Why do we keep making smaller sim cards?
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Solved by Syntaxvgm,
Today I learned that indeed they are just different sizes and would otherwise be inter-compatible. You can get adapter brackets. Didn't want to wait for that in the mail, need a working phone now. Cut one from an old gas station gift card. Works.

This phone is super jank but I know it will work reliably. Unless of course it's the sim card itself causing the issue, entirely possible. Will head into Verizon store when opportunity arises.

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