How to tell a friend you've known for a while that you have feelings for her.

[Ngrungebb91]

So I'm going to ask LTT this because my friends are all bad at giving advice and tell me that I should just go sleep around with every girl on campus lol. I'm going to give a little backstory because #1 i'm bored and #2 maybe it will help you out with helping me out lol. I'm 20 now... ending my 2nd year of college and have had many girlfriends in the past, so i'm not a complete awkward person but I don't know how to attack this situation. I've known this girl since sophomore year of high school and we got accepted to the same college(its a community college, so a lot of people from HS go here). I've had feelings for her ever since my ex-girlfriend and I broke up early on in the first year of college.. maybe even before that too.. Even when we were dating other people, we used to talk about each others significant others and when we broke up with them, we would give each other advice and just talk about it. So we started hanging out a lot, We've gone to dinner several times, shopping, etc. When we are together, we laugh and everytime we hug too(like a goodbye hug), I feel like its something different. Shes invited me over to her apartment, and offered for ME to stay but, everytime she offered.. I plans that I couldn't stay.. and yes she has an apartment which brings up the fact that shes very independent, and likes older guys. So much so that the last guy she dated, he was in his 30's. Though we always bring up the fact that we both have been single for awhile and its hard for us to find someone. Maybe its just my imagination getting to me, but I feel like that's our way of flirting a little bit, because flirting for us doesn't really happen because we know each other so well. I've just been getting so tired of this wondering and back in January when we had plans to hang out at her apartment, I was going to tell her EVERYTHING.. just be straight out and open everything on the floor lol. Though, a few days before.. I  got into a bad car accident that totaled my car and so we had to cancel those plans. I was out of a car, so I had to get rides to school from different people and it was just a really difficult time to have a car for extracurricular activities. Something weird happened. We just sorta stopped talking all of a sudden. Every so often for the past few months we would not talk for awhile and then talk and it would go in phases like that. So today I texted her just casually and we got talking again and after finals she wants to hang out again. I want to tell her everything, I want to tell her that I have feelings for her.. we are at an age now where things like this have to be said and friends at this age due tend to get together. Not to mention shes insanely mature, so she wont act like how women act in high school.. So after this rant(i'm sorry for it being long) What do you all think? Thanks

[MegaDave91]

No point because you're friendzoned.

[nixproducer]

remember who you are asking a tech forum filled with teenagers(including myself)

[Ngrungebb91]

No point because you're friendzoned.

 

Dont tell me that, I really hope not lol. I mean we've been friends for a couple years but once you REALLY get to know someone things can change.

 

remember who you are asking a tech forum filled with teenagers(including myself)

 

Oh I remember but there are smart people on here so imma give it a try.

 

EDIT: More experienced

[nixproducer]

Dont tell me that, I really hope not lol

 

 

Oh I remember but there are smart people on here so imma give it a try.

by smart i hope you mean, more experienced 

[MegaDave91]

Dont tell me that, I really hope not lol

 

Sorry I didn't actually read what you wrote. I just assumed what I said because you've known her for a while.

[Fred Castellum]

I'd say fuck it go for it, tell her everything. Make sure the timings right, and if she needs time to think give her time to think. 

 

Make sure your understood clearly, don't speak too fast. 

[techswede]

 

Nah. Just read the mood. And tell her. Otherwise she won't know. 

I know it's not easy. But you've got to bet in order to win.

[Fred Castellum]

Nah. Just read the mood. And tell her. Otherwise she won't know. 

I know it's not easy. But you've got to bet in order to win.

You win some you lose some. 

[RelentlessAF]

I'd say fuck it go for it, tell her everything. Make sure the timings right, and if she needs time to think give her time to think. 

 

Make sure your understood clearly, don't speak too fast. 

^That, just lay your cards on the table, don't do anything convoluted it could burn precious time. The sooner the feelings are out the less time she has to think over something like "maybe he doesn't like me since he hasn't said anything." Timing needs to be right and yadda yadda.

[WoodenMarker]

Timing needs to be right and yadda yadda.

^

Good luck with that. 

[techswede]

You win some you lose some. 

If you like to gamble, I tell you I'm your man

You win some, lose some, it's - all - the same to me

The pleasure is to play, it makes no difference what you say

I don't share your greed, the only card I need is

The Ace Of Spades~

The Ace Of Spades~

[wpirobotbuilder]

If you have very strong feelings for her you have four possibilities:

 

• Tell her, and you get together. All is well.
• Tell her, and she says no. Awkward.
• Don't tell her, and keep it to yourself. You'll likely end up resenting your friendship with her.
• Step out of her life. Move on, focus on yourself. If she asks why, tell her the truth.

It's not an easy position to be in, but you have to make a decision. I recommend either telling or stepping out, you don't want these emotions building up.

[Fred Castellum]

-snip-

Never heard the song before mate lol.

[NInety]

Text message.

[Fred Castellum]

Text message.

I wouldn't use a text message to tell her personally... I think saying something like this in person would be better. 

[techswede]

Never heard the song before mate lol.

Motörhead - Ace of spades? 

[Fred Castellum]

Motörhead - Ace of spades? 

Nope, never heard the song before. 

[Ngrungebb91]

^That, just lay your cards on the table, don't do anything convoluted it could burn precious time. The sooner the feelings are out the less time she has to think over something like "maybe he doesn't like me since he hasn't said anything." Timing needs to be right and yadda yadda.

Great idea, I like that...

 

Text message.

LOL! NO! You gotta tell them upfront, they like that confidence.

[isHypnophobic]

It's been 4 months since you two talked?

 

Make sure she isn't taken, first of all.

 

Don't keep it in--either simply tell her how you feel or keep it to yourself (and distract yourself with a ton of things. Trust me, you don't want time to think if you hide it all)

[Fred Castellum]

Make sure she isn't taken, first of all.

Oh dang good point almost forgot that lol. 

[Askew]

I'd say fuck it go for it, tell her everything. Make sure the timings right, and if she needs time to think give her time to think. 

 

Make sure your understood clearly, don't speak too fast. 

 

This, tell her, if she rejects then you lose nothing, if she was secretly feeling the same then megasex is incoming.

[NInety]

I wouldn't use a text message to tell her personally... I think saying something like this in person would be better. 

 

 

Great idea, I like that...

 

LOL! NO! You gotta tell them upfront, they like that confidence.

Hence the

[Hans Christian | Teri]

The friendzone is a term invented by people who don't have the balls to actually go for it. If you end up there it's entirely your own fault and saying that one can't get out of it is bs, you just have to try.

 

That aside just tell her man. Be open and honest about it. I had the same problem with a girl for a while but fairly quickly ended up agreeing with myself that no matter what her answer was I would be better off than if I did nothing. Perhaps make an evening of it, ask her out or something similar. It might be scary the couple of seconds leading up to it all but push through it and you will end up a happier man on the other side. Most important thing is that you don't be awkward about, don't be the "Hey so yeah ummm I ehhh I kinda ummm have these... ehhhh... feelings for you".

 

Edit: Oh hell even better. If it's been a while (couple of months) since the last time you've talked you've got a brief window to build up your relationship first. Maybe hang out a couple of days, be a bit flirty and have some good fun with her, then drop it.

[Ngrungebb91]

It's been 4 months since you two talked?

 

Make sure she isn't taken, first of all.

 

Don't keep it in--either simply tell her how you feel or keep it to yourself (and distract yourself with a ton of things. Trust me, you don't want time to think if you hide it all)

Not taken For other people wondering... she actually asked me that too when we were talking. she said "any ladies in your life" and then i just asked her and nope. no one else is in the picture lol.