What is love?

[spwath]

Wait what? This is a thing?

Pretty sure.

[PlayStation 2]

I'm going to call you out here, I apologize in advance if I offend you.

 

You are not ready for it. You do not have the confidence nor the mental maturity for a relationship if you're so anxious about what is or is not that you get into such a panicked state that you come to online forums for help.

 

I'm not being funny, but I find a lot of online forums (TSR being one) only ever receive dating advice requests from people who aren't mature enough for that endgoal in the first place. 

 

You're mature enough when you realize that [1] rejection is meaningless considering there are hundreds of girls within the same city, maybe even thousands; [2] you have to use your common sense to dictate whether you like her, the idea of her, or the companionship that could be; and finally, [3] you don't have to be anything other than yourself, because if you are, you'll spend your whole relationship acting out a lie.

 

Want to know why I think you're immature? Mature people move on with their lives, many even become friends, many even get together later on. You're sat at your computer worrying about the temperature of the swimming pool without without even going to the changing rooms first. Jeez. You're also obsessing and over-analyzing the situation and therefore increasing anxiety. Go ask her out, for God's sake, or just ask to spend time with her and see if you two click.

 

Rant over.

I know that "bitches ain't shit but hoes and tricks" but wouldn't it be painful to you if your crush rejected you?

[Crowes]

You are right. I just need to do it.

 

Yes, do it, and take everything that happens at face value. There are far worse and far better girls out there than her, and there are far worse and far better men out there than you. It's all about circumstance and placement.

 

With that mindset, you can realise that there are far better men out there who will like her for her, so your chance is now whilst your placement is advantageous to you, until that circumstance changes; but there are also far better women out there who will like you for you, even if this one doesn't work.

 

Brush it off, dude. It's not gonna end up on your resumé!

[KemoKa]

I don't beleive i want a relationship just for a relationship.

Idk.

I'd be willing to bet that part of you does, even though you yourself may not think you do.

 

A relationship with another person has to be founded upon loss of self-centered thought. For actual, mutual, stable love, both of you have to think and act in terms of each other, not yourselves. Otherwise your "relationship" will just dwindle and crumble like an expired cookie.

 

That's what love is. Anything else is just as what many people perceive it to be - a load of cold, electrochemical signals, and that alone won't stand for long.

[spwath]

I'd be willing to bet that part of you does, even though you yourself may not think you do.

Possibly.

I mean, im 16.

Hormones and such.

I think i just need to try and not make such a big deal of it.

[KemoKa]

Possibly.

I mean, im 16.

Hormones and such.

I think i just need to try and not make such a big deal of it.

Yes,

True,

Probably true,

good idea.

 

Read the edit to my last post.

[Crowes]

 

I know that "bitches ain't shit but hoes and tricks" but wouldn't it be painful to you if your crush rejected 

 

Why I can speak from past experience:

 

In high, there was a girl that was on the midway from "popular" to "unpopular", she was always kind, she had a great sense of humor, had normal-ish bodily aesthetics, was genuinely quite pretty and got on with everyone, but this also meant she was the apple of most of the lad's eyes there.

 

One of those lads being me at that time. I crushed on her for months, everyone knew I crushed on her, and so I told her. 

 

"I really really like you."

 

She smiled, ran off, told her friends, then it spread like wildfire. It was humiliating to say the least. I felt absolutely shattered to peices.

 

--

 

I look back now, with girls I've dated and girls I may be dating soon - hey I'm not fending them off left and right, but I can date who I find myself attracted to rather than just that one girl who's a bit of a fitty who may or may not have glanced at me in Science of second period - and I compare it to this one girl who humiliated me.

 

I never spent time with her outside of school, I never ventured into that, I wasn't antisocial by much, but I didn't know her. The only time I did spend with her was in a friendship group situation where her brand new boyfriend was present, as if that wasn't enough at the time.

 

Girls who I date now, I don't meet them at the local park after college to confess my love, I show them I'm interested and how interested I am by being forward and actually showing any sign of confidence. Unlike OP.

 

If she liked him, she probably lost interested due to how long it's taking. And hey, just-legal relationships don't last very long unless you click really, really well; from what I know of these threads, they don't, because he worries about the result of merely asking her out.

[Macko939]

Just ask her out its not a big deal 

I mean the longer you keep it to yourself, the more difficult it gets later

 

Just remember one thing:

 

Women are like Russia, you either invade them in a month or you will never succeed 

 

I used to be really into one girl, much later (like few years later) it turned out that she was into me as well. 

 

But she was way too shy to do anything about it, and I just waited for a really long time and just assumed I got friendzoned because nothing came out of it after like a year of us basically spending every day together. 

 

To be fair, I still feel really bad about her, she was an amazing girl, and now we don't even talk because she didn't forgive me how I just stopped hanging out with her for no apparent reason. It was when I was like 17 but still...

[spwath]

Why I can speak from past experience:

In high, there was a girl that was on the midway from "popular" to "unpopular", she was always kind, she had a great sense of humor, had normal-ish bodily aesthetics, was genuinely quite pretty and got on with everyone, but this also meant she was the apple of most of the lad's eyes there.

One of those lads being me at that time. I crushed on her for months, everyone knew I crushed on her, and so I told her.

"I really really like you."

She smiled, ran off, told her friends, then it spread like wildfire. It was humiliating to say the least. I felt absolutely shattered to peices.

--

I look back now, with girls I've dated and girls I may be dating soon - hey I'm not fending them off left and right, but I can date who I find myself attracted to rather than just that one girl who's a bit of a fitty who may or may not have glanced at me in Science of second period - and I compare it to this one girl who humiliated me.

I never spent time with her outside of school, I never ventured into that, I wasn't antisocial by much, but I didn't know her. The only time I did spend with her was in a friendship group situation where her brand new boyfriend was present, as if that wasn't enough at the time.

Girls who I date now, I don't meet them at the local park after college to confess my love, I show them I'm interested and how interested I am by being forward and actually showing any sign of confidence. Unlike OP.

You are right, I'm being completely un confident.

I don't think she knows I like her as i don't beleive ive shown any signs.

But I'm lacking confidence.

Why though?

None of this matters in the long run. In 2 years, when I'm in college, none of this will Matter. And yet still...

[eLucid]

The ancient Greeks used 7 words to define the different states of love:

 

Storge: natural affection, the love you share with your family.

 

Philia: the love that you have for friends.

 

Eros: sexual and erotic desire kind of love (positive or negative)

 

Agape: this is the unconditional love, or divine love

 

Ludus: this is playful love, like childish love or flirting.

 

Pragma: long standing love. The love in a married couple.

 

Philautia: the love of the self (negative or positive)

[Crowes]

You are right, I'm being completely un confident.

I don't think she knows I like her as i don't beleive ive shown any signs.

But I'm lacking confidence.

Why though?

None of this matters in the long run. In 2 years, when I'm in college, none of this will Matter. And yet still...

 

You have two years. Make the most of what you have and ask her out. Stop thinking about the future, you're not old enough for it to matter.

[spwath]

You have two years. Make the most of what you have and ask her out. Stop thinking about the future, you're not old enough for it to matter.

Well she is a year ahead of me so i only have half a year

[Crowes]

[ThomasD]

The English term love has multiple meanings.

 

In ancient Greece they used mulitple separate terms that covered most of those meanings.  The four are eros, philia, storge, and agape.  The point being that, to the Greeks, these terms were related, but also quite independent of each other. Do a little reading on each, and you'll get a better idea of where your own feelings and (more importantly) your actions are directing you.

[cae]

Ski team, eh?

 

[spwath]

I did it. Asked her to prom. She said yes.

[spwath]

On 1/28/2016 at 8:47 PM, Crowes said:

I'm going to call you out here, I apologize in advance if I offend you.

 

You are not ready for it. You do not have the confidence nor the mental maturity for a relationship if you're so anxious about what is or is not that you get into such a panicked state that you come to online forums for help.

 

I'm not being funny, but I find a lot of online forums (TSR being one) only ever receive dating advice requests from people who aren't mature enough for that endgoal in the first place. 

 

You're mature enough when you realize that [1] rejection is meaningless considering there are hundreds of girls within the same city, maybe even thousands; [2] you have to use your common sense to dictate whether you like her, the idea of her, or the companionship that could be; and finally, [3] you don't have to be anything other than yourself, because if you are, you'll spend your whole relationship acting out a lie.

 

Want to know why I think you're immature? Mature people move on with their lives, many even become friends, many even get together later on. You're sat at your computer worrying about the temperature of the swimming pool without without even going to the changing rooms first. Jeez. You're also obsessing and over-analyzing the situation and therefore increasing anxiety. Go ask her out, for God's sake, or just ask to spend time with her and see if you two click.

 

Rant over.

You were right.

I asked her to prom today. She said yes. I just needed to... Do it.

On 1/28/2016 at 8:51 PM, MyInnerFred said:

I rarely comment on your topics after reading them.

 

I can't help but get the impression you want to have relationship for the sake of having a relationship. 

 

I can't tell you what love feels like, this is like many things "subjective". You will make your definition of love when you think your in love. 

 

EDIT: oh man... you've got a long way go.... 

I May have a long way to go, but i did it.

Asked her to prom. She said yes.