand all of the crap I've been through while being amazingly proud of me and how far I've come.....  Our Golden Retriever that didn't make it past 6 has no such insight.  She was made to give me a hug every morning.

 

Don't get me wrong, our pets go to heaven and have no pain or doubt, but seriously.... they are almost a physical part of us, neither of which is complete without the other.

[Stahlmann]

Blaming yourself won't make it any better. The reality is that with pets, we often don't notice things like a tumor until it's too late. And it's always easier to say "I should've noticed" afterwards. Dwelling on the "what ifs" won't help you get over it any faster.

 

One more thing if you decide to get a new kitten now: Don't force yourself on them because you've just lost one. Let them decide when to approach you. Maybe you don't need to hear it because you've lived with a cat for 10 years, just making sure.

[GoStormPlays]

As other people are saying, yeah, blaming yourself isn't a good line of thinking. Think about it this way: if you had known sooner, would you have tried to take the right action to get the cat better? If so, then you're not to blame. You did everything you could. 

 

As for getting out of grief, just try to surround yourself with friends and family. The cat being a good friend- maybe even a best friend- means that being around other people you enjoy being around can really help. Plus, just consoling with them and talking to them can really help you emotionally. It really helps to know that you have someone you love nearby when you lose someone.

 

Hope this helps, and I hope you feel better soon

[GoStormPlays]

On 2/28/2024 at 1:43 PM, QuantumSingularity said:

My sister has her 2 daughters to look after, so not a option to go there and sob about a dead kitty in front of 6 and 2 yo kids.

Even if you don't go there to specificially talk to your sister about the cat dying, it could be very beneficial just to be around all of them. 

[QuantumSingularity]

Thanks all for the suggestions. I took a really good thought about it and decided i should get a new pet asap. But this time i will get either 2 kitties or a kitty and a puppy. Getting back home where there is noting else alive to welcome you is simply depressing AF. I didn't realize what massive stress reliever a pet is. Now i wonder how i have lived completely on my own before that. Absolutely impossible to get back to the lifestyle once you are used to a furry friend.

[creat0r]

On 2/27/2024 at 6:15 PM, QuantumSingularity said:

OK guys i'll try to make it short. Sadly i lost my cat this morning to a f***ing tumor, she was my very first pet that was truly my own, had her for 10 years and long story short i have no clue what is the best way to deal with the loss. Is it better to get another kitty right away to try a feel that void of pain? Should i wait a bit and then take such action? Should a go for the same looking kitty or different?? The things are so bad that simply sitting here and thinking about her half-empty cups with food and water, turns my eyes into the Niagara falls. Really would appreciate any help, because i am completely clueless. Thanks in advance,

I'm so sorry for your loss. I do really understand you. Personally, I've always felt closer to animals than humans, so losing a pet has been very hard on me but this is what I've learnt from going through it many times before:

 

• Don't blame yourself: Pets are extremely fragile and a lot of them are REALLY good at hiding pain and sickness. I had a pet that was really happy, jumping around and living life as usual one night. The next morning, about 12 hours later when I woke up, he was just sitting there. Took him to the vet and turned out he had a giant tumor in his heart, and he died from this tumor six hours later. So sometimes there will be no signs at all and nothing you can do. And even if there sometimes are signs, pet also grow as persons and change habits from time to time, therefore it's usually hard to tell if it is a sign of sickness or just a new personality development when they act a little "weird".
• Allow yourself to feel sad: Allow yourself to be sad. You need it to heal. Don't try to hide these emotions from yourself, when you feel like you want to cry, do it. Accept your emotions.
• Treat yourself: You deserve something to make the healing a little easier. Go to the cinema and watch a movie you really want to see. Buy a game on Steam you've been wanting. Take a nice long bath. Do something that brings you meaning in life.

 

Hugs! Wish you the best!