How is my essay?

[spwath]

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1r8VUfZyphEe_9gRJ17OtWGA-NJTsuyQsv3a2S7jvg7c/edit?usp=sharing

 

It is supposed to be 2 pages, double spaced.

 

It is supposed to be on weather or not shakespear should be required to be read in school.

 

It is for my AP English 11th grade class

[minibois]

I'll pick out some random spelling errors you may have missed.

Will edit this post.

 

Beginning with: usefull (<- only 1 L necessary) 

EDIT:

Any arguments against reading Shakespeare have many problems.

Hmm, wouldn't changing "any" to "all" make the sentence a little better?

[ALwin]

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1r8VUfZyphEe_9gRJ17OtWGA-NJTsuyQsv3a2S7jvg7c/edit?usp=sharing

 

It is supposed to be 2 pages, double spaced.

 

It is supposed to be on weather or not shakespear should be required to be read in school.

 

It is for my AP English 11th grade class

 

whether*

Shakespeare*

 

Hope that helps.

[The Cool n00B]

I know you real name now

[flibberdipper]

I could pick this thing apart farther, but this is what I did. Few spelling things and grammar.

 

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1plb_JLybd63ZWcKScrB44LgI3cHSIH4gF86oG0HtZ2M/edit?usp=sharing

[toogamer]

I'll pick out some random spelling errors you may have missed.

Will edit this post.

 

Beginning with: usefull (<- only 1 L necessary) 

EDIT:

Any arguments against reading Shakespeare have many problems.

Hmm, wouldn't changing "any" to "all" make the sentence a little better?

Try https://www.reddit.com/r/GrammarNazi/ next time

[The Official Czex]

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1r8VUfZyphEe_9gRJ17OtWGA-NJTsuyQsv3a2S7jvg7c/edit?usp=sharing

 

It is supposed to be 2 pages, double spaced.

 

It is supposed to be on weather or not shakespear should be required to be read in school.

 

It is for my AP English 11th grade class

 

Grammar corrected (you're still missing some MLA styling and in-text citations):

 

People have long debated the fact of whether students should be required to read Shakespeare or not. There are many reasons for people to believe both sides. But, for many years, people have still debated without ever coming to a conclusion. Some believe the language is too difficult, and not useful for today. However, Shakespeare is very important, and today’s culture has many references to Shakespeare's plays, so students should be required to read Shakespeare in class. Shakespeare’s works are very important for people to know. Everywhere that one looks, he or she can find references to one of Shakespeare’s plays. Today's movies and TV are filled with references to his works, that one can only pick up on if he or she has read Shakespeare. The fact that after reading Shakespeare, one is “able to carry on even of brief conversation about a plot point from King Lear is important and can give one credibility,” as Matthew Truesdale states in his article. Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet is mirrored in many popular movies, and it is important for students to know where it came from. There are also many references to The Merchant Of Venice, with similarities to Shylock's “I am a Jew” speech, and the term “pound of flesh.” Pop culture is filled with Shakespearian references, and people need to be able to recognize them. It is also important for students to read Shakespeare because of the important skills they will learn in doing so. The skills one will learn by comprehending Shakespearean language are important skills to develop, and can help in doing other things, like learning another language. It is important to learn how to comprehend complex texts, to develop life skills. One should be challenged in school, and not just have easy texts to read. Another reason to read Shakespeare is that many of the things he wrote about then are still very applicable today. Racism, love, death, all common themes that still apply today. Nothing has changed, and it is still very similar to today. Just like when The Merchant Of Venice was written, people are still persecuted because of their religion. Just like in Romeo and Juliet people still have love that may be forbidden. And death is still a hard thing today for many. Some people argue that Shakespeare should not be required to be read in the classroom. One such person would be Dana Dusbiber. She states “I do not believe that a long-dead, British guy is the only writer who can teach my students about the human condition.” While this statement may be true, it is no reason to not read Shakespeare altogether. It is just a reason to integrate a few different authors into the curriculum. Dusbiber also states that “it might now be appropriate for us to acknowledge him as the chronicler of life as he saw it 450 years ago.” However, many of the things Shakespeare wrote about are still applicable today. Just because it was long ago doesn't mean that the points are any different. Dusbiber also states, “Why not teach the oral tradition out of Africa, which includes an equally relevant commentary on human behavior?” While this is a good idea, “where does it say that we can’t teach Shakespeare AND oral African tradition?” as Truesdale states. Dusbiber brings up the point of racial differences, but the argument is not that students just read Shakespeare. There is no reason students can not read Shakespeare, and other ethnically diverse texts. Shakespeare should continue to be mandated to be taught in the classroom. It brings valuable learning skills and allows people to understand references in pop culture. Any arguments against reading Shakespeare have many problems. Shakespeare is an important part of the English classroom, but can be accompanied by other works.

[spwath]

I could pick this thing apart farther, but this is what I did. Few spelling things and grammar.

 

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1plb_JLybd63ZWcKScrB44LgI3cHSIH4gF86oG0HtZ2M/edit?usp=sharing

 

Grammar corrected (you're still missing some MLA styling and in-text citations):

 

People have long debated the fact of whether students should be required to read Shakespeare or not. There are many reasons for people to believe both sides. But, for many years, people have still debated without ever coming to a conclusion. Some believe the language is too difficult, and not useful for today. However, Shakespeare is very important, and today’s culture has many references to Shakespeare's plays, so students should be required to read Shakespeare in class. Shakespeare’s works are very important for people to know. Everywhere that one looks, he or she can find references to one of Shakespeare’s plays. Today's movies and TV are filled with references to his works, that one can only pick up on if he or she has read Shakespeare. The fact that after reading Shakespeare, one is “able to carry on even of brief conversation about a plot point from King Lear is important and can give one credibility,” as Matthew Truesdale states in his article. Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet is mirrored in many popular movies, and it is important for students to know where it came from. There are also many references to The Merchant Of Venice, with similarities to Shylock's “I am a Jew” speech, and the term “pound of flesh.” Pop culture is filled with Shakespearian references, and people need to be able to recognize them. It is also important for students to read Shakespeare because of the important skills they will learn in doing so. The skills one will learn by comprehending Shakespearean language are important skills to develop, and can help in doing other things, like learning another language. It is important to learn how to comprehend complex texts, to develop life skills. One should be challenged in school, and not just have easy texts to read. Another reason to read Shakespeare is that many of the things he wrote about then are still very applicable today. Racism, love, death, all common themes that still apply today. Nothing has changed, and it is still very similar to today. Just like when The Merchant Of Venice was written, people are still persecuted because of their religion. Just like in Romeo and Juliet people still have love that may be forbidden. And death is still a hard thing today for many. Some people argue that Shakespeare should not be required to be read in the classroom. One such person would be Dana Dusbiber. She states “I do not believe that a long-dead, British guy is the only writer who can teach my students about the human condition.” While this statement may be true, it is no reason to not read Shakespeare altogether. It is just a reason to integrate a few different authors into the curriculum. Dusbiber also states that “it might now be appropriate for us to acknowledge him as the chronicler of life as he saw it 450 years ago.” However, many of the things Shakespeare wrote about are still applicable today. Just because it was long ago doesn't mean that the points are any different. Dusbiber also states, “Why not teach the oral tradition out of Africa, which includes an equally relevant commentary on human behavior?” While this is a good idea, “where does it say that we can’t teach Shakespeare AND oral African tradition?” as Truesdale states. Dusbiber brings up the point of racial differences, but the argument is not that students just read Shakespeare. There is no reason students can not read Shakespeare, and other ethnically diverse texts. Shakespeare should continue to be mandated to be taught in the classroom. It brings valuable learning skills and allows people to understand references in pop culture. Any arguments against reading Shakespeare have many problems. Shakespeare is an important part of the English classroom, but can be accompanied by other works.

Ok its hard to see what you changed.

 

but I just made the link open to sugestions

[Oberon.Smite]

I know you real name now

Glad to see you finally accomplished your life goals.

[ALwin]

People have long debated the fact of whether students....

....but can be accompanied by other works.

 

Is this what passes for 11th grade AP English essays these days?

• When you make statements that claim something or otherwise, provide proof or references
• Two pages double spaced is too short to provide support for everything you wrote, perhaps consider revising your essay
• Build your argument upon fewer points with improved supporting references instead of several claims with very few support
• When you mention that some person or other claimed something, mention where that person made that claim
• Bibliography is needed

[Daveeede]

"People have long debated the fact of  whether students should be required to read Shakespeare or not." Is it really a fact that students should be required to read Shakespeare?

 

I would say that people have debated the importance of learning Shakespeare in the classroom, or something along those lines.

 

I might be sounding nit-picky here, but if your opening sentence is faulty, the reader (aka your teacher) will subconsciously think that everything else will be as well.

 

You want to start off on the right foot, if you know what I mean

[ALwin]

"People have long debated the fact of  whether students should be required to read Shakespeare or not." Is it really a fact that students should be required to read Shakespeare?

 

I would say that people have debated the importance of learning Shakespeare in the classroom, or something along those lines.

 

I might be sounding nit-picky here, but if your opening sentence is faulty, the reader (aka your teacher) will subconsciously think that everything else will be as well.

 

You want to start off on the right foot, if you know what I mean

 

Exactly!  Another suggestion that the OP could, instead of trying to sound like an academic comparing the arguments for both sides of why Shakespeare should or should not be taught in school, write why he/she believes it should (or should not) be taught.  Take a side and write an essay that supports the stance taken.

[spwath]

 

 

Is this what passes for 11th grade AP English essays these days?

• When you make statements that claim something or otherwise, provide proof or references
• Two pages double spaced is too short to provide support for everything you wrote, perhaps consider revising your essay
• Build your argument upon fewer points with improved supporting references instead of several claims with very few support
• When you mention that some person or other claimed something, mention where that person made that claim
• Bibliography is needed

 

My teacher gave us two articles, and told us to just use thoes, and that we do not need to cite them

[ALwin]

My teacher gave us two articles, and told us to just use thoes, and that we do not need to cite them

 

Ok, if your teacher gives you permission not to cite those two articles, that's fine. However when you make claims like "...Everywhere that one looks, he or she can find references to one of Shakespeare’s plays..." provide examples.  You need to support your claims, else your claims are hollow.

[spwath]

Exactly!  Another suggestion that the OP could, instead of trying to sound like an academic comparing the arguments for both sides of why Shakespeare should or should not be taught in school, write why he/she believes it should (or should not) be taught.  Take a side and write an essay that supports the stance taken.

My teacher told us 

The recommended structure:

Intro paragraph: Provide 3-4 sentences of context.  What does that mean?  Establish, topically, what you're going to write about. "Couch" the issue by addressing it in broad terms.  The final sentence of your intro should be your thesis.

 

Body paragraphs 2-3: Present support for your thesis statement.  Seamlessly integrate direct text references* as an extension of your own argument.  

 

Body paragraph 4: Explore the counterclaim--that is, present the arguments that contradict your thesis, and then refute those arguments.

 

 

 

 

"People have long debated the fact of  whether students should be required to read Shakespeare or not." Is it really a fact that students should be required to read Shakespeare?

 

I would say that people have debated the importance of learning Shakespeare in the classroom, or something along those lines.

 

I might be sounding nit-picky here, but if your opening sentence is faulty, the reader (aka your teacher) will subconsciously think that everything else will be as well.

 

You want to start off on the right foot, if you know what I mean

fixed

[ALwin]

snip

 

When I was in school the basic essay (for short ones) structure was based around this principle.

• 5 paragraphs long
• First paragraph introduces the overall subject matter or objective of the essay along with an idea of how you will support the conclusion
• Second, Third and Fourth paragraphs are based around three core arguments, each paragraph focusing on explaining an argument
• The three arguments should try to avoid being completely unrelated to each other
• Final paragraph is the conclusion

[spwath]

Ok, if your teacher gives you permission not to cite those two articles, that's fine. However when you make claims like "...Everywhere that one looks, he or she can find references to one of Shakespeare’s plays..." provide examples.  You need to support your claims, else your claims are hollow.

I did, kind of.

I guess i did not provide direct examples though.

[ALwin]

I did, kind of.

I guess i did not provide direct examples though.

 

Your examples, if any, are very vague.  Here are some questions you need to answer.

• "Pop culture is filled with Shakespearian references"  WHERE? WHAT?
• "And death is still a hard thing today for many" WHY?
• "However, many of the things Shakespeare wrote about are still applicable today."  HOW?

[Nineshadow]

It's decent.

 

Not my style of doing things, and it still requires some grammar work and fiddling with expressions.

I fixed those which are easy to fix.

 

Also, you thought of different arguments than I would have. Not to mention not explaining them to a required extent to understand them.

[spwath]

 

Your examples, if any, are very vague.  Here are some questions you need to answer.

• "Pop culture is filled with Shakespearian references"  WHERE? WHAT?
• "And death is still a hard thing today for many" WHY?
• "However, many of the things Shakespeare wrote about are still applicable today."  HOW?

 

I dont think I need to go to specific with this specific assignment, being 2 pages double spaced.

 

It's decent.

 

Not my style of doing things, and it still requires some grammar work and fiddling with expressions.

I fixed those which are easy to fix.

 

Also, you thought of different arguments than I would have.

Ok, great thanks.

[ALwin]

I dont think I need to go to specific with this specific assignment, being 2 pages double spaced.

 

That's why I said to you, reduce the number of generalized claims and arguments you have and focus on a few good ones.  That will give you space to make a better case for the conclusion you draw.

 

Put it this way "One piece of evidence with strong irrefutable support is worth a thousand general assertive statements".

[JerkyMcDilerino]

Put it this way "One piece of evidence with strong irrefutable support is worth a thousand general assertive statements".

+1 Heckla true.