DAD JOKES

[Stardar1]

I LOVE dad jokes, what are some of your favorites?

 

A few of mine:

 

"Give me your best dad joke"

"Will you give it back?"

 

"What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday?"

"AYE MATEY"

 

 

[Vozella]

I don't know any. I'm not fit to be a dad.

[Volbet]

What kinds of joke goes as "dad jokes"? I have heard the term thrown around, but I have never gotten a definition of it.

My dad usually just made jokes that would make the PC police boil over with rage, and they are definatly too NSFW to tell here.

[LiamApex]

“I used to have a job at a calendar factory but I got the sack because I took a couple of days off.”

[Stardar1]

What kinds of joke goes as "dad jokes"? I have heard the term thrown around, but I have never gotten a definition of it.

My dad usually just made jokes that would make the PC police boil over with rage, and they are definatly too NSFW to tell here.

best way to describe it is an example:

 

"I'm hungry"

"Nice to meet you hungry, I'm Dad"

 

Stereo typically dads make these kinds of jokes. 

[Stardar1]

I don't know any. I'm not fit to be a dad.

Hi not fit to be a dad, I'm Stardar1

[You_are_a_cunt]

Son, I am disappoint.

[Moondrelor]

Well, none of the jokes my dad said are in English... Sooooo. Lol.

[Tech_Dreamer]

 

Any second now...

[Stardar1]

Son, I am disappoint.

Hi disappoint, I'm Stardar1

[You_are_a_cunt]

Hi disappoint, I'm Stardar1

 

Precisely what I meant. Thoroughly disappointed in you, son.

[Stardar1]

Precisely what I meant. Thoroughly disappointed in you, son.

ಠ_ಠ

[Volbet]

best way to describe it is an example:

 

"I'm hungry"

"Nice to meet you hungry, I'm Dad"

 

Stereo typically dads make these kinds of jokes. 

Apperantly my dad doesn't fit the stereotype. My dad would think you were a fucking moron for telling jokes like that. 

My dad's jokes usually involved dead babies and how you know you sister is on her periode. 

[Real_PhillBert]

What do you get if you let prisoners take their own mugshots?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Cellfies.

[Stardar1]

Apperantly my dad doesn't fit the stereotype. My dad would think you were a fucking moron for telling jokes like that. 

My dad's joke usually involved dead babies and how you know you sister is on her periode. 

I'm sorry. 

[Dr_Pleeper]

What's a pirate's favorite restaurant? AAAARRRRBBBYYYY's

Why cant your nose be 12 inches long? Cause then it would be a foot.

Wanna here a joke about corn? Nevermind its too corny.

[Ottawa_Brewer]

I have a ton of dad jokes/bad jokes. I have a whiteboard behind my desk at work and every day I put up a new bad joke. Here are some of the recent ones:

 

- On the other hand, you have different fingers.

 

- Plateaus are the highest form of flattery

 

- A Roman legionnaire walks into a bar, holds up two fingers, and says "five beers, please"

 

- I, for one, like Roman numerals.

 

- You know what they say about cliffhangers...

 

- I have a singing computer. It's a Dell.

 

- My local gym closed down. It just didn't work out.

 

- Why did the sitcom about airplanes never take off? ..... The pilot was terrible.

 

- I've invented a new word. It's "plagiarism".

 

- There is no "i" in denial

 

- I have the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from the Toronto zoo.

 

- I was going to tell a joke about an oil rig worker, but I was told it was too crude.

 

- Today's joke is about paper. Actually, nevermind... it's tearable.

 

- What do you get when you cross the Atlantic with the Titanic? ...... About halfway.

 

- How do you think the unthinkable? .... With an itheberg.

 

- RIP boiling water. You shall be mist.

 

- I have a joke about construction, but I'm still working on it.

 

- A man walked into his house and was delighted when he realized someone had stolen all of his lamps.

 

- Parallel lines have so much in common... it's a shame they'll never meet.

 

- I have a step-ladder, because my real ladder ran away when I was five.

 

- An alligator that wears a vest is an investigator.

 

- I told my psychiatrist that I've been hearing voices. "You don't have a psychiatrist", he replied.

 

- And the Lord said unto John "Come forth and receive eternal life". But John came fifth, and won a toaster.

 

- What's the difference between a hippo and a zippo? One's big and grey, the other is a little lighter.

 

- An old lady at the bank asked me to help her check her balance. So I pushed her over.

 

and last one for now:

 

- My new thesaurus is terrible. Not only that, but it's also terrible.

[Kobathor]

What do you get if you let prisoners take their own mugshots?

 

Cellfies.

That one hurt a bit.

 

My dad has a really long story joke, like 5 min. Everybody dies laughing when it's over, though.

 

 

I have a ton of dad jokes/bad jokes. I have a whiteboard behind my desk at work and every day I put up a new bad joke. Here are some of the recent ones:

Thank you for that.

[KemoKa]

My dad doesn't do this often. He does, don't get me wrong, but not very often.

He usually notices that someone says a certain phrase that follows lyrics to a certain song and he'll break out in song for a couple of seconds.

But...

"Hey, what time is it?"
"Time for you to get a new WATCH, nyuk nyuk nyuk..."

 

"I'm thirsty"
"Glad to meet you, I'm Friday. Come over Saturday and we'll have a sundae."

 

"Hey, guess what."

"What?"

"That's what."

The last one makes no sense, but... urgh...

[KemoKa]

What's a murderer carrying a flamethrower in a wheat field called?

A cereal killer.

[Vozella]

 

Wow. I love these.

[Stardar1]

I have a ton of dad jokes/bad jokes. I have a whiteboard behind my desk at work and every day I put up a new bad joke. Here are some of the recent ones:

 

- On the other hand, you have different fingers.

 

- Plateaus are the highest form of flattery

 

- A Roman legionnaire walks into a bar, holds up two fingers, and says "five beers, please"

 

- I, for one, like Roman numerals.

 

- You know what they say about cliffhangers...

 

- I have a singing computer. It's a Dell.

 

- My local gym closed down. It just didn't work out.

 

- Why did the sitcom about airplanes never take off? ..... The pilot was terrible.

 

- I've invented a new word. It's "plagiarism".

 

- There is no "i" in denial

 

- I have the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from the Toronto zoo.

 

- I was going to tell a joke about an oil rig worker, but I was told it was too crude.

 

- Today's joke is about paper. Actually, nevermind... it's tearable.

 

- What do you get when you cross the Atlantic with the Titanic? ...... About halfway.

 

- How do you think the unthinkable? .... With an itheberg.

 

- RIP boiling water. You shall be mist.

 

- I have a joke about construction, but I'm still working on it.

 

- A man walked into his house and was delighted when he realized someone had stolen all of his lamps.

 

- Parallel lines have so much in common... it's a shame they'll never meet.

 

- I have a step-ladder, because my real ladder ran away when I was five.

 

- An alligator that wears a vest is an investigator.

 

- I told my psychiatrist that I've been hearing voices. "You don't have a psychiatrist", he replied.

 

- And the Lord said unto John "Come forth and receive eternal life". But John came fifth, and won a toaster.

 

- What's the difference between a hippo and a zippo? One's big and grey, the other is a little lighter.

 

- An old lady at the bank asked me to help her check her balance. So I pushed her over.

 

and last one for now:

 

- My new thesaurus is terrible. Not only that, but it's also terrible.

i literally fell out of my chair at "mist"

[KemoKa]

if PCI were a criminal... What would it be?

A parallel killer.

[Moondrelor]

I kek'd harder than I should have at "I have a singing computer. It's a Dell.". I didn't get it till I said it. Lol

[Stardar1]

Why did the CPU make terrible clothes?

 

it was single-threaded